A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story

by Roberta Kagan

  Chapter 23

  Two days after the funeral, Red and Cricket were in the kitchen talking when May overheard them. She was in the bedroom with the door open, brushing her hair. Their voices were muffled, but she was able to make them out. So, she stood near the door and listened.

  “Listen, Crick, the Evil Brothers are getting’ in the middle of our drug deals. They’ve been stealing our customers and our sources. I think we need to teach them a lesson about fucking with the Brood,” Red said. The Evil Brothers were a rival gang that had been at war on and off with the Brood for the past two years.

  “Geez, Red, I don’t want no part of this. There’s for sure gonna be a shootout. I’m starting my job in a few days. This is just not where I’m headed, man. Can you dig it?” Cricket said, and May saw him light a cigarette.

  “Yeah, I know. But we need you.”

  “Fuck no!” Cricket’s voice grew firm.

  “Come on, man.”

  “No.”

  “All right, no then. Have it your way. But if we do a gang run and pick up some smack, then you’re gonna have to stay here with May. Keep her safe. They’ll be after my old lady for sure,” Red said.

  “Red, how long you plan to go on dealing drugs? Sooner or later, you’re gonna get killed or caught again. Didn’t you already do enough time in jail? Is it fucking worth it, man? Is it?” Cricket asked.

  “Yeah, it is, to me. Where do you think the money for this place comes from? Where do you think the money for everything comes from? Some fucking little mechanic work? Gimme a break.”

  “You could get a really good mechanic job. You’re good at it.”

  “Fuck you, Cricket. I ain’t never gonna have no boss hangin’ over my head. Nobody tells me what to do. I do what I want when I want. Right now, I’m free as a bird. When I want to work on bikes I do, and if I don’t want to go in to the garage, I don’t. You got that? Huh?”

  “So, instead, you got the law hangin’ over your head. Not to mention another bike gang with guns and shit.”

  “The Brothers don’t scare me. Fuck. We’ll wipe ‘em out.”

  They moved around the kitchen, and so May had to move and hide behind the door so that they wouldn’t see her listening. There was danger. Red was about to bring the wrath of the Evil Brothers down upon them, and it was anybody’s guess how this might turn out. Some of the gang members might be killed. Red could be killed. Or even Cricket or she could be the victims. May felt as if the world were crashing in on her again. It seemed as if she were just starting to accept the loss of her only friend. Now she had to worry about bikers who might be hunting her down because she was Red’s “ol’ lady.” A shiver ran up her spine when she considered that they might even torture her.

  May couldn’t stand to listen any more. She knew they would stop talking if she was there. Cricket looked up as she entered the room. His topaz eyes softened. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

  “You been listening?” Red asked.

  “No,” she answered.

  “Well, don’t hang around here eavesdropping on my private conversations. You understand?”

  “Yeah, Red.”

  “I don’t like that kinda sneaky shit,” Red said and he slammed his beer bottle on the table.

  She nodded and cast her eyes down at the floor. May poured herself a cup of coffee and took it back into the bedroom, where she could be alone.

  Later when Red had left, Cricket knocked on the door to May’s room.

  “Hey, May?” Cricket called out.

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I talk to you?’

  “Sure, come in.”

  He entered the room and found her sitting on the bed, reading.

  “Hi,” he said, his voice was soft, almost shy.

  “Hi.”

  “Listen. I know you heard what me and Red was talking about this afternoon, but I came in here to tell you not to be afraid. I won’t let nothing happen to you.”

  “I am a little scared.”

  “I knew you would be. Shit. I hate these gang wars. They don’t make no sense.”

  “No, they don’t.”

  “Yeah, but you try and tell Red that. He ain’t gonna listen,” Cricket said shaking his head. “Sometimes he can be so stubborn.”

  “Do you think that other gang, the Evil Brothers, will come looking for me because I’m Red’s girl?”

  “I can’t say for sure, but if they do, I’ll be here to protect you.”

  She looked at him. His eyes were warm, kind, dark, and deep. They were eyes you could get lost in. Eyes you could trust…that is, if you were one to trust at all. And she so wanted to trust. Cricket was different from his brother in every way. Where Red was stout and muscle-bound, Cricket had long lean muscles, like a swimmer. They were both tall with dark hair and eyes, but Cricket was not afraid to let his soul shine through, where Red’s eyes never showed any emotion but anger.

  “Cricket?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for getting me through it all the other day at the hospital. I don’t think I could have made it without you. Sometimes I feel so lost. Maybe it’s my age.”

  “Death is hard to face, no matter how old you are.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it is. I can’t imagine what it was like for you in ‘Nam.”

  He looked away and walked to the window to gaze outside. “It was terrible. Worse than you could ever imagine. I saw things that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.”

  “You can talk to me about it if you ever need someone to listen.” May walked over the window. Outside children were playing with a big purple and white beach ball. Cricket stole a glance at her. His eyes were shining like gemstones. She smiled.

  “Yeah. Thanks. It’s hard to talk about,” he said, and his adam’s apple rose and fell as he swallowed. Then he looked away and took a cigarette out of his pocket. When he began to speak again, his voice was hoarse with unshed tears. “Yep, it’s really hard to talk about, but in some ways I guess I need to. Keeping it all inside isn’t doing me much good. Sometimes I feel like a bottle of pop that somebody shook up… You know what I mean? I feel like I’m just ready to explode.”

  “Well, like I said, Cricket, I’m here.”

  He turned his head toward her and their eyes locked. It was as if they were connected by a live electric wire. The current ran through them, holding them fixed upon each other.

  “You’re really pretty, May,” he said. “Shit, I’m sorry, I don’t even know what made me say that.”

  She smiled. “Thanks, nothing to be sorry for. Every girl wants to hear that she’s pretty.”

  He smiled back. Then he walked a few feet away from her and picked up her perfume on the dresser. His fingers trembled as he ran them over the small glass bottle. Cricket held the vial up to his nose.

  “It’s nice,” he said, indicating the perfume. “It smells like you.”

  “Thanks again. It’s my favorite. I don’t wear it all the time ‘cause it’s too expensive.”

  “Maybe I’ll get you some.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Cricket,” she said.

  It seemed as if he might walk over to her, and take her into his arms and kiss her. Her heart beat and her breath quickened. They stared at each other.

  “Hey, are you hungry?” He asked, looking away and breaking the intensity of the moment. “Wanna get something to eat at Fred’s?”

  Fred’s Diner was just a few blocks from the apartment.

  “Yeah, sure,” she answered, embarrassed that she’d shown him how attracted to him she was.

  Chapter 24

  It was nearly noon and the sun stood high in the sky, casting her bright golden glow over the chilled earth. Cricket parked the bike right in front of the diner. By now, most people had either left for work or school. The lunch rush had not yet begun, and so the only customers at Fred’s were an elderly couple and a young mother with a toddler. May watched the mothe
r as she tried to coax the little girl to eat. She had a small, colorful hardcover book that she was reading to the child, and every so often, when the little one was distracted, she would put a piece of food into her mouth. It made May think of Jill, and the memoires and sadness came over her again. Cricket watched May seeming to know what she was thinking. He reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder.

  The hostess, who was also the cashier, carried menus and seated them in a booth at the back of the restaurant.

  “I’m gonna have a burger and fries? You?”

  “The same, I guess,” May answered.

  The food came, and for several minutes they ate in silence. May tried not to watch the mother and child. But she couldn’t help but wonder how old the baby was. It appeared somewhere between two and three. Now that the baby was done eating, she’d clearly had enough of sitting in the high chair. The child began to fuss loudly, forcing May’s attention back to the memoires she was fighting to push away. Little angry fists fluttered as the child protested the mother’s cleaning of her hands. That would have been Jill, May thought. She watched the mother wet a napkin with her cup of water and gently wipe the child’s food-spattered face. With a swift movement from the child’s foot, the glass of water was tumbled, and the liquid poured down the front of the mother’s sweater. It looked as if she might cry, but she didn’t; she kept on task. The mother was young, not much older than Jill. She lifted the child and struggled to bundle her into a thick wool coat. The little one’s arms were flaying about; she didn’t like the constriction of the jacket and scarf. Now the baby was crying loudly as the mother lifted her and took the check. The mother looked spent and frustrated. She carried her daughter in one arm while the baby kicked and punched at her, obviously wanting to be allowed to walk on her own. For a moment, May imagined herself with a child. It didn’t look like fun. It looked like work, hard work. But at least if you had a kid, there would always be someone in your life who loved you. Of course, that was only if you did it right. If you didn’t, then there would always be someone in the world who hated you. And, what were the chances of doing it right? May was glad to see them go.

  “May, why did you leave home?” Cricket asked, turning her attention back to him.

  “I don’t know; my folks were always fighting. Sometimes shit just got outta hand.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, and then once I’d left and I was with Red, I wanted to go back. I mean it was bad at home, but with Red it was so scary. I mean, you know how he can be. Like you never know what to expect. Well, anyway, I finally got Red to take me to a phone booth and to let me call home. I was so happy. Shit, I was ready to make the best of whatever crap my parents gave me. So I called my mom. I thought she was gonna be really happy to hear from me, you know? But she wasn’t. Fuck, she didn’t even want me to come home. I guess she’s got some guy she’s seeing now, and I’d just be in the way. I would’ve called my dad, but I don’t know where he is.” She felt the tears well in her eyes. Looking away from Cricket, she focused her gaze out the window.

  “That must hurt.”

  “Fuck her. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. By the way, just wondering, you and Red gonna get married?”

  “No…he asked me, but I don’t want to. I mean he’s your brother and all. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, I mean, in some ways, anyway. It’s just that I don’t want to marry him. I can’t cope with the way that he changes from mean to nice to mean. You know?”

  “Yep. I do. I’ve lived with him. I know about it.”

  “Cricket… Please don’t tell him I said that,” she said, biting her lip and wringing her hands together.

  “Hey, come on,” he said. Her hair had fallen in her face, and he reached across the table to gently push it out of her eyes. “I’d never do that to you, May.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. I just don’t want to get him going; you know.”

  Cricket nodded, and then there was an uneasy silence.

  Cricket cleared his throat and rubbed his wrists. “Do you love him?” He cleared his throat as he asked.

  “In a way, I guess I do. But it’s more like I’m grateful to him for taking me in and giving me a place to stay. It’s not like real love. I mean, not the way I always imagined it would be.”

  “Do you know what real love is?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “I think it’s when you’re willing to put someone else’s happiness before your own. And when you are willing to die for another person.” Cricket’s skin flushed and his eyes locked on May’s.

  “Did you learn that in ‘Nam?”

  He laughed. It was a bitter sweet chuckle. “This might sound stupid and overused, but I learned that in the school of life.”

  Chapter 25

  May was tired of staying in the apartment. She was bored. She missed working. It seemed as if all she did was pop popcorn and watch television, or read. Red would not hear of her getting another job, and just the suggestion brought on a fit of rage. She wanted to ask him for a dog that she could take for walks, but she dared not. The control he had over her had increased since the incident at the party at Cleve’s, and she knew better than to do anything that might rile him up. Besides, she was afraid to get an animal; she couldn’t trust Red. In a fit of rage, he might hurt her pet, and she couldn’t bear the thought of an innocent dog or cat being tortured because she had taken it in to live with a madman.

  She washed the floor in the kitchen on her hands and knees, scrubbing until her legs were sore. But it felt good to be busy.

  Red came bounding in from work, slamming the door. His boots struck the floor so hard that the sound made May shake. When he didn’t even acknowledge her, she knew there was something on his mind. He lost no time in looking for Cricket, and found him in the bathroom fixing the faucet in the sink. May sat down in the living room. The television was on low. From where she was she could see them both. Red’s eyes were gleaming and his face was bright with excitement.

  “Listen, I have Mikey going to meet with Joe to pick up some smack for us to sell. I need you to come with me to bring it to the guys who are buying. I’m expecting it to be a heavy trip. We’re gonna make lots of bread on this one, but I’m gonna need a guy I can trust.”

  “Nope.” Cricket got up from the floor; he’d been adjusting the water pipe. He stood and stretched out the muscles in his back and legs.

  “What the fuck?” Red slammed his hand on the wall. “I need you, Crick. I need somebody I can trust completely, and that’s you. Fuck man, you gotta help me out here.”

  “No, Red. I’m not selling heroin. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. You said yourself that it’s going to be a heavy trip, right? That means trouble, violence, bullshit. Count me out.” Cricket turned the faucet on slowly and watched the water come trickling through. He turned it off and then on again. Satisfied with his work, he dried his hands on a towel.

  “I can’t trust nobody else the way I can trust you. I’m tryin’ to tell you that this job is gonna be a lot of bread. Enough so that we don’t have to worry about cash for a long time.”

  “I don’t want no part of it. I been telling you that, but you don’t hear me,” Cricket said, and ran his fingers through his hair.

  Then Cricket walked out of the bathroom and into his room. Red followed him. They did not close the door, so although she could no longer see them, May could still hear their conversation. She hoped that Cricket would stay strong. Red could be so insistent.

  May saw Cricket pick up a box that had been lying on the dresser. He sat down on the bed with it.

  “What the fuck is that you’re doing?” Red asked.

  “Nothing, just a hobby. I’m building a radio.”

  “Waste of fucking time. You can buy a radio. Would you pay attention to me… I need you man!” Red shook Cricket’s shoulder. May heard the radio hit the floor. It sounded like it had broken. />
  “Sorry, but the answer is still no. Why don’t you straighten up Red? Before you get yourself wasted?”

  “Because if you think I’m going to work for pennies for the man every day, and take his shit, you’re nuts. I’m the leader of the Son’s of Rebellion; I don’t take no shit from nobody. Get it? You used to fuckin’ get it, Cricket.”

  “Yeah, Red,” Cricket sighed. “I get it.”

  Red left the room, slamming the door. By the look on his face, May knew he was in a foul mood, and it was best to stay far away from him. She quietly snuck off to the bedroom, leaving him alone until his anger passed.

  Chapter 26

  For several days, Red and Cricket walked by each other without speaking. Red walked around with a pinched expression on his face, slamming doors and throwing things around when they got in his way. The angry energy filled the small apartment, and May felt the weight of it whenever the two men were at home. At night, Red groped at May sexually, satisfying his own needs without a word of tenderness. It was as if she were a tool of some kind that he could use and put away to use again. He was frustrated, and because he was, he had no time for niceties. She lay there tolerating him. She too was frustrated. Sometimes she would cry silently as he slept, wondering if she would belong to him forever. Or if a miracle would happen that would somehow free her. Often, as she lay listening to Red snore, she heard Cricket moving around in the other room. Sometimes she wished she could get up and talk to him. But she didn’t. Instead, she just listened and let her thoughts be tender ones of him. It made her feel better to think about Cricket, and so she allowed herself that one simple joy.

  On a rainy afternoon Red came in to the apartment. May was in the kitchen pouring a glass of soda when she heard the door slam. Red shook the rain off of his clothes. He’d been out since the night before.

  “Get over here,” he said to May. She walked over silently, but trembling. He smelled foul of body odor and bad breath. “I gotta go away for a while; you’ll stay here and do whatever Cricket tells you. You got that? I don’t want no shit from you, you understand? And if I find out you didn’t do what I told you, there’ll be hell to pay.”