A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story

by Roberta Kagan

  He walked away without waiting for an answer; then, without knocking, he burst to Cricket’s room.

  Cricket was sitting on the bed going through some old papers and letters he had from Vietnam. He didn’t move when Red came in. From where she stood, May could see Cricket’s face. He looked ready for a fight.

  “Listen, man, I’m going on a drug run. I’m leaving tomorrow. Since you ain’t goin’ or helping me at all, the least you can do is keep an eye on my ol’ lady. The Brothers is still out for my ass, and I don’t want no trouble while I’m gone.”

  “Yeah, okay. I will,” Cricket said. He closed his eyes, and May saw him sigh in relief.

  “Now, there is one more thing.”

  “Yeah?” Cricket was still defensive.

  “If I don’t come back, watch out for the kid. She’s young and she aint got no place else to go. So, let her stay here ‘till she figures out what to do. Okay?”

  “Yeah, Red. Okay,” Cricket said. He stood up and began folding a pile of tee shirts that were on the chair. Finally Cricket turned and looked at his brother. “Ya know Red, this drug running is such dangerous shit. I know I’ve said it before, But come on, man, isn’t it time you stopped?”

  “Crick, we aint gonna make this kind of bread any other way.” All the anger seemed to have dissipated. The two were blood. The two were brothers again.

  “Yeah, but smack? Come on man, that’s such serious shit. I mean I could see pot. But smack?” Cricket said, shaking his head.

  “Heroin is where the money is.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But you’re fighting a war that doesn’t exist with the Brothers. Risking your life for no reason. For God’s sake, Red, get smart. Stop already. You’ve been lucky. You made it through prison, you done so much shit, and you’re still alive. Stop now before your luck runs out.”

  “Cricket, I can’t; this is who I am. I gotta stay on top. I gotta make money, and I gotta be the head of the gang. Otherwise, who the fuck am I?”

  “Red, you are a man. You could do lots of things. Why don’t you open your own gas station with a repair shop?”

  “And work regular hours?”

  “Yeah, why not? I’d come and work with you. I’d even drop the idea of working as a medic if you were serious about doing something.”

  “Shit, maybe someday. Not now. But Crick?”

  “Yeah?” Cricket shook his head again. May saw the stubborn look on Red’s face, and she understood Cricket realized he could never change Red’s mind.

  “Watch my girl,” Red said. May heard the emotion in his voice, and it shocked her. She’d never thought he really cared.

  “Red?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you in love with May?”

  “Shit man, you know me. I don’t let no chick get under my skin. She’s just a girl; that’s all.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, but I took her in, and I feel sorta responsible for her. So, watch out for her. She’s real naïve and she ain’t got no idea how dangerous it is out there. You dig it? So watch her.”

  “I will,” Cricket said. And May believed that he meant it.

  “Don’t let nothin’ happen to her. I know I’m a son of a bitch sometimes and I treat her like shit, but I don’t mean to. Ya know? I just get all balled up inside,” Red said.

  May watched Red. She felt sorry for him. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, he could say or do something that was so tender, so human, that it made her want to cry and regret all of the anger and hatred she often felt toward him.

  “Yeah, Red, I know. I know you don’t mean to hurt people, but sometimes, man…you’re just fuckin’ outta control. Like now, here you are, goin’ on this run. You’re just lookin’ for it, and I can’t stop you.”

  “No, Crick, you can’t. But you still could go with me. You could help me.”

  “That just ain’t gonna happen, Red. I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, fuck, I know you are. Well, at least I know you’ll watch May.”

  “Red, be careful. Don’t go and get yourself wasted. When you play with guns, it’s just no game. You know what I am trying to tell you, right?”

  “Yeah, Crick. I know. But I can’t get weak. I gotta stay on top or the guys won’t have no respect for me. I can’t just let some other gang take my shit, take my territory, or my deals; you gotta understand. It would be like I lost my strength or something.”

  “Oh Red, if you only realized how fucking childish this all sounds to me after what I’ve seen.”

  “Yeah, I know…in ‘Nam. I wish you never went.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  Chapter 27

  On the same day that Red left on his drug run, Cricket got a call from the hospital asking him to come in for a second interview for the job he’d applied for. He was afraid to leave May alone. Red had made him promise not to leave her side. He’d reminded Cricket of the dangers she might face several times over the past few days. When Cricket hung up the phone, he knocked softly on the door to May’s room. It was eight in the morning. Red had made a racket when he left at 4:00 a.m., and the house had been quiet since. Cricket assumed May had gone back to sleep.

  “May?” he whispered as he knocked.

  She opened the door wearing a long white tee shirt. As he took her in, his eyes glassed over with approval.

  “I’m sorry to wake you up. But I gotta go on a second interview at the hospital. Red asked me to keep an eye on you till he gets back. He didn’t want me to leave you alone in the apartment. Would you mind coming with me?”

  She shook her head. “Do I have to?”

  “Of course not, but how is this? If you come, maybe after the interview we could do something fun, like walk around Lincoln Park Zoo. What do you think?”

  She laughed and pushed the tangled hair out of her eyes. “I haven’t been to the zoo in years. In fact, not since my class went on a field trip in sixth grade.”

  “It might be fun. Or, if you would rather, we could go to the museum. Please come with me, May. I would feel so much better if you did.”

  “Yeah, okay, why not? But let’s go to the zoo. It should be fun.”

  “Yeah, it will.”

  “What time do you have to be at the hospital for the interview?”

  “Ten.”

  “So I have a little time to take a shower?”

  “Yeah, sure.” She saw his eyes drop over her body, and she wondered if he was thinking about what she might look like in the shower.

  “I’ll be ready by nine,” May said.

  “Okay.” Cricket could not meet her eyes. He had to look away, but not before May saw the desire flash across his face.

  Chapter 28

  Cricket went into the personnel office for his interview. He allowed May to wait outside. It was safe there because nobody from the Brothers would expect them to be anywhere near the hospital. And Cricket figured that most of the Brothers were probably still asleep at ten in the morning.

  May sat on a bench, looking around her and smoking a cigarette. Before he’d left, Cricket had brought her a cup of coffee, and she was sipping it now.

  It was a bright, crisp, blue day; the sun burst through the cotton candy clouds illuminating the muted jewel colors of fall that blanketed the ground. The clouds morphed into shapes, ever changing. There were fish and dinosaurs, and kings, with scepters and crowns. May took a drag of her cigarette and gazed up, watching God’s motion picture in the sky. It was hard to be sad or feel sorry for one’s self on such a magnificent day. There was beauty surrounding her everywhere, and in her youthful exuberance she forgot Red and all of the pain he brought her. Instead, she inhaled the crisp morning air and thanked God that she was alive to witness all of the beauty in the world. A squirrel ran up a tree carrying something in his mouth. May watched as another squirrel greeted him. They seemed to rub noses like they were kissing. Then the two little maple-colored animals raced about, chasing each other and frolicking through the trees.

&nbs
p; It was nearly forty five minutes before Cricket returned, but she hardly noticed. She was enjoying everything around her. A feeling of well being had come over her as she sang softly to herself.

  “Hi,” he said, and he sat down beside her on the bench.

  “How did it go?”

  “Good, I think. They don’t tell you anything; they just say that they’ll give you a call if you get the job.”

  “I think you’ll get the job.”

  “Do you? I hope so. It would be great to do something I was trained to do. And besides, I think it’s probably best if I stay out of the bike repair shops. When I’m working on motorcycles with Red, it only encourages him to think I’m going back to the gang. And, that’s just never going to happen. So he might as well face the facts.” He took a cigarette out of his breast pocket and lit it. Then he offered her one. She shook her head.

  “Yeah, I do think you will get the job, and I think you’re right about getting away from the whole motorcycle thing.” She smiled.

  “You’re in a good mood,” he said.

  “I am. It’s so nice outside today.”

  “You’re right; it is. And we should enjoy it, because before we know it winter will be here,” Cricket said

  “But in its own way, winter is pretty too. I mean, think about it. The snow… It’s all white, and it hangs from the trees and shit like that. In a way it makes me think of the way I wish Christmas could be. But it never was.” She laughed a little.

  “Yeah, I guess it is pretty. And it would nice to have a real Christmas. I never had one either.” He laughed a little “But it’s just hard to get around in the winter, especially with a motorcycle. I want to trade the bike in before the winter comes, and get a car. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s a great idea. But won’t you miss your bike?”

  “Yes and no. I mean I love the feeling of freedom when I ride, and the wind in my hair, and all that good stuff. But, it’s really dangerous, as we both know,” he said, and she knew he was referring to the accident with Jill and George.

  She nodded, remembering the call the day Jill was killed.

  “And then, of course, the Chicago winter, with all the ice and snow, is a pain in the ass with a bike. Talk about wiping out. It’s almost a guarantee that you’re gonna hit a patch of ice and lose control. I know a lot of the guys are going south this winter, but I don’t want that lifestyle no more. You know, following the bike gangs and looking for trouble. I want a job where I can make some money and get a nice place. Not Red’s place, where I have to put up with his shit all the fucking time; my own place. And legit money, not drug money, you know?”

  “Yeah, like a real job and a real home?”

  “Yep, like a real home.” He looked down “I ain’t never really had one. Our folks died when we were just kids. We were living on the reservation up in Wisconsin. When my aunt said she’d take us in, child services sent us to Chicago to live with her. We had to leave all our friends behind. And then, well, it was just Red and me. It was like we were all we had in the whole world. The relatives passed us around, but we always felt unwanted, like they were always looking for a way to get rid of us. Me and Red got real close. I’m probably the only person in the world who’s ever seen him cry. But believe me, I know he does have a heart, and he does have feelings, even if sometimes it seems like he’s a cold bastard.”

  “That had to be tough to be passed around like that. I can see why he has such a hard-ass attitude…”

  “It was tough. It made Red angry. As time went by and he got older, his anger only got worse. He wanted to punish the whole world for the lousy hand of cards he was dealt. Like I said, it made him mean; but me, well, it made me sad.”

  She looked over at him. His shoulders slumped and he looked away, staring out across the yard at nothing and at everything.

  “That’s why I want to make a new kind of life for myself. I don’t want to keep living in the anger. I know this is going to sound really stupid…” He stopped mid-sentence.

  “Go on, tell me.”

  “Nah, I feel like an ass.”

  “Come on, Cricket, tell me. What were you going to say?”

  “All right. Well, what I really want is to get a decent job and live like the man. I want to get married and maybe have a kid or two. And someday buy a house. You know, stupid shit like that. I guess I want to be a part of society. I’m sick of playing at being an outlaw.”

  She nodded. “Why is that stupid? I understand. There’s nothing stupid about wanting a place to call your own and a real family.”

  “You see, for a long time the gang was like our family; that was the way Red and I saw it, but I don’t want to do drug deals any more, or play with guns. I’ve had my fill of that shit.”

  “I think that means you’re growing up, Cricket.”

  He laughed, gently shoving her arm with his elbow. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m a real grown up.”

  “I’m serious. I think you’re headed in the right direction.”

  “Did you grow up on the rez?” Cricket asked.

  “You mean a reservation?”

  “Yep.”

  “No, my father is Indian but my mother isn’t.”

  “Oh, a half-breed huh?” he said, and smiled.

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

  “So what happened with you? Tell me the whole story. Why’d you run away?” Cricket asked.

  “My folks were constantly fighting. They couldn’t get along. And sometimes when my mom would get my father all worked up, she’d walk out. So, he’d get drunk and beat the shit out of me. He was afraid to hit her, anyway. He was afraid she’d have him arrested. So, I guess I was fair game. Besides, I look like her; that must have gotten under his skin, especially when he was drinking. I finally had enough. So, I packed my shit one night and ran away.”

  “And that’s when you met Red?”

  “Yeah. That same night. And sometimes I wish I could go home. But like I told you before, I tried to go back. When I talked to my mother on the phone, she said that she didn’t want me to come home. I guess my father’s gone and she’s already found someone else. From the way she was talking, this new guy is living there with her. As always, I’d be in the way of her happiness. You know what she said once?”

  He waited silently for her to continue.

  “She said that having me kept her tied to my father. That I was like an anchor pulling her head under water. And that having me was the worst mistake she’d ever made. She said she should have had an abortion, even if it was fucking illegal and dangerous as hell.”

  “Geez, May, I’m sorry.”

  Yeah, well she’s rid of me now, and she doesn’t want me anywhere near her new life. Why the hell would she want old baggage hanging around?”

  “You’re not old baggage.”

  “Well, to her I am. I am the living memory of what she wants to forget - her marriage to my dad.”

  “And where do you think he might have gone?”

  “Hell if I know. I never tried to find him. He’s probably drunk or dead somewhere. You know, when I think about him I remember stuff. Like when I was little I used to run into his arms, and he’d lift me up high in the air, and put me on his shoulders and walk around. I felt like I was on top of the world. He used to have a garden, and he’d take me walking through it. I would get to pick things and eat them right from the ground. I got such a kick out of it, and he was so proud of all of the things he grew. Those were good times. I think he might have really loved me then. But that was before things got fucked up between him and my mom. After that shit started between them, I don’t think he thought much about me at all. I was in the way.”

  “Shit, I’m a real bummer hashing out all this bullshit. Sorry to get you started talking about all this stuff. Let’s split and go to the zoo. Cool with you?” Cricket said, tossing his cigarette to the ground and putting it out with his boot.

  “Yes. It’s cool. Let’s get going,” s
he said, standing up and walking toward the bike.

  Chapter 29

  Lincoln Park Zoo snuggled along Lake Michigan in the outskirts of downtown. It was only a few blocks from Old Town, the central location for the Chicago hippie movement.

  May and Cricket rode though stop-and-go traffic passing through the center of Old Town. Head shops with peace signs in psychedelic colors adorning their windows stood on every corner. Men with long hair and beards walked the streets, wearing tie-dyed tee shirts. Women with ankle length free-form dresses and long, flowing hair sat on benches feeding the pigeons or coloring the sidewalks with chalk. Music poured out of the open doorways, while the heady smell of incense mixed with marijuana wafted through the air.

  Even through his thick leather jacket, May could feel Cricket’s stomach muscles contract as he balanced the heavy motorcycle to keep it from falling at each stop. She was so close to him that she smelled the clean smell of his shampoo. It was a pleasant, no nonsense masculine scent that made her blood rush.

  “Cricket?” She asked as they parked and he held the bike for her to get off.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can I ask you something?

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “You promise not to get mad?”

  “Promise.” He smiled.

  “Why didn’t you burn your draft card and leave the country? I would have. I mean, weren’t you scared? I would have been afraid of dying. I guess I’m a coward.”

  “I thought about it. And you know what May? I was scared. I was scared before I left, and pissing in my pants when our plane landed in ‘Nam.” He looked away, glancing at the trees in the park. “Shit, I ain’t never told nobody that,” he said. For a few minutes he was quiet, just shaking his head. May said nothing. Then he continued, “I just didn’t want to be a coward, you know? It’s different for a girl; a girl can be afraid and it’s cool, even cute. But a guy who’s afraid is looked at like a wimp. I thought it was my duty to go to war and do the right thing. But shit, May, when I got there, I seen so much stuff that I wish I never seen. It was worse than I ever imagined. And you know what? Sometimes I wish I would have had the strength to be a coward and to say