A Time of Anarchy- Mayan's Story

by Roberta Kagan

  “May?”

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Hi.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Of course. Where’s Red?”

  “He’s gone, went out. I don’t know where.”

  “Sit down.”

  She sat on the edge of the bed. A faint flicker of the morning light came through the opening in the drapes. Otherwise the room was dark.

  “God, May, last night was worse than I thought it would be. I couldn’t get you out of my head. All I could think of was Red making love to you and it almost drove me crazy. Maybe you’re right; maybe we should get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.”

  “Yeah, for sure we should.”

  “Tell me…”

  “Tell you what?”

  “Fuck, you know what…”

  “You mean did we have sex?”

  “Yeah, did you?” he asked, and his voice cracked. Even in the semi-darkness she could see the lines of anxiety on his face.

  “No, actually I told him I was sick to my stomach, which wasn’t a lie. I was. And, then I said that maybe he should wait until his stitches heal before we did anything. I said that they might pull apart. He accepted that. I don’t for how long though. But it did work last night.”

  She heard him sigh, then he reached for her and held her in his arms.

  “I wish you’d let me tell him.”

  “Cricket. We already talked about this a thousand times.”

  “Yeah, I know. So, you’re right; as soon as we can, let’s split.”

  She lay down beside him. It was dangerous. At any moment Red could come through the door. The sheer pleasure of being so close to him was shadowed with fear. May was sure he felt it too.

  “Let’s get up and get something to eat. I’ll make the coffee,” Cricket said, and squeezed her arm.

  “Okay. Sure.” She got up and went into the kitchen.

  It was nice to have a refrigerator filled with food. When they’d shopped with the motorcycle they’d been so limited. They could only purchase what they could carry.

  May scrambled eggs and made toast with jelly. They sat at the table, looking out the window.

  “You’ll see, after we get settled in California, I’ll call Red and tell him everything. He’s my blood, my brother, and aside from you, my best friend. He’ll understand. And he’ll accept it. Eventually this will all work itself out. I promise you, Baby,” he said.

  When she thought about Red she lost her appetite. So she lit a cigarette and smiled wryly.

  “Let’s wait for a really long time until we call,” she said.

  Chapter 42

  The following Monday Cricket started working at the hospital. He left early in the morning and did not return until late in the evening. May missed him terribly. She missed their days together, but at least she was glad that Red was also gone most of the day. Red was busy planning his revenge on the Evil Brothers, gathering his men and plotting his attack. The very concept of it seemed childish to May. But in a way she was glad that Red was wrapped up in it; at least it kept him away from the apartment a great deal of the time. And even though she knew that he was plotting a violent act, she was grateful to have him gone. There was no time when it was safe for Cricket and May to make love, and she longed to feel his arms around her. The look of yearning on his face when he looked at her filled her with an unsatisfied need that felt like starvation.

  But even while she wanted him, she was always watching Red to make sure he did not see the electrical current that ran between herself and Cricket. May and Cricket were careful to keep their eyes averted from each other when Red was around. But they needn’t have worried. May could see that Red was oblivious. Several times Cricket begged May to allow him to discuss their relationship with Red, but she continually refused. She knew he longed to come clean with his brother and to go back to the honest relationship they grew up with. But she also knew that would never happen. It could never happen, as long as she and Cricket were lovers.

  One evening when Cricket was working later than usual, Red invited the entire gang to the apartment to discuss the final plans for their attack. They had decided to meet there because there was no heat at the garage and the temperatures had dropped into the low forties. Gang members were strewn about the apartment, drinking beer and eating pizza.

  May stayed in the bedroom, reading. She wished Cricket were at home instead of at work. There was a feeling of uncertainty in the air, and she always felt more secure when he was there. From the loud laughter and obscene jokes coming from the other room, she knew that Red was in a good mood. But at any given moment that could change; and May knew that the best thing to do was to stay out of Red’s way. The smell of marijuana wafted under the door and she knew they were smoking. Chances were good they were shooting heroin too. With Red, a situation like this had the potential to turn volatile. She curled up on the bed and tried to read, but the noise was distracting.

  Then, Red called for her.

  Reluctantly, she left the safety of the bedroom. She knew that if she ignored him, he would just continue until either she came out, or he came in and got her.

  “Listen babe, I’m outta cigs. Can you go down to the store and get me some?” He handed her two dollars. “Get a pack for yourself too.”

  “Yeah, sure,” she said. She was glad to get out of the apartment. The smell of the dope and the canned heat from the noisy old radiator were giving her a headache.

  May took her coat out of the closet and started down the stairs.

  She shook it on, but didn’t zip it. The night air was cool and refreshing. Someone in one of the old brick houses down the street was burning leaves, and the smell that was distinctly fall filled the breeze that drifted off of Lake Michigan and blew her hair back from her face. Soon there would be no more burning of leaves. Instead, the snow and ice would cover the landscape. Winter was almost here. She thought of Cricket, and remembered how they had smelled the burning leaves together. When she thought of him a smile came over her face. A line of traffic pushed its way along the busy street, with taxi drivers honking and headlights from cars breaking through the darkness. She was glad to be alone. A sweet tingle danced through her body, as again her thoughts turned to Cricket and the way he kissed her, the way he made love. There was no doubt in her mind she loved him. When they were together, for the first time in her life, she felt as if she belonged somewhere. But even with Cricket, she was afraid to love too completely. If she did, she made herself so vulnerable, and she feared vulnerability more than anything.

  Above her a streetlight began to dim and then sputtered out completely. From across the busy intersection she could hear an argument coming from inside a tavern. It was only another half block to the general store where the cigarettes were cheapest. Red had been generous and given her enough money to buy a pack for herself as well the one for him. There would even be enough left over for a chocolate bar. He wasn’t a bad person, not really. He had moments of goodness. And moments of less than goodness. But either way, she just did not love him. Not the way she loved Cricket. That scary, wonderful way that only a woman can love. Cricket… If only he could hold her in his arms the way he had when Red was out of town. She longed for his kiss, for the sweet magic of his lips caressing her own.

  The pain of yearning for his body next to hers was all-encompassing. If she used her imagination, she could feel the texture of his skin and smell the wonderful spicy aroma that was Cricket. Hmm, she thought, what beautiful nights they would have together in California when they didn’t have to look over their shoulders for Red. Her mind was lost in Cricket, in memories of the past and hunger for the future. And so it was that she did not see the man wearing the colors of the Evil Brothers hiding between the two buildings as she began to walk past the alleyway.

  Before May knew what had happened, he’d grabbed her from behind, pulling her into the passage. She slipped out of his grip and fell to the ground as she tried to run. A sharp pain sh
ot through her as her knee cracked against the stones. The pain from her knee was shooting up through her leg, but she tried to get up as quickly as she could. Her attacker was too fast and strong for her. His big arms enfolded her small frame, and she trembled with fear. Once she realized that she could not get away, she began crying out for help. When she did, he slapped her face so hard that she felt her neck crack. Falling to the ground, she tried to scream again, but his hand was covering her mouth.

  “Shut up bitch or I’ll kill you. Right now, I’m gonna let you live. I’m gonna send you back as a warning for that motherfucker boyfriend of yours that he better not mess with the Evil Brothers. But before I do, I’m gonna have a little fun with you.” The man was massive in size and he smelled of perspiration. HIs stale breath was hot on her face.

  “Please, let me go…” May begged. But she could barely get the words out. His hand was still covering her mouth.

  “Fuck you, I want you to tell your man just how much better I am than he is. You tell him how my dick filled you up like you ain’t never been filled before.” He let go of her face to unzip his pants.

  The roar of the overhead “L” train drowned out her screams. Now he straddled her with his large frame, and try as she might, she could not struggle away. But she kept screaming. With her left hand she hammer-fisted his balls. She saw the pain and anger shoot through him like a bullet. But he did not release his hold. Instead he punched her face with all of his strength. And for May, the world went dark.

  Chapter 43

  When May struggled to open her eyes the pungent odor of rubbing alcohol burned her nose. Her entire face ached from bruising, and her eyes were swollen almost shut. But she was able to see enough to take in her surroundings. The white walls and the tubes attached to her arm were alarmingly unfamiliar. She felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest. From out of nowhere, a young woman seamed to appear before her.

  “Hello, I’m Candice, I’m your nurse. What’s your name, dear?”

  She was pretty with short dark hair and big blue eyes that reminded her of Jill’s eyes. Her smile was sincere and warm.

  “Can you speak?”

  May nodded her head. It was painful to open her mouth, and when she spoke her voice sounded foreign to her.

  “Yes. I’’m May. Where am I, what’s going on?”

  She was pretty, with short dark hair and big blue eyes that reminded her of Jill’s eyes. Her smile was sincere and warm.

  “Can you speak?”

  May shook her head. It was painful to open her mouth and when she spoke her voice sounded foreign to her.

  “Yes. Where am I? What’s going on?”

  “You’ve been hurt badly. You were attacked. You’re in the hospital. Do you remember anything?”

  “Vaguely. Not really.” May felt a wave of nausea come over her and she heaved. The nurse grabbed a plastic container and held it while May vomited. “I’m sorry,” May said.

  “No, don’t be, dear. I’m a nurse. I see this all the time. You’ve been through a traumatic experience. In a little while the police will be here to talk to you.”

  May felt a chill. She wondered if Red would be angry if she told the police what happened. Then she wondered if Red or Cricket knew where she was.

  “Has anyone been notified about me? Is there anyone here in the waiting room for me?”

  “We couldn’t find any identification on you, so we didn’t know who to call. Would you like the phone so that you can call your family?”

  “Yes, please,” May said.

  The nurse set the phone on a tray table and brought the entire set-up over to May. May took the receiver off of the large black rotary phone and began to dial. When she looked at the clock, she realized that it was the middle of the afternoon. She’d been gone all night and half of the following day. Now, nobody would be at the apartment. She tried her mother’s number, but it had been disconnected. Where had she been all night? Had she been raped? She tried to move her legs and found that her lower body hurt as much as her face, and she trembled to imagine what had happened to her. If only she could reach Cricket. She lay in the hospital bed looking out the window and running her fingers along the plastic body of the telephone. Then she remembered. She could call the hospital where Cricket worked and have him paged. She dialed 411 for information.

  Once she got the number, she called the hospital. An operator answered and said she would page overhead for Cricket.

  It was several minutes before Cricket came to the phone, but when she heard his voice May felt the tears wet her cheeks.

  “Cricket. It’s me. I’m in the hospital. I think I was raped.”

  There was silence on the other end for a few seconds. “What hospital?” Cricket’s voice was tender with concern.

  “St. Mary’s.”

  “I’m leaving work. I’ll be right there.”

  Just knowing Cricket was on his way brought her peace. She fell back against the pillows. It had taken all of her strength just to make the call. The nurse returned.

  “Were you able to reach your parents?” the nurse asked.

  “No, not my parents. My friend.” She couldn’t even say boyfriend. She wasn’t sure if Red would be coming to the hospital at some point, and then she might have to explain why she’d called Cricket her boyfriend. Instead she just lay back, tired, hurting and confused.

  “Can I have some water?” May asked the nurse.

  “Would you like to suck on some ice chips? I don’t think a full glass of water is a good idea. Why don’t you try the ice first.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  “Here, let me help you.” Candice went to the nurses’ station and returned with a cup of ice chips in her hand. She placed it on the tray in front of May. Then she raised the bed so that May was in a sitting position.

  “Now, take it slow. Just start with little sips at a time so that you don’t vomit again, okay?” Candice explained. May liked her. She wished she could tell Candice everything. Right now she missed Jill; it would be good to have someone to tell her problems to. But she knew she must not confide in a stranger. So she sucked on the ice and waited for Cricket.

  It was three quarters of an hour before Cricket arrived. His hair was uncombed and his shirt was hanging loose over his pants, instead of being tucked in neatly. There were purple bags under his anxious eyes.

  “May!” He rushed to the bed and took both of her hands in his own. “May.” His voice was hoarse with emotion. “My God, I blame myself. I should have been home.”

  “You couldn’t be home; you were at work. It was nobody’s fault.”

  “Red was there. He should have known better than to let you go out alone at night.”

  “I was just going to the store to buy cigs. I do it all the time.”

  “Look at you, Baby…” His heart was breaking; she could see it in his face. She realized she must look bad.

  “Can I see a mirror?” she asked.

  “I don’t know where to get you one.”

  “Do I look real bad?”

  “Your pretty beaten up. Jesus, how could somebody do this to you?” He shook his head. “All night last night Red and I were awake and worried about you. We combed the neighborhood looking for you. Between us we must of drunk a fifth of whiskey. Red was sure you’d gone home to your parents. I thought maybe he was right. I was such an ass; I thought that being with me and Red in the same apartment had gotten the best of you. That you’d had enough, and maybe you didn’t even love me anymore.”

  “Cricket? Why would you think that?”

  “I don’t know, May. I guess I was insecure. Unsure of myself. Unsure of us. When you were alone in the bedroom with Red, I was going crazy with jealousy. Geez, none of that matters anymore. Baby, I can’t believe somebody hurt you like this.” His hands were trembling, but he continued to hold hers.

  Cricket’s eyes glossed over, and she thought he might cry, but he didn’t; he just got up and walked to the window. Then he stood ga
zing outside for several minutes. When he turned back, his face was red with anger.

  “I’m gonna find the motherfucker who did this to you, and I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna take my motherfucking gun and waste his sorry ass.”

  She had never seen Cricket this way. His face was contorted, and he looked more like Red than himself.

  “No, Cricket.”

  “Do you know who it was, who did this?”

  “No.”

  “Was it a stranger?”

  “Yes.”

  “What did he look like?”

  She avoided his question. She wanted to see the old Cricket again, not this crazed madman. “Take me away to California. Don’t kill anyone and end up in prison. Please, Cricket, please; you’re all I have.”

  “Bastard.” He slammed his fist against the radiator, cutting himself on the sharp edge. He ignored the blood as it dripped on the floor.

  “The police are coming to talk to me.”

  “We don’t need them. I’ll take care of this by myself.”

  “If you love me you, won’t do anything at all. You’ll get me out of here, and take me away from Red and all of the gangs and all this bullshit. Please, Cricket. Please, I can’t take this anymore.” She began to cry softly. When he saw her sobbing, all of the anger seemed to drain out of him like water going down a gutter during a storm.

  “May.” He was spent. His shoulders slumped, and she saw that he was sorry. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

  For a long time he sat quietly on the edge of her bed, gently squeezing and kissing her hand. Then the doctor came in and asked him to wait outside.