Renaissance Man

by M. Garzon

  When I stepped back outside my smile vanished. There remained so much clean-up work to be done, and I was already limp with fatigue.

  “I have to cancel my afternoon lessons,” I told Dec as I shuffled up.

  He wiped the sweat off his brow with his forearm. “We can’t cancel today on top of yesterday, we’ll lose too much money.” Worry pinched his features.

  “But I have to ride Hades and Cal, and pack for the show-”

  “Then you’ll have to skip your usual preparations!” His nostrils flared, and his fair skin reddened. “Who do you think I keep this place going for, anyway? Do you think I’m doing it for my health? If I worked at my consulting business full-time I could keep normal hours and have time to spend with Joanne, but because you and my mother are hell-bent on keeping this place I’m out here with no sleep and less patience, fixing fences for the thousandth time, and all you can think of is running off to another show!”

  I felt as if he’d struck me. Worse, even. I’d always thought I worked hard and did my share to keep the family business afloat, but apparently, I was wrong. Tears stung my eyelids; I wanted to flee, to escape to some quiet corner to sort through my surging emotions, but I held fast. A knee-jerk reaction would only make things worse, and in any case, I didn’t have time for that luxury. I swallowed hard and grabbed some nails and a hammer. I could feel the weight of Dec’s gaze as I moved to the next section of fencing and started hammering. Pounding something felt good, but my hands were blistered by the time Gran came to get us for lunch.

  “I ordered the lumber,” Gran said as we sat down. “It should arrive this afternoon. We’re lucky that Emma’s a boarder, Mr. Tremblay put a rush on our order.” Emma’s parents, the Tremblays, owned a local hardware store.

  “I should cancel some lessons, Dec,” I said quietly. “Even if I don’t ride my horses, I won’t have time to help you if I’m teaching.” I kept my eyes on my plate as I spoke.

  “Canceling a few days at the show would be a lot more helpful.”

  My head snapped up and I gawked at him, aghast. “But... I can’t do that. It’s paid for, and the van’s reserved, and the Donalds...” I trailed off, unable to even begin to express everything that was wrong with his suggestion.

  “Lessons are our bread and butter,” Dec said sharply. “You know that. Going to shows without bringing students only benefits you, not Shady Lane.”

  “But if I make a name for myself-” I began.

  “It doesn’t change anything,” he interrupted. He shook his head impatiently. “Most of the kids who come to us aren’t looking to be A-circuit stars.” I clamped my teeth together to hold in my retort. Dec was already on edge; I wouldn’t get anywhere trying to argue my point now.

  Gran looked back and forth between us and raised one white eyebrow, an expression I sorely wished I could mimic.

  “Declan, surely you’re not suggesting that Téa’s reputation as a rider is meaningless,” she chided. “You know that people will seek out a winning trainer.”

  “And winning at shows will ensure our barn is always full,” I added.

  “The barn’s full now,” he pointed out, frowning.

  “But it’s not earning at full capacity,” I said quickly. This was something I’d been thinking about. “If more stalls were taken up by horses who were also in training, or whose riders were also students, we’d make more money from the same space. And a more winning reputation would mean we could charge more for lessons, and get nicer school horses that we could take to shows.”

  “Hmph,” Dec snorted. “And what about our old school horses? After the fuss you kicked up over Panda, are you going to tell me you’d be willing to sell them?”

  I looked away from his challenging stare. Okay, so maybe I hadn’t worked out all the details yet; I still thought I had the beginnings of a good plan. I had thought that I was planning for the future, Shady Lane’s as well as mine, but now worms of doubt were wriggling through me and causing me to question my motives, on top of everything else.

  I ended up keeping two lessons and canceling the rest, a fact that I was even more thankful for when Jaden showed up shortly after lunch. He found me teaching in the main ring.

  “I came as soon as I could,” he said. “I had to stop in at work this morning.”

  My grubbiness and tiredness felt magnified by his immaculate suit and clean scent, but he didn’t seem to notice. He drew me to him and hugged me for a long minute, ignoring the gaping faces of my students.

  “I’ll go help Dec,” he said over his shoulder as he left the ring. My entire body felt lighter after our exchange.

  When I finished teaching I went and had a shower. I looked longingly at my bed while I pulled on a clean tank top and jean shorts, but I couldn’t take a nap. Not after Dec’s comments that morning about ‘who he was keeping the place going for’.

  I found Jaden next to the shed. He’d changed into work clothes and was holding a chainsaw in one hand. He put it down at the sight of me.

  “Now I’m the one who’s dirty.” He chuckled as he embraced me. I felt him pressing his face into my wet hair; it probably felt good in the afternoon heat.

  “What can I help with?” I murmured.

  “We’re about to cut the tree into sections and toss them down,” he replied. “I’d rather you stayed away from that, but I have been waiting for you to introduce me to the new foal.”

  Jaden was enchanted by the foal. He kneeled in the clean shavings and let the small creature nuzzle and sniff him before getting up regretfully. He joined Dec in tackling the tree and patching the shed’s roof while I continued mending the fences. Alan stayed late and fed the horses so we’d have more time to spend on repairs. I took some time to lunge Hades also; he had far too much verve to be kept in a stall for an entire day, and I didn’t want an excess of springiness to cause him to hurt himself in the van the following day.

  By the time we sat down to dinner it was late and dark, but the most pressing repairs had been made. The shed roof would have to be properly redone, and one of the paddock gates needed replacing, but overall the stable could function.

  “You’re going to have to hold off on your painting project,” Dec told me as he helped himself tiredly to potato salad. “We won’t have the money for it after all these repairs. We used to have a small emergency fund but I used it to redo the roof on the house two years ago.” He sighed, and Gran patted his hand.

  It was so late after we ate that I went to do the bedtime check. I also had to re-check my trunk to make sure I’d brought everything for the show. I still had clothes to pack, but the tack and equipment were more essential, and I’d been so tired while doing it that I’d basically flung everything I could think of inside, rather than working from a list as I usually did.

  After adding a few forgotten items — my helmet would come in handy — I collapsed on top of my trunk. Jaden had gone out to his car; he reappeared and sat next to me. He handed me some papers which I stared at blankly.

  “It’s your riding contract,” he prompted.

  “You lawyered all over it,” I said in dismay, noting the neat lines of red text in Jaden’s handwriting. I’d thought the rider agreement I’d found was fine — simple, basic, and unlikely to scare off owners.

  He put his hand to the side of my face and turned it gently toward him. “I’m trying to protect you,” he reminded me, “and as usual, you’re not making it easy.” He leaned in. I placed my hand on his firm stomach and ran it around to his back as his mouth brushed my temple, then my cheek. I was already losing patience; I locked both arms around him and tugged him toward me. I felt his throaty chuckle as his lips finally moved onto mine. His hand slipped under my legs and he scooped me into his lap without breaking the kiss. I was all for getting carried away, but after a minute he pulled away, sighing.

  “You’re exhausted, you need to get up early, and I have to be at work tomorrow. We’d better go to bed.”

  “But I’ll be away for thr
ee weeks,” I reminded him plaintively.

  “I’m aware of that,” he said shortly. His face hardened as he looked away.

  I hesitated before putting my hand to his face. “Please don’t be mad at me,” I said in a small voice. “Everyone else already is, and it’s hard enough for me to leave without remembering you like this.”

  His gold-flecked eyes swung around and locked onto mine. His gaze burned into me as his body began to thrum with restrained passion. “You’re going to be awfully tired tomorrow,” he warned.

  I nodded. He stood, still holding me in his arms, and strode purposefully to the feedroom before placing me on the ladder to the hayloft. I scrambled up, not wanting to wait another second, and the trapdoor had barely shut before we were entwined and falling together onto the hay.

  Eight

  The next morning was predictably brutal. Brittney’s groom loaded her horses, I loaded mine, and after making sure Hades and Cal were comfortable I climbed into my car and prepared for the long drive.

  “Good luck, and enjoy yourself,” Gran said. She handed me a paper bag. “I made you a snack, but you’d best get some coffee before you go too far.” Her blue gaze lingered on my shadowed eyes.

  “Thanks, Gran.” I grasped her hand in gratitude for a moment, relieved that at least one member of my family didn’t resent my leaving.

  It was a long drive, most of it flat and uninteresting. I kept the radio cranked up to stay awake, took regular infusions of caffeine, and made it to Bromont in record time. The Bromont showgrounds were gorgeous, set on rolling green hills next to a lake and surrounded by mature forests, but I wasn’t in any state to appreciate them. Karen had texted me our stabling information, and as soon as I arrived I grabbed the old sleeping bag from my trunk, unrolled it in the darkest stall corner I could find, and fell instantly asleep.

  I was awakened by a snort at close range. My eyes opened slowly and traveled up a long chestnut nose adorned by a stripe and crooked snip. Cal.

  I sat up and patted him groggily. Karen grinned down at me. “Afternoon, sunshine. Do you plan to come get the big guy anytime soon?”

  I scrambled up, dragging the sleeping bag with me, and went to collect Hades. My head was still cobwebby with sleep, and I blinked in the bright light. Hades came off the trailer in a clatter of metal, and once down he pranced around me in a circle, snorting. He was decidedly feeling the effects of his day off. Brittney jumped dramatically out of the way although Hades was nowhere near her, and Karen shook her head.

  “You’d better take the edge off him before you put him away or he’ll destroy the stabling,” Karen advised.

  I figured I might as well familiarize myself with the showgrounds at the same time. I’d never been to Bromont before, although I’d seen the facilities on television and in magazines. After tacking up I spent a leisurely hour riding Hades all over. We inspected the cross-country course (I was very tempted to try out a few of those jumps), rode around the perimeter near the woods, and found such important locations as the snack bar and bathrooms. The late-day light drenched us in gold as we ambled back, both of us in high spirits.

  My first ride proved to set the tone for the show. I loved having my own car and not being dependent on owners or my coach for transportation, and I loved that, other than classes and caring for my two horses, my time was my own. Some days I hung around the show, but others I drove into town. There I’d walk around, window-shop, listen to French being spoken, and revel in my anonymity. At home, there were constant demands on my time and Julien was far too small a town for me to wander unseen. And then, every time I realized how much I was enjoying myself, I’d feel guilty for the work I’d left behind. Dec’s words kept coming back to me, making me wonder precisely how much of his life he felt he’d given up for Seth and me. Had he really wanted to leave the horse business behind and make his living as a consultant? If so, had he simply been biding his time all these years until we were grown so that he could finally follow his own dreams? It didn’t seem likely to me — Dec wasn’t the self-sacrificing type — but I thought that if my mother had asked it of him, he would have done it. The idea left me cold with horror. To think that all those years Dec had been living a life that was his second choice, all for us. We certainly hadn’t always been grateful for it.

  * * *

  Most of the time thoughts of home were easily kept at bay. I wasn’t overly busy with only two horses, but I cared for them diligently and spent many happy hours hanging out with the other riders, talking tack, training, and general gossip. Alex had arrived and was a regular fixture at my side. Unfortunately, it turned out that wherever Alex went, Brittney wanted to be.

  “Dude, what’s with your not-so-little shadow?” I asked him over lunch one day. We were in his trailer, eating sandwiches and enjoying the air conditioning.

  He grinned, hazel eyes twinkling. “Haven’t you noticed? I’m like catnip to the ladies.”

  I refrained my rolling my eyes. “Suure... I can barely control myself right now. But Brittney seems a little obsessive.”

  “I think she’s dated every other straight guy on the circuit. I’m the last holdout, which I suppose makes me particularly tasty.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

  I laughed, trying desperately not to snort apple juice out my nose. When I’d managed to swallow I leaned back against the upholstered bench.

  “You remind me of my brother,” I said fondly. “He always makes me laugh at the worst times too.” Or he did, I thought, feeling the familiar rake of pain. It wasn’t as sudden or sharp as it had been in the beginning, this missing my twin, but it could still hurt me. Like ripping a scab off the same wound, over and over.

  I meant it as a compliment, but Alex seemed less than excited by the comparison. “C’mon,” he said, getting up. “Let’s see if we can dodge Brittney long enough to ride.”

  Alex got out his new horse, a quick, smallish roan mare, while I got Cal. Alex’s groom took over readying his horse and he came to help me.

  “When are you going to get a groom?” he asked as he dusted off Cal’s already-clean coat.

  “When I can find one who can handle Hades,” I groused.

  “When she can afford one, more like.” Brittney strolled up and smirked at me.

  “It’s like she’s never heard the words ‘politically’ and ‘correct’ used together before,” I mused to no one in particular. She was so completely blunt it was almost refreshing. Almost.

  Brittney turned to Alex, her smile going bright and her eyes wide. “Mummy’s having champagne and canapés in the tent after the Grand Prix. You’ll come, won’t you? Everyone will be there.”

  Alex glanced at me.

  “Oh, you should go, Alex,” I urged him, hiding my smile. “Everyone’s going.” Either sarcasm was lost on Brittney or I was beneath her notice because she left happy. Alex watched her go.

  “Maybe I could do worse,” he said, shaking his dark head thoughtfully. “When she was dating Kent Barnsworth she flew to all of his shows and had a catered lunch delivered every day.”

  “Seems like a high price to pay for lunch.” I smiled at him. “I think you can do better.”

  Alex was funny and nice, if shy, and Brittney was obtuse and grating. And although I supposed it didn’t matter much, they didn’t seem like a good physical match. Alex was a lithe five foot eight or so. Brittney was a bit taller, and bigger too, her build tending to stocky. She had that porcelain skin that redheads sometimes have, and blue eyes that would have been pretty if they weren’t always looking down her nose at things.

  I wondered why I didn’t remember Brittney better. When she was mounted I had a sense of having seen her before, because to a rider, another rider’s position and style are as distinctive as a face. Maybe I didn’t know Brittney well because for two years after Blaze died I hadn’t competed much in the higher jumper classes. And in any case, I’d never been part of the wealthy ‘in’ crowd of juniors that were seen as the up-and-coming riders.<
br />
  Cal did well in his class that day, placing second after an easy, stress-free round, and I relayed the news proudly to Jaden from my motel room that night.

  “Have the Donalds signed the contract yet?” he asked after congratulating me.

  “Um... not quite. I haven’t found the right time to ask them.”

  “It isn’t complicated, Téa. You give it to them, they take some time to read it, and then they return it to you signed. You need to do this, you deserve better than you’re getting.”

  “I’ll do it tomorrow,” I promised.

  The next day was the Open Jumper class, the first big class of the show for Hades and me. It was a chance to see how I’d fare against the competition on Sunday when I’d be riding in my first international Grand Prix, a thought I’d been studiously avoiding all week. Karen had felt that we were rushing Hades by entering him in the international class, but Neil had said, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” and since it was his money and his horse, I had reluctantly agreed. I remembered seeing a clause in the new contract about being involved in decisions about class entries and resolved to bite the bullet.

  Before a big class, I would withdraw into myself, creating a quiet little bubble from which I hated to be pulled. Before I could get too far into that state, I found the Donalds. They were in the spectator tent with some of their new horse-owner friends.

  “Hi,” I said wanly.

  “There you are! I hope you’re feeling good — we’re expecting big things today, big things!” Neil said.

  I nodded weakly, wondering why I was so nervous. I thrust the contract at Monica. “Um, I forgot to talk to you about this. We should probably have a contract, you know, for both our sakes,” I mumbled. “You can take your time reading it.” They both looked at me blankly, Neil suddenly quiet. I turned to go. “I’ll see you later.”

  I strode quickly back to the barn, feeling a measure of relief. At least I’d given it to them.

  I put the conversation behind me as I got Hades ready. Competition in the Open Jumper class would be stiff; many of the international riders were using it as a warm-up class for the Grand Prix in two days’ time. Hades knew that something was up — horses are excellent mood sensors — and pushed me repeatedly with his nose, as though that would snap me out of my nervousness. Finally, I shoved him back, and he pricked his ears, apparently content that he’d done his job and cheered me up.