Renaissance Man

by M. Garzon

  “Thanks, buddy,” I said, smiling despite myself. Karen gave me a leg up and I went to school, now focused entirely on my nonverbal communication with Hades. It was constant and subtle, and consisted of no more than the tightening of a muscle or shift of my weight. Even the direction that I looked in affected my horse. Of course, communicating my intentions was one thing. Getting Hades to actually listen was another. Most of my early conversations with him had gone along the lines of:

  Hades: Ooh, I see a jump!

  Me: Slowly, now. Let’s-

  Hades: A good gallop will get us there.

  Me: Easy boy, we need-

  Hades: I got this!

  Me: Oh crap.

  Hades liked to be asked, not told, but we were now competing at a level where split-second decisions had to be made and there was no time for negotiation. He had to trust me enough to accept the decisions I made for both of us, and I was proud that we had reached the point where he would do that.

  Our warm-up went well, and Karen walked me to the in-gate. She had walked the course with me earlier, pointing out elements that would be more challenging for Hades, but what I’d mostly noticed was how very big everything looked. The fences were five feet tall and, in some cases, over six feet wide. My hands were sweaty inside their dark gloves. When our turn came I patted Hades’ neck and trotted in briskly, trying to fake a confidence I didn’t feel.

  Hades had confidence to spare, and as we flew over the third fence — an enormous Swedish oxer — I realized again how little size mattered to him. His hooves were thundering, the sun beat down on us, there was dust in my nose and blood drumming in my ears, but I felt myself smiling.

  We were third in the Open class, and I was ecstatic. Of the riders who finished ahead of me, one was a well-known German man and the other was an American woman I’d been watching on TV since childhood. She was riding a new horse, not the famous grey she’d ridden to glory at the Olympics, and I was still in complete awe of her. When she smiled at me as we exited the ring I was almost too overcome to smile back.

  I took extra pains with Hades, taking him for a long cooling walk, giving him a thorough shower, and rubbing him with liniment. I bandaged his legs for the night and straightened up, groaning, to find Alex, Karen, and a few other friends clustered at the stall door.

  “Well, come on,” Karen said, grinning. “You’ve got to get cleaned up so we can take you out to celebrate.”

  We went to a local restaurant where we talked, laughed, and rehashed the class in detail from every possible angle, including analyzing the inevitable cell phone footage that several people had shot. Alex and Moose had had a rail down and been out of the ribbons, but he seemed less worried about it than his mom did. Karen’s other students were with us too, a stick-thin woman in her forties who dominated the Amateur divisions and a perpetually nervous junior with braces on her teeth. They had never paid me much mind, but tonight they smiled tentatively and shot admiring glances my way. It was odd and unnerving and flattering all at once.

  The ease with which Hades had handled the Open class gave me confidence for Sunday’s Grand Prix. Powder-blue skies heralded the day, and the energy built steadily as the time grew closer. Monica and Neil came to see me as I was preparing. I wished they wouldn’t always do that because it drew me out of my little focus-bubble, but they were the horse’s owners and they had a right to see him.

  I reached out to stop Monica as she was about to feed Hades an apple. “He can’t eat that now,” I said regretfully. “You can give it to him after the class.” Hades, having seen the treat, snorted and threw his head up in frustration at having it taken away. Karen tried to soothe him as I put on his saddle.

  “Sorry, but I think having you around is making him a bit nervous,” I said.

  “He should be nervous, there’s a hundred grand in prize money riding on this class,” Neil said bluntly.

  Not to mention it’s a World Cup qualifying event, I thought to myself. “Being nervous won’t help him,” I explained. “It will only make it harder for him to focus. Maybe we can see you after the class?”

  The Donalds wandered off. Karen rolled her eyes, and I finished tacking up thoughtfully. I hadn’t realized the prize money for the class was quite that much. The hundred thousand dollars would be divided amongst the winners, so even finishing in sixth place would likely yield a significant amount of money.

  There had been no mention of the contract since I’d given it to the Donalds and I decided I’d bring it up right after the class. A few thousand dollars would help enormously in making repairs at home. In fact, I could spend part of it on paint and flowers, I thought. That would make Dec happy. I was getting excited at the possibilities when Karen brought me back to earth.

  “It’s time to go.” She headed for the warm-up area. I worked Hades away from the other horses for a while, making sure he was attentive to me. He’d gotten increasingly buoyant at the show, almost inflated with his own power. I didn’t want to discourage the feeling, but I needed to remind him that I was leading this dance.

  When I joined Karen by the jumps I stopped dead. “Oh my God. That’s Eric Lamaze.” He was doing a relaxed canter around the schooling area on a mouth-wateringly gorgeous chestnut.

  “Yeah, he’s in your class,” Karen said absently. “Why don’t you start with the white vertical.” She pointed it out.

  I froze. “I can’t ride in a class against Eric Lamaze,” I squeaked. I thought I might be hyperventilating.

  Karen frowned up at me, shading her eyes with her hand even though she was wearing sunglasses. “What are you talking about? Why not?”

  “Because... he was World Champion and he won gold at the Olympics and... and...” And he’s my idol.

  Karen gave me a level look. “And wouldn’t you like to do all those things?”

  I swallowed hard and gave a small nod.

  “Then go jump the vertical,” she snapped. Years of drilling kicked in, and I complied immediately. Karen was harder on me than usual, keeping me moving and testing my reflexes, but we didn’t school for long. Hades needed his energy for the ring, and by the time we got to the in-gate I’d come out of my momentary panic.

  It’s like any other course, I reminded myself as we went in. Hades seemed to agree, and he put in a clean round, earning us a spot in the jump-off. Alex and Moose were in it too, as was Eric and the American rider from the Open class. I went last, which was lucky — I knew exactly what score I had to beat. I cut a corner too sharply and we had a rail down, but I was so proud of Hades that as we walked out of the ring I fell forward onto his neck and wrapped my arms around him.

  “Nice ride.” I thought I recognized the accent and straightened up quickly to find Eric Lamaze smiling at me.

  I gulped. “Thanks,” I said in a tiny voice. He winked at me, and I let Hades wander off, bemused. I pinched my arm repeatedly. Yup, I was awake.

  We won fifth place, and after congratulations had been accepted and most of our well-wishers had dispersed, I turned to the Donalds. Karen was feeding Hades peppermints so I had my hands free.

  “Did you get a chance to look at that contract?”

  “We haven’t signed it if that’s what you mean,” Neil said. “It seems kind of strange to get something like that in the middle of the season, just as the horse starts winning.”

  “Oh. Okay. Well, look — it’s usual for a jumper rider to get a share of the prize money.” At Neil’s frown, I hesitated. “The thing is, I’m spending thousands of dollars to bring Cal along because I can’t go three weeks without riding him, but I’ve got no students here and I’m losing all that teaching income. Right now I’m making more money from grooming Hades than riding him.” I’d been charging the Donalds the normal daily fee for a groom but I’d been doing the job myself. “I want to keep riding your horse, but I need to be able to make a living, too,” I explained.

  Monica wouldn’t meet my eye, and Neil pursed his lips. “Well, it may be a moot point, anywa
y,” he said, “because someone’s offered to buy him.”

  “For ten times what we paid for him,” Monica added coolly, looking at me for the first time.

  Oh no. My heart started racing, and my hands shook. I’d handled this all wrong, I realized. I’d asked them in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and now I might pay for my novice mistake by losing everything I’d worked so hard to gain. Some dim corner of my brain — the only part that wasn’t panicking — registered that my suspicions were confirmed. The Donalds had paid Rodney a price that seemed high to the low-end horse dealer, but which was far, far less than Hades was currently worth. No wonder Rodney had succumbed to temptation. I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him during this show, a fact which contributed considerably to the happy time I’d been having. Until now.

  My breathing was shallow, almost a pant. I felt Alex come up beside me and was glad of his friendly presence at my shoulder.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “That lady right over there.” Monica indicated an older, expensively dressed woman under a tent. “Her daughter rides with Karen as well, I suppose you know her. Brittney?”

  My gasp must have been audible because I felt Alex’s hand squeeze my arm. I turned away, stunned. I wanted to march up to Brittney and scream at her, to demand to know why she would do this to me when she already had everything she could possibly want. But I restrained myself. It would be childish and unprofessional, and it would make me a laughing stock. Horses got sold all the time, I reminded myself. It was part and parcel of this life. But no matter how I lectured myself, my chest was so tight that I could barely breathe, and my eyes burned with the effort not to cry.

  I collected Hades from Karen. She gave me a concerned look, but I shook my head. I couldn’t talk about it now, and Karen wasn’t the type to pry. She’d wait until I was ready to tell her. Hades was cool but he needed to be showered, groomed, and bandaged, and I was grateful for the familiar, soothing tasks to keep me occupied.

  I walked Hades through the lengthening shadows. The heat of the day had passed, and we were almost back at the stabling when Alex jogged up next to me. He had just opened his mouth to speak when Brittney stepped out of the tackroom. She gave me a supercilious look and Alex rounded on her.

  “What the hell, Britt! Why are you buying Téa’s horse out from under her? You don’t need him, you’re barely keeping Salsa and George busy!” Alex’s black brows shadowed his eyes. It was the first time I’d seen him angry.

  She gave a careless shrug. “He’s a good horse. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. Let’s face it, she doesn’t have the money to make it in this sport.”

  “You-”

  “It’s okay, Alex,” I said quietly.

  He subsided and Brittney flounced off.

  “You should be at the Grand Prix celebration,” I reminded him.

  “You’re the one who placed in the class. You’re the one who should be celebrating.”

  I didn’t answer. I had never felt less like celebrating. Brittney’s words had stabbed deep because they were true. Making it in this sport took guts and commitment and the willingness to suffer pain, but it also took good horses and lots of training and years and years of traveling and campaigning. And that took money. And I didn’t have any, nor did I have very high hopes for acquiring some. Some people made it to the top the way I was attempting to — by riding other people’s horses, but the drawback to that was having little control over your career. And, as I had already discovered, you could lose everything at a moment’s notice.

  Together we finished pampering Hades and put him in his stall with some hay.

  Alex wrapped an arm around me. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

  “Thanks.” My head was down, staring at the shavings. After a minute I felt Alex’s other hand take mine, and his head rested against my crown.

  “You should go to Brittney’s thing,” I murmured.

  “After what she did to you? No way,” he said vehemently.

  “I need some alone time,” I said. I extricated my hand gently from his. “Go. Eat canapés. Drink champagne. It wouldn’t be right to deprive all those women of your catnip essence.”

  He gave me a long, conflicted look before leaving. I turned to Hades with a sigh.

  “What do you think, big guy? D’you want to go graze?”

  “I’d rather get a real dinner.”

  I spun so fast my vision blurred. “Jaden!” I leaped into his arms, my face fitting into his neck and my legs wrapping around him as though that’s what they were made for.

  He held me tightly for a moment, saying nothing. I felt him swallow before he spoke.

  “You and Alex appear to have gotten quite friendly in your time here.”

  A wave of chagrin rolled up my spine. I untangled myself and slid to the ground, and he let me. “How long have you been here?” I tipped my head back to see his face.

  The tilt of his eyebrows made me realize I’d asked the wrong question. “Did you really think I’d miss your first international class?” His voice was quiet, and he sounded almost... hurt. That was the proverbial straw. I fell against him, shaken by sobs even as I tried to explain.

  His arms closed around me immediately. “Shh,” he murmured. His hands rubbed my back. “You don’t have to explain now.” His voice was strained, rough with emotion, causing me to cry anew at his assumption.

  “No,” I hiccupped, “Jaden, Alex is just a friend, he was only comforting me.”

  “For placing in your first-ever FEI class? How thoughtful of him.” There was a harder edge to his words now, and his body reacted accordingly.

  I shook my head against his chest and started wiping my eyes.

  “Look, Téa, I knew this was a risk,” he said tiredly. “We never-”

  “What?” I demanded. I drew back and stared at him.

  His eyes widened slightly, but he went on doggedly. “You’re constantly traveling. We rarely see each other, and you’re sharing intense experiences with your peers. It would hardly be surprising if you developed feelings for one of them.”

  My mouth fell open. My hands dangled loosely by my sides. I was so stunned that I stayed absolutely silent for a minute, watching emotions dance across Jaden’s beautiful, tortured face. And then, finally, the day caught up to me, and I started laughing. I laughed even harder than I’d cried, folding my arms across my middle and bending over in an effort to catch my breath.

  “Téa,” Jaden said. I glanced up; his face held a mixture of annoyance and amusement. “Let’s get some food, and then maybe you can share the joke.”

  I shook my head and straightened up. “I’m not hungry for food,” I said hoarsely. I locked my eyes onto his, seeing the spark of my own desire ignite there. He grasped my hand tightly and led me quickly through the gathering dusk to his car. We spoke only when he needed directions to the motel, and the mood darkened with the skies as he brooded.

  I stayed by the door while Jaden turned on the small bedside lamp, leaving the rest of the room in darkness. The light threw shadows across his angular face and pooled in his eyes, making them glitter.

  “Come here.” It was an order, not an invitation, and he didn’t look welcoming.

  I straightened my spine and advanced into the small sphere of light.

  “Do you see this?” I held up my left wrist, upon which dangled the delicate silver bracelet that Jaden had given me. “Every night before I go to sleep I kiss this bracelet goodnight and pretend it’s you. Friendly is all I’ll ever be with anyone else.”

  His fingers closed over the bracelet and my wrist; he tugged me forward and used his other arm to press me hard against his body. “I never thought I’d be more scared than when I was watching you jump that course,” he muttered, “until I saw Alex with his arms around you.”

  “I can explain-”

  A small smile twisted his lips. “It will have to wait.”

  Our lovemaking was hard and fast, and I was sprawled across Jaden’s
chest in a contented daze when my stomach growled. Jaden got up and pulled me out of bed, and after a quick shower, we drove through the dark until we found a small Italian restaurant.

  After we’d ordered he reached his hand across the table, and I grasped it in both of mine, feeling suddenly, overwhelmingly grateful for his presence.

  “Tell me everything,” he invited. And, as usual, I did.

  A frown shadowed his face as I spoke, his hand tightening around mine. “Téa, this is precisely why I said you needed a contract in the first place. Why didn’t you get it signed?”

  “I asked them to, but... well, they haven’t done it yet. And I didn’t want to insist.” At Jaden’s uncomprehending look I struggled to explain. “I already lost Marty. The horse world is small, and I don’t want to get a reputation for being a hard rider to get along with. Competition for horses is fierce, and Hades is so good, I didn’t want to lose him.”

  “And yet you may lose him anyway, without having gained any of the benefits the contract would have afforded you. Including, I might add, protection against such a sudden loss.”

  I stared at the tabletop while despair welled up inside me. Jaden’s long fingers stroked my forearm.

  “I’m sorry, querida,” he murmured. “Frustration has made me blunt.”

  I met his eye thoughtfully. “Speaking of frustration,” I said, recalling my own. “How could you jump to conclusions like that with Alex? Did you think that as soon as I got a bit lonely and found a cute face nearby, I’d cheat on you? If you think so little of me, why would you even want to be with me?”

  He winced at the word ‘cheat’. “I don’t think that.” He leaned toward me and paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “I only wonder, at times, whether you realize the full value of what we have. You’re young, and this is your first serious relationship-”