by M. Garzon
“Ex-polo player. I gave that up, remember?”
I nodded slowly. “Yes, you did, although you don’t seem any happier for it. In fact, I’ve never seen you as stressed and unhappy as you’ve been lately.”
He released my feet all at once. “How would you know, Téa? You’ve barely seen me in months!” he snapped.
“Yeah, and you sound so happy right now,” I pointed out, irate.
He jumped up and took a long stride away from me, raking his hand through his hair.
“I’m planning for our future, dammit! I’m willing to-” The buzzer sounded. Jaden went to the door and paid for the pizza. He dropped it on the coffee table before glancing at me. I turned my face away, not wanting him to see my tears.
He sank onto the edge of the couch and gathered me into his arms. He pressed his face into my neck, one hand tangling into the hair on the back of my head. We didn’t talk any more that night. We ate our pizza and went to bed, where there were no disagreements.
I met Julia at the hospital the next morning, and we went into Teri’s room together. Her parents had stayed the night, but they’d gone home to shower and change.
“Thank goodness,” Teri muttered. “They were stressing me out. My mom can’t look at me without crying.”
It looked as though Julia might do the same any minute, so I moved in front of her. “How do you feel?” I winced. “No, wait — that was a stupid question.”
Teri peered at me. The bruises around her eyes had darkened overnight. “No, it’s not. They’re keeping me pretty doped up, so I don’t feel as bad as you might think.” She turned her head away from us and went on tonelessly. “The trainer called. The colt was put down. He broke both forelegs.” Her breathing hitched. “I’m doing better than he is.”
Julia and I made comforting noises. I walked around to the other side of the bed and took Teri’s hand, being careful of the IV taped into the back.
“You know it’s not your fault, right?” I murmured.
“Yeah,” she mumbled listlessly. “But somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.” We shared a look of deep sympathy. I knew exactly how guilty you could feel over the death of a horse.
We left her to rest after a short visit. “Oh my God,” Julia said as soon as we were in the hall. She dug out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “Her face... she’ll never look the same.”
My jaw went slack. I stared at my friend and could not think of a single thing to say. Not only was Teri’s recovery so much more important that it eclipsed her appearance altogether, it also plain didn’t matter. Teri was a beautiful person, period. Her beauty came from her refusal to judge others, her steadfast helpfulness, and her self-deprecating humor. A change to her face wouldn’t diminish her beauty one whit.
I cleared my throat. “Jules, remember when you first came to the barn and everyone stared at you all the time because of how you look?”
She chewed on her index nail pensively. “Not really. But I remember how no one could stop talking about how gorgeous Jaden was when he first arrived.”
“You were the worst of all,” I said. I felt my mouth quirk up at the memory, and Julia gave a wistful smile in response. “The thing is, Jules, when I look at Jaden now I don’t see a gorgeous guy. I see the man that I love. Sure, how he looks is part of him, but I’ll love him just as much in fifty years when he’s stooped and grey. Or even bald.” I held Julia’s stunning grey gaze gently. “Teri will always be beautiful in the ways that matter.”
“Of course she will! I didn’t mean... I just feel so bad for her, that’s all.” Julia hung her head, her dark hair falling in a glossy curtain across her face. It was so unlike her usual confidence that it made me uncertain, almost like I was talking to a stranger instead of one of my closest friends.
“Is everything okay? How are your parents adjusting to the divorce?”
“All right, I guess. I haven’t seen them much.”
“Jules... maybe it’s none of my business, but you seem to have gotten pretty involved pretty fast with Al. Are you okay? Are you happy?”
She tossed her head back and gave me a bright and completely false smile. “Yes. We’re doing fine.” I didn’t buy it for a second, but I couldn’t dig any deeper — I had to go home and make up for all the work that I’d missed.
I went to my room to change first
since I was still wearing the previous day’s sundress. I checked my phone reflexively, wondering why I hadn’t heard back from Seth yet. I tugged on shorts and a T-shirt before firing up my laptop and shooting him a short email. It read simply, “Call me now.”
I was pensive as I wandered into the barn, but was snapped into alertness by anxious voices and the unmistakable sound of hooves thudding against wood. I hurried cautiously around the corner and was met by an odd sight.
Alan was leading Gracie, but she had planted her feet near the door. Her head was high, craned to look behind her for her baby. Smoothie was rooted uncertainly in the aisle, staring wide-eyed at the source of the ruckus — Rosy, in her stall. Rosy was a placid draft horse cross named for her strawberry roan color. She was built like a tank but was as gentle and caring a soul as you’d hope to find, not that you’d know it at the moment. She whinnied excitedly at Smoothie, then rose onto her hind legs and pressed her nose against the bars, snuffling loudly.
“Gracie won’t budge without her kid,” Alan called to me.
Gran marched in at that moment. “You take one side, I’ll take the other,” she said. She bent next to Smoothie and placed one arm around his hindquarters and the other on his chest. I did the same on my side, and we quickly steered Smoothie toward his mom. As soon as he saw her he sped to her side, and Gran and I let him go when we got outside. We watched the trio head for the pasture, Smoothie frolicking along the way.
“What was that about?” I turned to Gran.
She raised her hands, palms up. “Some horses get very excited around babies. Perhaps Rosy’s already had a foal of her own, or perhaps she would very much like one.”
“Maybe Gracie and Smoothie should just stay outside,” I suggested.
“We’ll talk to Stephanie about it,” she agreed.
Alan came back, shaking his head. “I’d take him out the other door but I don’t want the little tyke getting near the cars in the parking area.”
At his age, Smoothie wasn’t leading yet. If we wanted to take him somewhere, we simply brought his mother and he followed. I went inside and visited Rosy. She was still shooting hopeful looks in the direction of the door.
“You really like that little guy, huh?” I said, stroking her large neck. “Well, maybe one day you can have your own.” Even as I said it, though, I wondered whether we’d be doing Rosy any favors by breeding her. Foals were usually weaned from their mothers at four to six months of age, although in the wild they nursed for a year or so. And fillies usually remained close to their mothers for life, living in the same herd. Maybe Rosy would be more hurt by having a baby taken away than by never having one at all.
I threw myself into work that week, trying to atone for my absences. I taught, I cleaned, I rode, and I organized a painting crew by trading lessons for labor. I bought paint using my prize money and started repainting the trim on the barn and shed. I drove into Toronto every second day to visit Teri and briefly see Jaden, and by week’s end, my feeling of satisfaction was worth the aching muscles.
Monica and Neil arrived on Friday with their daughter, a bored-looking, gum-snapping fifteen-year-old. I had just finished hosing off Hades after riding him, and I held his leadrope while they patted him. The daughter gave me a cursory once-over, taking in my snarled hair and dirt-smudged clothes, then turned and wandered away. I can see why they rarely talk about her, I thought wryly. I reached out to pat Taffy, dangling in the usual shoulder bag. She, at least, greeted me excitedly regardless of my hair.
“I was talking to some other owners at the last show,” Neil said as we walked Hades back to his stall. “It
seems like everyone’s gone to Vermont but us — how come?”
“We could go next year if you want.” Vermont wasn’t a show I normally considered because it was farther away and therefore more expensive.
“But what about now?” Monica asked. “Where’s Hades going next?”
I hesitated. “There’s the Orangeville International next week, and Angelstone the week after that. They’re both a few hours away.”
Neil rubbed his hands together. “Great, let’s do it.” I quailed at the thought of telling my family I was deserting them again, and I worried about leaving with Teri still in the hospital, but this was my future and I had made a commitment to the Donalds. I couldn’t quit now.
I made sure to take care of every detail of work that evening and the next morning, leaving Dec and Gran virtually nothing to do. After washing my hands for lunch I sat down and peeked at Gran.
“What do you know about the Orangeville International?” I asked innocently. Dec’s eyes narrowed.
“It’s a fairly new show, but I’ve heard good things,” Gran said.
“The prize money’s good.”
Dec stopped eating and put his fork down. “Out with it.” The look on his face was not promising. Or rather, it promised things I didn’t want.
I swallowed. “The Donalds want to go. I know you don’t think me winning at shows benefits the barn, but I paid for the paint with my last winnings. When I get back I’ll do the fences. And I’ll buy more landscaping plants.”
Dec examined his plate. “How long would you be gone?”
“Four days next week, and then five the week after that for Angelstone,” I said with some trepidation. “But I’ll bring Emma and Cameo to Angelstone with me.”
He sighed and rubbed his temples. “We need to replace some light fixtures in the barn. Make sure you win.”
He tilted his head sideways to catch my eye, and I smiled. “Okay.” I went back to eating with renewed appetite.
“What’s your brother been up to?” Dec asked, too casually. I normally kept everyone updated on Seth’s doings.
The worry I’d been suppressing in order to deal with more pressing matters immediately bobbed to the surface and began to gnaw at me. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him for a while.”
“I wouldn’t worry. You know what Seth’s like,” Gran said reassuringly. “He’s probably off on a little jaunt.”
Jaden arrived that afternoon. I was debating how to tell him that I was leaving again, but first I had lessons to teach, and then I had to ride Cal, and when we snuck into the shed after feeding I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Particularly since the moment involved his lips moving against mine and his hard body pressed against me.
“How come you haven’t gone soft?” I asked when I had a second to breathe.
“Is that a trick question?” He laughed as blood rushed to my face.
“No, I mean... um, your body.” I poked him in the stomach. “It’s not like you spend your days in the saddle anymore but you’re still stronger than I am.”
“Let’s hope I’m always stronger than you.” He grinned. “There’s a gym at the office. I went today, in fact. I need to maintain my strength so I can keep all those men away from you.” He sat on the old trunk and patted the spot next to him, but I stayed on my feet. I rolled my eyes.
“What men? Jaden, no one but you even notices me.”
“Oh, really. What about Alex?” He said the name as though it tasted bad. “I told you he was attracted to you, but no, you wouldn’t hear it. You slept in his trailer!”
I suppressed a groan of frustration. “Jaden, when are you going to stop being jealous?”
He leaned forward and grabbed me around the waist with both hands. He pulled me between his long, jean-clad legs.
“Maybe when I’ve got a ring on your finger.” His smile could only be described as roguish. “But I’m not making any promises.”
“Jaden James Foster! This isn’t a laughing matter.” I planted my hands on my hips.
“Are you angry with me?” Jaden asked. The corners of his mouth were starting to curl upward.
“You do realize that prospect shouldn’t amuse you, right?”
His smile only grew. “But you’re adorable when you’re angry.”
“Ugh!” I tried to turn away, but he overpowered me easily and pulled me into his lap. I had just decided to forgive him when we heard Gran calling us in for dinner.
We were in the barn afterward, debating the merits of braving the mosquitoes for a twilight trail ride, when Brittney arrived.
“Where’s Elise?” she demanded, glancing around. I shrugged; I hadn’t seen Brittney’s groom since morning. Brittney seemed to notice Jaden for the first time. She did a double-take before joining us, wearing a smile I’d never seen before.
“Why hello. I’m Brittney.” She simpered, offering Jaden her hand. I felt my teeth snap together.
Jaden exuded charm as they shook hands. “I’m Jaden, Téa’s boyfriend.” He stressed the word boyfriend, and I felt a smirk twitch across my face.
Brittney stared first at him, then at me. Her shock was definitely insulting. “Well, well. So you’re the one Alex was talking about.” She was looking at Jaden with such undisguised acquisitiveness that I actually stepped closer to him. “The kissing cousin.”
She turned to me, conspiratorial. “If I were you, I’d keep this one close. I mean, with all the stuff that’s been happening to you at shows lately... is he coming to Orangeville? I heard you were going.”
I stuttered, my fury at Brittney mixing with dread as Jaden turned a laser-like look on me.
“Excuse me?” His voice was like shards of glass. Before I could open my mouth to explain Elise rushed in, full of apologies which Brittney waved off airily. She was obviously in a fine mood.
Jaden gripped my upper arm and marched me outside. He hesitated for a second, then headed for the shed, pulling me with him. He propelled me inside, slammed the door, and turned on me.
“You promised me you were going to stay home for August!”
“I did not promise! I said I’d stay close by, and this is close. Sort of.”
“Are you really going to argue semantics with me?” He took a quick step toward me, causing me to back up automatically. My temper sparked; I was mad at myself, mad at Jaden, and mad at the whole messy situation. I drew myself up and raised my chin defiantly.
“I’m not going to argue with you at all, Jaden, and you know why? Because I don’t have to justify this to you! This is my career, and I-” My voice was rising before he abruptly cut it off.
“Your career? Then what about school, Téa? Why are you slogging through nine years of expensive education to be a vet if you’re truly planning to ride for a living?” His jaw was hard, his eyes narrowed as if trying to stare through me to the truth.
“I... I’m in school because of you,” I admitted crankily. “You and Dec. You can’t very well have some ignorant shmuck for a girlfriend, and Dec didn’t leave me much choice, anyway.” I almost stamped my foot in frustration, so angry was I at having to make that admission.
He threw his hands up in the air. “That makes no sense! What about our future? I thought you wanted to be a vet. How can we have a life together when you’re never here?”
“Why is it that you get to decide what kind of life we have?” I retorted hotly. “Plenty of people have lives on the show circuit.”
“Not married people!” Jaden yelled.
“We’re not married!” I screamed back. “And at this rate we never will be!”
He flinched and drew back from me, but I was too angry to try to make amends. He threw me a disbelieving, wounded look before turning and stalking out of the shed, leaving the door hanging open behind him. I shuffled over to the trunk and fell limply onto its hard lid. I buried my face in my shaking hands and tried to convince myself that I hadn’t just seriously damaged the best thing in my life.
I spent the evening
hiding in my room. Dec volunteered to do the night check, so the only time I emerged was to skulk to the bathroom, and I saw no sign of Jaden. He was playing polo the next day, and if he hadn’t been I suspected he would have left.
Ten
I fed the horses by myself the next morning. I slogged back to the house slowly afterward, dragging my feet through the dirt and noticing all the potholes that needed filling — another job Seth had done. If only my brother were here, I thought wistfully, he’d fix everything. He’d crack jokes until everyone was laughing, until we all forgot to be angry with each other.
Jaden was in the kitchen with Dec. The sun streamed in behind them, making it hard to judge Jaden’s expression, but it made no difference because he didn’t turn his head or acknowledge me in any way as I darted for the coffeepot.
Dec’s eyebrows rose. “Morning, honey.” His look was questioning, but I did my best to keep my face impassive, despite my staccato heart.
“G’morning,” I muttered. I buttered some toast and stood at the counter to eat it and drink my coffee. I had a good view of Jaden’s rigid back for a few minutes before he got up. He came over, and I scooted out of the way as he dropped his dishes into the dishwasher without looking at me.
As soon as he left, Dec turned to me. “I take it you guys had a fight?”
I nodded miserably, wishing that my family didn’t have to be involved like this, that Jaden and I could resolve our differences in private like normal couples. Then again, most of the nineteen-year-olds I knew still lived at home, so maybe it wasn’t so weird.
Jaden avoided me until he went to the polo club, but I hardly noticed because my hours were stuffed to overflowing with work. The day was a scorcher, and I felt limp as a dishrag by the time I rode Cal late that afternoon. Although I noticed Jaden return, he didn’t draw near. The wash stall was busy when I was done riding so I led Cal outside to hose him down. The air steamed under a hazy sky. Cal enjoyed his shower, drinking out of the hose and pushing his face repeatedly under the spray. I was almost done when Jaden strode by. His body was still tight with anger; he was wearing a sleeveless camel-colored shirt over the white jeans he played polo in. He didn’t look my way — again — and I felt my temper rekindle. I quickly twisted the nozzle onto its hardest setting and aimed the hose at him.