by M. Garzon
“You need to go back, you got tenth place!” I trotted back in amazement; it hadn’t occurred to me that we would place in this elite company. Then again, not every show had ribbons to tenth place. Afterward, I helped Tania wash and groom Hades, and I was feeding him a final peppermint when Karen bustled in.
“Come on, let’s get some dinner and get ready for the party.”
“Party?” I gave her a blank look.
“Yes,” she said in exasperation. “You know, the ‘welcome to our show’ party. Remember?”
The fact was, I rarely went to show parties. For the longest time I couldn’t, because I was acting as instructor and groom and rider all at once, and those combined responsibilities left me little time or energy. The few times I’d gone, though, had been with my friends — Julia and Teri and occasionally Alex — and the thought of showing up after today’s embarrassing ride was not tempting.
“I think I’ll skip it,” I said, closing Hades’ stall.
“No, you won’t,” Karen said firmly. “You need to get out and mingle with these people. You were acting like someone was going to bite you today, and it’s rubbing off on your horse.”
* * *
The gathering was held in the main building. I found myself sitting rigidly at a round table next to Karen with several other trainers and riders. After dinner, Karen went to greet her many acquaintances while I sat and considered fleeing.
“You ride a magnificent horse.” I looked up — way up — to find the towering Dutch rider, Jo, next to me. “But he is maybe a bit small for you, ya?” His smile was so playful that I laughed, and he joined in. I liked his accent, and he had a deep, pleasant voice.
“That was an interesting bridle you used today.” Another man had joined us. “I’m Pietr.” We shook hands as I introduced myself. Pietr turned out to be Hungarian, and he made quite the contrast with Jo; he was slender and not very tall for a man. He had murky green eyes and very short brown hair. He and Jo sat down and launched into an animated discussion of the relative merits of various equipment they’d tried. They both listened avidly as I explained my journey to the bitless bridle. I was pleasantly surprised by how open they seemed to trying different tack and training methods, something I had rarely found among my peers. Jo impressed me further by saying that he used natural, gentle horsemanship methods in training all his young horses.
We were comparing notes when a slim girl with glossy, shoulder-length brown hair joined us. “Hey, guys.”
Jo and Pietr greeted her enthusiastically, and she turned curious brown eyes on me.
“Hi, I’m Téa,” I introduced myself.
She stuck out her hand. “Sorrel.” I knew who she was without the introduction. Although she was only a few years older than me, Sorrel Lang was already a household name among followers of our sport. She was the youngest person on the American Team, had rocked the World Championships, and was considered a safe bet for the next Olympics. She was also, it turned out, very down-to-earth, and she joined right in our training talk. I found myself having such a good time that when Karen came to find me shortly afterward I didn’t want to leave.
“I will escort the young lady safely to the motel,” Jo offered.
Karen gave Jo a speculative look, but she had greeted Pietr and Sorrel with familiarity, and she finally turned to me and said, “All right.”
I blew out a breath of relief that she hadn’t said anything embarrassing about being responsible for me, and hadn’t told me to come home to bed as Dec would have. We got more drinks — I was having iced tea — and were soon laughing at Pietr’s tale of being lost in the German countryside on his way to Aachen.
Shortly afterward I followed Jo’s golden-blond hair through the semi-dark parking lot to a mid-size sedan. He folded his very long body into the driver’s seat. It was just a regular car, I thought as I buckled my seat belt. Come to think of it, I wondered why he was staying at the same ordinary chain motel as me — surely a world champion rider could afford upscale accommodations? Monica and Neil were staying at a luxury hotel further away.
I plucked up my courage to ask him. “Do you always stay at this motel when you come to Spruce Meadows?”
“Ya,” he said. “I like to be close to the horses.” I smiled at him in the car’s dim interior. I liked that, too.
I rode Hades in one small class the following day. He still wasn’t himself, and although he’d settled down somewhat we ended up nowhere in the class.
“But on the plus side, I met two nice Portuguese riders today,” I told Jaden on the phone that evening. I left out the fact that I’d also run into Alex, who had acted as though he didn’t know me.
There were no classes scheduled for the next day, so when Pietr invited me to dinner with a group of his friends I was happy to agree. Karen came too, and we met up with Jo, Sorrel, and the Portuguese riders as well. By the evening’s end I’d met so many international stars that I’d stopped feeling awed, and despite my lackluster performances so far, I began to appreciate simply being there.
I awoke Sunday to swollen grey skies. Hades’ biggest class to date was that afternoon, and the rain started as Tania was tacking up. I was slouched on a tack trunk texting Jaden, who was planning to watch the streamed video of the class.
It’s raining. R u sure u don’t want to scratch?
Despite the format, his worry came through clearly. I shook my head in frustration as I texted back.
Jaden, the footing here is state of the art. They spent a gazillion $ on it. We’ll be fine... but if ur nervous, u don’t have to watch ;)
I left the phone in the tackroom before going outside. It beeped again but I didn’t check it. I needed to focus on Hades; I didn’t want Jaden’s worry added to the burden of my own. I put the rain cover on my hat, then gratefully pulled on my new raincoat. It would protect my saddle from too much rain, at least until I had to take it off to go into the ring.
We had a short warm-up. The shower was turning into solid sheets of water now. Everything was slick; my reins slid through my gloves, and my new boots slipped on the rubber stirrup treads. Maybe the weather made him realize it was time to be serious because to my relief Hades seemed fully himself again.
At the in-gate, Karen grasped my boot and looked up at me, squinting against the rain. “Do you want to scratch? I’m surprised they haven’t canceled the class.” I wasn’t surprised. The footing was grass and it held up quite well. Tania had screwed studs into Hades’ shoes for extra purchase.
I shook my head, afraid that if I spoke she’d hear my teeth chattering. When my number was called I quickly stripped off my raincoat and handed it to Tania, shivering as cold water sluiced down my neck. There weren’t many spectators, thanks to the weather, and the ring seemed unnaturally quiet as we picked up a canter.
“Go, Téa!” “You can do it!” I heard Pietr’s voice among the chorus of yells from the sidelines and grinned as we headed to our first fence. Hades grunted as we cleared it; I felt the extra effort he had to expend because of the slippery ground. We kept going, taking it slowly through the downpour.
Hades was questioning me politely. Should I lengthen stride? Are we turning here? More incredibly, he acquiesced easily to my invisible responses. I realized that the conditions were making him nervous, too.
“Hang in there, boy, we’re almost done,” I murmured to reassure him.
We headed toward a straightforward oxer. I carefully measured our take-off distance, and I relaxed imperceptibly when I knew we would meet the fence perfectly. I felt Hades shift his weight backward, his massive hindquarters bunching to propel us... but as his neck rose beneath me I realized that something was wrong. We weren’t going upward, we were sliding forward. There was a sudden splintering crash, a heavy blow, and then falling, falling, in seeming slow motion.
I blinked my eyes open to cold drops pelting my face.
“Don’t move her!” Karen’s authoritative voice snapped. I turned my head to see her kneeling next t
o me, her brown eyes wide with fear. It was an expression I’d never seen her wear before.
“That includes you, kid. Don’t try to move,” she ordered.
The sensation was returning to my body. “How’s Hades?” I asked her anxiously.
“Don’t worry about him for now.”
I did a quick assessment while men’s harried voices surrounded me, soon accompanied by thunking sounds as they cleared the fence away. I felt okay, other than my shoulder throbbing. I rolled onto my side and started pushing myself up.
“Hey!” I felt Karen’s hands stop me at the same time as a cheer went up. I looked up to a sea of concerned faces; hard-core fans in the stands and my fellow riders and grooms at the in-gate.
“Karen, really, I’m fine,” I assured her. I got to my feet, her hands now helping and supporting me. The cheer swelled again, louder this time, and I gave a little wave, blushing as I went to retrieve Hades. I took his reins from a nervous-looking ringman and led him forward a few tentative steps. His walk seemed normal. The shock of relief was so sharp that I wrapped shaking arms around his head.
“I’m sorry, buddy, I’m so sorry,” I choked out.
Huh-huh-huh-huh. His response rumbled out from low in his chest, an unmistakable whicker of affection. I guess he’d been worried too.
I led Hades slowly out of the ring, waving away the hovering medics. Thank God he seemed to be sound. Tania took the reins from me, tears mingling with rain on her face, and I followed behind them so that I could watch Hades move from every angle.
By the time we’d made sure Hades wasn’t injured and put him away, I had three frantic voicemails from Jaden.
“I’m fine,” I said the instant he answered his phone.
“Do you own a dictionary?” His voice was shaking. “Because you clearly don’t know what ‘fine’ means. You took twenty years off my life, Téa.”
“Sorry. I guess you decided to watch after all.”
“As if I’d miss it. You’re just lucky Dec wasn’t watching this time.”
Cold fingers of dread clutched my insides. “Jaden, please don’t let him see it,” I pleaded. “Tell him the class was canceled or something.”
There was silence for a moment. “I don’t want to lie to him again,” he said quietly. “Our relationship’s been strained enough.”
“I’m begging you, my love. Please.”
I thought I heard a stifled groan. “All right.”
* * *
We had two days to recover before the Masters Tournament started. Hades was massaged and hand-walked and was soon limber again. Fortunately, the motel had a pool and a hot tub, which helped my stiffness, if not my nerves. I’d had a bad end to the tournament that was supposed to help ease me into the biggest competition of my life, and I swatted away the niggling feeling that it was a sign that I didn’t belong.
I had just done the official jog with Hades — where show officials checked the horses for soundness — when my phone rang. I answered distractedly, pushing Hades’ nose away from my jacket pocket with my other hand.
“What’s new, Sis?”
I stopped dead. Hades promptly began tugging at my pocket, trying to release the peppermints inside. Tania jogged over to take him and I handed him over without a word, ignoring her inquiring look.
“Well, are you going to talk to me? ’Cause you were pretty bossy about getting me to call you,” Seth went on.
“Moo,” I breathed. Then, much louder, “Where the hell have you been?”
“It’s lovely to hear your voice too.” My brother laughed, and despite myself, I broke into a grin. I turned the corner of the nearest building and leaned against the wall. It was quiet here, and I allowed myself a deep breath of relief.
“I’ve been worried about you,” I chided. “And I don’t have time for that, I’m at Spruce Meadows.”
There was a gasp of surprise. “That’s awesome! Things are going great for you.”
I fell silent. But it was Seth at the other end of this invisible thread, my twin, the one who would understand even if I couldn’t explain properly. So I told him about Teri’s accident, and Dec wanting to sell our home, and my growing feeling of insecurity with the Donalds.
“What about Jaden?” he asked. It may have sounded random, but it wasn’t. Seth knew me well.
My sigh seemed to come up all the way from my toes. “Jaden and I seem to want different things these days.”
“Well, I can’t do much about that, but I’ll give you a hug to make you feel better,” he offered.
Hope surged inside me. “You mean-”
“Yup. I’m heading home. I’ll be there in a couple of days. Ol’ Dec even sounded happy about it.” I hadn’t realized to what extent worry over Seth had been dragging me down, but I felt positively buoyant after our conversation.
Until the next day, that is. The reality of riding in my first truly international class struck me like ice water the next morning. I couldn’t force myself to eat, so I only had coffee on my way to the barn. My face was rigid, and I gave terse answers to anyone who spoke to me. Puffy clouds graced a clear blue sky, and I loosened up marginally in the warm-up ring, but Hades lacked his usual swagger. I gave him an encouraging pat as Karen walked us to the in-gate.
I had worn my old boots. They were more comfortable, and at this point, I didn’t think it mattered how I looked. It only mattered how I did.
I glanced down at Karen, expecting last-minute instructions, but instead, she met my eye and said, “You deserve to be here, kid. The only thing you lack is mileage, and that will come.” It wouldn’t come fast enough to help me now, but I appreciated the sentiment and gave her a weak smile. Then I looked up. The sky was above me, the earth was below me, and the fire was within me. It was time to fan the flames.
We walked in and began to canter. I allowed myself to be hypnotized by the steady da-da-dum, da-da-dum of Hades’ feet, the rhythmic whoosh of each breath blown from his lungs. And this time, everything else fell away. It didn’t matter where we were, it didn’t matter that I was surrounded by elite riders whom I desperately wanted to impress — this time, I forgot anyone was even there. It was just Hades and me, jumping a fantastic course on a beautiful day, my heart pounding, my hands sweating, and my heart soaring as we flew as one being over each obstacle.
We walked out to cheers, and I dropped my reins and patted Hades enthusiastically with both hands. Tania was smiling from ear to ear as she took Hades.
When I jumped down Karen placed her hands on my shoulders. “That,” she said solemnly, “was perfect.”
It must have been because we won the class. I was so stunned that I stood rooted when it was time to collect my ribbon, and Karen had to shoo me into the ring.
Afterward, I stuffed Hades so full of peppermints that Tania scolded me, “You’re going to give him colic!”
“You may need to get a bigger pony soon,” Jo laughed. “It seems you are growing up. Soon all of us must be keeping our eyes on you.”
“Congratulations.” Sorrel flashed me a smile, and even though she’d won much bigger classes, it was sincere. “Let’s go celebrate tonight.”
I was glad I’d packed a little black dress. After dinner, I went to a bar with Pietr, Jo, Sorrel, the two Portuguese riders, and several people whose names I didn’t remember. It was an upscale place, and the bouncer peered closely at my Ontario driver’s license before staring at me.
“You don’t look nineteen,” he observed, his face dubious. I suppressed a flare of panic. Most of the others had already gone in, and I’d be mortified if I was turned away.
Jo was arriving, and he gave a questioning look as he stopped beside me.
“He thinks I’m too young to go in,” I explained.
Jo draped a long arm around me. “This girl is a champion rider. She is old enough to go in a bar.” I don’t know whether it was Jo’s words or his sheer size that convinced the bouncer, but he stepped aside to let us in.
“How old are
you, then?” Jo asked as we made our way through the crowd. He had to speak loudly over the music.
“Nineteen,” I said, laughing that he had championed my cause without even knowing. Sorrel waved us over, looking very trendy is a glittering blue halter top, and I was touched to see that she’d saved me a seat.
I had a great night. At home, I lived under Dec’s strict rules, and in any case, I rarely had either the time or energy to go out. My life was very mundane. Now all of a sudden, glamorous international athletes were taking me to places that would have completely intimidated me had I been on my own. My newfound popularity and freedom were as intoxicating as the drinks. Under normal circumstances I rarely drank, but here, being toasted by some of the world’s best riders, I didn’t resist when my champagne glass was refilled over and over.
The next morning was brutal. Riders and grooms on the grounds gave knowing smiles as they took in my dark shades and mincing steps, and a few made good-natured jokes about my lack of staying power. My reception in the tackroom, though, was far less understanding.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Karen yelled, nearly causing me to clutch my head. “Do you have any idea what Dec would do if he caught you carousing without supervision? Do you want to get sent home?”
I shook my head carefully. “We were just celebrating, Karen. I didn’t drink that much, honest.”
“Yes, I can see that,” she said sarcastically. “Care to take off your sunglasses?”
I sighed. “Look, Karen, I know you promised to watch over me, but I’m not a kid. So I went out and had a couple of drinks. It’s not a felony.”
She blew out her breath. “I’m not saying you didn’t deserve to celebrate — just don’t overdo it, okay?” Karen was a former alcoholic and never went to bars.
After reassuring Karen, I put on a hat and went to watch the morning’s classes. I wasn’t riding that day but I was at the grounds every day, trying to absorb as much as I could. Although at the moment, the thought of going back to bed was quite tempting.