by Rona Jameson
“I’m proud of you, Fallon, but I knew you could do it. You can do anything you put your mind to.”
She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “I wish I had your confidence.”
“You will.” I kissed the top of her head before lowering my face into her hair and breathing her in. I closed my eyes wishing our situation were different. Wishing I could always look at Fallon the way I really wanted to.
When I opened my eyes I ended up looking straight into Dad’s. The deep frown marring his brow told me my father had seen everything I felt for Fallon—it had been written all over my face.
Dad shook his head and, after another glance up at us on the rock, turned back to Mom. By his expression, I knew he wouldn’t let it go, which meant I was going to have to come up with an explanation as to what was going on. It was something I didn’t want to think about as deeply as I’d started to think about Fallon.
3
Fallon
Sweaty and exhausted from our day of walking, I dropped my clothing on the bank of the lake and waded into the cool water beside Mom. It felt so good on my heated skin, I dipped beneath the surface and swam further out.
The water was like a caress against me—it felt totally amazing as I finally breached the surface. My eyes widened and a shard of panic went down my spine when I noticed just how far out I’d swam from the shore. I’d never gone so far before.
My heart pounded and sweat trickled down my forehead. My panic worsened as I noticed bubbles slowly moving closer and closer to where I treaded water, and then a head appeared.
“You’re an idiot,” Rogan snapped, anger flashing in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me to him while he tried to catch a breath. His chest rose and fell in a heavy rhythm until he finally calmed down. “You know better than to swim out this far.”
“I didn’t realize how far I swam.” I gripped him around his shoulders, allowing my legs to wrap around his waist.
His fierce gaze softened to concern as he dropped his forehead against mine.
“I’m sorry. I was hot and sweaty and just wanted to feel the cool water on my skin,” I admitted.
“Next time, you wait for me.” He coughed to clear his throat, and put a bit of distance between our bodies—but not before I felt something hard and thick against my thigh. “I’d feel better if we were closer to shore.”
With reluctance, I unwound myself from Rogan, feeling heat rise through my body at the way he looked at me. It was the same way I’d felt on the trail. It made me nervous in a feel good kind of way. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react, or what it meant.
Embarrassed, I challenged him. “I’ll race you.” I dived under the water once more.
Rogan kept pace beside me, his usual smile back on his face. He was my brother, but the way he’d started looking at me wasn’t brotherly at all. And the way my heart pitter-pattered in my chest when I looked at him, or when he was close to me, was not sisterly.
Sometimes I thought there was something wrong with me. I shouldn’t be reacting to him like I was. It had become worse since I teased him in my underwear. I wasn’t even sure why I did it. No! That wasn’t quite true. I was annoyed at how his friends had treated me and I wanted more of a reaction out of Rogan. I’d gotten one, but now I wondered what exactly had I done.
I was suddenly splashed in the face. I turned my narrowed eyes on my brother, who grinned like an idiot, just as I was splashed from behind.
I whipped around and found Dad laughing, but it was Mom who got the next laugh as she jumped on Dad’s back, making him duck under the water.
“Water fight!” Rogan shouted, seconds before he tackled me under the water.
I got him back when I tickled him in the sides. He wiggled and laughed trying to get away from my fingers, but I followed…until Dad snagged me around the waist and tossed me away with a splash. Dad had done that for as long as I could remember, and I loved water play with my family.
Mom swam closer and smiled before we both turned and watched Dad and Rogan goofing around. Rogan saw us, and with his eyes on me, he started to swim closer. Dad noticed where he was headed, and snagged him around the ankle, pulling him back. Rogan went under and came up spitting water.
“So not fair,” he grumbled, eyeing Dad.
They exchanged a few words, then Rogan’s eyes found mine before he dropped his gaze.
I frowned and turned to Mom, who shrugged. Minutes later, Rogan swam toward shore, waded out and headed to where we’d left the towels. Dad swam toward us with a serious expression on his face as he held Mom’s gaze.
“Why did Rogan leave?” I asked, making a move to follow him, but Dad shook his head.
“I’m going to have a talk with him.” Dad kissed Mom and me on our cheeks before following Rogan.
“Mom?”
“It will be okay, honey.” She smiled.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? He’s my brother. I’m going to him if you won’t tell me.”
Mom sighed, and glanced at the pebbled bank before she nodded, indicating for me to head back to our towels and clothing. My mind wouldn’t stop buzzing with worry for Rogan. Something was wrong. I felt it in my blood.
We quickly dried in silence, then Mom led me over to some larger rocks.
“Now, I’m seriously worried.” I struggled to keep the nerves from my voice. “Is Rogan sick or something? You’d tell me, right?”
“Oh, honey, he isn’t sick.” Mom inhaled and slowly exhaled. “You’ve always been close to Rogan,” she started and I found her frown deepening. “I’m just going to ask, okay?”
I nodded, fear clawing at my throat as I wondered what was going on.
“How close have you and Rogan become?”
“What?” I turned to look out over the lake while panic welled inside of my chest. There was no way they could know about my little teasing display, or that we’d slept in each other’s arms the night before. I certainly hadn’t wanted to admit of my preoccupation with my older brother.
Swallowing back all the emotions swirling inside me, I replied, “We’ve always been close. I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“Dad has seen you both together.” Mom smiled. “I have too.” Mom gripped my hand tighter. “We’re worried you’re both getting too close, which I guess is our fault.”
“No!” I panicked. “He’s my best friend, Mom.” I felt close to tears as I reached up and brushed a wet piece of hair back. “There’s no such thing as being too close to him.”
“You should be spending your time with Julia. Let Rogan be with his friends.” Mom’s eyes filled with tears. “That’s what normal is.”
Shooting to my feet, I let the tears fall. “Who says that’s normal? He’s my best friend,” I cried. “When we were little, you always used to make a fuss about how well we got along to all your friends, and now, you have a problem with it?” I shouted.
“Calm down.”
“What are you telling me? That you don’t want us to spend time alone together anymore?”
“That’s what she’s saying.” Dad interrupted. “That’s what we’re both asking you to do, and we’ll see how it goes.”
I shook my head, not prepared to accept anything that didn’t include Rogan.
“Fallon, you are a beautiful sixteen-year-old, and while we have been accepting of your friendship, neither of us thought ahead to when you both started to grow up.” He ran his hands through his hair. “You are both at the age of curiosity. Girls and boys. I guess what I’m trying to say is…we don’t want you being curious together.” He blew out a breath.
I honestly didn’t know what to say to that. At least, I didn’t know what I could say out loud.
My feelings for Rogan were as complicated as his were for me, but I was old enough to be aware of right and wrong. What I felt might be wrong and scary, but nothing had ever felt so right in my sixteen years.
“Where’s Rogan?” I looked around, d
rying my tears when I realized he hadn’t appeared. “What did you make him do?”
“Fallon,” Mom snapped. “Grow up. You need to accept how things are going to be and move on. You are not a child anymore. You are a beautiful, young girl with the figure of a woman, and Rogan is at an age where boys can’t control the way their bodies react. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
Ignoring my parents, I turned and ran back to the campsite. Rogan was pacing when I arrived, and the disheartened look on his face said everything—he was angry and upset.
I turned away from him and hid in my own tent.
4
Rogan
I didn’t think I’d ever forget the look on Fallon’s face after our parents had talked to her. It was nearly three weeks ago and my heart still ached for what we had, or even started to have. I missed her smile, her voice, and most of all, I missed having her close.
That day on our camping trip, she looked as heartbroken as I felt, and when I finally had the courage to meet her gaze, she was surprised and upset. A large hole opened in my heart as her expression turned to one of anger.
I didn’t know what to do or say when Dad told me he saw exactly how I felt for Fallon. I tried to laugh it off, but it didn’t work because Dad had seen me at a weak moment with her.
Dad lectured me on the rights and wrongs of loving Fallon Scott. He convinced himself I only wanted Fallon because I’d never had the chance to find someone else. That wasn’t true. Neither was Dad’s opinion that my feelings for Fallon would change when I got older and grew from a hormonal teenage boy into a man. My father was delusional.
As for Fallon, well, she hadn’t spoken to me since “the talk” and she was breaking my heart. I wished I knew how to make it right, knew how to stop hurting all the time.
I could hardly tell Fallon I was in love with her when it was an impossible love. What good would it do either of us? At the same time, I couldn’t go on with the silence because it was killing me.
She was my sister first. Had been for longer than I’d been in love with her. I wanted that girl back. I needed Fallon back. Maybe what I felt would disappear. Even as I thought it, I knew it was a lie. Maybe if I told myself enough times I didn’t really love her, my feelings would change. I just didn’t know anymore.
One thing I did know was that Fallon and I were about to have a long overdue conversation, whether she liked it or not.
She was one stubborn girl, so, being sneaky, I slowly moved along the hallway in my bare feet to her room.
Not giving her the satisfaction of knocking, I shoved my way inside to find Fallon crying on the bed. Seeing her face ravaged from tears I presumed to have been falling for a while, made pain clutch at my chest. I shook my head when she opened her mouth to speak.
“Don’t.” I climbed on the bed and pulled her into my arms. And I couldn’t help but feel how right it was as we wrapped around each other, our arms holding each other close, our legs intertwined. Fallon burrowed her face into my neck, her sobs slowly subsiding.
“I’m sorry.” She hiccupped the words against my skin. “I hate ignoring you. I just didn’t know how I should act.”
Gently brushing the hair back from her eyes, I caught a stray tear with my thumb. “We’re both hurting. I see that now.”
I guided her face back into my neck so she couldn’t see me. “I came in here mad at you for ignoring me, but I’m not mad at you anymore.” I sighed. “Dad’s talk threw me and I was confused about what to do. He pointed out that not only are you my sister, but we’re both underage.”
I kissed the top of her head. “I never lied when I said you’d always be mine, Fallon,” I admitted. “Can we please be friends again? You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
Her grip around my waist tightened. “I want to go back to being friends. We can pretend everything else isn’t there, right?”
No! My breath was trapped in my lungs as I screamed inside my head. It took me a few minutes, but eventually I calmed enough to agree. “Yeah.”
She lifted her gaze and held mine; her eyes searched and probably found more than I wanted her to see. Inhaling deeply, I smiled. “We can do this, Fallon. We love each other, which means we can do anything to stay together. Whether we’re brother and sister, friends, much more. Anything.”
Fallon agreed and with what appeared to be reluctance, pulled away, rolling from the bed. “I’m going to wash up and then maybe we can meet up with Julia, Chase, and Leon.” She grinned. “Let’s show Mom and Dad we can hang out together as normal siblings.”
I laughed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I doubt normal siblings hang out.”
Fallon rolled her eyes when she came out of the bathroom, a small towel in her hands as she dried her cheeks.
Her beauty took my breath away, but I swallowed around it. “Friends.” I held my fist out, which she bumped with hers.
“Friends.”
Heading downstairs and entering the living room, we received a raised brow from Dad but he kept silent.
“We’re going to find our friends, and maybe head into town for ice cream.”
“Okay.” Dad smiled. For the first time in weeks, it was without suspicion clouding his face, which was good, but it made me angry.
Even though it was my own fault for making Dad suspicious, I’d been angry these past few weeks. At the end of the day, he was my dad and I needed his trust. I’d promised to love Fallon, but to only show it as a sibling love—not the love of a man who’d found his soul mate.
“Have fun,” Mom shouted from the kitchen. “In fact, why don’t you all come back here and Dad can grill burgers?”
Fallon grinned up at me before rushing to Mom. I glanced back at Dad and let my anger go when I saw his face filled with love for me.
“We’re good,” Dad commented, his attention returning to the game.
Shoving my hands into my pockets, I followed Fallon out the back door.
“Mom’s watching,” Fallon whispered. “But you know what? I don’t care. You’re my best friend and we’re doing what we’ve always done—hang out—until I listened to Mom and Dad.”
“We’re good, but let’s not push it,” I muttered.
A smile curved her lips as we disappeared through the back gate. “I messaged Julia,” Fallon said. “We’re meeting everyone at the diner.”
“That’s good.”
“Do you think Chase will like my new top?”
“I like your new top.” A pang of jealousy hit me in the gut. “Chase?”
Fallon paused and gave me a mischievous smirk. “Are you telling me you haven’t seen the way Chase looks at me?” She laughed. “He actually looks at you the same way, although I haven’t been able to pinpoint why.” Her long legs ate up the distance as she continued ahead of me, my frown going unnoticed by her.
“Chase stares at everyone,” I said, the frown refusing to move from my face.
Offering up a dirty laugh, Fallon turned and started walking backwards. “You don’t like the idea of Chase, huh?”
“Stop teasing me.” I pushed on ahead, smacking her on the bottom as I did. “I only have so much control, Fallon,” I admitted over my shoulder as I left her to follow.
5
Fallon
The sun shone brightly and reflected on the river, causing it to look so blue that I wanted to get lost in it. Anything would be better than spying on my brother and his friends. It didn’t help that my best friend, Julia, had a crush on Leon, but pretended she was crushing on Rogan to avoid embarrassment. Rogan, of course, knew Julia had a thing for Leon and was just using him as a cover, but he ignored her as often as he could. As for Leon, I wasn’t sure what was going on with him.
The whole outing to the river was my fault. I made the mistake of mentioning to Julia where Rogan and his friends had gone. It took all of thirty seconds for Julia to drag me outside and down the path at the back of the house.
Julia had us crouched low in the middle of the
tall grass so we couldn’t be seen, but we could certainly see the boys as they started taking off their clothes.
The minute I saw Chase go for his zipper, I slammed my eyes shut and dropped to my butt. No way was I about to see what Chase had in his pants.
“Fallon, stop sitting there and watch,” Julia hissed. “Oh my God! Oh my God!” she muttered, and started fanning her face with her fingers as though it would make a difference in this heat.
I was more interested than I cared to admit to Julia, except the boy I was curious about was still fully clothed. I got back on my knees and squinted through the grass just as Chase bent and removed his shorts, flashing us his firm butt. I closed mine again while a blush tinted my cheeks.
Julia panted beside me and grabbed hold of my arm. “Rogan is taking his off now.” Her hands tightened on my wrist and I opened my eyes and let them drift toward Rogan when Julia continued, “I think I’m about to hyperventilate.”
I didn’t get a glimpse of Rogan until he kicked off his shorts from his ankles, and then I really did snap my eyes closed.
“He’s really big,” Julia gasped, ogling him.
“I’ve just seen more of my brother than any sister should,” I grumbled, my heart quickened. “And it’s all your fault.” I didn’t add that I’d wanted to see Rogan naked for a while and that I’d wondered about his body.
“But what a sight.” Julia had a stupid smile on her face when I tugged her down with me.
“Stop looking,” I snapped, feeling angry that Julia was seeing Rogan naked. He was mine and no one else was supposed to look at him the way Julia did.
Julia giggled. “I want another look so I can dream.” She sighed softly.
“While you’re dreaming about Leon”—I put great emphasis on his name—“how am I going to look Rogan in the eye after what I just saw?” Julia stayed silent, so I added, “I’m not supposed to see his junk.”