Amish Widow's Secret

by Samantha Price

  "The Lord provides," said Maud listening into their conversation.

  "And what kind of work do you do, Cassandra?" Reuben asked.

  "I've come back from rumspringa only weeks ago and I was working part time as a waitress."

  "Did you enjoy that?"

  "Sometimes yes and sometimes no. At any rate, it helped pay the bills."

  "How long do you think you'll be staying here?"

  "A good few months I'd say."

  "Will you be looking for a job while you're here?"

  She opened her mouth to speak, but didn't know how to answer. She could probably have a part-time job or even a full-time job for a few months. That would give her something to do instead of hanging around the house. "I suppose I could. I haven't really thought things through."

  Reuben leaned in, and said quietly, "Shall we say around two o'clock tomorrow?"

  "That sounds good to me." Cassandra nodded.

  Uncle Max walked through the back door with his black dog. He ordered his dog to sit down on the mat at the door. His dog sat down and then got up again. "You get back there now." He groused at his dog and his dog looked up at him with big round eyes and slowly walked back to the mat and sat down. Max walked through to the kitchen.

  "Ah, we’re all here now," Max said.

  "Jah and we’ve been waiting on you. Go and get washed up and then I can serve dinner."

  "Very good."

  Cassandra smiled at that, the way her aunt was bossing her husband around. She looked over at Reuben and they exchanged smiles. It seemed he was amused by their conversation as well.

  Cassandra had been right; dinner was beef and cabbage casserole. And just like dinners at home, there were plenty of vegetables to accompany the meal along with fresh bread.

  Over dinner, Cassandra learned that Reuben’s parents died when he was a youngster and that was the main reason he moved around all the time. He had no proper home.

  Reuben heard about Cassandra's family and how she was the second-youngest girl in a large family of girls.

  After dinner, Cassandra was quick to offer help to clean the kitchen to impress Reuben. Maud said she could manage and for her to go and sit in the living room in front of the fire with the men. Cassandra had insisted on helping and while the men were in the living room, Cassandra and Maud busied themselves with the washing up.

  "He likes you, you know?"

  "Reuben does?"

  Maud nodded. "Jah, he does. He's a good boy. We’ve known him for some time. He always stays with us when he’s got work nearby.”

  “I'm sensing you want to warn me about him or tell me to stay away from him." Cassandra always thought the straightforward approach was the best.

  "I can see there’s something between the two of you. I have a knack with these things, and I think it would be best if you tell him early on the real reason you're here."

  "If I thought he and I would ever have a serious relationship, I'd tell him. Of course I would."

  "You're right. It makes no sense to be telling something like that right now."

  "Jah, that's right and this is supposed to be secret."

  "Secret from people back in your community. You will be going to the meetings here, won't you?"

  "I guess I will, but I'll just make myself some bigger dresses. Do you have a sewing machine?"

  "Jah I do. I'll help you when the time comes. We can cover you up with big dresses and no one will notice."

  "Denke, that's very kind. I don't think my dressmaking skills are too good; it's been awhile."

  They made hot tea and took it to the men.

  Again the conversation with Reuben by the fire was easy and flowed naturally.

  After a few hours talking, Reuben excused himself and retired to the grossdaddi haus. Cassandra considered she better do the right thing so she took the dishes and the teapot into the kitchen, telling Maud that she would do all the washing up.

  "I can't have you doing all that the first night you're here. What would your mother say?"

  "My mudder would say, ‘go to bed, Aunt Maud, it won't take long to wash these few things up.’”

  Maud laughed. "Nearly right, but your mudder would never call me Aunt Maud."

  "She calls you Aunt Maud all the time."

  Cassandra laughed as she carried the cups and teapot into the kitchen. As she washed the final few dishes, she heard the muffled voices of Maud and Max. She hoped that Reuben would stick around for many more months. As soon as she put the dishes away, she turned off the overhead gaslight and headed off to bed.

  Chapter 9

  Blessed is the man that endureth temptation:

  for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,

  which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

  James 1:12

  * * *

  The sun streaming through her window woke Cassandra bright and early the next morning.

  "Dratted sun, " she murmured, as she placed a pillow firmly over her face. It was no use; she was already awake and once she woke up that was it. She could never go back to sleep once she was awake.

  Her lips twitched at the corners when she remembered that today she would be spending time alone with Reuben. She could find out more about him and hopefully not tell him too much about herself.

  It was only Maud and Cassandra for breakfast as Uncle Max was already at work and Reuben only had dinner with them.

  Cassandra looked down at the scrambled eggs on her plate. “These look delicious denke. Denke for getting up so early and cooking."

  "I do it every day. It's not any more work to do it for two than it is to cook for one."

  "Do you cook when it's just you for breakfast?

  "I get up at five in the morning and get Max off to work. He said I don't need to, but I like to start the day with him." Maud smiled and Cassandra could tell she must still be so very much in love with Max to want to be around him so early in the morning.

  “Is there kaffe?” Cassandra asked.

  “Jah, I’ll pour you a cup.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  By the time she’d spoken, Maud was standing at the coffee pot pouring a cup.

  Cassandra said, “I like a cup of kaffe in the morning. Only one in the morning and the rest of the day I drink tea.”

  Maud looked across at her. “Should you be drinking kaffe?”

  “I think so. No one told me not to. I have had one visit to a doctor and that’s all. I suppose you have a midwife around here somewhere?”

  “I do. She’s a gut friend of mine. We can go to see her next week.”

  Cassandra nodded and took hold of the cup that Maud was passing to her. “Denke.” Cassandra brought the coffee to her lips and breathed in the smell before she took a sip. “Mmm, this is gut kaffe.”

  “It’s quite strong.”

  “That’s the way I like it.”

  "We’ll have to have that talk today. I'll feel better once I have a plan. And

  we can start now if you like. There’s no one about to hear us."

  Cassandra had a mouthful of eggs and all she could do was nod. When she'd swallowed, she said, “That would be good, denke."

  "Now, your mudder said in her letter that you’re looking for a familye to adopt your boppli, is that right?"

  "Jah. I would like to find a couple who would be very good at looking after a child. I can barely look after myself," Cassandra joked.

  "You wouldn't be the only person ever to bring up a child alone. You learn on the job. Have you considered keeping the child?"

  "I can't. What would people think?"

  "People think what they will think."

  "I know my parents don't want me to do that. They're worried about what people in the community would think and that's why I’m here. I can’t return with a baby, I just can't!"

  "I respect your parents very much, but this is your life, not theirs. You're the one who has to make the decision and once it’s made it can't be un
made. Once you give up rights to your child, you can't change your mind and take the child back."

  "Yes, I know that. And I can't see that me ever having a baby is the right thing for me. Maybe if Jake hadn’t died and hadn’t run out on me, we could've raised the baby together."

  "Jah, your mudder mentioned that in her letter. I'm sorry to hear what happened to Jake. We must be thankful he’d returned to the community before he died. He’s home with Gott."

  "We were living together and he chose to return to the community even though I didn't want to. I don't think he even told his parents or anyone that I was having a baby because no one said anything to me.” Tears came to her eyes. “He just walked out and left me.”

  Maud leaned over and patted her arm. “You have to think about yourself now. He’s gone and won’t be back.”

  “If his parents do know, maybe they don't want to know. I think the only thing for me is adoption."

  "It's a difficult decision and only you can make it. If you do want to keep the baby, you could always stay on here if you feel funny about returning to your parents’ community."

  Cassandra had never known such kindness. “That's so nice of you to offer that, but I've got no job and no way to support myself.” She took a deep breath, and leaned over and pushed her knife into the soft butter and placed lashings of butter onto the fresh bread.

  "Gott always provides. Sometimes all that is required of us is that we make the first step. Make a decision and take one small step forward, and then Gott will direct your next step."

  "Sounds so easy when you say it like that. I think the best thing for me is to find a couple for my boppli and Mamm said you could help me do that."

  "I’ll help you. I've done it before for a few girls just like you."

  "Including one of my sisters?"

  Maud stared at Cassandra, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

  "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that. I just got an idea that one of my sisters might have been in the same position as me many years ago."

  "That's not for you to ask or me to tell," Maud said shaking her head.

  “I would like to find a familye. How will you do that?”

  “I’ll ask around. I know a lot of people, and the midwife I told you about is in contact with an agency.”

  “An adoption agency?”

  “Jah.”

  “I never thought about that.”

  “These days it’s different from what it used to be. You can have no contact with your baby or you can arrange that you see your baby as he or she grows up.”

  “No contact would be best.” Cassandra put her hand around her coffee cup. “I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

  “There’s no hurry at the moment. You’ve got time to make up your mind.”

  Cassandra nodded. “When do we start?”

  “I’ll ring Jenny, she’s the midwife, and I’ll have her come ‘round and you can talk with her. That’d be the first thing to do.”

  “Okay denke.”

  Cassandra and Maud finished breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen.

  “What can I do around here today—this morning, since Reuben is showing me around this afternoon.”

  “I’ll show you around the house, the vegetable garden, and where we keep the chickens. Then we’ll get the sewing machine out and see if it’s in good working order since I haven’t used it for some time. Don’t worry, if it’s not working Max will be able to repair it. Max can fix anything.”

  “I’d like that.” Cassandra had been hoping that Maud would say there was nothing to do. All she wanted was go to her room and lie in bed until the time came when she could see Reuben.

  The morning dragged by, then Cassandra helped Maud make soup for lunch. Max came home for lunch, but there was no sign of Reuben. Cassandra desperately wanted to find out where Reuben went during the day because they had said he was helping build the barn, but he was nowhere near the barn.

  Chapter 10

  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil,

  as a roaring lion, walketh about,

  seeking whom he may devour:

  1 Peter 5:8

  * * *

  Reuben walked into the kitchen just as Max was going back out to work. Cassandra had just finished wiping the last dish.

  "Are you ready to go?" he asked Cassandra.

  Cassandra looked at him and then turned to Maud. "Is there anything else I can do for you before I go with Reuben?"

  "Nee. You go ahead.”

  “Before you head off, Reuben, would you like some soup?”

  "Nee, denke, Maud. I already grabbed something to eat in town."

  Cassandra walked to the back door with Reuben. He held the door open for her.

  "This way, " he said as he nodded toward his wagon.

  "Is that your work wagon?"

  He smiled. "Jah. I don't have a buggy, if that’s what you mean. This is what I use to get around.

  Cassandra nodded. He helped her up into the wagon. Cassandra was anxious to learn more about him, but she didn't want to sound like she was interrogating him. She had to try to find a way to weave all the questions into the conversation. He climbed up next to her, turned the wagon around and headed out to the road.

  "I thought you said at dinner last night that you were fixing the barn, but I didn't see you at the barn today."

  He turned to her. "Looking for me, were you?"

  She giggled. "Jah, I was looking for you. I didn't go to the barn, of course, but I looked out the window wondering where you were.” She was relaxed enough around him to know she could say anything and he would think it funny.

  He looked at her and arched an eyebrow with his lips turned slightly upward at the corners.

  Cassandra said, "You said you were working at the barn, and then you weren't working there, so I was just wondering; that's all."

  "Your ant and onkel bought a farm close by to help some people out. And they've leased it back to the owners. I'm helping the owners—the previous owners—fix the barn. And then I'm going to be helping them do a few small repairs to the house. They are an elderly couple."

  “Maud and Max bought their property to help them?”

  He nodded. “They won’t make a cent. It’ll most likely cost them, but they couldn’t see the Dawsons’ lose the haus where they’d raised their kinner. Their kinner weren’t in a position to help, but Maud and Max were.”

  “That was kind of them."

  "You don't know them very well, I’m guessing?"

  "Nee. I think they only visited once when I was a small child.”

  “What brings you here to see them, and to come here for such a long stay? Not that I'm complaining mind you. I’m glad you've come here. You're refreshing to have around.”

  Cassandra smiled. “I'm just back from rumspringa and I'm deciding what to do with my life."

  "Do you think you might not stay within the community?" He looked at her with concerned eyes.

  "Ach nee. I will definitely stay in the community.” She flashed him a big smile. At this stage, she was telling him anything she thought he wanted to hear. "Anyway, you can't talk. You travel all over the place and don’t stay put."

  "That's funny. Sometimes we want what we can't, or don’t, have. All I want to do is have a place to call home—to put down some roots.” He choked up.

  Cassandra put her hand on his without thinking. It wasn't because she liked him; she felt true compassion for his sadness. When he glanced down at her hand, she pulled it away, embarrassed.

  "I'm sorry.”

  He smiled. "Don't be."

  She cleared her throat. "Where are we going?"

  “I'll drive you around the shops where you might find a job. That’ll keep you here longer."

  “That’s your plan, is it?”

  He smiled. “It is.”

  “I’ve only worked in restaurants."

  "We have restaurants. The town’s not that small. I’ll drive past t
hem and you can see where they are."

  "That sounds good."

  After they drove past the shops and restaurants in the town, Reuben parked the wagon. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”

  “I’d like that. It’s a lovely day for one.”

  As Reuben tied the horse to the post, Cassandra thought about Jake towards the end of their relationship. Jake had drawn away from her and they weren't getting along at all. She didn't know whether it was her fault or his; all she knew was that she was mad at him for leaving her alone with the baby. After all, it was just as much his baby as it was hers. Jake leaving her so suddenly had made her vow that she would never marry, or trust another man.

  Reuben was confident, manly and independent. Cassandra knew in her heart that Reuben was a man who would never let her down. Surely he was a man who’d stand by his woman no matter what. Maybe she had been wrong to think all men would be the same as Jake.

  "Are you ready? Or are you waiting for me to help you down?" Reuben said standing near her.

  She smiled and put out her hand. He gave a low chuckle as he stepped forward and took her hand to help her down. Once she had her two feet on the ground, he held onto her hand a little too long before he let it go.

  "Let's go this way." He nodded his head in a northerly direction.

  As they walked side-by-side, she wondered if he’d ever had a girlfriend. She guessed he was in his mid-twenties so he must've had a girlfriend before now. Why was a man like him unmarried and free to travel around? He must have met a large number of women on his travels.

  “I've lived around here most of the time these last few years, and I guess, I feel at home in this community more than anywhere else."

  Cassandra appreciated him telling her things about himself. "How many people in the community here? I thought it was pretty small."

  "There are about fifty adults, not including the children." He laughed. "There are always plenty of children."

  Cassandra knew she wouldn't be one of those women to have a tribe of children. If she got married, she would probably get married late in life—considering this setback she was having. It would be hard for a man to understand the situation she was now in, but it wouldn't be long before Reuben found out the real reason she was here and how would he react?