by Lara Swann
“Yes, as I said, we’re well prepared for it. I’ve looked at what they’re putting forward so far and there’s nothing in their case to justify their insistence on sole custody, even if Stephanie does have the advantage of being the mother. That counts for far less now that you’re married and can also provide Emma with the female influence they tend to prefer. If we’re lucky, they might even see your wife as the more consistent female influence, since it could easily be assumed she’s been part of Emma’s life for far longer—”
“But she hasn’t.” I frown, growing more uncomfortable the more he talks about it. “That’s not true. Jessica hasn’t been a consistent part of Emma’s life.”
I don’t go quite as far as saying she’s not a part of Emma’s life at all - that feels somehow too unfair, with how often Jessica joins in games and activities with us and how good she is with Emma - but she’s not doing any of that as my wife or a female influence.
“Well, I’m not going to say that she has.” George says, shrugging. “But if they end up assuming that, I’m not going to stop them either.”
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that, but when he raises an eyebrow at me, I finally sigh and gesture for him to continue. I’m clearly not cut out for going to court - all the tactics of it just make me uncomfortable.
“So, as I was saying - about their case. From what I’ve seen, I almost think they’re going to try to go down the route of arguing that the original simple ‘agreement’ between the two of you was unfair and took advantage of her supposedly vulnerable state, but that’s a risky tactic. As I said, it’s easy to shoot yourself in the foot by being too antagonistic towards the other side.” He says, then starts flicking through the case file in front of him. “Whereas Emma being in your sole custody these last three years has given me plenty of evidence to support how well suited you are to caring for her, even aside from the fact she abandoned you both.”
He glances up at me with that, meeting my gaze as he continues. “I’m not going to mention that directly. It’s already obvious and implicit anyway, and I think it will be far more powerful if we leave them to have to defend it - which, from the several medical certificates of Stephanie’s change in mental capacity, I’m sure they’re going to.”
I nod slowly. That makes sense, even though I know I’d have a hard time not making a point of it if I was running this. Stephanie’s unpredictability - and yes, at times, selfishness - is one of the main reasons I’m concerned about her having custody of Emma.
“So you think we have a good chance? For Emma to stay with me?”
George hesitates, then nods. “Yes, I think so. If Emma were older, I think the courts might try to lean towards a joint custody agreement - they prefer that - but she’s too young for that kind of disruption. I’ve got several statements from child development experts to support that, too.”
I breathe out slowly, nodding. “Thank you.”
“That might be something they consider reviewing again when she’s older though, Nathan. I think they would be reluctant to insist on granting sole custody for life simply based on her age now. And they will insist on regular visitation, too.”
I grimace, but I have to admit I can understand that.
I hate the idea of a joint custody agreement taking Emma away from me half the time, but that’s probably more about me than Emma. If she was older and wanted to spend more time with her Mom, too? I’m not naive enough to think that it wouldn’t hurt for a while, or be difficult having to deal with Stephanie so much more, but I couldn’t exactly blame her for it.
So long as it’s not overtly detrimental to Emma - the way disrupting her life now would be - I think I can deal with however things work out. Stephanie is sticking to every time we arrange to see her, which is more than I thought she would at first. It still makes me uneasy that Emma is getting to know her and possibly getting attached when Stephanie might just disappear again, but if she sticks around for long enough…well, then maybe she should get a second chance.
“We’re already working out visitation with all of this in the background, I’m sure we’ll make it work afterward too.” I say, nodding. “Thank you, George. That’s…probably as good as a result as I could hope for.”
Of course, there’s still the not-so-small part of me that wishes Stephanie would just disappear and leave me to the life I’d finally started getting to grips with, with my daughter - but I know that’s just how I feel right now. Given the choice, I’d rather Emma not have to deal with having a Mom who abandoned her and all the questions that might come along with it.
“It’s looking promising for it. As I’ve said, I think we’ve got a good case here already - but there are a few other things I want to look at before the trial approaches.” George says, flicking to a new page in his notebook as he looks back up at me. “Do you know anything about Stephanie’s life at the moment? Where she’s living, how much of her time she spends in Manchester, that sort of thing?”
“Um…no, no I don’t.”
I’ve tried to avoid talking to Stephanie as much as I possibly can while still letting her have the chance to see Emma - and just that is enough to strain my tolerance for dealing with her, particularly with all this going on.
“Okay, don’t worry. I’ll try to find out myself, but do let me know if you talk about any of that with her.”
“Okay.” I say, frowning. “Why?”
“It’s just helpful to have a picture of what her life looks like and how she envisages this working. From what you’ve said, she likes to travel and she prefers bigger cities, but I would imagine - for the moment at least - that she’s living in Manchester and trying to create a base here. It’s what I would advise if I were her lawyer, since I doubt the courts would consider granting her custody and allowing her to move Emma out of the town she’s lived in all her life.” He shrugs. “I was just wondering how well she was sticking to living here.”
“You think they’d insist on that?” I ask, my heart suddenly in my throat. “That Emma continue to live in Manchester, regardless of the custody arrangement?”
Until now, I’ve not even let myself think about what might happen if I lose this case, but I can’t deny that would be my biggest fear - that Stephanie would move Emma away from me. I’d have to follow. I wouldn’t be able to live without seeing my daughter as regularly as I possibly can - but it would destroy my whole life if I did. My practice is here, everything I’ve ever worked for…
“Well, no…not exactly.” George says, frowning. “Generally, they try to be as least prescriptive as they can, so that the agreement can work through different changes in circumstances and couples don’t have to come back to court again. But if there’s evidence that she’d rather not live here, or hints that she’s spending the majority of her time elsewhere, then that may make the courts hesitate over giving her primary custody.”
“Oh. Okay.” I say, trying not to sound too disappointed.
I thought for a moment there…but no. I shake my head.
Losing isn’t an option. It just isn’t.
“As I say, I’ll see what I can find.” George says, and then starts to bring the meeting to a close.
I thank him again, still feeling half in a daze and trying to work through everything he said. I always find these conversations so difficult - they’re too fraught with emotion for me to absorb half of what George is trying to tell me, but at least I know I’m in good hands. The more George delves into this, the more confident I am in him.
It will be enough. It has to be enough.
I leave with the same determination and scarcely-controlled terror that I always do, and it’s not until I’m almost home that I realize that the main thing I’d been worried about shouldn’t be a problem at all. I let out a short, self-deprecating laugh. I swear this whole thing is going to drive me crazy.
Three weeks. Just three more weeks, and you’ll be done with it.
Chapter Fifteen
Jessica
A s the date of the custody trial gets closer, tensions start running high and I can feel Nathan growing increasingly on edge.
He sticks to the next couple of weeks of visitation with Stephanie - even taking Emma over to her place a couple of times - but then they seem to mutually decide to drop it until after the court case, probably so that they don’t start snapping at each other in front of Emma. Stephanie doesn’t show up unexpectedly again, and I only see her a couple times before the trial - something I’m grateful for, with the way she either ignores me completely or starts giving me odd, scrutinizing looks.
Nathan seems confident in George’s assessment that it doesn’t matter what she thinks of our relationship, but since then we’ve still started putting in a little more effort to keeping up the pretense anyway. We wear our wedding rings all the time now - except at work - and Nathan even had some of the pictures we took outside the courthouse printed. I’m not sure what he intends to do with them, since we don’t want to put them up around the house in case Emma starts asking questions, but I think he’s just looking for things he can do that feel like they might help. It’s obvious how much waiting impotently is starting to get to him.
We try to shield Emma from it as best we can, but she obviously senses something is up because she starts repeatedly asking Nathan if he’s okay, and what’s wrong. He tries to reassure her and keep things as normal as he can, but it breaks my heart a little to see the way he can’t stop himself from holding onto her more tightly than before, or how he’s finding new things for them to do together almost every day now.
I try to help as much as I can, but it’s galling how little there really is that I can do.
I take what I can off his plate at work and Aaron, Louise and I start covering some of his appointments so that he can dash off to meetings with George at any time he needs to, and also because - although I hate to say it - I’m not sure he’s in quite the right state to deal with some of our patients. He’s insistent that he wants the distraction, but I can see how much it’s stressing him to try to act normal and pleasant.
Eventually, after yet another patient asks whether everything is okay with Dr. Blake, I stop arguing about it and unequivocally tell him to go home.
“Okay, enough, Nathan.” I say, striding into his office with more confidence than I ever have before. I think stepping up to fill some of his role during this time has definitely helped with that; I finally feel like I’m starting to grow into my new partnership role. “You’re crawling up the walls here and it’s no good for anyone else either. As a partner in this practice, I’m sending you home.”
It’s pretty hard to pull rank on someone who’s technically your equal - if not superior - but hopefully Nathan isn’t thinking straight enough to notice that.
“What—” Nathan looks up at me, obviously taken aback. “But—”
“I mean it.” I say, leveling my gaze at him. “Go home. Spend some time with Emma - that’s all you really want to do at the moment anyway - and we’ll manage fine here for the next week.”
“I…” He frowns, and I can feel the hesitation in him. “I don’t want to feel like I need to do that, Jess—that I’m making the most of something that’s about to disappear. Nothing is going to change next week. It can’t. I’m going to win this thing.”
I let out a long breath as some of his defensiveness starts making sense, coming to sit in the chair opposite his desk as my voice softens.
“You don’t need to, Nathan - of course you’re going to win it - but you can still want to. This is a difficult time for both of you, of course spending time with Emma is going to make you feel better. You probably both need that.”
He hesitates again, but I can see how much he wants to written all over his face.
Finally, he sighs and looks around at the office. “I guess I’m not doing much good here, huh?”
I give him a small smile. “Well, I know you’re trying…”
He laughs, a tired sound that he tries to follow with a smirk in my direction. “I feel like I just got an unfavorable report card.”
I raise my eyebrows, trying to appear innocent. “Well, whatever works, Nathan.”
“Okay, you’re right.” He glances around again, grimacing slightly. “I should go home. I’m not in a fit state to see patients at the moment. Are you really sure you’re going to be okay here, though? I know this isn’t easy on you either.”
“We’ll be fine. Aaron and Louise are being very generous with their time at the moment.” I say, ignoring the knot in my stomach that twists as he draws attention to it. I’ve been trying very hard not to think about my own response to all of this - or how devastated I’ll be for both of them if the trial goes wrong next week - but that ever-present tension is still there in the back of my mind. It’s easier to ignore when I focus on what Nathan is going through and how I can support him with it - after all, he’s having a much worse time of it than me.
He nods. “I’ll make a note of that for after all this is over.”
“Good.” I say, standing. I really want to linger, to talk a bit more and just try to be there for him, but the compressed schedule we’re running on now means that I have an appointment in just a few minutes. I do stop to squeeze his arm though, offering him a smile as my voice softens. “I’ll see you at home later, okay?”
He just nods again, and I give an inward sigh as I turn to go.
“Jessica.” He stops me as I reach the door and I turn back to see a grateful look on his face. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” I say quietly, before turning and making my way to the next appointment. I’m starting to feel a little run ragged, but I know it’s nothing compared to what Nathan is facing right now.
I’m encouraged when I look out of the window of my office and see him actually getting in the car and driving away - and then I turn back to the rest of my day. It’s non-stop, and I end up staying late making calls and dealing with a whole host of admin that we really can’t put off any longer, when I get an out-of-State number come through on my personal phone.
I frown as I take the call.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is that Dr. Rivers speaking?”
“Jessica, yes.”
“Ah, perfect. I’m Martin, calling about the Healthcare in the Community Conference in June. I’m sorry to call you so late, Jessica - is this an okay time to talk?”
“Ah…yes.” I say, glancing at the stacks of unfinished paperwork in front of me with resignation. “Is there something wrong with the ticket I bought?”
“No, no, not at all. Actually, it was because you noted down in the information provided that you would be interested in presenting at one of our conferences sometime in the future.”
I blink, sitting up a little straighter.
They want to talk about that already? I didn’t know that anyone even read that stuff.
“Ah, yes.” I say, trying to get my thoughts in order. “There’s a few things we’re doing here at Blake’s Family Practice that I thought would be interesting to share discuss with the wider healthcare community. I was hoping to put something together and approach you about it for your conference next year.”
“That sounds great.” Martin says, with far more enthusiasm than I expected. “And I’m really glad to hear you already have an idea in mind as well, Jessica, because I’ll be honest with you - the reason I’m calling is that I wanted to ask if you’d be interested in taking a presentation slot in this years’ conference. We’ve had a couple of presenters drop out recently, and we’d hate to waste the space or limit what we have to offer our attendees if we don’t have to.”
“This year’s conference?!” I repeat, unable to conceal my shock. “That’s in two months!”
“A little over two months, yes.” Martin agrees. “I know the timing is tight, but I thought I’d ask in case you had anything prepared already. We’d be happy to cover the cost of your ticket and up to three guests you might want to bring, as well as
your travel out here—”
“Ah, wait—I’m sorry.” I interrupt, shaking my head even though he can’t see me. “I don’t have anything prepared. I’ve only just started thinking about the concept—”
“Oh.” He says, and I can hear the disappointment there. My heart feels like it’s beating rapidly in my chest all of a sudden, as some stupid part of me wonders whether I could prepare something in time - what he’s offering is a really good opportunity - and whether I’ve just thrown that away. He doesn’t drop it the way I expect him to, though. “And do you think this concept is something you could work up into a presentation over the next couple of months?”
“I, um…” I stall, surprised, as he asks the exact same thing I was just wondering.
“We completely understand that if you did, it might not be to the same standard as if you’d had a year to work on it, and we’d be willing to offer you another slot next year to showcase a more refined presentation.”
Damn. He’s really serious here. They must have a serious gap in their schedule or something.
I hesitate, the sudden excitement at the idea of it seemed very tempting for a moment…until I glance back at my desk and all the paperwork there.
Just what planet do you think you’re on right now, Jessica?
There’s no way I’m going to have time to put together a presentation - anything I could be remotely proud of - with everything else that’s going on at the moment. Sure, maybe in a week things will ease up, but there’s a terrified part of me that keeps insisting I don’t really know how that’s going to go, and if it goes badly…
“I’m sorry.” I say, and as my heart sinks I realize how much I mean it. “I’d love to, really, but I’ve only recently taken on a partnership position at my practice and there’s no way I have the time for that kind of commitment at the moment. I appreciate the offer, though - and I really would love to work out something for a presentation slot with you next year.”