The Ending I Want

by Samantha Towle

  Wow.

  I shudder as his tongue curls around mine. He tastes like mint and hot sex and everything Liam.

  His fingers skim down the back of my dress, cupping my ass through it. The un-tattooed ass cheek.

  I’m wearing the last nice dress I have that I brought with me. It’s white and strappy, fitted around the bust and floats off the hips, and it’s pretty. Liam told me to wear something pretty. So, pretty, I’m wearing.

  His lips slow, and his eyes focus on mine. I’m sure mine are filled with lust right now. Oodles of lust.

  “But my Boston tasting will have to wait, as we have to go.”

  “Oh, okay.” Can’t say I’m not a little disappointed, but I also know that Liam going down on me would, without a doubt, end up in sex. And I don’t want to get all messed up. I look pretty.

  “You got everything you need?” he asks, releasing me.

  I pat the clutch—holding my lipstick, cell, money, and key card—under my arm, which somehow managed to remain tucked there after his hot kiss. “Ready. So, where are we going?” I ask, taking his offered hand, letting the door close behind me.

  He gives me a secret smile. “You’ll see.”

  Liam and his secrets.

  Taylor and her secrets.

  Except Liam’s secrets always have me smiling.

  Mine…not so much.

  I’m surprised to see that Paul isn’t waiting for us, but instead, Liam’s Bugatti is parked in front of the hotel.

  The doorman tips his hat to me as we leave. I smile at him.

  We reach the car, and Liam gets my door for me. I manage to get inside without showing my panties, and he shuts the door with an expensive clunk.

  I put my seat belt on and watch him as he makes his way to the driver’s seat, loving the way he walks with such confidence and authority. Liam gets in and starts the engine. He puts on his seat belt and then pulls out into the evening traffic.

  Liam’s not talking. His fingers are tapping on the steering wheel along to the song playing on the stereo—Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson’s “Don’t You Wanna Stay.” But it’s not a happy tap, not that it’s an overly happy song, but…there just seems to be almost an edge to him that wasn’t there before. And it’s weird.

  I kind of want to ask him what’s up, but at the same time, I don’t as well.

  So, instead, I say, “I love this song.”

  He gives me a smile that doesn’t reach all the way to his eyes, and then he just turns the music up.

  Okay.

  His lack of response and action sets my good mood into unease, so I just stare out the window, looking for a sign of where we might be going, as I hum along with Jason and Kelly.

  I’m surprised when I see that we’re near where he lives.

  I’m even more surprised when he pulls into the underground parking garage at his apartment building.

  “Did you forget something at your place?” I ask him.

  With ease, he reverse-parks his car into his parking space, turns the engine off, and puts the emergency brake on. His eyes meet mine. “No. This is where we’re spending our evening.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  I’m not disappointed that we’re at Liam’s apartment. I love being at his place. I just thought we were going out somewhere, as he’d told me to dress up and he’s wearing a fancy suit.

  Liam gets out of the car. I climb out my side, and I meet him at the front of the car.

  He takes my hand in his and leads me to the elevator. Calling the elevator, the door opens. We walk in, and he punches in the code to his apartment. The door closes, and we ride up in silence.

  When we reach his apartment, he keys in the code and opens the door, letting us in. The lighting is low.

  He closes the door behind us. Then, he takes my hand again and leads me through the apartment, heading through the kitchen.

  He stops by the door to his roof terrace. He smiles at me and then pushes it open. “Your romantic movie moment, Boston.”

  I give him a curious look and then step through the door. The air is surprisingly warmer up here than it was downstairs.

  In all my time spent at Liam’s place, I’ve never been out here before.

  It’s gorgeous. There’s a seating area to the left of me. To my right is a table with two chairs, all set up with plates and silverware, and champagne is in a bucket standing by the table.

  And fairy lights are hanging everywhere—literally everywhere you could put them. They’re entwined along the railings that edge the whole area. They’re draped over the small shrubs and trees that sit in planters. They’re hanging from the trellis.

  They’re just everywhere, and it looks so pretty.

  Music is softly playing in the background. London is receding into dusk. The sky is a soft dusty pink.

  And I’m in heaven.

  I walk further out, looking around in awe. “This is amazing.” I turn to face him. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”

  Well, I can. Because he’s done so much already.

  His hands are in his pants pockets, his head slightly tilted to the side, his eyes watching me. “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you, Boston.”

  A smile touches my lips. “Like getting your ass tattooed?”

  A heartbreaking smile glides onto his mouth, and I have this feeling of fullness in my chest.

  “That would be at the top of the list,” he says.

  Liam walks toward me. My heart is dancing in my chest. My eyes follow him up until he reaches me.

  “Dance with me,” he says.

  “You dance, too?”

  “I do a lot of things, Boston. You just have to let me show you.”

  I wish I had the time to let you show me everything.

  Liam takes ahold of my hand, bringing it up with his, and his other hand goes around my waist. He starts moving me with him in time to the music.

  The song playing in the background is the Daniel Bedingfield’s “If You’re Not the One.” It was playing when I stepped through the door.

  Has it come on again?

  “You’re a Daniel Bedingfield fan?” I tease, looking up at him.

  “So many things you don’t know about me, Boston.” He shakes his head. Then, a teasing smile slides onto his lips. “Actually, no. But I don’t mind this song. It’s the only one of his I know.” He chuckles.

  “Me, too.” I giggle. “But it is a beautiful song.”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  “So smooth,” I tease.

  “I do try.”

  A moment later, he starts softly singing along to the words.

  “This another one of your smooth moves, Hunter? I thought you only pulled out the serenading to girls who’ve dumped you?” I bite down on the smile pushing up my lips.

  “Oh, I totally sing to girls whose knickers I want to get into as well,” he deadpans.

  “Well, you don’t have to sing to me to get into my knickers.” I aim for an English accent on the word knickers. It doesn’t come off so well.

  But it makes Liam laugh.

  “Hunter, when will you learn? I’m always a sure thing when it comes to you.”

  He stops dancing, letting go of my hand. “Well, seeing as though you’re a sure thing, guess I didn’t need to buy you this then.” He puts his hand inside his jacket and pulls out something from his inside pocket.

  A jewelry box. One that’s exactly the size of a ring box.

  Oh, fuck.

  My heart stops in my chest.

  “Don’t worry; it’s not a ring.”

  My heart restarts.

  I stare up into his eyes. My lip lifts at the corner, and I bite down on it. “Was I that obvious?”

  “You had the fear of God in your eyes.” He laughs softly.

  Not because I wouldn’t marry you, Hunter. I swear, if I could, I would marry you a hundred times over.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” He smiles. “But do open the box.”<
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  I take it from his hand. I pop open the lid, and inside is a pair of silver earrings. They’re little jet planes. Blue, yellow, and pink make up the colors on the plane.

  My heart feels like it’s bursting. My eyes fill with tears. I bite my lip to stop them from coming.

  “I know you’re not the biggest fan of planes. But I just saw them, and I don’t know…I saw them and saw you.”

  “I love them.” I blink up at him.

  “You do?”

  “I really do.”

  And I love you.

  I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him firmly on the lips. “Thank you, Hunter,” I whisper, lowering back down to my feet. “I want to put them in now.”

  “Will that be okay after just having your ears pierced?”

  When Den pierced my ears, he said I was to keep earrings in permanently for four to six weeks. He didn’t say anything about not changing those earrings.

  “So long as I put them in straightaway, it’ll be fine. It’s only the holes healing up that I need to worry about.”

  I hand Liam the earring box and start removing the earrings that I’m wearing, the ones put in when I had them pierced.

  It hurts a little, but I brave it.

  I have a brain tumor. I can take a little ear pain.

  I remove the airplane earrings out of the box and drop the old ones inside.

  Liam snaps the box shut and places it on a nearby table.

  I fix the last earring in. “How do they look?” I hold my hair back, showing him my ears.

  “Perfect.”

  “If You’re Not the One” comes to an end, and then it starts playing again.

  Liam glances back at his iPod system. “What the fuck?” he mutters.

  “You got this song on repeat?” I giggle. Guess I was right before when I thought it had played again.

  “I didn’t think so, but apparently, I have. I’ll go change it.”

  “No, leave it playing. I like it.”

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I feel a big raindrop hit the top of my head. Then, I see one splash on Liam’s forehead.

  His eyes go up to the sky. “For fuck’s sake.” He heaves out a sigh.

  Another raindrop hits my nose, and then the heavens open, and rain comes pouring down on us.

  I start laughing.

  Liam looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Then, he starts laughing, too.

  “Come on, let’s go inside.”

  “No.” I stop him with my hand. “Dance in the rain.” I smile. “It’s on my list.”

  Aside from get totally wasted until I vomit and pass out, dance in the rain is the last thing left on my list.

  Getting drunk can be done at home. I probably should hold on to that one for when I leave Liam. I’m sure I’ll want to get hammered to numb the pain of no longer having him.

  Dancing with Liam in the rain is the last thing I have left to do with him.

  My smile fades, but I still say, “Dance with me in the rain, Liam Hunter.”

  Rain is trickling from his hair, down his face, catching in his long lashes, dripping off his nose. And he’s never looked more beautiful to me than he does right now.

  He clears the rain from his face with his hand, and he takes me in his arms again, moving us to the music.

  Our clothes are soaked, rain is splashing up my bare legs, my shoes are soggy, my hair is drenched, my mascara is probably running down my face, and I don’t care.

  Because I want this moment with him.

  The last list moment.

  Liam’s eyes look into mine. There’s a raindrop running down his nose. I catch it with my finger. He smiles.

  “I totally planned for it to rain,” he tells me. “I remembered that dance in the rain was on your list, and I thought, Well, what’s more romantic in a romantic movie moment than dancing in the rain?”

  Soft laughter escapes me. “You control the weather now as well, Hunter?”

  “Boston,” he deadpans, staring me in the eyes, but I see the twinkle in them, “I control everything. When will you realize this?”

  I laugh again, shaking my head at him.

  Then, I lay my cheek against his wet jacket. The rain has slowed, but it’s still coming down around us.

  “So…Taylor?”

  I lift my head when he says my name. He rarely says it when he’s not inside me, so I know what he’s about to say is important.

  I catch sight of his throat working on a swallow. It makes me nervous for some reason.

  “I have something I want to ask you.” He’s nervous. It’s there in the tone of his voice, in his eyes, and in the way he bites his upper lip.

  My heart starts to beat faster, but my feet slow to a stop. “Okay. What is it?”

  Liam starts moving us again, like he refuses to stop dancing. I go with him, but my feet feel like lead.

  “Well…” He exhales softly. “I guess…well, what I want to ask is…”

  He’s faltering, and I’ve never seen Liam falter before. He’s Mr. Confident. He exudes it in the way he moves, talks, breathes. But, right now, he’s Mr. Nervous As Hell, and it’s making me more nervous by the second, turning my stomach over.

  Liam stops dancing, and he stares down into my eyes. “Taylor…” He blows out a breath. “Well…this is the part in the movie when the guy asks the girl to stay with him.”

  “Stay?” My voice cracks on the word.

  “Yeah.” He takes his hands off my body and puts them around my face. “I want you to stay here with me in London—permanently. I want this…I want you. I want to keep adding to your list. I want to fill it with new things for us to do together. I want to keep having this adventure with you, babe. The thought of you leaving and me never seeing you again…it’s inconceivable to me. I want you, Taylor. Forever.”

  He wants me. Forever.

  You know that moment in life when you’re faced with a decision, that crucial moment, that will change everything based on the choice you make?

  There’s where I should find myself right now.

  But I’m not there.

  Because I don’t have a choice.

  I never have.

  There has only ever been one option for me.

  I step out of his hold. His hands fall from my face to his sides.

  “I’m sorry. I…I can’t stay with you.” I’m backing up, away from him, heading for the door.

  The look on his face should stop me in my tracks. But it doesn’t.

  That look on his face is one of the reasons that I have to go.

  Stay, my heart whispers.

  I can’t. I have to leave.

  Somehow, I reach the door. I turn for it.

  “Don’t go.” Those softly spoken words hit me with the force of a harsh blow.

  If I turn and look at him, this will all be over. My heart will make me stay.

  I can’t stay.

  I’m past options now.

  Because, if I do stay, I will die here. And he will have to see that.

  I’ll hurt him.

  I’ll be just as bad as his mother and Kate. No, I’ll be worse. Because I’ve known all along that I’m dying, and I chose not to tell him.

  “Taylor,” he says my name, closer this time.

  I place my heart into a steel box, and I force myself to turn to him, but I don’t look at his face.

  “What’s…happening right now?” The words are soft and etched with pain.

  That pain hits me hard.

  “Two weeks,” I whisper, my eyes on the ground, watching the raindrops splashing as they hit the ground. “Two weeks, and that was supposed to be it.”

  “I changed my mind.” His voice is deep, sure. “I fell in love with you, and I changed my mind.”

  My eyes snap up to his face.

  He’s in love with me.

  I’ve never felt such a sensation as the one I’m feeling right now. It’s like being hugged and slapped across the face at the same time.

&nbs
p; “No.” I shake my head, glancing at him, still unable to meet his eyes, my fingers curling around the door handle. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love.”

  Anger and pain pull his brows in. “Well, I did. And I think you love me, too.”

  He takes another step toward me.

  I grip the handle tighter.

  I’m still shaking my head. I’m not sure at what anymore, but I can’t seem to stop.

  “I know you love me, Taylor. I see it in your eyes when you look at me. In your voice when you talk to me. In your laughter…” He takes another step closer, his voice lowering. “In your body every time I slide inside you.”

  My body shivers. My head has stopped moving. I wrap my arm over my stomach. I can’t even feel the damp and cold on me anymore. All I can feel is him and his words.

  “No,” I whisper, my eyes fixed on his chest that’s getting closer by the second.

  “Tell me I’m wrong,” he says like he didn’t hear my word. “Tell me that you don’t feel the same as I do, and I’ll let you walk out that door. I won’t try to stop you.” Another step. “But I know I’m not wrong, Taylor. I just can’t understand why you won’t admit it.”

  Because I’m dying.

  Because I don’t deserve you.

  Because I owe my family…

  I might love Liam.

  But I love my family more.

  “I love you,” he whispers. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Taylor.”

  I close my eyes against the onslaught of pain.

  I love you, too, Liam. So much.

  But it’s not enough.

  Then, I shut everything down inside me, putting up steel walls and concealing the truth behind them, because it’s all I can do. I pull in a breath and force my eyes up to his, staring straight into them.

  “You’re wrong.” I keep my voice even. “I’m not in love with you. I’m sorry.” And I am sorry. So very sorry.

  The look on his face…I can put as many steel walls around me as I want, but the look on his face and the pain in his eyes right now…breaks through every single one of those walls, tearing them and me apart.

  And that’s why I can’t stay a moment longer.

  I turn my eyes from him, yank open the door, and run.

  I run through his apartment and out the front door, and I don’t look back.