Scottlander

by Samantha Liddell

  Scott also decided to be daring, and matching: he bought a red tartan shirt and a pair of jeans. We laughed at the vision of ourselves in the mirror. In hindsight, we probably looked better staying in our uniforms, but hey, we were in a daring mood and we were full of confidence after winning the fudge contest.

  As we went up to the counter to pay, we noticed a special they had on. If you spend over £50.00, you get a green tartan beanie for half price and a second one free.

  “Perfect! We will take them,” Scott said. We left the shop wearing our matching beanies and carrying our shopping bags.

  We finally arrived at the pub, we were the last to do so after our little detour to Whistles. The pub was packed; we couldn’t see any of our new best friends. Yes, that’s right; I’m calling them our new best friends now. I’ve gone up in the world! I spotted Tammy first, she was standing up and stood out like an elegant giraffe in the crowd.

  “Who is the giraffe in heals?” Scott asked.

  I laughed but also gave him a nudge in the ribs as if to say, ‘Behave ya self, would you?’

  ‘Damn, why can’t I be that tall?’ I thought.

  We made our way over to the VIP section that had been taped off and was guarded by bouncers. I lead the way, Scott followed. I pushed past a bouncer and went to go under the barrier, forgetting I was not famous until I felt a hand on my arm and a deep, scary voice saying to me, “And where do you think you are going lassie? You are not a VIP.”

  I turned around to tell him, “Well, actually, I am a VIP because I won the Fudge Challenge,” but realised I was talking to the guy’s stomach, as he was so tall.

  “Sorry lady, you can’t go in there.”

  “Excuse me,” I said. “I most certainly can and I most certainly will,” and made my second attempt to clear the barrier. Scott tried to reason with the bouncer,

  “Actually,” he said as he looked at the guy’s security ID card on his chest, “Chris 342, we are friends with the cast. They invited us here for some drinks and we are late, so please move aside and let us in.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before, that’s what they all say. Tell me this then, why would they be friends with people that are wearing matching tartan?” He then had a little laugh to himself.

  “Because we are cool and it’s called fashion, you need to get with the times,” Scott said, not as politely as he had started off the conversation.

  Chris 342 started to call for backup on his radio, they were about to kick us out. ‘As if!’ I thought, ‘I didn’t get this far only to miss out on my victory drinks with all these famous people,’ so I said, “Quick Scott, put me up on ya shoulders.”

  Scott heaved me up, “Gee, somebody ate their fair share of fudge today!”

  Once up on his shoulders, I started calling out, “Hello! Hello! We’re over here!” But nobody seemed to hear me or take any notice.

  Scott said, “Maybe try Highlander, Highlander, Highlander.” I kicked him in the ribs; smart ass, like they would come to that, but before I knew it, it was coming out of my mouth, “Highlander! Highlander! Highlander, over here!”

  At that very moment Alistair turned around and saw an image of two strange tartan-wearing people stacked on top of each other, and about to tackled by two bouncers. I yelled to Scott, “Oh my God! Move to the left, bouncer alert! We are going down!”

  Just as the new bouncer was about to lash out at us, Alistair’s strong arm shot out as if it was a barrier, and stopped the bouncers in their tracks.

  “These two fantastic tartan specimens are with me. Let them pass please.”

  I was still on Scott’s shoulders for some reason as we passed the bouncers and followed Alistair. I was face level with the first bouncer now as we passed them and couldn’t help myself as I said, “Take that! The tartans are in.”

  Scott finally put me down and we fell on to our chairs like we had just won the Battle of Culloden. Alistair said, “What was up with the Highlander yelling?”

  Scott answered, “Oh, it’s our code word for when we are in trouble, first time it has actually worked though.”

  Realising it had in fact worked this time, Scott and I ‘high-fived’ each other and said, “Boom.”

  The other cast and crew present had watched that whole entrance, and were still in hysterics.

  “You thought that was an entrance, that’s nothing. Letticia is the queen of entrances,” Scott said to everyone. I gave a little shy giggle and said, “Am not.”

  It was nice in the VIP area. It was off to one side, and blocked with a few pillars and a barrier to stop mere mortals getting in. It was quieter too, you could actually have a conversation and hear each other.

  Then, before my very eyes, somehow like magic, a glass of Pimm’s and a glass of whiskey appeared in front of Scott and I. “Jesus H. Christ, how did they know what we drink?” I asked a bit too loudly.

  “I’m Scottish, we know everything when it comes to drinking?” Alistair announced, and gave me a wink.

  “Ohhhhh, very funny,” I said, then asked Scott. “Did you tell him?”

  “Aye, he asked back on set what victory drinks would we like, so I told him.”

  Just at that very moment, I heard Alistair getting everyone’s attention by banging a spoon against his glass.

  “I would like to give a toast to the 2018 Fudge Winner of the Year, Miss Letticia Little! It was tough and it was close, but the best fudge maker won on the day!”

  There were about twenty other cast and crew around the table. I noticed all the main characters or should I say ‘actors’ were present. Alistair continued, “I would also like to welcome Letticia and Scott to the family. You have kept our bellies full and warm with an endless supply of food and coffee this past week, and it’s been great to finally have some real caterers on board with a bit of life in them.” He then lifted his glass and said, “Cheers to our new tartan friends!” We all followed suit, raising our glasses high in the air. Alistair moved his chair closer to Scott’s and mine as if he had a top secret to tell us. Well, it turned out he had just that: he was holding gold in his hands. Well, not gold as such, but more like four tickets to the 'Glasgow Music Festival' at Hampden Park in Glasgow, to me that was gold.

  He said, “Here is the real prize for the fudge winner, four tickets to see my good mate Bernard Jack. I have four backstage passes. They were actually given to me, but I’ll be out of the country that night doing a promotional gig I can’t get out of. So, take them, they are yours.” Bernard Jack was a huge Scottish Rock Star. He had songs topping the charts all over the world.

  “AHHHHHH no way! Jesus H. Christ!” I yelled. It had become a bit of a habit saying that now, even some of my new actor friends around the table turned and looked at me and gave a little giggle.

  “Sorry, what I meant to say is, wow. Yes, a million yesses, we would love to go. One question, however, when you say backstage pass, does that mean we get to meet Bernard Jack himself?” I asked, holding my breath.

  “Aye, I will have to pull some strings first though.”

  “Well, pull away my good man, I don’t know about Scott, but I’m a total Bernard fan. This is great!”

  “Aye, I’m a Bernard lover as much as the next person,” Scott announced and raised his glass.

  As the night drew to an end, Scott and I shared an Uber back to Old

  Bark Cottage. As much as I wanted to invite him in, it just didn’t feel like the right thing to do just yet with the girls and all, plus this trip was about me, I reminded myself. I was keeping things simple in my life from now on I had decided. So, we ended the night with a goodnight kiss instead of bolting the door.

  I walked down my overthinking path towards the house, contemplating if today had actually happened. Did I really win the fudge challenge? Did I really go out for drinks with the cast and crew? Did we just get four backstage passes to the 'Glasgow Music Festival' where I might get to meet the one and only Bernard Jack? Had Scott and I really dressed in matching
tartan? Am I going to wake up soon and find myself back in my living room in Australia, watching Paul eating spicy tomato chips out of the packet and dropping crumbs all over the floor?

  Well, I didn’t totally understand what was happening in my life at the moment, all I knew was that I had to get off this thinking path, and inside and off to bed. One other thought popped in to my head before I exited from the path though. I decided I needed to find another way to get inside my house to avoid walking down this overthinking path, I wasn’t too sure if it was doing me any good. ‘Maybe I need to get myself a hover board instead,’ I jokingly thought to myself. ‘That way I can avoid walking this path and hover down it. Oh no, losing focus again Letticia.’

  The next morning, I told Sophie she had a backstage ticket to see the one and only Bernard Jack and asked would she like to bring James along.

  “Oh Bernard, he’s totally alright,” she said. “Yeah of course, we would love to come.”

  I decided to ask Mrs. Wilson if she would mind babysitting the night of the concert. The girls and Mrs. Wilson had grown very close over the last month, and we had come to an arrangement that we could stay at Old Bark Cottage for as long as we liked, and I would just pay her weekly.

  Over the next few months we started to get into a better routine. Work was still going great, I worked four days a week: two on set and two at the ‘Scottlander’ kitchen. Dougal and I would work on set together sometimes to give Scott a break. He had been working long days and the strain was starting to show, so I told him he needed to slow down a bit before he wipes himself out with exhaustion, and to my surprise he actually listened. He cut back to four days, and the days off we had together we would occasionally spend with each other and the kids. The kids now call him Scott instead of the aeroplane man, they were a bit confused for a while when he first started spending time with us all and often asked why the aeroplane man was here, but now they were happy to spend time with him. I hope it’s him they like and not just the sweets he always brings around.

  The other day he had brought a cake, two takeaway coffees and two hot chocolates. We’d stayed in that night as there was a snow storm outside. We all sat by the fire, watched a movie and ate cake and drank our hot drinks. The cake left a lot of crumbs on the floor and before they could even start to annoy me, Scott was sweeping them up. Shock! Horror! I couldn’t believe he did that all by himself and didn’t make his woman do it, like in my life back in Australia. I would’ve been the one sweeping them up.

  Those chapters of my life were read I had decided, and I won’t be re-writing them. As Scott cleaned up however, it did make me think about Paul. I wondered how his life was going and if he had used his six-month free pass. The thought of him using it at the start of our time in Scotland would have made me feel a bit sad and angry, but now I didn’t really feel anything. It was strange, the feelings I used to have that involved Paul would weigh me down and put me in a negative state of mind. But now I felt empty, I did not feel sad, nor did I feel happy when I thought about him. I still had no idea what would happen upon our return to Australia in a few months, but what I did know was, where I am at the present, physically and emotionally, is where I’m the happiest, so I decided to leave it at that.

  Sophie and James were still in their honeymoon stage, where they couldn’t get enough of each other. When they were both working, they would plan play dates with the children, I called it Sophjam’s Play Dates, and when they were not on the nanny clock, they would be off together exploring Edinburgh.

  Scott and I had also now become very good friends with Alistair and Tammy, in fact their numbers are in my phone now. We would often catch up after work and have drinks. They even came around for Scott’s birthday. I cooked a roast and we had Mrs. Wilson, Sophie and James here also. It was the first time both Alistair and Tammy brought their real-life partners. Meeting them at first was strange, and I didn’t warm to them as I felt it was wrong. Alistair and Tammy are meant to be together, how dare they bring around different lovers. I was apparently a tad rude to them at the beginning, so Scott had taken me aside, to the bathroom. There was not much room in our downstairs accommodation to have a private conversation, not with all those people piled in to celebrate his birthday, so the bathroom was the only place for Scott to talk some sense into me.

  He told me, “Letticia pull yourself together, you are the host but you are being an outright rude cow to our new friends.”

  “Friends! They are not friends, they are traitors. They are redcoats to me, they are our enemies,” I said.

  “Good God Letticia! You are living in a fictional world with fictional characters from two different programs. How many Pimm’s have you had?”

  “Only one.” I said rudely. ‘And by the way, it’s a great world to be in sometimes. It’s a world I can escape to when need be.

  “Well, in that case, what is your excuse in behaving and treating Josh and Holly so badly?”

  “Why?” I replied. “Why? I can’t believe you are even asking me that. Is it not obvious why? Alistair and Tammy are meant to be together; they are so good together. Don’t you remember what he said to her when they were out exploring the Scottish Highlands on horseback? ‘Leuruna, I want you so badly that my body aches for you, day and night.’ Is that not in itself clear as day that they are in love and should be together?”

  Scott started laughing uncontrollably. “Wow Letticia, you really had me going for a bit. I actually thought you were serious!” He continued to laugh until he realised I was just looking at him and not laughing one bit.

  “Oh, dear God. You are serious. Letticia, that is Alistair and Tammy in your sitting room, not Ewan and Leuruna. Same goes for the actors of Jamie and Claire, they are just acting, you know, playing the role,” he said in a slow drawn out tone.

  He started to show some concern for my state of mind, until I said, “Jesus H. Christ Scott, of course I know that. All I’m saying is why the hell can’t they be a couple in real-life? They are such a great couple on screen, don’t they want to have that in their real lives too, with each other?”

  “Well yes, but I’m sure they have that with their own partners that they have both chosen for themselves off screen.”

  “Well, that’s just ridiculous, they are missing out on the real deal. But fine, I can see your point, even if I don’t wish to agree,” I said.

  Scott then said we needed to go back out and save our guests from Mrs. Wilson retelling her story about how her cat ended up with one ear; and no, it wasn’t nailed to the pillory.

  As we walked out, the kids were playing in their bedroom with their new Lego, and the adults were all sitting back relaxing, having a drink next to the fire. Holly and Josh looked a bit out of place still, I thought, but Scott was right, I needed to be kind and make an effort. Scott made me explain the whole situation, even though I had tried to talk him out of it. He said, “If you don’t, I will. The damage is done; they are wondering why you have been so cold to them.”

  So, I had to stand there, in front of them all and say, “Sorry for my coldness before, but seeing you both with your partners struck a chord with me, and it was hard to handle at first. You know me, being the world’s biggest Scottish TV series fan and all, but Scott knocked some sense in to me and said, ‘We have our new friends over for dinner, we don’t have Ewan and Leuruna over for dinner.’ So, I’m now back in reality and would love to welcome you all, Alistair, Tammy, Holly and you Josh, to celebrate Scott’s birthday with us.”

  I was so embarrassed that Scott had made me confess, but when everyone in the room started to laugh, I joined in and after that the evening was loads of fun. We ate and drank well into the night and believe it or not, I started to like Holly and Josh. Scott still had a massive man crush on Alistair, and he was not even ashamed to admit it. He has even started training with him, and goes to the gym and runs with him. I must say, all the training has made Scott that extra bit more attractive, if that’s even possible. I have noticed the muscl
es around his body are getting even more defined, and hard not to touch.

  We are careful around the kids and no touching each other is a rule. It’s hard to stick to sometimes, so if we ever find a moment to touch without being arrested by two young ladies, we do it. I decided that both Mummy and Daddy need to be there when we tell them what is going on. It would be better coming from both of us if we decide after six months that there is no going back to our marriage. Scott is fully aware of the situation and we both agreed to just have fun with the time we have together and then we will see what the next chapter holds.

  Chapter Eight

  Glasgow Music Festival, Here We Come!

  It was Bernard Jack day today! Scott and I took the day off work, there was no filming to be done anyway, so the team are just in the kitchen doing prep work. Scott left Dougal in charge so they will be having a fun day, no doubt with the music up, jokes being told and food fights being had. No, there won’t be food fights, that was just in my imagination.

  When I thought about it, I could just imagine Bonnie’s beautifully made up face being covered in meatball sauce thrown by Dougal, and the baby of the group, wee Duncan, throwing spaghetti at Campbell who blocks it with his trusty recipe book that he carries everywhere.

  Okay, that’s enough of that fantasy about a magnificent, glorious food fight. Come to think of it, I have never been in a food fight. It’s something I think I would rather enjoy though.

  Anyway, focus Letticia! It is Bernard Jack day and there is a real possibility I may just get to meet him backstage. Scott, James, Sophie and I had all decided to get a motel room in Glasgow for the night. We drove down early in the day to make the most of it. Mrs. Wilson was more than happy to look after Leah and Polly, and they were both more than happy to stay with her as they know how much she spoils them with sweets and toys. So, saying goodbye for the day and night went very smoothly.