Scottlander

by Samantha Liddell

  “Right, all aboard the Robin mobile!” Scott announced. He had decided to take the van down for marketing purposes as he had his

  ‘Scottlander’s Catering’ logo all over it, along with his phone number. Always has business on his mind, he does.

  We were just fifteen minutes into the hour or so long journey, when my phone rang. I saw Alistair’s name come up on the screen so pressed speaker. The first thing we heard after I said ‘Hi mate,” in my so very Aussie accent, was, “Aye, I have some good news,” in his very Scottish accent. “I pulled some strings and you can go backstage and meet Bernard himself,”

  The next thing he would have heard was screams down the phone, well, screams from me and Sophie anyway. Scott and James played the ‘keep it cool,’ guy game. They played it well too, they just continued sitting there with unchanged emotions on their faces after hearing this wonderful news.

  I said, “Oh my God. That is amazing!”

  Sophie added, “Yeah, we owe you one!” “No worries guys,” he replied. “Have a blast and take some pics. Holly is pretty bummed, she wanted to go but has to come with me.

  So, make sure you let ya hair down and have fun!”

  “You can count on that!” we both said at the same time. I put the phone down and Sophie and I did a little school girl scream.

  We were now half-way to Glasgow. Sophie needed to go to the toilet, so we pulled over at a service station. She jumped out and ran to the toilet. I followed her, not that I was busting but thought I should go just in case. The boys stayed in the car.

  “You have five minutes, then James and I are leaving with or without you,” Scott warned. He gave me a wink so I gathered he was joking. It’s hard to know though after being with Paul for so many years, and that’s just what he would have done; he would’ve driven off and left me there if I took more than five minutes.

  I’m pretty sure Scott was joking, so I decided to test him and make Sophie wait with me inside the station for six minutes. After we had used the rest rooms, we still had four minutes to go, so we wandered around the shop. Then something caught my eye, it was the red hair that got my attention first, then my eyes moved down to the kilt and boots. Sophie’s back was turned and she was looking through a magazine, flipping pages even though there was a sign that said, ‘No browsing magazines.’ I couldn’t speak with excitement, so I hit her instead to get her attention.

  “Ouch!” she said. “What did you do that for?”

  She saw me staring in the opposite direction and followed my gaze, and there she saw what I was looking at and what I was now laughing at. It was a life-size ‘Jamie’ cardboard cut-out; he was placed by the door next to a sign that said:

  ALWAYS BE YOURSELF UNLESS YOU CAN BE JAMIE, THEN ALWAYS BE A JAMIE.

  The cardboard cut-out was promoting the seasons one, two and three DVDs that they had for sale instore.

  “Oh my God Sophie! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “I think I am,” she said quickly.

  “Well,” I said quickly back. “Let’s do this!”

  We were pumped and ready to make our escape with Jamie under our arm, but we still had two minutes to fill in until our six minutes were up, I had to test Scott remember, so we had to control ourselves and stay calm and not draw attention to ourselves.

  Once those two minutes were up, we went for it. The next thing I knew, Sophie and I were running out of the service station holding Jamie, Sophie had also grabbed the sign and had it under her arm.

  That wasn’t part of the plan but Sophie couldn’t help herself.

  We made our way towards our getaway vehicle, only to realise that we had no getaway vehicle. Scott was true to his word; I couldn’t believe that he would just leave me. He was just like Paul, no different, how could I not have seen that? I thought he was different, but no, he was just like all the other guys.

  So, here I was with Sophie, standing in the middle of the service station car park holding our Jamie with nowhere to go. ‘Damn it, what do we do?’ I thought. Then I see the ‘Scottlander’ van, Scott had parked it behind a big truck, trying to hide and make us think he really had driven off. Oh, my Scott! I knew he was different. I knew he was not the same as all the other guys.

  “Over there Sophie! Quick, run!” I said. As we ran towards the van we were filled with adrenalin. I yelled, “Oh my God! We just took Jamie! Oh my God, we are so bad ass, ahhhhhhhh!”

  We got to the van and realised we had made it out alive with Jamie in hand. Then Sophie and I looked at each other and as we saw the look on each other’s faces we knew that we were both thinking the same thing. We are not so bad ass after all, even if we try, we need to return him, but not until we have some fun with him.

  When Scott and James saw ‘who’ we had, I said, “Don’t worry, he’s going back.”

  Before we returned him though, we took some pics as we put him in different positions. Scott and James stood on each side of him with their arms around his shoulders, Sophie and I pretended to look up his kilt with the sign placed next to us and we asked a person walking by if they could take a photo of us. They were a bit shocked and didn’t get why we would be doing such a thing.

  After the photo shoot was completed, I said to Scott, “Give us one more minute, only one I promise, we have to return this before they notice it missing.”

  “You know the drill; you have thirty seconds or I drive away.” He winked again so I knew he was joking. Sophie and I snuck back through the car park and back to the front door, where we returned Jamie to his rightful position along with the sign. I don’t think anybody had even noticed that this beautiful cardboard man had been missing for the last five minutes.

  Once he was returned, we made a run for it back to the van, which was gone. I knew it would have been hiding in a new spot. I looked around and sure enough, there it was. Scott was now parked behind a caravan on the other side of the car park.

  ‘Oh, what a joker,’ I thought.

  We got to the van and got back into our seats.

  “Well, lasses, a toilet break that lasted fifteen minutes. Either you are having tummy issues or you got up to no good. I will go with the second option as only Letticia could pull that one off,” Scott said with a laugh.

  “Well, Scott. It would have only been an eight-minute stop if you had not kept playing hide and seek with us.” We all laughed and carried on our way.

  As we drove, I sent our Jamie pics to Alistair. He texted straight back saying,

  Not the sort of pics I meant, but what a good-looking man? I will be sure to show this to him.

  The one and only, the love of my life of course! I replied.

  Well, enjoy him guys. He texted back.

  We arrived at our hotel at 12pm as we had an early check-in. We had found a place called The Ivory Hotel, not too far away from Hampden Park where the concert was being held. As we walked into the entrance of the hotel, I felt like I had travelled back in time. Yes, I was having another time travel experience. The Ivory Hotel is set in an 1876 Victorian townhouse.

  We were shown to our rooms, and after we closed the door behind us, Scott and I put our overnight bags down on the bed. I looked out the window and was presented with beautiful views of Queens Park. The hotel was comfortable and homely; the restaurant and bar were located downstairs. I decided I was very hungry after stealing the cardboard Jamie and playing car hide and seek on the way down, so when we all met up again a few minutes later, I announced to the others that I was famished, “Let’s head down and fill our bellies.”

  “When are you not famished?” Sophie asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe when it’s your night to cook dinner,” I said jokingly.

  As we walked in to the restaurant, I observed the décor to be a perfect balance of contemporary and classic with a definite Scottish twist. We were met by a waiter at the front desk, a young tall Scottish lad.

  “Table for four?” he asked.

  James announced, “Yes, a table for four, for the
awesome foursome.”

  “Aye, well I have an awesome table right over there in the conservatory for the awesome foursome, with park views and all,” the waiter said. We followed his big strides to our table and took our seats. Scott asked for the drinks menu.

  “Certainly,” said the waiter, whose name was Aaron. I knew this by his name badge.

  I said, “Thanks Aaron. We are filling our bellies up before we see the one and only Bernard Jack concert tonight at the Glasgow Music Festival.”

  “Aye, there are a few people staying here tonight who are off to that concert. I’m sure you will have a great night indeed.”

  “Yes, that’s the plan,” I replied.

  We all enjoyed a big lunch of salads and meats, topped off with cheesecake for dessert, and of course a drink of Pimm’s to wash it down.

  The four of us were in deep conversations throughout lunch, looking back and discussing the last four months. We came to realise that by some force of nature, the four of us had been brought together and it was me, the ring leader, that had been the main power in doing so. They all gave me a hard time, but deep down they were glad I did.

  Sophie said if it wasn’t for me she would never have met the love of her life. “Oh, they move on so fast,” I said to myself.

  James agreed, “Yes, Letticia. If it wasn’t for you and your crazy dream to come to Scotland and meet your very own Jamie, I would never have met my Claire.”

  “Oh my God! Have you started watching it?” I asked.

  “Aye, two seasons in now.”

  “And what do you think?” I asked with excitement.

  “Aye, is pretty alright ay? Although that main actor makes it hard for all us regular blokes, the expectations girlfriends and wives must have now for their partners to measure up to is huge.”

  We all laughed, and Scott said, “Totally agree. It’s massive, might have to go and buy a kilt now.”

  “Oh yes, please do,” I answered very quickly.

  “Oh aye, anything for my lady.”

  ‘My lady, am I his lady?’ I thought to myself. ‘Well I guess I sort of am his lady for now. Stop it, Letticia, this is no time to start overthinking things.’ Luckily that thought was quickly forgotten with the arrival of the bill, which was put down on the table along with four chocolate mints.

  “I will take care of this,” Scott announced.

  “Don’t be silly,” James said. “Let me put some money towards the bill.”

  “No, no, no, no. I don’t mind, it’s my pleasure,” Scott continued. “Nope, I’m putting some money towards it if you like it or not,” James went on.

  “Aye, if you must, then.”

  As the two guys fought over their manhood – it was like the new age Battle of Culloden – Sophie and I sat there silent, we didn’t even attempt to bring out our wallets, after all, we were their ladies.

  I called Mrs. Wilson to see how the girls were going, she assured me all was well. They had just got back from a walk collecting leaves and sticks, and were now about to do some craft. With the notion that my girls were in safe hands and having a fun time, I too could start enjoying myself. We had a few hours to spare before the concert was to start, but as Alistair had organised us backstage passes, we had to get there before the gates opened. So, with that in mind, James, who was from Glasgow, decided to give us a quick tour around his home city.

  The first stop was, “Glasgow Cathedral, also called the High Kirk of Glasgow or St. Kentigern’s or St. Mungo’s Cathedral,” James said in one of his best tour guide voices, which reminded me of Steve, my tour guide from the Outlander tour. Little had I known at that stage that I would end up being friends with Alistair and Tammy who are from a whole different Scottish show altogether. You just never know where life can you take you if you let it.

  My focus returned to James, who was still talking about the Glasgow Cathedral, “But today it is a place of gathering for the Church of Scotland,” he continued. It was indeed a beautiful sight, with its post-war stained glass windows and arches. I took plenty of photos so as not to forget this visit in years to come.

  James also took us for a walk down the main street, called Buchanan Street. As we walked down the pedestrian boulevard, which was lined with architectural beauty, I felt a hand take mine. I turned to see Scott holding my hand and bringing it up to his lips to give it a kiss. He kissed it ever so gently but enough for butterflies to form in my stomach.

  “I want you Letticia,” he whispered into my ear. James and Sophie were well ahead of us, taking in the sights, and we had no children at our sides to worry about being inappropriate in front of, so he pulled me aside off the path out of the way of other pedestrians, and up against the back of a newsstand. He looked into my eyes and said, “When I look into your eyes I feel like I am sinking into a deep blue ocean, and you just carry me off into a whole new world where nothing else matters because I am there with you.”

  My brain did a quick memory scan of the past three seasons and I realised that that wasn’t an Outlander quote at all, or Scotland’s Secrets, that was Scott’s very own line. I was impressed, and quite honestly, a little turned on. We moved towards each other and kissed, although the kiss only lasted a minute as my phone rang and interrupted the moment. I had to check it in case it was Mrs. Wilson, but no, it was Sophie asking where we got to.

  When we reappeared from out behind the news stand, Sophie and James were there waiting – they had turned around to look for us. James laughed and said, “Get a room you two.” We decided to head back to the hotel and get ready for the concert.

  Once back at The Ivory Hotel, James and Sophie went to their room and Scott and I went to ours. We had agreed to meet down in the main reception in forty-five minutes. We entered our room and I started going through my bag straight away to find the clothes I had brought specially to meet Bernard Jack; I had my trusty black kneehigh boots and black pants, my long-sleeve black thermal and my blue ‘Bernard Jack’ fan t-shirt.

  Scott said, “Are you really going to wear that t-shirt? You are not fifteen Letticia,” and laughed a mighty big laugh.

  “I most certainly am Scott, and so are you!” I threw him a t-shirt of his own, “Surprise! You are the newest groupie.”

  “Good God! What are you turning me into? First Outlander, then Scotland’s Secrets, now Bernard; what’s next? A Royalist? Will we be gate crashing the next Royal Wedding?”

  “Now Scott, stop putting ideas in my head, but yes, if you must know, I am a huge Royal fan also, and yes I have the t-shirt to prove it!”

  He was a good sport and put it on. There wasn’t much convincing needed, which made me think deep down, he wanted to wear it. We took a photo of the two of us in our Bernard Jack gear and texted it to Alistair, to which he replied,

  Do you guys make a habit of matching your outfits?

  It’s starting to look that way, isn’t it? LOL, I answered.

  True to our word, we were at our meeting place in forty-five minutes. We got there before James and Sophie so we decided to have a drink at the bar while we waited for the two love birds. When they finally appeared, they looked at us and said, “Okay children, ready to go?”

  I was confused at first why they had called us children until Scott said, “It’s the t-shirts,” to me.

  “Oh, right. Well I disagree, I think we look classy. Just because they don’t know how to dress for the occasion isn’t our problem, no need for name calling.” And with that we were off in a taxi heading to meet the king of music.

  We arrived at Hampden Park Stadium at 5pm. There was no

  Culloden Battle over the taxi fare this time, James allowed Scott to cover it. ‘His nanny bank balance must be starting to wear thin,’ I thought cheekily.

  We presented our tickets at the entrance and were then told to follow the security guard whose name was Oliver. He was a lot smaller and a lot friendlier than our encounter with Chris 342, and there was no misunderstanding tonight of our VIP status, as we had the tickets
to prove it. We walked down a long corridor that lead us to some stairs that we walked down in single file, with Sophie in the lead behind Oliver.

  Oliver asked, “So how did you four get lucky and score backstage passes to Bernard Jack?”

  I perked up from back in the line and said, “Well, long story short, I won a fudge challenge against our friend and these tickets were the prize. You might know our friend Alistair from the Scotland's Secret program. We are also friends with some of the actors from Outlander.” I thought about name dropping but decided to hold back.

  “Aye, I know all about that one character. My girlfriend makes me watch that show with her, she keeps asking why I can’t be as romantic and as good looking as him. He really does make it hard for us guys to live up to the high expectations that our women demand now. She bought me a kilt for my last birthday, haven’t worn it yet though, much to her disappointment.”

  “Oliver,” I said in my motherly voice. “Shame on you. You go home tonight and you put that kilt on and you Jamie that woman of yours until the sun comes up, you hear?”

  “Is that a new position or something?” he asked. “The Jamie position?”

  I could hear giggles from all the others at this point.

  “Aye, it sure is. You perform it by making hot, passionate love to her in your kilt, while whispering soft, magical love quotes in her ear.” I said.

  Scott, who was walking behind me, said, “Noted.”

  I replied, “I will hold you to that.”

  These never-ending stairs finally came to an end eighty-eight flights later. Well, it felt like eighty-eight, it was probably more like eight, but when you are over excited like my eight-year-old self on my birthday morning, waiting felt like an eternity.

  We got to the dressing room level and walked along yet another corridor, passing doors with names on them. I had no clue of who they were. The only door I wanted was a door that said Jamie or a door that said Bernard, either would do quite nicely. My mind then debated with itself, ‘Now, if I actually had to choose and I could only meet one, having never met either, who would it be? Jamie for sure. No way - Bernard, he’s actually real. But so is Jamie, sort of. No, not really. Oh, I don’t know, I can’t decide. Stop thinking!’ I said to myself.