A Life of Her Own

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘Maybe I’ll find a scholarship. And, anyway, you didn’t fund my last one – I paid my fees up-front myself.’

  ‘You know what I mean. It wouldn’t exactly be a highly paid career, either, would it? Why don’t you do an MBA and get into business? That’s where the money is. I still can’t believe you turned down Outercover – there was your opportunity.’

  ‘David, I’m not you. We don’t have the same interests or ambitions. I don’t think I want to work for big business.’

  ‘Your problem is you don’t seem to be ambitious at all these days. I thought you were when we met. Quite frankly, it’s exasperating. I let you do a run of the mill, non-vocational Arts degree in the hope you’d sort yourself out, figure out what you wanted by the end.’

  ‘I did figure it out, David. It’s not my fault there’s nothing going in History at the moment.’

  ‘But it’s not really a serious career, is it?’

  No, it probably isn’t without honours or masters, or at least an area of specialisation. And you were against that too. Alice knew she should pick her battles so she kept the words to herself.

  ‘And now you’re saying you want to turn around and start all over,’ David continued. She could practically feel him rolling his eyes at her, like she was at him.

  ‘Lucky for you that you knew you wanted to be in the IT industry and knew the path you needed to take to get there, but not everyone is so focussed. David, you’re not me. I want to do something I love, something I’m passionate about,’ Alice said.

  ‘Well, you can’t be too passionate about psychology or counselling, or whatever, because this is the first time you’ve mentioned it. What will it be next week? Seriously, Alice.’

  ‘It was just an idea.’

  ‘My point exactly, Alice,’ he said.

  ‘If psychology or counselling aren’t highly paid enough for you, David, why are you okay with me being a lowly admin drudge?’

  ‘Because that’s at least a way up the ladder, highlighted by the fact Todd offered you a way into being national marketing manager of a decent sized business. And you could have become a successful real estate agent if you’d stuck it out with Carmel. Why couldn’t you look at other firms, anyway – why quit the whole industry after one bad experience?’

  ‘What about having kids?’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘Well, I’d be out of the workforce for several years. Perhaps I should be doing that now. Maybe I’m meant to be a mother.’

  ‘That’s a convenient way out, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well, you’ve made it clear you want kids before too long.’

  ‘Yes, but you’re not going to be a stay-at-home mother.’

  ‘What? But what about taking care of the kids?’

  ‘That’s what childcare’s for.’

  ‘You can’t send tiny babies to childcare. That’s cruel. They need to be with their mother or father.’ Alice felt an icy chill run right through her.

  ‘Plenty of studies have shown that children in care from a young age develop superior social skills and increased independence, Alice.’

  ‘You can’t be serious, David.’

  ‘I’m very serious,’ he said, clearly missing the disgust in her voice.

  ‘I’m sure you’d find plenty of studies saying otherwise, too, if you looked.’

  ‘Alice, I’m not interested in arguing with you. I really don’t have the headspace for it right now. But you do raise a good point. Perhaps now is the perfect time for us to be having kids. Perhaps you should stop taking the pill. It’ll probably take a while for you to be fertile after being on it for years, anyway.’

  ‘Oh. Right. Okay. Oh, shit, I’d better go. I’ve just realised I have soup on the stove and it’s about to boil over,’ she lied.

  ‘Okay. I don’t know why you didn’t just use the microwave, but anyway. Speak to you again soon. Take care.’

  ‘You too. Enjoy your hotel.’ Alice hung up and sat staring at the phone. Who was this man? Not only were they not on the same page, they were clearly not even in the same library when it came to raising children. Four years. Again she wondered how they’d come to this point. What other serious issues were they diametrically opposed on? It didn’t matter really, did it? There was no way Alice was letting a baby of hers go to childcare when she could be raising the child at home. She wasn’t going to back down on this. No way. And David was unlikely to. So, there was only one course of action. She had to leave him. She would not have children with this man. She pulled Bill close, buried her face in his fur, and allowed a burst of tears of self-pity.

  Chapter Thirty

  ‘Oh my god, you’re never going to guess what happened,’ Lauren cried as soon as Alice opened the door.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I won a short story competition.’

  ‘Wow! That’s fantastic. Is it with the one about the girl in the alley? I loved that one.’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘Well done. I’m so excited for you,’ Alice said, pulling Lauren into a hug. She was glad Lauren was too distracted to comment on her tired, haggard appearance. She was well dressed in jeans and a crisp, oversized white shirt, but she knew her eyes were red from tears and lack of sleep. If she didn’t know Lauren needed her moral support at the auction today, she might have cancelled. She hadn’t wanted to leave Bill, as she was feeling particularly clingy about him since her conversation with David and the realisation that they were over. She really did feel it was now herself and Bill alone against the world, and she didn’t want to let him out of her sight.

  Lauren shuffled her feet on the path.

  ‘Look at you, you’re a ball of energy,’ Alice said with a laugh.

  ‘Sorry, can’t help myself. I’m so bloody excited, I’m jumping out of my skin.’

  ‘It’s brilliant news. I hope it’s inspired you to send off some others – you must have practically a drawer full of stories by now. The one about the girl who found the precious brooch at the op shop was awesome too. Oh, and the one about the guy who falls asleep on the tram and wakes ... well you know what happens. I’ve loved them all.’

  ‘Thanks. I have, actually, sent both of those off. I’m finally being brave and putting myself out there. Eek,’ Lauren said, cringing.

  ‘That’s great. As I’ve said a million times, I think the world needs to read Lauren Finmore. And I am not saying that just because I’m your friend and clearly biased.’

  ‘Well, fingers crossed. I hate the waiting game. It’s excruciating.’

  ‘Just think of it as waiting for an assignment to be graded.’

  ‘Yeah. You’re right. And no news is good news, isn’t it?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Okay, I’d better get my brain around bidding now. Come on, we don’t want to be late.’

  ‘So how come you’re only telling me about your win now? It’s Saturday,’ Alice said when they were in Lauren’s car and snapping on their seatbelts. ‘Why weren’t we out celebrating with bubbles last night?’

  ‘I only just found out. This morning. I guess it’s the time difference – it’s in the UK.’

  ‘Trust you to have your debut success on the international stage. That’s even better. Wow. How bloody awesome are you!’

  ‘Well, it’s thanks to you. And Brett. He’s been fantastic too – so encouraging. I wouldn’t have had the guts to pull my finger out and actually send my work anywhere if it weren’t for you guys.’

  ‘You’re the one with the talent. You write beautifully and you’ve had distinctions or high distinctions for all your writing assignments. But I get that it might be scary to put your work into the big wide world.’

  ‘Maybe doing so well at uni is a double-edged sword. I think I’m terrified of rejection.’

  ‘That’s pretty normal, isn’t it? But, sadly, isn’t being rejected a big part of the journey for a writer?’

  ‘I guess. I need to toughen up, don’t I?’ said Lauren.

/>   ‘I didn’t say that. But hiding your wonderful work away isn’t going to get you to where you want to be. And anyway, how will you be able to really appreciate the magnificent highs that I’m sure are on their way if you haven’t had any lows?’

  ‘I guess. That’s wise. Thanks.’

  ‘Ah, what sort of friend would I be if I didn’t try to give you a gentle nudge out of your comfort zone?’

  ‘Well, I appreciate it. Now, speaking of leaving one’s comfort zone – I’m terrified about bidding.’

  ‘You’ll be fine. And I’ll be right beside you for moral support.’

  ‘As long as I remember Dad’s limit and don’t go over it, I’ll be okay. But, god, I hate the thought of sticking a paddle up and shouting out a number or whatever you do and attracting everyone’s attention.’

  ‘It might be good practice for when you become an internationally famous literary figure and in high demand on your book tours.’

  ‘Ha, ha, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. But I do appreciate your enthusiasm,’ Lauren said. ‘I don’t think it’s a very widely known competition.’

  ‘It’s widely known enough for you to have heard about it here in Australia, so don’t downplay it! A win’s a win. It’s not an honourable mention or highly commended, it’s an actual win. First place. Okay?’

  ‘I’m pretty chuffed, to be honest,’ Lauren said. ‘Now, how are you about seeing Carmel?’

  ‘Perfectly fine.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yep. All good. I told you, I’m cured.’ I have so many other, more important, worries today, but we won’t go into that … ‘Don’t you worry about me. You stay focussed on not going over your budget.’

  ‘Yes, god. Oh, look, some people have brought their dogs along,’ Lauren said as they walked towards the property. ‘We should have brought Bill.’

  ‘He would have loved it, but I don’t think the owners would want dogs trotting through their pristine home – and I want to have a stickybeak.’

  ‘Okay, brace yourself,’ Lauren said in a whisper. ‘Here’s Carmel.’

  Alice plastered on a beaming smile as they joined the end of the line to register to take a look through the house before the auction got underway. ‘Hi, Carmel,’ she said brightly when it was her turn to give her name and mobile number before going inside.

  ‘Alice. Well, hello. Buying another house, are we?’

  ‘No, my friend Lauren is here to bid today,’ Alice said, indicating Lauren.

  ‘Lauren Finmore,’ Lauren said.

  ‘Finmore. Now why is that name familiar? Have you bought from me before?’

  ‘No, but you might have come across my father, Charles Finmore. He’s invested in a few properties, so it wouldn’t surprise me if you know of him. I’m here on his behalf today.’

  ‘Ooh. I hope you’ll be successful. Welcome, welcome.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You’ve chosen a great property. It’s five bedroom, four bathroom with a …’

  ‘Yes, I’m fully aware of its many attributes, thank you,’ Lauren said, cutting Carmel off.

  Alice marvelled at Lauren’s professional tone.

  ‘Excellent. Well, good luck with the bidding,’ Carmel said. ‘Alice,’ she added in a dismissive tone bordering on disgust.

  ‘Actually, Carmel, could I please have a word? In private?’ Alice found herself saying.

  ‘As you can see, Alice, Talia and I are very busy. Aren’t we, Talia?’ Carmel said, placing a hand on her assistant’s shoulder. The young woman seemed to cringe and purse her lips. Suddenly Alice realised Talia was actually Paul’s executive assistant. The poor woman looked to be there under sufferance, too. Alice hoped she was being paid for giving up her Saturday.

  ‘It will only take a moment.’

  ‘Right. Anything you want to say can be said right here. I don’t have time for silly covert discussions. Hurry up.’

  ‘Okay, then.’ Alice tried to look as if she wasn’t taking a deep breath before continuing. ‘I’d like a reference from you, please, Carmel,’ she said boldly.

  ‘You’d like a what?’ Carmel let out a laugh that was more like a sneer.

  ‘A reference, please.’

  ‘After only four weeks or so, and leaving me in the lurch like that. You can’t be serious?’

  ‘I am, Carmel. Very.’

  ‘Why would I give you a reference? You weren’t made of tough enough stuff, Alice. You were useless. What would you expect me to say in this reference – I take it you want a good reference?’ And there was another smirk.

  ‘Obviously,’ Alice said, her hand by her side itching to slap the smug bitch – something she’d never felt before about anyone. She was barely holding her anger in, but she was determined to.

  ‘Well, you’ve got some nerve, I’ll give you that, Alice.’

  ‘And you’re a bully, Carmel. You were dreadful to work for,’ Alice said calmly.

  ‘Oh come on, Alice, just because you couldn’t handle the fast pace of real estate.’

  ‘That had nothing to do with it, and you know it. I was damned good at my job. So, you won’t give me a reference – a good reference?’

  ‘I don’t see why I should.’

  ‘Perhaps because if you don’t you might hear from my solicitor about a lawsuit. I know I was the latest in a long line of PAs who left you. It wasn’t just me. I was good at my job, but you sabotaged me. Why, I have no idea.’ Alice was now really struggling to keep her voice even and both hands by her side.

  ‘Oh, Alice, you poor deluded thing. And I suppose you thought you were clever warning that Rhys fellow about working for me, too. It makes no difference. There’s an ocean full of people wanting to learn from the great Carmel Gold. In fact, you’ll want to watch yourself. You’re in public. I might instigate a lawsuit of my own – for defamation.’

  ‘The truth always wins, Carmel, and always comes out in the end. Anyway, what harm would it do to you to give me a reference and help me get another job?’

  ‘My reputation, Alice. I can’t put my name to a reference recommending sub-standard employees.’

  ‘Which you know damned well I certainly am not. So, the answer is no, is it, Carmel? Is that your final word, just to be clear?’

  ‘Yes, Alice, that’s my final word. Now go away and let me get on with what I do best. And I warn you,’ she added in a hiss, with her mouth now very close to Alice’s ear, ‘don’t you mess with me.’

  ‘Oh, Carmel, you really are a piece of work. You might think you’re somebody because you’re rich and drive a flash car, but it’s all a façade. You think you can look down on people, put them down. I hope, for your sake, when karma bites you it’s less than what you deserve, because you’re a nasty piece of work.’

  ‘Are you quite finished, Alice?’ Carmel said, pleasantly. But underneath the thick layer of makeup and false smile, Alice could see she was unsettled. It was barely noticeable, but it seemed the impeccably presented woman was struggling as much as Alice was to hold it together.

  ‘Yes, Carmel, I’m quite finished, thank you. I hope you get a good price for the property today and I wish you all the very best.’ And with that, Alice turned on her heel and stepped away with Lauren following.

  ‘Oh my god, that was awesome!’ Lauren said when they were out of Carmel’s hearing and heading into the house.

  ‘I’m shaking,’ Alice said.

  ‘Well, on the outside you look very composed.’

  ‘That’s good, because I feel queasy.’

  ‘Seriously? Because we can go if you need to.’

  ‘No way, you’ve got a property to view and then bid on. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry I …’

  ‘Don’t you dare apologise. It needed saying.’

  ‘But it won’t help. She won’t give me a reference.’

  ‘No, but at least you asked, and told her what you thought of her. I’m so impressed, Alice. That took some serious guts.’

  ‘I’d feel bet
ter if I thought I’d achieved something other than humiliating myself. She’ll be royally pissed off with me saying all that in public. Did you see how many people were lined up behind us?’

  ‘Well, you did give her the option of speaking in private. Come on, I need to have a good look at this place.’

  ‘It’s beautiful. Will your parents live here if you get it?’

  ‘No. It’ll be just another investment for Dad’s portfolio.’

  Just another investment. Wow, Alice thought.

  *

  ‘Well, that was an anticlimax,’ Lauren said as they made their way back to her car when the auction was over. ‘I’m glad I got to bid at least. It’ll make it easier for next time.’

  ‘God, how about Carmel trying so desperately to get you to up your limit,’ Alice said. ‘She really wasn’t happy you wouldn’t budge.’

  ‘Yeah. It was satisfying to say no to her, anyway. I bet she doesn’t hear that word very often. I’m also glad I didn’t add to her coffers.’

  ‘I wonder if putting the reserve so high was arrogance on her part or the vendor’s.’

  ‘No idea, but they’ll be pissed off that it was passed-in. It was way over-priced.’

  ‘Why would they do that?’

  ‘Probably it’s an investment property that they didn’t need to offload, but would if the price was right,’ Lauren said. ‘Greed. That’s my guess. Still, it seems an awful lot of expense to go through if you’re not serious …’

  ‘It didn’t look to me like the last bidder was keen to negotiate, either, so it might have been a waste all round.’

  ‘Oh well, there are plenty more properties out there,’ said Lauren. ‘I pity that woman with Carmel who had to give up her Saturday. She didn’t look best pleased. With that look on her face I doubt she’ll last long. Her latest PA, do you think?’

  ‘Oh no, she’s Paul, the CEO’s PA – bribed handsomely, no doubt.’

  ‘Well, I hope she’s smart enough to figure out Carmel and report back to the other managers.’

  ‘Here’s hoping.’

  ‘Thanks for coming to keep me company.’

  ‘No worries. Any time.’

  ‘I need ice-cream now, to commiserate, and then you’re going to tell me why you’re so glum,’ Lauren said.