Fugly: Book One of the Fenley East Series

by Talie D. Hawkins

  “I hope she matures before college,” I said to Monique who laughed.

  “Don’t count on it.”

  I somehow managed to survive all of the tests and I was relieved that our last day would be a half day. I fell onto my bed and it felt like a million pound weight had been lifted off of my chest. I hadn’t even realized I had fallen asleep until I heard my mom knocking on my bedroom door. I shot up and out of bed, a little startled that I slept my afternoon away.

  “Sweetie, can you help me out here?” she asked as she knocked. I looked at the clock and groaned when I saw it was almost time to eat.

  “I’ll be right out,” I shouted back to her. I got out of bed and splashed some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes then put on some berry colored gloss so I wouldn’t look as tired as I was feeling. My hair was out of control and I had no choice but to pull it into a ponytail. I tried smoothing out the wrinkles my nap caused as I walked into the kitchen, but I stopped when I saw Hunter helping my mom.

  “Hey,” he said with a huge smile as he chopped basil leaves.

  “Hi. She’s making you work for this chicken parm I see,” I said as I was handed a chunk of cheese to grate.

  “So, how do you think you did on finals?” he asked as he worked.

  “Decent. What about you?”

  “The same. I’m so glad we have a break now.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  We plated our dinner and sat down at the table. My dad wasn’t paying attention to anything but a game on the television and my mom wasted no time getting right down to grilling Hunter.

  “So, we haven’t seen you in a few weeks,” she said as an ice breaker. Hunter looked at me since we both knew the reason for that.

  “It’s just finals. I have been spending a lot of time studying since I’m not counting on a scholarship now,” he said. This was a perfect opportunity for my mom to start asking.

  “How has that been? Has it been causing any trouble?” she asked, trying a little too hard to sound casual. Hunter shook his head no since his mouth was full.

  “No, not at all. I mean, it’s not perfect, but it’s been okay. Better than it has been in a long time.”

  “Well, some things take a little extra time and then they eventually come together,” she said. “A little distance probably did you guys some good. You were feeling like that when you left in the summer,” she said, turning her attention to me. I had just been listening the whole time.

  “It’s good to step away from a situation to get some perspective,” I agreed.

  “Well, we’ll see what you learn over the break in New York,” she said with a laugh.

  “New York?” Hunter asked, trying to play down the surprise in his voice. Only then did I realize I hadn’t even mentioned my trip to him and I could tell what he was thinking by the look on his face. I opened my mouth to explain, but he was already standing up. “Excuse me, I just realized my mom wanted me home for something.” My mom’s brow wrinkled in concern as she looked at me for an explanation.

  “Hunter, wait. Let me pack this up for you,” she offered.

  “No thank you. I really need to get going,” he said, already at the front door. I jumped up and followed him out, but he was hard to keep up with.

  “Wait!” I yelled after him, but he kept marching. “Hunter stop! Please let me explain,” I said from the edge of the driveway. He stopped in his tracks and when he finally turned around the look on his face felt like a sucker punch.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

  “Because I didn’t think it mattered,” I started to say.

  “You didn’t think it mattered?” he repeated, clearly upset.

  “Let me finish. I didn’t think it mattered because he won’t even be there. He’s out of the country until after the new year.” He studied my face and I could tell he was looking for any sign that I was holding something back from him and I guess I had been, just not what he was expecting. “Hunter, this doesn’t feel like nothing has changed. You said nothing would change, but it feels like everything has. How can you tell me you feel this way now? Now after...” I wrapped my arms around myself and inhaled a sob that was trying to escape. Hunter stood, frozen in place near his car door.

  “After what?” he asked. I could see his fists balled up at his side. I wiped my face with my sweater sleeve and tried to steady my voice.

  “Last summer, when I left, my heart was broken. You broke it and you didn’t even realize it.” I watched his face soften then I looked down at my feet. “Not because I thought my only friend betrayed me. That was hard enough. Because I was positive that I was in love with you before our school year ended,” I said, and I heard him suck in a breath. “Then I overheard that conversation and I was annihilated. Destroyed. I already felt inadequate compared to everyone at our school and I didn’t blame you for not talking to me when we were there. I wouldn’t have wanted to be caught dead with me either. I actually felt guilty each time our mom’s made us hang out because I was sure you would rather be anywhere else.”

  “Fen, no...” he started to argue.

  “I’m still her, Hunter. I thought I changed, but I haven’t.” All the things I didn’t realize I had been holding in were coming out. Things I didn’t even realize had been bothering me. I had been bottling up so much for so long and it was impossible to stop the shaking in my voice. “I still think I’m not good enough to walk with you in the halls or talk to you when anyone else is looking. I still feel like that. I still think people would tear you apart if we actually did date, and then what would happen? Would you have a change of heart? Would you be embarrassed to tell people I was your girlfriend? Maybe it’s all irrational, but after so long of being Fugly I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not good enough.” Hunter started to walk in my direction, but I stopped him. “Don’t,” I said, putting my hand up. “Just know that I’m not going to New York for him. I’m going for me, just like I did last summer.” I turned and went inside, not waiting to hear whatever argument he had.

  I went straight to my room, stopping my mom’s questions with an apology, and turned off my phone. I had had enough. It was all too much and I was more glad than ever that I would be leaving again in a few short days. If the last of our finals hadn’t been the next day I would have stayed home and avoided looking at anyone at all, but I knew that wasn’t an option. I just needed to power through my exams and push all of the drama aside.

  I had a list of missed calls from Hunter when I turned my phone back on the next day. I decided to take my time getting ready for school, and avoided getting there early because there was no way I could deal with talking to Hunter. I squeaked into French just as the late bell was going off and whispered a “hello” to Monique and Amber who both scolded me with their eyes for cutting it so close. We got to work right away and I was feeling pretty confident when the hour was over.

  The rest of the classes went about the same and luckily I didn’t run into Hunter between classes. I put my pencil down in my english class mere seconds before our final bell and once class was officially over I practically collapsed into the seat of my desk. I debated on if I should rush out or wait in hopes of Hunter leaving the building before me, but I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever.

  Monique was waiting for me near my locker when I got to it and she looked like she was about to explode with happiness. I could only guess this was due to how well she did on her finals.

  “So?” she asked, holding a stack of folders close to her chest.

  “I think it all went okay. History was tough, but I think I pulled it off,” I said. “You?”

  “Pretty sure I aced them,” she said with a wink.

  “Of course you did,” I agreed. “Wanna go celebrate? I’m starving,” I asked.

  “That sounds great. Do you care if Jeremy joins us?”

  “The more the merrier, let me just put my things away,” I said as I opened my locker.

  “Oh, it’s Hunte
r. Maybe he wants to join us too,” she said. I turned to look and found him marching in my direction with one of the most severe faces I had ever seen him wear. I closed my eyes for a second as I prepared myself for what he had to say and as he got closer I opened my mouth to defend myself, but I never got the chance. He quickly closed the distance between us and placed his hands on my face as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. The shock kept me frozen in place until my knees almost buckled from the intensity of his lips on mine. I closed my eyes and gripped his jacket to keep myself from falling and just as I was getting lost in the way his lips expertly explored mine he pulled away. I heard Monique gasp and someone else in the hall howl, then realized the entire area had gone quiet, but I didn’t take my eyes off of Hunter as he looked down at me.

  “I am not embarrassed to be seen with you,” he said in a commanding voice that made me shiver. He took a step back and that’s when I looked around and saw a good portion of our school population staring at us. “I never have been,” he said and he was gone before I could stop him. My stunned form wouldn’t move until Monique pulled me in the direction of the exit and took me to her car. She opened the passenger side door for me.

  “I think you should sit. You look like you’re suffering from shock. What was that about?” she asked as she tossed her things into her backseat.

  “It was about last night and it’s such a long story,” I whispered, still dazed by the fact that he had kissed me in front of everyone. I wanted to go home and hide in my room until it was time for my trip, but Monique insisted that we eat something because I looked like I wanted to pass out. I did feel a little light headed so I didn’t argue, but I only picked at my food and took bites when Monique glared at me.

  “I thought Jeremy was meeting us,” I said, as I forced a french fry in my mouth.

  “I told him to stay home because we needed to have girl talk,” she said, and she sounded so serious I had to laugh. “What’s so funny?” she asked. I looked at her as I calmed my laughing down and sighed.

  “Everything. It’s all hilarious,” I said, but now I was at the point of tears. “I don’t know what I’m talking about,” I said as I wiped my watery eyes. “I think you were right about the shock. I feel delirious.”

  “Hunter was proving something today.”

  “I know. Our talk last night provoked it. He thought I was going to New York to see Tru and we sort of got into it. I started talking and once I started I couldn’t stop. It’s nuts, you know? I had no idea I wanted to say any of it until I was blurting it out.” I rubbed my tired face and squeezed my eyes shut. “And here I am, looking forward to getting the hell out of here because of Hunter...again. I’m really good at running away from stuff.”

  “Are you? I mean, are you going to New York to see Tru?” she asked. I shook my head no.

  “He won’t even be there. That’s the only reason I agreed to go. My aunt didn’t want to be alone for the holidays because work has her stuck. She invited me and I knew Tru was gone, so I thought it was perfect timing.” Monique raised an eyebrow at me.

  “Fenley,” she said, leaning across the table. “Why would you only travel to the city if Tru was gone?” she asked.

  “Because, I wouldn’t want to upset...” I stopped what I was saying when I realized why she asked the question.

  “If you feel like a trip to see him feels like cheating, then I think you know where your loyalty lies.”

  I asked myself if she could really be right. Could it really be that easy? Would I have felt the same sort of guilt if it was the other way around? Her question had opened up a whole new avenue of thinking and I added it to my list of things to ponder on my time away from home.

  36.

  The holiday break had been quiet. Too quiet. Normally, Hunter would be over a ton to sample every cookie my mom made, but I hadn’t seen him since the last day of school. I had no idea of what to do next. I didn’t know if the ball was in my court or if I was supposed to call him, but distance seemed like a good idea for us both.

  As I sat on my porch on Christmas Eve I felt lonely. I looked around at all of the Christmas lights and it made me feel melancholy. I was leaving the next day even though things at home felt a little unfinished. I wrapped my arms around myself and just as I was about to go in and warm up I heard a voice that instantly made me smile.

  “Why are you sitting out here freezing to death,” Hunter asked as he walked up the sidewalk.

  “Where did you come from?”

  “I went for a walk and ended up here.” He joined me on the porch swing and I wasn’t feeling so cold with him next to me. “Let’s finish that conversation we can’t seem to wrap up. You told me everything that I wish you would have told me sooner, but I understand why you didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry. I just...the words just came all at once. I didn’t even realize I had been feeling all of that until that moment.”

  “Don’t ever apologize for that,” he said, shaking his head at me. “You thought I was avoiding you all the time, but I want you to know I thought I was protecting you. I knew if I gave you any extra attention that Jessica would put an even bigger target on your back. It’s not an excuse, but I’m stupid. I thought I was doing the right thing. And before you ask me why I stayed with her, just know I used her. I’m not proud of it, but the sight of a popular cheerleader kept my dad off my back. It’s all bullshit. I thought I was protecting you but now I realize you never needed me to.”

  “You never said anything,” I whispered.

  “Well, I guess our communication could use some work.” He stood up and pulled a little silver box from his pocket. “I got this for you. Don’t open it now. Have a safe trip Fen.” He handed me the box and jogged down my driveway and out of sight. I turned the box over in my hands, wondering what could be inside of it, and when I finally did open it I laughed and sobbed at the same time. It was our dime we flipped to decide on pancakes or waffles. We hadn’t used it in so long, but here it was, mounted into a necklace with a note under it.

  “Keep this safe. Someday the battle between pancakes and waffles will continue. Long live waffles!”

  I squeezed the charm in my hand and touched the glossy paint pen marks we had made on the tiny coin. It was so sweet and made me miss the days when things were that simple with us. I unhooked the clasp and put the chain around my neck then I went inside and started pack.

  I was ready for the airport right after we ate cinnamon rolls and opened gifts. I’d arrive in New York in the early evening and go to dinner with aunt Haley at some posh restaurant, so her stylists would be working on us as soon as I landed. My mom made me go over the check list five more times before dropping me off at the airport and I somehow managed to sleep most of the flight, which was great because once I landed there was no rest time. Aunt Haley was waiting for me at the curb, all bundled up in a parka as she leaned against a black town car. She squealed enthusiastically once she saw me and pulled me into a hug that lasted several minutes.

  “It is so good to see you!” she said as she held my hands and pulled away to look at me.

  “You too, I missed you,” I said and a moment later the driver of the town car got out and opened the door for us. As we entered the city and the lights came into view I felt like I had been slapped with memories of my summer in the city and how much fun Tru had made it. The thought was so completely unexpected and I did feel a pang of guilt for thinking it.

  “Did you have a good flight?” aunt Haley asked, pulling me out of my reverie.

  “Yeah,” I said, reminding myself to smile so I wouldn’t worry her.

  “I can’t wait until you see your dress tonight. We’re going to French Louie with some of my band and a few people from the label, but it will be so nice to have family with me.”

  The driver dropped us and aunt Haley practically sprinted up the steps and into her loft where a hair and make up team were already waiting. She told me I would find my dress in the usual place and when I
saw it my heart almost stopped. It was the most elegant thing I had ever seen and I wasn’t sure if I was cut out for it. The bodice was soft black velvet cut in a sweetheart shape, but the v of the heart dipped dangerously low, but not enough to reveal anything. The bottom was black tulle and reminded me of something a ballerina would wear. It was simple, but stunning. I stopped staring at it and hurriedly slipped into it when I heard my aunt yelling for me to get a move on. When I looked in the mirror I gasped. The spaghetti straps seemed too fragile to hold anything up, but they stay snug in place. I heard a soft knock on my door and it was one of the stylists with some jewelry for me to try. We decided on some large diamond studs and a simple diamond pendent necklace, all costume of course, but they still sparkled in the light.

  “You...wow. Tru will be sad he isn’t here to see you. That velvet trench coat is for you,” aunt Haley said when I walked out of my turn with hair and make up. The entire fairy tale of staying with her for the summer was coming back to me. “Let’s go get some dinner,” she said, holding the door open for me to follow her.

  I tried not to be intimidated by the flash of cameras as we got out of the town car. I kept my head down and tried to avoid my face being photographed, but I knew if they really wanted to, they would find a way to get my picture. Luckily, the restaurant she picked had a private dining room where we could enjoy some privacy with our dinner companions.

  Haley made the rounds around the table, hugging and air kissing everyone who joined us. I shook hands and repeated “so nice to see you again” or “nice to meet you” over and over. Once we were seated it became obvious that everyone in the room had been indulging in adult beverages.

  “You’re that girl from page six! The other half of ‘Truley’,” a woman sitting across from me shouted as she pointed at me. We had just been introduced a few minutes earlier and all I knew about her was that her name was Ella and she was an artist from Soho.