Renegade (Ruthless Tendencies Book 2)

by D. M. Burns

  “For fuck sakes. Calm down, Reese. Rage will hear you and think I’m hurting you or some shit. You know he’ll fuck me up first and ask questions later.” I tilt my head at her with pleading eyes. Give me a break little lady, shit.

  She attempts to poke me again and I cover my chest with my hands. Fuck that. I’m trying to anticipate where her finger spear is liable to touchdown next. My eyes are wide. I’m at a loss here. I’ve never seen her like this before. Should I pet it? Buy it some ice cream. Maybe give it a hundred bucks. Hell, buy it some new shoes?

  By the way, I read that shit in a book called Sideline Rights. Pretty convincing advice for us dumb fuckers without a clue on how to handle emotional women. Plus, I heard girls like those damn red bottoms. I’ll try anything right about now.

  “You want some new shoes? I’ll give you my credit card.” I smile wide trying to lighten the mood. No dice. Her eyes turn into electric green slits. Sorta reminds me of a female version of the Hulk.

  “You and I have never been as close as I am with Ramp or Reb. And I always thought that was because of the shit that went down with Rage. I even believed that I was holding onto past anger like an ugly vice, but I was wrong, so wrong.” She shakes her head violently. “It’s all very clear to me now. It’s because you’re an asshole through and through Ren.” She gets another sharp poke in. Totally my fault because I dropped my hand. I thought I was in the clear. The fuck was I thinking.

  “Reese… Even though it hurts my feelings that you feel that way about me. I was only doing what Rage made me promise to do. You should be mad at him, not me. We can fix it though, yeah?” I’m optimistic.

  “Not today asshole.” She hisses. So much for optimism.

  “Uhm, okay. Well… As for this current situation that we’re in, I truly don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s the truth. I’m mystified.

  “Did you not buy the last two commercial properties Asia was looking at? Places that she was going to open her training facility at, Grace Jujitsu…” Reese goes to poke me again, but my block is successful. It’s three properties. I’m reluctant to tell her that right now for obvious reasons. Hell, the other property is a special secret.

  “I offered her that same space for rent, Reese. I even completed all the upgrades and then some additional ones to save her that hit to the wallet.” I hold my hands out and she pokes me right in the injured area again. God damnit.

  “Did you not ruin her night at the Porsche gala last week?” I’m not dumb enough to move my hands again. So, I nod my head because she’s got me there with the gala thing. “Right. I could list out all the bullshit you’ve been pulling on her but it’s redundant at this point. You already know you’re a class one asshole.” She actually stomps her heel at me in frustration. I want to laugh but as sure as I’m standing here that’ll earn me a knee to the groin area. Not today Satan.

  Reese turns on her heel marching for the door when she stops short right before walking out. She swivels around with her hands going slack at her sides. Her purse scrubbing the floor with defeat in her posture. I’ve fucking disappointed her. She can bark all that shit she wants to. The only reason why she’s so mad at me is because she expected more out of me. Shit.

  “Renegade you know the shit that Rage done to me was delivered through his words. It left an impact worse than any I could imagine because I loved him with everything that is me. No matter what though, I knew in my heart that he loved me too. Even though he couldn’t be with me that man wanted me to live a great story. In his own twisted way, he lovingly pushed me toward fulfilling my dreams. He wanted that for me more than I wanted it for myself. He never held me back from my dreams, ever.” She shakes her head. Reese is disgusted with me. Hell, after this talk, I feel the same damn way as her. Fuck.

  “She’s been training since she was five, you dick.” There’s that angry spark. “After seeing you try to single-handedly ruin her dreams of bettering herself, bettering her life, time and time again… Or improve the lives of others, that’s so much nastier in nature than anything I’ve ever witnessed. You’re robbing her and essentially anyone else that could benefit from her talents. I wished she’d sue you so I could represent her free of charge.” Tears are pooling up in her eyes. Holy shit. The time to panic is now. How the fuck do I turn it off?

  “I’ll make it right Reese’s Pieces. Please don’t cry.” I take a step forward.

  “There’s shit taking place that you don’t know about dickhead.” Her voice cracks. She covers her face with her hands. Shit. Shit. Shit. This is bad. “She doesn’t need you coming at her like this.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask. “What’s going on with Asia?” Concern is in my tone. What the fuck?

  I step closer to her because tears are streaming down her face. Fuck, Rage is going to kill me. This is a guaranteed beatdown if I ever saw one. My ass is as good as stomped. When I get close enough to her, she swings her little arm out connecting that suitcase of a purse with fury driving the intent home. Successfully knocking the shit out of the entire upper half of my body. I’m fucking stunned. What the holy hell is in that god damn thing? Bricks?

  “And just so you know, there are cameras throughout the pool house that have sound feed, you prick. Ones you don’t even know about.” Oh, fuck… And it gets worse. “That entire sex-scene from weeks ago had not one fucking thing to do with love; it was hatred. Hot literal fucking hate but still. I deleted your bullshit before anyone else could see it. What you said to her before she walked out… THAT was the icing on the cake for me where you’re concerned. I could cut your balls off Ryice. I’d never talk to you again if I was Asia. If you do anything else to hurt her, I’ll tell Rage to beat your ass.” Her entire body is shaking with fury as she points her scary scalpel nail at me. Swear to Christ, I believe her. I hold my hands up in surrender while stepping back.

  “I know Reese. I’ve done some bad shit to her. Undeserving shit, okay. I’ll make it right.” I swear to it.

  “NO… You just leave her alone.” She semi screams.

  “I can’t do that Reese’s Pieces, but I’ll fix my fuckery, I promise.”

  She huffs then stomps out of my office leaving me to drown in the shallow pool of my asshole ways. The countdown is on. Wonder how long it’ll be before I see the broadside of Rage’s fist. Fuck!

  Remembering my phone festivities before the Queen of Chaos barged in causing fuckall well-deserved chaos, I snatch my only lifeline with my girl up. It shows Asia leaving out of her apartment. I pull up the tracker on my phone. Her car's location is a few miles from her parent’s house. As always, curiosity gets the best of me, I grab my keys and head out.

  chapter 32 - asia

  Standing in front of the overgrown and debris-covered ground, I stare at my shared Peaceful Place with mourning heavy on my heart. I haven’t been here in five years and today is the anniversary that started my true pitfall. My eyes trail over the spot that houses a library of memories with endless trees symbolizing sacred shelves. Only this forest knows the invisible books of shelved time spent here year after year. The day’s past; laughs shared; tears lost; games played; lives ever changed.

  Years of nature have taken this place over. Numerous overgrown tree limbs branch out only to join up again in a tangled mess of memoirs. Twisting together and creating a protectant forcefield. Cradling mine and Reese’s memories in like a secured remembrance to our youth. I look to the left and gaze at the tree that’s my landmark of tragic loss. Where my most precious and hurtful chest of recollections were laid to rest. Biting the inside of my lip, I step forward out of the brush and my hands start to shake.

  I notice that my special tree has a heart carved in it now. It’s one large permanent keepsake etched into the trunk of the tree with the letter’s AG and RW in the center of the heart, proudly displayed. God, my Reese’s Pieces. I love her. Smiling to myself, I wonder how long ago it was that she did this. Running my fingers over the outline as the first tear cuts a trail out o
f my eye, sliding away over my cheek. Feeling the texture of our forever reminder on the tips of my fingers. Letting it soak into my pores like it has the tree.

  Reese did this after my last outing here. The visit that Jake showed up to and ruined. Destroying the meaning of this place for me and adding it to the long list of so many other things, he was responsible for tarnishing. Swallowing down the ball of acid knotted up in the back of my throat, I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear that breaks loose with the breeze. Screw Jake. He doesn’t deserve this time I’ve reserved out here.

  Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out my sonogram picture and strum my thumb back and forth over it. Lowering myself into a crossed-legged position, I stare at the square. To anyone unsuspecting, they’d never know what’s under the earth’s surface here unless told. Much less would understand it if I shared with them that I buried my fragile emotions along with a large chunk of my heart here years ago. Sentimental suicide.

  Some people would be quick to pass judgment and place a timeline on your feelings, healing. To that, I’d say we’re all different. When the timing is right, you’ll smile with your whole heart again. Laugh with that spark you’re known for without pretending. Live like every second is precious and simply not because you’re constantly reminding yourself that it’s borrowed time.

  You’ll stop badgering yourself for being ungrateful to the experience of life. All the while holding firm to the past for remembrance out of respect for that place you found yourself in at one point in time. You won’t notice when it happens either. Because you’ll be too caught up in living life, moving on. There’s much respect that I have for those people that overcome hardships and adversities. Courage and strength are gained through beautiful disasters.

  “Baby Grace…” My voice cracks and I clear my throat. “I’m sorry I never visited before now.” I blow out a breath of air and sit up straighter. It feels like I’m standing in front of a packed stadium even though I’m the only one here. Covering my forehead with my hand, I stall.

  “It wasn’t your fault, please know that. I was gone for a while but now I’m home. Uhm, I want you to know that I loved you before even meeting you. It’s the kind of love that can’t be described either. I’ll always love you too, more than anything. Uhm, I was in a very bad place when I lost you. It got much worse after though. You… Oh God, you were my perfection at an imperfect time. My little perfect miracle.” I pull my knees into my chest and clear the tears off my face again.

  “But sometimes, beautiful angels like you, God decides to keep in heaven with him because you’re so very special. I understand now and I don’t blame him. I wanted to be selfish and I was sad, but he needed you there with him. You’re his chosen one to help watch over us. There’s no better job than that.” I swipe at the hot tears as they trail over my lips filling in the grooves. Digging out the other picture from my pocket. I look up to the heavens and compose myself.

  “You can bet that I’ll be by more often Baby Grace. That’s a promise little one. But no matter where I go, you’ll go with me because you’re forever in here. Never forgotten, ever.” I rub my hand over my chest.

  Stretching out, I lay beside the spot that holds my little wooden chest and close my eyes. I take a calming breath and let out a haggard sigh. “You were my true definition of Mine over Matter.” I pat the ground knowing Baby Grace heard every last word. I feel it in my soul.

  When I noticed footsteps coming up from behind me, I don’t even bother to look. I know who it is. Taking their rightful place beside me, Reece tucks her body into mine. She wraps her arms around me, rocking slightly. My best friend doesn’t say a word. She lets me cry. She knew the whole time but never pushed. My silent soldier and sister. My lifeline. My best friend.

  “I love you Reese’s Pieces,” I say.

  “I love you too my ninja warrior.” She whispers.

  chapter 33 – renegade

  HATE WARS - NINJA VICTORY

  Waving the white flag up in the air. She ripped my god damn heart out using only her words. Words that weren’t even meant for my ears. I took that moment from her without permission too. I tracked her car and barely made it over to the old neighborhood as she was disappearing off into the woods.

  Naturally, these are the woods that as kids, we all played in but still. What the actual fuck and why though? That’s what was going through my head when I climbed out of my truck. Now I know.

  I can feel the throbbing void from where that beating organ in my chest aches. Her words… Her damn words keep echoing out in my mind. I want to press my palms to each side of my head and squeeze until I can no longer feel the painful thought process flowing through my system from hearing her express her sorrow. FUCK.

  If Jake Sellers were alive, I’d kill him all over again. I never fucking knew she carried that kind of distress in her soul for the baby she lost. I felt that grief. She shared it with me and didn’t even know it. And there’s no denying those emotions. Her pain is bone marrow deep. Embedded in her. That’s engraved into the lining of her heart.

  When she laid her head down and patted the fucking ground, my first instinct was to gap the distance and pry her from the ground. Fuse her to me until I soaked all the agony from her body. Then cart her the fuck out of here and never let her comeback. The sound of her voice was tormented. I have nothing to compare it to except someone desperately trying to live with grief of the worst kind, mourning the loss of their child.

  If it hurt that bad for me to witness, then I can’t imagine how bad it must feel for her to live that nightmare every god damn day for the last five years. Every single morning that she crawls out of her bed, she feels that. Fucking walking destruction.

  When I climbed through her window all those years ago and held her in my arms, I had no idea. Then that day at the hospital. The anger. The hatred. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t fucking comprehend. I get it now. All of it. Jesus Christ.

  What did I do before she left? What have I done since she’s been back? The motherfucker that I am… What did I do, huh? I fucked with her every chance I got. Asia never retaliated. Oh, she should have.

  The only time she comeback at me was during the office blowjob blowback with a smack across the face. I think she did that more for the embarrassment she felt for the French-Portuguese chick than anything else. Let’s face it, I deserved far worse. Reese is right. I’m a piece of shit.

  Silently, I pulled back from the wreckage that is my girl. Fumbling with my god damn phone before connecting the call. I had to get Reese out here. Reese snapped at me when she first answered. For a second, I thought she was going to hang up on me. Hurriedly, I rushed through the entire shit show and explained to her what was going on. Reese made it out here in recorded time too. Thank fuck.

  Bottom line, I’m not looking for forgiveness out of Reese today. I’ll earn that eventually with time. I needed immediate help for Asia. She was bad off. I was afraid that anything I might’ve done would only make things worse for her. If Asia had wanted me to know, she would’ve shared. These are her truths and one day I hope to earn the right to have her trust me with them.

  Reese might be mad at me, but we have one ultimate goal here. That’s to get Asia back to a good place. Which after having a front-row seat to this shit, it’s clear to me that this will take time. But I was relieved to see that Asia was taking those strides all on her own. One thing is for sure she’ll never be alone in this again. She has me. She has the Chaos family at her back too, always.

  My ears perk up when I hear Reese trying to coax Asia to wake up. That’s my cue. Pushing past Reese, I bend at the knees and collect my girl's little body off the ground. I grab the pictures that slipped from her fingers. Tucking those into my coat pocket for a future safe return. I follow Reese through the woods while securing my girl close to me.

  Moving for my truck, Reese speaks up, “You can put her in my car. I can handle it from here, Renegade.” I don’t have time or the patience for this shit with Rees
e right now. If she thinks Asia is going anywhere or with anyone other than me, she’s sadly mistaken.

  “Not happening Reese’s Pieces.” I don’t even bother to look over my shoulder at her. I’m not fucking around at this point.

  Beeping my locks, I open the backdoor and lay Asia across the spacious seat. She automatically curls up into a protective ball on her side. That’s like another fucking kick to the dick. I take my jacket off and cover her up. Shutting the door, I turn to find one angry little female mini Rage.

  “You’re the last person that she should wake up to.” Reese has both her hands positioned on her hips as she hisses through her heated words.

  “Reese…” I run my hands through my hair in frustration with her. “I didn’t get it but now I do, okay? She’s going with me and swear to Christ, I’ll plow over anyone that tries to stop me.”

  “You clearly have no idea.” She shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. “You think you do but you don’t. Not yet.” She clucks her tongue.

  “I love her god damnit. Always have. I was pissed rightfully the fuck off for a long damn time and you’re right, I acted like a complete dick. But I had no damn idea at all what she was going through but now I do.” I scrub my jawline. “Fuck Reese… Am I not allowed to fuck up? You gave Rage every damn break to make shit right. I’m just asking for one, yeah? I’ve got this Reese.”

  “Her truths are for her to share with you. But know this, if you hurt her, I’ll…” I cut her off.

  “I know, I know. You’ll get Rage to kick my ass.” I say.

  She laughs a low demonic chuckle that I’ve never heard before out of her. Hell, for a second, I think I see a mini demon fucker tapping on the big green screen behind her eyes begging to get out. It’s holding a voodoo doll in one hand that looks a lot like me with a serrated knife in the other, taunting me to fuck up. What the actual hell?