Sparrows & Sacrifice

by Nellie K Neves

  “You’re nothing.” He wasn’t worth one of my precious bullets.

  “Lindy, are you—” Ryder’s voice stopped short as he saw Thomas bleeding on the ground. “Did you kill him?”

  “No.” I couldn’t look away from the man I’d feared for far too long. The memory of his lingering stares that tore away my dignity were still too fresh. “He’s still breathing; barely.” I shoved the rifle into Ryder’s arms. “We need to get to the main house.”

  “I saw him sneak up on you.” Ryder almost laughed at his thought. “I was going to save you.”

  I finally pulled my gaze from Thomas’ broken body.

  “Maybe next time.”

  Ryder led the way. “Most of the children are gone. I saw Fern pulling a couple more from under cars a moment ago. I think if we stay to the tree line on the north side, we should be able to get to the house mostly undetected.”

  I nodded to the rifle in his hands. “Are you any good with that?”

  Ryder smirked as if I didn’t know his secrets for once. “They’ve been training me twelve hours a day for a month. I’ll be fine.”

  The open air between the cabins lit up with periodic moments of heavy gunfire, followed by even more frightening silence or screams of panic. We dashed from cabin to cabin, careful to stay low, hopeful to remain undetected. A voice on the wind caught my ear, calling names that belonged to people I cared about.

  “Mary! Mary! Chloe! Mary!”

  Raife called to his wife and child. I scanned the buildings around us, searching for the same person he sought. Finally, I saw her, at the edge of the school bus, pulling the last of the children from below.

  “Mary! Wait!” Raife screamed her name.

  She shoved the children with rough hands, her motherly instinct to protect at all costs. When she glanced back at Raife, I saw no love in her eyes. The bruise had darkened, and so had her feelings for her husband. For the first time since I’d met her, she stood strong, a warrior, no longer a victim of his poison.

  “Mary! Don’t!”

  She disappeared around the back of the bus. Raife’s gun rose to his shoulder. Fear gripped my gut as he leveled his gun at his wife. I screamed in warning. Fern ducked. The bullet shattered a tree near her head. Agents caught her and pulled her into the brush.

  She’d finally escaped his violence.

  Raife spun to face me. The terror billowed up in my chest. Ryder shoved me to the dirt as the shot rang out. My arm jerked as Ryder pulled me to my feet again, urging me to sprint for the tree line. My recent relapse and the lack of care I’d given my body slowed my steps. Still, Ryder wouldn’t leave me. He clutched my hand as he half pulled, half dragged me behind him. I heard his words echoing between my feet and my heart.

  “Ten more feet! Fight through it!”

  The air lit up with more gunfire. Ryder shoved me down to the dirt. My gun fumbled from my grasp, but Ryder knelt, took aim, and fired. With a scream, the shooter tumbled from a nearby roof. I stared wide eyed, amazed by his skills. There was only time for a slight grimace before he pulled me to my feet and pressed my gun in my hands.

  We didn’t stop running once we hit the tree line. Branches and underbrush tore at my bare skin beneath my skirt, opening wounds that bled and burned. The climb felt steeper than it had the night I snuck into Cyrus’ office, but we made it in record time. Bodies sprawled out in front of the house and fighting filled the hillside below us. Agents and rebels fought hard against the opposing enemy. At the heart of it, I saw Tasha, skirt gone, replaced by black pants and her FBI vest. My heart surged as I realized my instincts had been correct.

  “I’m taking the house!” she shouted as she cracked the butt of her rifle against her adversary’s head. A flash of movement behind the building caught my eye. I grabbed for my gun before I fully realized the threat. Nick’s weapon leveled at Tasha. The gun fired, but the sound blasted next to my ear. Nick’s body fell to the ground. Tasha searched the hillside for her benefactor. Ryder’s rifle smoked from his shot. He dropped it to the ground.

  “It’s empty. I’ll have to find something else.”

  In that moment, I saw them, every ghost, every demon Eden’s Haven had released within him. A treacherous landslide, and he’d been buried beneath it. My pacifist had been forced to live every nightmare of his childhood and would carry it with him for the rest of his life. Unrelenting trauma and pain, and I hated myself for putting him through it. The load wasn’t meant for him. He wasn’t built for the wicked world I lived in. For the first time, I understood in part why my parents had taken me to Germany to erase my memories. It was love; love made me want to take it all away even if it meant I lost a part of him with it.

  My fingers dug in at the muscled flesh of his arm, insistence burning until he stopped and turned. Before I could stop them, before I could analyze what it meant or what path I’d choose, the words fell out, undressed and naked, yet perfect.

  “I love you, Ryder.”

  His eyes went wide. Despite his wishes, despite what he’d asked of me, I couldn’t hold it back, not one more second. There weren’t bonds strong enough to keep any of it tied up any longer.

  “I know you said to wait, but I can’t. If we go in there and one of us—”

  His strong arms encircled my waist and pulled me to his kiss. I let it all fade away for a moment.

  The fight.

  The gunfire.

  All of it.

  I considered never leaving that den of trees. Even with a war waging around us, it was the safest place I could imagine: a life in his arms.

  Ryder’s hands gripped my arms at the shoulders and pushed me back. “Tell me again later, when we make it out. Tell me you love me when our lives aren’t at risk.”

  I wanted to say it again. It’d finally been freed and nothing could hold it back, but I understood. He needed to know it was from me, not the product of our circumstances.

  “Tasha’s alone in there. We need to go.” Ryder took my hand and pulled me from our hiding spot. The agents were winning. A few of the enemy remained as we moved to the back of the house. Occupied in their own fight, they didn’t notice as we slipped through the back door.

  I caught the screen before it banged shut. The walls of the house insulated the chaos. Tasha’s strained voice screamed with torturous emotion.

  “Admit it! Say that you killed her!”

  I pressed my gun between my palms and stepped over a fallen body. Ryder pulled a knife from his boot and kept it at the ready. Cyrus spoke without fear, the same lilting calm he’d used when he explained that Willow’s transition was a beautiful gift.

  “I don’t remember Deidra. I’m sorry your friend died. Dying is a part of life, dearest Sky.”

  Everything about Cyrus rattled Tasha. “Don’t call me that! I know you killed her. You strangled her!”

  “Why would I do that? I love my family, every one of you.” Cyrus baited her intentionally. A true sadist, he fed on her pain.

  A sliver at the cracked door gave away their positions. Tasha’s gun remained aimed at his head, even though she trembled with rage. In contrast, Cyrus stared at her with no fear, no guilt. In his mind, he was innocent.

  I shifted my stance to change my view, maybe to see an opportunity to help her. My heel lowered on something soft, no, springy. Recoiling, my eyes searched the dark space beneath the dining table. The air in my lungs retracted. My stomach lurched. A sickened gasp choked from the depths of my chest.

  An arm.

  Iris.

  Dead.

  She held the gun in her hand, but I had no way of knowing if it was her or Cyrus that had ended her life.

  “I’m taking you in, Cyrus,” Tasha said. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done.”

  The battle raged in the next room, but my thoughts remained broken and basic as I stared at the dark blood surrounding Iris.

  Ryder needed a gun.

  I needed to grab the gun.

  My body wouldn’t move, froz
en as I stared at Iris surrounded by a halo of her own blood.

  Shock.

  I was in shock.

  “What are my crimes? You have no proof.” The cult leader’s voice remained unaffected by her threats.

  I bent to retrieve the gun. Warmth still clung to her skin. Maybe it was my imagination. Rigor hadn’t set in, but her fingers tangled around the trigger and the base. My mouth went dry. Iris was dead. Did Harmony make it? Genesis? People I cared about were in trouble. With the gun in my hand, I turned to give it to Ryder, and I saw him.

  My scream of warning shattered the room. Raife’s arm wrapped around Ryder’s throat. Raife threw him back against the kitchen wall. The sheetrock compressed and dented under his weight. Ryder balled up on the floor, coughing and sputtering, the wind knocked from his lungs. The knife fell from his hands. Tasha’s cries lit the air on fire. Raife’s fist smashed down on my head, knocking me to my knees. Pain surged through my system as he gripped my braid and twisted my head back.

  “You destroyed my family!” Rage burned in his wide eyes.

  One day I’ll learn to keep my sarcasm to myself.

  One day.

  “You started it,” I hissed between my teeth.

  My fist collided with his face. His grip released from my body. I shook out the pain, unaccustomed to fighting. My left hook caught him square in the jaw. I should have felt the impact, but adrenaline is a powerful drug. Raife swung, but I ducked beneath the blow. The disturbed air rustled my hair as his power breezed past. I rose back up again, twisted and slammed an uppercut into his stomach. My fingers burrowed into his hair, gritty with dirt and sweat. I clenched my grip and slammed his head hard against my knee. A single gunshot ripped the air. In in my moment of hesitation, Raife wrapped his arms around my waist and threw me against the living room door.

  Wood splintered and flung through the air like shrapnel as it broke under the impact of my weight. The room went hazy as I tried to get my feet beneath me once more. Raife’s black eyes bored into me as he lunged forward. I rolled to get away, but his hands caught me by the arm and shoulder. Ryder screamed my name from the doorway. Raife’s fingers tightened around my neck. He slammed my head against the floor. A blur slashed in my vision. Oxygen filled my lungs as Raife ripped free of my body.

  Shouting and chaos filled the room. I collapsed backward, still coughing and heaving as if Raife’s hands still locked around my throat. Pain became my new reality as the adrenaline faded. Tasha leveled her gun, but Raife’s fist caught her square. The gun flew from her hand. Still weak, I pushed my feet beneath me, unwilling to quit. Ryder’s arms circled my waist to move me from danger. Raife twisted toward me. Silver flashed in the corner of my eye. Ryder shoved me hard, forcing me out of the path of Raife’s knife. My face slapped the floor as I fell too fast to catch myself.

  Ryder’s body collapsed on mine. The world moved in slow motion, but still too rapid to comprehend. I struggled to pull free, but Ryder’s weight pinned me down. My palm pressed against his body, but it remained limp. As I drew it away, red stained my hand.

  Raife stood again, the knife in his hand, Ryder’s blood dripping from it. His laughter rippled through my bones. Unable to free myself, I lay frozen on the floor. The shots rang out—one, two, three. His laughter continued, the maniacal ranting of a madman lost. The vision burned into my mind, Raife’s teeth reddened by blood. He sank to his knees. Agents descended on him, pinning him to the ground despite his inevitable demise.

  I writhed beneath Ryder’s limp body.

  “Ryder!” I screamed his name, but he gave no response. “Help! Help me!”

  Wriggling free, I flipped him over. Blood trickled from the deep wound at his scalp. Blood seeped through my fingers as I tried to stop the bleeding in his abdomen. I balled up the length of my skirt and pressed it over the wound.

  “Help me!”

  Agents were running, but were they helping Ryder? Tasha shouted orders, but no one came for Ryder.

  “Hey there, Huckleberry.” Ryder’s voice wheezed from his chest. I pressed my skirt harder over the wound. Too much blood stained the fabric already. Could it hold one more life?

  “Shhh—don’t talk. Save your strength.” I wanted to sound confident, to be able to assure him that he’d be okay. “They’re getting help.”

  His pale face reminded me of Fern’s when she’d gotten sick. Still, his grin quivered with what strength he had left. “I guess we aren’t getting that first date after all, huh?”

  “Hey, shut up. We will. You need a little hospital stay first, that’s all.” Tears fell on my hands. Blood saturated the base of my skirt. My body shook with anger. No one moved fast enough.

  “Help me!” Desperation shredded my voice.

  “Tell me something, Lindy.” Ryder’s eyes struggled to remain open. They rolled back once. I barely kept my sobbing from hurting him. “Were you mine? At least,” his breath sucked in hard and raspy, “for a little while?”

  I tried to find a voice amid my sobs. “I’ve always been yours, Ryder. Please hang on. I’ll always be yours.”

  With great effort, his hand wrapped around mine. I felt everything—his pulse, his love, his life barely hanging onto me.

  His eyes found me for the last time.

  Deep, dark, and mine.

  “I love you, Lindy.”

  The hand that gripped mine sank to the floor. Unable to hold myself up, I caved against his chest, burrowing my face into him, clutching the fabric of his shirt as if it might keep him with me a little longer.

  “No, no, no!” My voice tore from my body. “No, Ryder, I love you. Please, don’t leave me. I love you.”

  Arms circled my waist and pulled me back, but I clung to Ryder’s body, screaming and crying, lashing out at anyone who dared separate us. I heard them shouting at me, but I didn’t care. He was mine. Even in death, he was mine, and I couldn’t let him go. Tasha threw me back against the couch. Defeated, I rolled into a ball, sobbing and shaking as I struggled to stop my world from shattering.

  His words echoed in my mind as they pulled him from the room.

  When do you break down?

  I try not to. I never know if I’ll be able to put it back together again.

  You can break with me. I’ll fix you every time. I’m not going anywhere.

  He lied. He’d always tried not to lie to me, but this time, he lied.

  Chapter 36

  I burst through the doors to the hospital and slammed my bloodied palms against the reception desk.

  “Where’s the OR?”

  The receptionist’s eyes widened at the sight of me. There wasn’t enough tact in the world to cover her shock. I slammed my hands again, making prints on the glass from his blood.

  “They life flighted someone in. Where would they take him?” I asked.

  Tasha broke through the doors behind me as I was about to take the squirrely receptionist by her frilly white collar.

  “Hey, hey, whoa there, Sparrow. Don’t manhandle her.” Her arms pressed me back. I smothered the urge to shove her once to release some of my unspent tension. Tasha leaned over the desk, flashing a badge she’d been given before we left Eden’s Haven. “Look, we have a guy who was brought in by helicopter. We just got here, by car, so it’s been a couple hours and my friend,” she slammed a hand against my collarbone to stop me from charging the desk, “is obviously a little anxious about his condition.”

  The receptionist kept a wary eye on me. “What’s his name?”

  “Ryder James Billings,” I said. “James is one of his uncles.”

  It wasn’t important. I wasn’t sure why I’d bothered to add it. My skin felt too tight for my body. The ride from Eden’s Haven had been excruciating, even at Tasha’s breakneck speeds.

  “He’s still in surgery.” The receptionist spoke with caution, as if she worried I might lose it again.

  “But he’s alive?” Tasha confirmed.

  “You can wait on the third floor. Someone will fin
d you in the waiting area when they know more.”

  I’d already started for the elevator when Tasha caught up to me.

  “Hey, he’s probably going to be in there awhile. I promised I’d bring you here, but we should get you cleaned up and debriefed while we wait for him.”

  The up button bounced beneath my finger as I pressed it repeatedly for the elevator. I wasn’t going anywhere.

  He’d waited for me.

  I’d wait for him.

  Her fingers dug into my arm to spin me. Without a second thought, my fist whipped across her jaw. Tasha’s palms slammed into my shoulders in retaliation. My head collided with the wall, silencing my rebellion.

  “Hey!” Tasha shouted. “I’m on your side!”

  Too much emotion burned inside me to keep it at bay. Ryder was fighting for his life, and I couldn’t do anything to help him.

  “I’m going up,” I said. The doors opened and people filtered out.

  Her cheeks tightened with stress. “Fine, but I better come with you. I can’t have you assaulting everyone you come in contact with.”

  She stepped into the elevator and shot me a sideways glance. Two people thought about joining us, but one look at me changed their minds.

  “You look terrible,” she said as the doors shut. Her snicker cut some of the tension between us. “You smell even worse.”

  I ignored her and watched the numbers tick until I was that much closer to him.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Lindy!”

  My uncle’s voice jarred me from the haze I’d drifted into. He stepped off the elevator and collapsed the distance between us in five strides. I sunk into his hug. For a moment I let him be the strong one.

  “He’s still in surgery,” I whispered against his police jacket. “It’s been five hours.”

  Uncle Shane took me by the shoulders. “I brought you clothes. Figured you might want to burn these.”

  I thought of my other clothes that were stained with blood, hidden at the back of my closet. They might be lonely. Maybe they’d like a friend. The paper bag he handed me felt slippery as it crinkled in my grip. The real world—paper bags and jeans and food whenever you wanted it.