The Lost Saint

by Bree Despain

  “You’re the one who doesn’t trust me. What have you been doing for the last week and a half? Katie? Mishka? Drinking at bars? Or something else I can’t even imagine? At least Talbot doesn’t lie to me!”

  Daniel looked right into my eyes. “Tell me something, Grace. Is there something between you and this Talbot person? Something more than just training?”

  “No,” I whispered, but then the image of Talbot trying to kiss me flashed through my mind, the way it felt when his lips brushed my cheek.

  A look of guilt must have crossed my face, because Daniel dropped his gaze and he put a hand to his forehead. His whole body shuddered like he was holding back a rush of sorrow, and he slumped against the wall.

  “No, Daniel. No.”

  I wanted to rush over to him and throw my arms around his shoulders, but I was afraid he’d just push me away. Any connection I shared with Talbot, whatever bond drew me to him, I realized now that it was skinny and hollow compared to how I felt about Daniel. Nothing compared to how the thought of causing Daniel this pain made me feel.

  “It’s not like that at all. He tried to kiss me. I told him not to, but he still tried.”

  “What?” Daniel shot straight up and grabbed his motorcycle keys off the table next to him. “Take me to him. Where is he?”

  “No, Daniel. What on earth would that accomplish? It’s still not what you think.”

  “Take me to that bas—”

  “So you can do what? He’s Urbat. There’s nothing you could do.”

  “I’m capable of doing more damage than you think.”

  “Daniel, please,” I said, trying to calm him down. “Talbot is my friend and my mentor. That’s all.”

  “No, Grace. That’s not all. If this guy is the one who told you to take off your moonstone, then he isn’t who he claims to be. He should know you’re not strong enough without it.”

  His words stung, but only because they were true. “Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. I thought I could become a Hound of Heaven. I thought I could take on the Shadow Kings and find Jude. But all I’ve accomplished is hurting you. You’re right. I’m not strong enough. I’ve failed.”

  And Gabriel’s right, too.

  Falling is inevitable.

  Daniel sighed. He held the keys dangling from his hand. His shirt hung open from where I’d torn it, and I watched his perfect chest heave as he breathed.

  And that was when I noticed it: his perfect, unmarked chest.

  “Daniel,” I said, taking another step toward him, trying to get a better look. “What happened to the gashes on your chest?”

  Daniel looked down at his sternum, then hurriedly pulled his torn shirt closed to hide his collarbone, where the three gashes had been only a few minutes ago—the ones I’d given him during my frenzy. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, and tried to turn away.

  “That’s not nothing.” I grabbed his hand that held his shirt closed and pulled it away from his chest. I was right—the gashes were gone. The only evidence of them were three faint white scars. “What is this, Daniel? What’s going on?”

  I grabbed his arm and pulled at the frayed bandage that covered the stitches he’d gotten at the hospital. I expected him to protest, to try to pull out of my grasp, but he only slumped against the wall again—resigned—as I removed the bandage.

  Nothing was there. Not even a scar.

  “What is going on?” I demanded.

  “I don’t know,” Daniel whispered. He ran his hand over his uninjured arm. “I really don’t know.”

  “But you did know this was happening. You’re angry at me for keeping secrets, and yet this is what you’re keeping from me?”

  “I didn’t want to tell you yet.…”

  “Because you don’t trust me?” I knew it was a stupid thing to ask. I knew I hadn’t been acting very trust worthy as of late—but this was too big of a thing to keep from me. “Or because you think I’m too weak to handle it?”

  Daniel didn’t answer.

  “Are all your powers coming back?” I asked.

  “Yes. Slowly. But they’re developing.”

  “Oh, God.” I stepped back until my knees hit the edge of the bed. “Does that mean you’re not cured? Does it mean …?”

  Falling is inevitable … and there is no cure after all?

  “I don’t know—” Daniel began, but he was interrupted by a loud banging noise on his front door.

  “Grace Divine!” an angry voice shouted. “If you’re in there, you’d better come out now if you ever want to see the light of day again!”

  Dad?

  “Get the hell out here now, young lady!” he shouted. “Or I will break down this door if I have to.”

  I looked at Daniel. He pulled his shirt closed, and his eyes flitted to the rumpled bed. We both knew the door was unlocked.

  “Go,” he said.

  My heart ached like I’d never thought it could. Something was broken between Daniel and me, and I didn’t want to leave before I could fix it.

  “This isn’t over.”

  I heard the doorknob start to turn. I grabbed my backpack and bolted toward the door, using my super-speed to get there before the knob finished turning. I opened the door, stepped out in front of my livid father, and shut it behind me before he could see anything else.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  The Big Bad Wolf

  IN THE CAR

  I had no idea my dad could scream that loud—or for that long. Apparently, Gabriel had filled him in on my escapades over the last two weeks, and how I’d run out on him. Dad yelled at me all the way home in the Corolla, and then we sat in the car in the driveway for a good long while because he wasn’t done. I was tired of telling my story, so when dad demanded more details, I rattled off every event that had happened in the last week like a robot stating facts—well, all the events except for the ones that involved my lips in any way. When I was done, I pretty much just shut down and listened to him yell at me some more. Dad was usually so even-keeled and forgiving that the whole thing felt completely surreal.

  I could hear the wolf’s voice trying to edge its way into my head. Trying to get me to lash out at Dad with my words. I hated myself for how easy it had been for the wolf to make me forget everything that was important to me—even if it had been for only a few moments. What if Daniel hadn’t been able to stop me from hurting him? I would have lost everything. I clutched my moonstone necklace in both my hands and pushed the wolf away as best as I could. I couldn’t afford to let it have any control over me again.

  I didn’t even blink until Dad pulled the car into the garage; he changed his tone to a softer, disappointed almost whisper. “The thing that hurts me most, Grace, is that you thought you had to try to find Jude on your own. If you hadn’t been so self-absorbed, you would have known that Gabriel and I have been out scouring the city for your brother. We already knew about the Shadow Kings.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. Why does that make me want to cry? “Are you going to let Gabriel take me away to his pack?”

  Dad shook his head. “I’m not letting you out of our sight.”

  I shuddered with a grateful sob. “I assume I’m grounded, then.”

  Dad made a scoffing laugh. “If you think you’ve been grounded before, you aren’t prepared for this kind of grounding.”

  THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THE WEEK

  Dad wasn’t kidding. Not only was I under house arrest, but he escorted me to and from school each day, and every lunch I was required to spend with Gabriel in his classroom, learning the finer points of tai chi and meditation. The Good Samaritan project was cancelled by Gabriel, and the rest of the students were reassigned to helping Day’s Market get ready for its grand reopening. I was informed by my father, however, that I’d be helping my mom get ready for the Halloween festival concessions to fulfill the rest of my service project. For good measure, Dad nailed my bedroom window shut and took away my cell phone, because if I couldn’t bother to answer it
“when it was imperative,” then I didn’t deserve to have one.

  I’d lost the slip of paper with Talbot’s number on it, so without my cell I had no way of contacting him to tell him what had happened.

  But the part that devastated me the most about being grounded was that, even though it was midterms week, Daniel didn’t show up for school the day after our fight. Or the next day. Or the day after that. I called him a few times from our home phone when my parents weren’t breathing down my back, but he never answered. And there was no way I was going to be able to stop by his apartment to see if he was okay.

  On Wednesday I cornered April after art class and profusely apologized for getting mad at her for ratting me out to Gabriel—she really had done the right thing, after all. She forgave me immediately—but she sounded more than devastated when I told her I wasn’t going to be try to be a superhero anymore.

  “Are you sure?” she asked. “I’ve been working on the best costume design.”

  “I’m sure it would have been fabulous,” I said. “But I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to tap into my powers without losing control. I can’t risk it again.”

  I was almost certain Talbot wasn’t the one Jude had tried to warn me about. It just didn’t make sense. But the longer I was away from him, the more I questioned his methods. Yes, he’d shown me how to tap into my powers, but only by using my anger and fear to do it—the things that made the wolf stronger. Now it felt like I didn’t know how to use my powers at all without giving the wolf too much control. And why had he wanted me to take off my moonstone? I wore it twenty-four hours now, even showered with it on, afraid to ever take it off after what I’d done to Daniel.

  How had Talbot lasted so long without falling to the wolf while using his methods? Especially without a moonstone of his own?

  Was Talbot really that much stronger than I was?

  Or had Daniel been right about him—that he wasn’t who he claimed to be?

  As much as I didn’t care for Gabriel’s company, I have to admit that I looked forward to our tai chi sessions together. It was one of the few quiet moments in my day, when I could let go of my moonstone and not battle the wolf for free rein over my thoughts. Part of me wished I’d swallowed my pride and let him teach me sooner.

  By our Thursday session, I finally broke my vow of silence concerning Gabriel and asked if he knew anything about Daniel’s absence. He stood in a T-stance, his arms parallel in front of him. Then he slid into a parting-the-horse’s-mane position and said that Daniel was “looking for answers.”

  “Answers to what?” I asked.

  “You know very well to what,” Gabriel stated, and then wouldn’t say any more. His voice was laced with so much disappointment it made me feel like I was at the bottom of a pit, staring up at an impossible climb.

  I turned away, fighting the sudden urge to sweep Gabriel’s legs out from under him and send him sprawling across the social hall floor.

  I guess he and I weren’t going to be friends anytime soon.

  By Friday afternoon, Daniel still hadn’t shown up for school, and I learned he apparently wasn’t at his apartment, either, when Sheriff Ford and Deputy Marsh showed up on our doorstep asking if I knew where he was.

  I shook my head. “I haven’t seen him since Monday.”

  “Do you know where he was Sunday night?” Marsh asked.

  “Why?”

  “We’re looking into possible leads in the Peter Bradshaw attack. We think it’s connected to what happened to Tyler, so we’re requestioning people.”

  “I talked to him on the phone that night. He was definitely home,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

  Hell, for all I knew these days, I could have been the one who attacked Pete. I could have done it under the influence of the wolf and not even remembered it. Like how Jude had attacked Maryanne’s body and didn’t even know he was the one who did it.

  “Are you sure?” the sheriff asked.

  “Yes.”

  Sheriff Ford asked me a few more questions and then left me with a business card in case I thought of anything else.

  But all I could think of was that I wanted Daniel to come home. Gabriel said Daniel was looking for answers, but what if he’d left because of me?

  And what if he didn’t plan on coming back?

  HALLOWEEN

  The rest of Friday passed with no word from Daniel, and I would have spent all of Saturday curled up in my bed if it hadn’t been for the Halloween festival that evening. It was the last thing in the world I felt like going to, but Mom didn’t even blink when I told her I wasn’t feeling well.

  “Grab that basket of caramel apples and put it in the Corolla,” she said. “I’m going over now to supervise the decorating committee. Find a costume, and then I need you to bring over the refreshments for the booth.”

  “A costume? Seriously, I have to wear a costume?”

  “Everybody is dressing up. You’ll look silly if you don’t.” Mom was in a kimono that Grandpa Kramer had brought back from their trip to Japan two summers ago. She even had her hair swept up in a perfect Japanese-style bun. She picked up Baby James, who was already dressed in his Max’s wolf-suit costume from the Where the Wild Things Are book. It was made of white fleece with a bushy brown tail and a hood with long pointed ears. He clapped his hands and crooned, “Wet the Wild Wumpus stawt!”

  I laughed, feeling a hint of happiness for the first time in days. It was pretty much the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

  “I taught him that,” Charity said as she passed me with a box of orange-and-black tablecloths. She wore an angel costume with glittery wings and a white toga. The whole family dressing up for Halloween had always been kind of a Divine family tradition. One I had apparently been left out of the loop on this year.

  “But I don’t have a costume,” I said as they walked out the door.

  “Find something,” Mom said. “And don’t be late with those refreshments.”

  After she was gone, I tried to find our costumes, but then I remembered that all of the Halloween boxes had been sent to Katie Summers for the festival. After about twenty minutes of digging through the storage room, I gave up and called April for help.

  “I am so glad you called,” April said when she walked into my bedroom a little while later, with her makeup bag, a small duffel, and a jewelry box. “This is exactly why you need me.”

  My dad was down in his study working on who knew what, and I figured he couldn’t protest my having a friend over if it was technically to help Mom out with the festival.

  “I’m at a loss,” I said. “I’m thinking of just safety pinning a couple pairs of socks to my sweats and going as ‘static cling.’ ”

  April rolled her eyes. She put one hand on her vinyl-clad hip. Her sequined tank sparkled under the light in my room, and her blonde locks were twisted into some weird sort of hair sculpture à la Lady Gaga. I couldn’t imagine how many cans of hairspray she’d used to make it stay that way. “Halloween is about releasing your inner she-wolf,” she pronounced.

  I cringed at her terrible word choice. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Then at least a little bit of a sex kitten.” She unzipped her duffel. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.” She pulled out a bundle of red-and-blue fabric. “I’ve been working on this design for the last few days, but when you said you weren’t going to do the superhero thing anymore, I thought I’d never get a chance to see you wear it.” She handed me the bundle and then went to her bag for something else.

  I held the clothes out in front of me: a tiny blue gingham sheath dress and a solid red hooded cloak. I’d seen these clothes before. In a picture on April’s dresser from a daddy-daughter costume party at her elementary school. It was the only picture of her dad in her entire house.

  “I’d planned on bedazzling your superhero initials on the back of the cloak, but we hadn’t decided on anything, so I left it blank.”

&nb
sp; “Is this your Little Red Riding Hood costume?” I asked. “And weren’t you like ten years old when you wore this? Don’t you think it’s going to be way too small?”

  “Exactly,” April said, and grinned like the Cheshire cat.

  Seriously, I don’t know how April gets me to do these things. I mean, in the picture I’d seen of her wearing this dress, it had hit her midcalf. But as I pulled it over my shoulders, the fabric clung to my chest and hips and barely reached my midthighs. The red hooded cloak that went with it skimmed just above the small of my back. If it weren’t for the flesh-colored tights I insisted on wearing with the outfit, I would have felt practically naked.

  April pulled a curling iron out of her duffel bag and gave my already naturally curly hair a little more “pow,” as she called it. Then she coated all my nails in bright blue polish to match the dress. But the things that almost put the outfit over the top were the tall red-leather high-heeled boots she pulled out of her bag of supplies. The ones I had barely been able to walk in at the club.

  I stood in front of the mirror in utter disbelief. “I so can’t leave the house in this.”

  “Yes, you can,” April said, standing next to me at the mirror while applying an insane amount of liner around her eyes. “You totally rock that outfit.” She flitted over to my desk and dropped her eye pencil in her makeup bag and then picked up two bracelets from her jewelry box. “Do you think Gaga would wear white or yellow gold?” She held up the two bracelets of different colors. One was a gold-beaded bangle, and the other I recognized as the bracelet she’d lost at the club. The image of Talbot holding it out to me in his hand flashed through my mind.

  “I thought that bracelet was silver.”

  “Oh, the ones I sell on my website are silver. But I had the original one made out of white gold just for me. One of the perks of being the designer.” She dug into her large jewelry box and pulled out a silver cuff that was almost identical to her bracelet. “You should wear this. It’s perfect for your ensemble. But be sure to tell anyone who asks about it that it’s one of my fall designs.” She flitted back over to me and slipped it on my wrist.