He fist pumped, a big smile on his face, and then started pulling things out of my cabinets. I watched, amused that he knew where things were. The cutting board, the knife, the seasoning.
“What kind of pan do you need?” he asked as he opened the cabinet where I stored all my pots and pans.
“Actually, I was going to walk over to Chance’s. He lets me use his grill as long as I share.”
“You two are close?” he asked, though it sounded more like a statement. “I mean I know you live close, but you seem to really get along well too.”
“We are. We do.”
“He’s protective of you, but he never said much about what you were like.”
That didn’t surprise me. Chance held my secrets closely. Some part of him was probably embarrassed about the whole thing – that he had a sister who was an addict and that he’d been dragged into my mess. He’d never admit that, of course. I knew he loved me and that he felt guilty for not being there when I first started using, but he couldn’t have stopped me. He liked to think he could have – that big brotherly ‘I would have knocked some sense into you’ mentality – but I was good at hiding it from the people I loved. Until I wasn’t.
“One of the guys asked about you once. Said he’d seen a picture of you on Chance’s social media or something and wanted to know if he could get your number. I thought Chance was going to punch him just for suggesting he was good enough for you.” Finn shook his head like he was remembering it. “Can’t say that I blame him. If you were my sister, I’d be protective, too.”
My face heated with the sort of compliment. I put the steaks on a plate and Finn took over seasoning while I wrapped potatoes in foil. “Chance always wanted to keep me from dating his friends. The first time I admitted I had a crush on one of them – I was probably only in fifth grade or so – he freaked out and told me I was never ever to date his friends. That he’d make sure they knew I was off limits. After that any time any of his buddies were over, he’d get pissed if they even said hi to me. I mean hello, it’s not like they were interested in Chance’s skinny, awkward little sister. Most of the time guys, even my own age, were just nice to me to get to Chance. He was always popular, the guy people wanted to know and be friends with. Even before he became Chance the soccer star.”
“I see you were as clueless back then as you are now?”
“How do you mean?” I asked.
Finn studied me for a long moment. Blue eyes searched for… something. “You’re beautiful and interesting, and your brother was right – none of those guys were good enough for you.”
My face flamed and I couldn’t even squeak out a thank you.
“Are we ready?” he asked, completely unfazed like he hadn’t just given me the nicest compliment I’d received in… forever.
Finn carried everything while I walked behind him feeling a bit ridiculous with empty hands but enjoying the way he was such a gentleman. Richard had manners, but he had less of the alpha must-do-all-the-manly-things way about him. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed that he didn’t treat me like I was incapable, but Finn didn’t either. Finn had a way of swooping in and taking a load off in a way that was just sweet. And Finn wasn’t sweet. Maybe that’s why it felt that way. He was so rough around the edges that when he did something, no matter how small, it made it feel more important than it was.
Chance and Aubrey were excited to see us. Even more excited when they realized we’d brought food. Chance and Finn took over grilling and I sat down with Aubrey. She’d abandoned a glass of wine and poured us both coffee.
“You know it doesn’t bother me if you drink.”
She smiled maybe a bit sheepishly. “You always say that, but it just doesn’t feel right. Besides, that wine was going to put me to sleep by eight.”
Chance and Aubrey never kept much booze stocked in their house. A bottle or two of wine and a few beers max. It made me love them just a little more for how much they respected me and the lengths they went to show me. I knew that I’d never be magically cured – addiction didn’t work that way, but I didn’t feel an ounce of temptation when Chance and Aubrey had a beer or glass of wine in my presence. They drank so responsibly. Especially since CJ. When I did crave a high, it was the out of control feeling I wanted more than anything.
“Does Richard ever drink in front of you?” Aubrey asked.
“Rarely and only if we’re out at a restaurant or an event or something and he never has more than one.”
“He’s really good to you.”
I nodded. “He really is. He’s already lined up an interview for me in New York. I go on Friday.”
“What?!” she squeaked, voicing the surprise and panic I’d felt at first. “What about your job here? Will you move right away? Oh my God, I’m not prepared. I thought we’d have months yet.”
“I don’t know. I thought so too. Listen, can you please not tell Chance yet? He’s going to flip.”
She groaned. “You know I’m the worst at keeping things from him. He sees through me. He knows when I’m hiding something.”
“You two are ridiculous.”
That made her smile. “He’s going to be devastated.”
My stomach sank. Living near Chance these last few years had meant everything. I was already a little devastated myself.
“You guys can visit, and I’ll come back – you know I can’t go too long without seeing my favorite nephew. It’s time for me to get on with my life.” I motioned toward her abandoned wine glass. “You can have your wine without worrying about me falling off the wagon.”
Aubrey reached over and placed her hand over mine. “You know that our not drinking around you has nothing to do with worrying about you falling off the wagon, right? Don’t get me wrong, I do worry about that, but only because I love you so much. You’re the strongest person I know. We don’t drink in front of you because we want you to know that you’re more important to us than that. Your comfort and your sobriety… your happiness.”
I was fighting back tears. God, what was I going to do without her?
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. “Let’s talk about something else. I might bomb the interview and be here another six months.”
“Not likely, but I’ll give you a pass. Besides, I want to hear how it’s going with Finn. You two seem to be getting along nicely.”
“Who would have thought?” I laughed lightly.
Chance and Finn came in with the food shortly after. My brother was all smiles. Finn made Chance seem younger somehow. Maybe it was just Finn’s youth or the way he reminded Chance of when he was playing soccer.
Chance was happy now, that was obvious in the way he interacted with Aubrey and CJ, but I’d bet he missed soccer and being part of a team. He didn’t really talk about it.
“You want something to drink?” Aubrey asked Finn. “We’ve got wine, beer, coffee.”
He glanced at me before answering. “Water would be great.”
Aubrey looked to me.
“Same.”
Finn and I sat on the opposite side of the table from Chance and Aubrey, CJ in a highchair next to his mum. With Finn sitting in Richard’s usual seat it was all a little surreal. I had to stop myself on more than one occasion from leaning closer.
Once everyone had their plates filled, Chance spoke to me around a mouth full of steak. “Finn and I were talking about going to that little hole in the wall Chinese buffet on Saturday. I know how much you love that place but hate going by yourself. You in?”
“Oh.” Aubrey looked down when I glanced to her for help. “I’m going to be out of town this weekend.”
Chance’s eyebrows pulled together. “You’re going to visit Dick so soon? He was just here.”
My palms sweated. Aubrey was right, my brother was a secret ninja.
“I have an interview on Friday.” I took a bite of my potato and tried to act casual.
The table grew quiet until all I could hear was my own chewing. Even CJ was
silent.
“The headhunter working with Richard to staff the New York office had a job and, well, it sounds perfect. It’s just an interview.”
“That’s great,” Chance said with a tone that said the opposite. Aubrey elbowed him and forced a smile.
Finn scooted his arm along the table until it touched mine. I glanced up to find him offering a sympathetic smile. I took it and I didn’t break the contact for several long seconds as I soaked up any reassurances I could.
“Congratulations is what your brother meant to say,” Aubrey said as she shot daggers at Chance. “And good luck.”
“Good luck,” Chance grunted.
Adele
We stayed at Chance and Aubrey’s way later than expected not walking back until after my usual bedtime.
“It’s a nice neighborhood,” Finn said, looking around like he was seeing it for the first time. “Quiet, family friendly, lots of trees and landscaping so it feels suburban, but also close to the beach.”
“Yep.”
“I don’t care for New York. Everyone is rushing from place to place, the weather is awful, it smells.” He shook his head. “I’m surprised you want to give this up.”
He held the door open for me and we walked in to find kitty waiting for us.
“Says the guy who lives in LA.”
“I have to live close to the field.”
“And if you didn’t? Where would you live?”
“Haven’t given it a lot of thought until recently, but this place seems pretty hard to beat.”
I couldn’t picture Finn living in this neighborhood for all the money in the world, but he wasn’t wrong – it would be hard to beat.
“Well, you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? I mean you moved across the world for someone. I’m just moving across the country.”
His lips twisted into a stoic and thoughtful smile at my words. “I suppose you’re right. Home is where the heart is or whatever the cheesy line is.”
“Home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling,” I said, hands over my heart, in the most dramatic voice I could muster.
Finn smirked. “Home is whatever the fuck you make it.”
“Did you read that on a motivational poster?”
“No, I made that one up myself.”
“You should stick to your day job.”
Finn motioned to the TV. “You wanna watch something?”
“I should get to bed. I have to get to the office early tomorrow.”
“Right, the job.”
I laughed. He had no sense of a nine to five. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be training with the team or something?”
“I’ll start back next week. I’d planned to be off for the past two weeks for the honeymoon anyway.”
“Right.”
He shuffled awkwardly. “Well, good night then.”
“’Night, Finn.”
I showered, put on leggings and a tank top, and sat on my bed to comb out my hair. The faint sound of the TV called to me. I wasn’t really tired, and I knew getting into bed would only result in tossing and turning knowing Finn was on the other side.
Standing and taking a deep breath, I opened my door and walked out with the intention of telling him I was up for a little TV. What could it hurt?
Finn had removed his shirt and changed into a pair of blue workout shorts. My gaze snagged on his bare chest leaned back so casually on my couch, right at home.
“Hey.” He shot a surprised smile my way. “Did you change your mind?”
My pulse quickened and I swallowed. “No, uh, just wanted to grab some water.”
A flicker of disappointment crossed his face before he shrugged. I hustled to grab a bottle of water and went back to my room and locked the door – this time to keep myself inside.
I worked late on Wednesday trying to get everything in order before my day off on Friday. I’d also begun to think about my eventual departure and spent a few hours typing up notes and comments for my replacement. I would probably have months to prepare, but I was planning for the worst. Or best.
The house was empty when I walked in aside from kitty who paraded to the door to greet me showing off a brand-new collar. It matched all of her other pink and shiny garb. It made me wonder if he’d had it all along or if he’d bought it today. The image of Finn wondering the aisles and looking over the kitty supplies made me smile.
He wasn’t here now though. Another date maybe. I hadn’t asked how the last one went, but I was still curious.
I changed into comfy clothes, grabbed my leftover lunch, and had just sat down in front of the TV when the front door opened.
“I found the downfall of your charming town,” he said, rushing in with hands full and kicking the door closed behind him. “It took nearly thirty minutes to grab takeaway. The whole town had the same idea.”
I stood and walked to the counter where he set the bags.
“You got Chinese?”
He shrugged, taking containers out of the bags. “Chance said it was your favorite and you’re going to be out of town this weekend.”
“Wow.” I eyed the many containers – way too much for two people. The smell made my mouth water. “Thank you.”
A head bob and a smile were his only response. Oh so cool and casual like it was nothing. Maybe it was to him.
I grabbed plates and silverware and we sat down together.
“What are you watching?” Finn asked and then took a big bite. He moaned as he chewed.
“Good, right? Totally worth the thirty-minute wait.”
He nodded.
“I was watching Bear Grylls, but we can change it. What do you want to watch?” I handed him the remote.
“Are you some sort of super fan? Your DVR is filled with this and a dozen other survival shows.”
I blushed and tried to think through my recorded shows. Oh God, how embarrassing. Everyone knows a person’s DVR and web history are the most private of things.
He stared at me and I realized I hadn’t given him an answer. “I think they’re fascinating. Bear Grylls especially. He’s not afraid of anything.”
“I doubt that.”
“Seriously. He’s jumping out of planes, climbing up mountains, and rappelling down cliffs. And don’t even get me started on the animals he encounters.” I shuddered at the thought of being out there and coming face to face with a wolf or poisonous snake. No thank you.
“Have you ever gone skydiving?”
I shook my head.
“Rock climbing?”
Another shake.
“I’m guessing rappelling is also a no then.”
“Have you ever done any of those?”
“I’ve been rock climbing a bunch of times. Never jumped out of a plane.”
My gaze fell to his hands. Long fingers, nice but a little rough. Yeah, I could picture him climbing the side of a mountain. Finn seemed like just the type of guy that would be good at that.
Actually, Finn was the type of guy who was probably good at whatever he put his mind to. Chance was like that too. It was obnoxious in a sibling; on Finn it was… attractive.
It’s not like I walked around with blinders on. I knew he was attractive, it’s just this was the first time I admitted to myself that I was attracted to him. Not just objectively in that way that you could understand how others found someone appealing but didn’t yourself find them so. Like Jason Momoa. He was attractive, but I wasn’t drawn to him because some part of me realized that he wasn’t my type. I was never going to be the girl for him — drinking beer and throwing axes while our wild children scaled the walls around us.
Just like I was never going to be the type of girl who stood beside Finn while he snapped selfies drinking umbrella drinks or attended parties with the most fabulous of Los Angeles. Finn was all wrong for me. I wasn’t his type. But now… when he was sitting on my couch eating take out, I could almost pretend it wasn’t so ludicrous.
Wrapping my brain around that little fac
toid, I kept my eyes trained on the TV.
“Are those things you want to do?” Finn asked.
I shrugged, still not looking at him. The TV paused and it actually took me a second to realize Finn had purposely stopped it to get my answer. I glanced over at him. Leaned back, plate resting on one muscular jean-clad thigh, his right hand held the remote casually.
“No, I don’t want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.” I rolled my eyes, but Finn’s expression was curious and unwavering despite my attempt to make light of it.
“Alright then, what do you want to do?”
“You mean besides watch Bear Grylls in silence?” I arched a brow.
That made him smile, but he set the remote on the couch beside him and angled his body toward mine. “Seriously. What are the things you want to do that you haven’t?”
“I don’t know. What are yours?” I asked, deflecting but also, I was curious.
“I want to hike Angels Landing, see all the charming small towns in middle America, try oysters.” He leaned in. “I’m always afraid I’ll bloody hate the things and spit it out in the middle of a restaurant, so I’ve never tried them.” He smiled and I met it, totally enraptured by his answer. His expression softened and he leaned back a little. “I want to have a family someday. A whole van full of them. A boy that’ll carry on the family name, and a whole bunch of girls who I can teach to play soccer and show up the boys.”
“That’s quite a list,” I said finally.
He nodded and resumed eating, clearly waiting for me to go.
“I want to travel. I’d love to see Africa, go back to Australia, take an Alaskan cruise. I’d like to camp… Chance and I used to go with our dad all the time. We’d go out for a weekend. Sleep on lumpy sleeping bags and live off hot dogs and s’mores that we cooked over the fire. Now I’m not even sure I could start a fire or pitch a tent it’s been so long.”
He smirked at that.
“I want to do so many things, but there never seems to be enough time.” I looked down at my lap. “Or courage, I guess. It’s easier to watch Bear Grylls and sit on the sofa. When I first got out of rehab, they said to take things slow. The smallest things can trigger you and I was so worried about relapsing that I created this shell of a life. I guess I didn’t realize it until recently.” And then because I didn’t want him to think me totally pathetic, I added, “Moving to New York will be good for me, I think. Every day a new adventure.”
Jilted Jock : A Hero Club Novel Page 9