Love Me

by Cristin Cooper

  I pushed open the glass door and stormed my way over to them yelling at her the whole way. Loud enough that everyone inside would’ve been able to hear me. I accused her of having an affair with him and told her to stay away from my man. I lifted my glass to throw my drink on her, but Kevin caught me before I could. He picked me up and carried me to his car. When he got into the driver side, his fists clenched the steering wheel. His breaths came out as uneven as mine. When he looked at me, he told me to stay put, and he would be right back. A few minutes later, he returned with my purse, coat and didn’t speak the whole way to his apartment.

  “Oh God. Kevin…”

  “Just finish showering. I’m going to make some breakfast,” he said as he walked out of the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Panic built in my chest. He was going to break up with me, and I deserved it.

  I took my time getting out of the shower and dressed. I dreaded having to face him again, but I finally left his bedroom and found him plating food and setting them on the kitchen bar. “Come sit.” He pulled out a stool and took the one beside it.

  After a few bites, I braved looking at him again. “Was it as bad as I remember?”

  “Yeah,” he said with no inflection in his voice.

  “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Please give me another chance.” I never thought I would feel as desperate as I did at that moment.

  His brows furrowed and he turned the stool until I faced him. “What do you mean?”

  “I know I screwed up, but don’t break up with me. I’ll stop drinking. I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t leave me,” I begged.

  “Kimberly.” He drew me into his arms. “I’m not breaking up with you. I just...” He let go of me and stood to pace the floor. “I’m not thrilled that you yelled at our receptionist and accused us of having an affair, but that wasn’t what kept me up all night. I’ve seen you drunk before, but not like this. You scared me last night.”

  I stood in front of him, stopping his movements to put my arms around him. I needed him to hold me and tell me we would be okay. “Kevin, I promise that’ll never happen again. I’ll make it right with you and with her.”

  He looked into my eyes and said, “I believe you.”

  23

  My mother handed me a mug of coffee as I sat down at Anna’s kitchen table regretting my decision to drink the night before. “Who let me drink so much? And who decided to get up at the buttcrack of dawn even before the kids were awake?” There was something universally wrong when all the adults were up before the kids, and my annoyance dripped with every word I said.

  “First of all, none of us knew you wanted us to regulate your alcohol consumption. Though Mom did try to hide the wine,” Anna informed me as she began to make breakfast.

  “Twice,” my mother chimed in. I kept my head down, but I felt her eyes on me, judging me and wondering if she should send me to an addiction center. I only knew this because she had hinted at it after Thanksgiving.

  “But you’re like a drug sniffing hound dog. Except instead of drugs, it’s liquor,” Anna teased. Amber giggled as she placed her homemade cinnamon rolls into the oven.

  “And I’m a person,” I reminded her.

  “That too,” she said sarcastically.

  For once I wasn’t in the mood to joke. I drank heavily last night after promising Kevin, only two weeks ago, that I wouldn’t. Reaching for the wine when I got upset had been a reflex.

  Kevin had called to talk to me right before we sat down for dinner. I had been thrilled to hear his voice then…

  My stomach clenched remembering our phone call.

  I stood outside in the rain listening to him tell me how frustrated he was that he couldn’t be with me. He admitted to being jealous after he had looked at all the photos I had posted on social media of Tim, Matt, the twins and I. We had visited Santa, ate Voodoo donuts, and watched the Christmas Ships Parade.

  I had to admit a large part of me liked he got jealous, but when he asked, “Are you and Tim still considering having a baby together?” I understood why seeing me with him would make him upset.

  “We’re not. I want a baby, but not with him and he doesn’t want one with me. When he came up with the idea, neither of us were dating anyone,” I explained.

  “Good.” He cleared his voice and said, “Kimberly, I want all your babies to be mine.” He was dead serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh with happiness. I felt so much joy; I couldn’t hold it in.

  But a few minutes later, he dropped a bomb on my mood.

  “I need to tell you something.” My stomach dropped at those words and something in his voice had put me on edge. “I’m having dinner with some family friends tonight and Grace will be there.”

  BOOM!

  “As in your ex-girlfriend, Grace?”

  “Yes.”

  My heart sunk to my stomach. He promised he no longer loved her, but could it be true? Especially considering how long they were together. Feelings didn’t just disappear like that. Not after ten years.

  I’m glad he wanted to tell me and didn’t keep things from me. I appreciated it, but it didn’t stop my imagination from picturing them together. I could be needy and frustrating. Deciding he didn’t want to be with me because I was too much work, wouldn’t be unthinkable. He promised I had nothing to worry about, and I wanted to believe him. And he about had me talked off the ledge until he dropped the second bomb. “We’ll be at the same New Year’s Eve party.”

  KABOOM!

  Once again, he reassured me that he loved only me and that he planned to avoid her, but I remembered the way she had looked at him the night before the Fourth of July party and the way she touched him possessively. She hadn’t given up on him yet.

  The moment we hung up, I began to drink and didn’t stop until I passed out on Anna’s bed. With each drink, the images in my head blurred, and I found the world a funny place to be. I liked not feeling the fear and jealousy, and I felt better. At least temporarily.

  But, today, I regretted everything.

  My heart rate picked up speed remembering I had talked to him after I had been drinking a while. Oh God. Could he tell? Did he notice I was drunk? Did he catch me in the lie? I meant it when I made my promise. I didn’t want him to have to worry about my drinking. But…

  But nothing, Kimmie. I let my fear take over, and I broke my promise.

  “Merry Christmas!” Pete shouted with his booming voice pulling me out of my memories. Nate, Claire, and Jakey entered the kitchen with sleepy eyes, but with the excitement of Christmas in their smiles.

  Watching them open presents and get excited about their gifts had been a good distraction, but once the excitement died down and everyone went off to play with their new toys and gadgets, I went back to thinking about last night.

  I searched for my phone and called him. I had to make sure we were okay.

  Relief washed over me when I heard the laugh in his voice as he told me about his morning with his family. If he had noticed my drunken state last night, he didn’t say.

  Before we hung up, I told him how much I loved him and missed him. When he returned the sentiment, I let it push out the worry and jealousy. Now that he was in my life, I needed him to stay.

  I snickered every time Anna walked out of her bedroom anxiously checking to see if Adam arrived. Tonight she was going on a first date for the first time since she was seventeen. I shouldn’t laugh considering how huge this was for her, but she made me crazy making me double-check her hair, makeup, and her dress.

  Nate had already left for his New Year’s Eve date with his girlfriend Stephanie, which left me, Claire and Jakey. I had big plans for us. First on the list: make our own pizzas. I hadn’t done this since Amber did this with me Ryan and Anna when we were teens. She had sent me her recipe for dough and sauce, and Claire and I had spent the past hour preparing. After dinner, we would start our movie marathon. Each kid picked a couple of videos that we planned to take turns watching while
we ate junk food and drank soda that Anna never lets the kids have.

  Jakey said it would be epic. I don’t know where he got that phrase, but it made me laugh.

  I heard two hard knocks on the front door, and my heart about jumped out of my chest. I might have been as nervous for Anna to go on a date as she had been. As hard as it was to see her date someone other than Ryan, I couldn’t be more excited for her. I honestly hadn’t imagined she would ever date another man. But here I sat babysitting so she could go out on a date.

  I stood in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, just out of sight of the front door. I brought my finger up to my lips shushing the kids so I could hear Anna and Adam talking in the other room.

  Claire couldn’t be more thrilled that Adam asked Anna on a date and kept silent. Jakey thought I played a game and kept shushing me back.

  Bouncing on her toes, Claire waited for me to tell her what I heard. “He just told her she looks stunning,” I whispered. Claire gave me a thumbs up and waited for me to say more, but all I heard was our breathing. I peeked my head around the corner and caught my sister in a toe-curling kiss.

  I pulled back and braced myself against the wall. I expected to feel a little sad for Ryan’s sake, and I did, but mostly I felt a wonderful sense of rightness. My sister had found someone she cared about. I couldn’t help but be happy for her.

  “What’s going on?” Claire whispered. I shook my head and shushed her again before I stepped into the living room and cleared my throat. Claire said she wanted to say goodbye to them before they left but I didn’t think she could handle seeing her mother kiss another man besides her father, no matter how much she liked Adam.

  Anna’s blush along with the way she avoided making eye contact only made me smile widen. It didn’t help that Adam laughed as she excused herself to get her purse.

  Alone with Adam, I decided to do what my sister forgot. I introduced myself. “I’m Anna’s favorite sister, Kimmie.” He chuckled. “I’m also her least favorite.” His shoulders shook with humor.

  “I’m sure I heard her say that. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Same.”

  Jakey ran into the room and climbed Adam like a jungle gym followed by Claire, who went in for a hug. The sight of him with my niece and nephew took my breath away. I knew Claire liked him, she told me so, but this was more. He fit and I didn’t expect that.

  After an evening of pizza, movies and lots and lots of junk food, Claire and Jakey lay asleep sprawled on the floor on either side of me while I texted Kevin. Neither of the kids stayed awake past ten and slept through the sound of fireworks going off at the neighbor’s house.

  For the first time since I was a teen, I didn’t have a date for New Year’s Eve, and I was pretty sure this turned out to be my favorite one so far.

  It might’ve had something to do with spending time with my niece and nephew…along with Facetiming with Kevin throughout the evening. I loved that he snuck out of the party to talk to me and told me the best part of his night had been seeing my face.

  I was crazy in love with him. I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to.

  When Anna walked in the door with a drawn face, I felt my stomach dip. She stood facing the closed door for a good two minutes with her shoulders slumped before she looked at me. She tried to smile, but it was hopeless. Her feelings were written all over her face. “I told him we couldn’t date anymore.”

  She wouldn’t look me in the eyes, and I wondered if she feared I would judge her. I wouldn’t, I was so proud of her. She had done something that terrified her, and though it didn’t work out, she still did it. And now she took care of herself even though I didn’t agree with her choice.

  I patted the cushion and waved her over. She slipped out of her shoes and slumped onto the couch. I felt her sadness in the way she drew in heavy breaths and for once I didn’t believe it was because of Ryan, at least not directly.

  “Well, you’re going to have two very disappointed kids.”

  “Why’s that?” she asked as she rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands.

  “Because Claire asked if I thought you two were getting married and Jakey asked if Adam would be his dad if you got married.” She half sighed and half groaned.

  “What did you say?”

  I bit my lip and scrunched my nose. “I told them to ask you.”

  She snorted. “Great,” she said weakly. “I wondered how many people I could disappoint in one night.”

  I patted her thigh. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. He likes you. I don’t see him running off yet.”

  “I don’t either. But I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing.”

  24

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, honey.” Tim stood from the table and kissed my cheek then pulled out my chair for me.

  Since we were freshman in college, Tim and I had a standing lunch date on Valentine’s Day. No matter our relationship status, no matter how busy we were, we always met. It was comforting to know that I would always have at least one Valentine.

  “Sooooo, how are you and Matt?” By his grin, I would say good.

  “I told him I love him.”

  “If we weren’t in a fancy restaurant, I would be hugging the crap out of you right now.”

  “Thank goodness for fancy restaurants.” I kicked him under the table for that.

  “You should be nicer to me. I set you two up. In fact, I should be getting a really nice box of chocolates for my good deed.”

  He rolled his eyes and bent down to pick up a gift bag then handed it to me. Inside were my favorite chocolates. “It’s like you know me.”

  He laughed. “I know way more than I should.” He was probably right.

  Between ordering our food, we talked about him and his better half. I loved how he gushed over Sadie and Scott, Matt’s twins. Matt had told me they liked Tim, and since he designed them a giant tree house for their birthday and began work on it, Tim was their new favorite person.

  “Can you believe where we are today compared to last year?” I remarked. I don’t think either of us imagined we would be in stable relationships.

  The waiter stopped by with the wine Tim had ordered and poured each of us a glass. I hadn’t had a drink since Christmas Eve. I hadn’t intended to go cold turkey, but a part of me feared that if I started, I wouldn’t stop.

  Tim lifted his glass and pointed at me to raise mine. “To good choices,” I smiled at his toast and clinked my glass against his then took a sip. I closed my eyes and savored it. He had picked one of my favorite wines and it was delicious, but without even thinking about it, I only made it through half a glass before I was done. I noticed, Tim watching me, probably expecting to have to refill my glass. I didn’t tell him how I had been cutting back on my drinking. We hadn’t spent much time together since he started dating Matt. I hoped it would go unnoticed.

  Tim walked me to my car and gave me a hug. “Tell your man, hi for me.”

  “I will. And have fun tonight” I shook my head laughing. “I still can’t believe you’re spending the evening making dinner and playing games with Matt and the twins instead of partying. You really have changed this past year.”

  He rolled his eyes and kissed my cheek. “I’ve never been happier.”

  Neither had I.

  Running late for my dinner date with Kevin, I sped home cursing myself the whole way for not bringing my dress to work in case I couldn’t leave on time. The universe hated me because right as I was leaving, Tara dropped all these minor problems on my lap and claimed she had to leave early. It was like every time I tried to leave the office, someone needed something. At one point, I was tempted to crawl through my office window. I finally managed to sneak out through a side door.

  “What is he doing here?” I said to myself as I pulled into my driveway behind Kevin’s car. I could’ve have sworn he had asked me to meet him at the restaurant.

  Walking up to the sidewalk, I noticed large red hearts taped
to my front door. As I neared, I realized they had words on each of them.

  I smiled as I read each one. They all started with, “I love you because.”

  That sweet jerk was going to make me cry tonight. Just when I thought I couldn’t love him more, he did this.

  I read each note out loud, my smile growing wider with each one.

  “I love you because you make me laugh.”

  “I love you because you wear your stilettos when I ask.” I snorted thinking about how each time he asked, they were all I wore.

  “I love you because you always think of others.”

  I opened the door and found a trail of hearts leading to the living room. I picked up each one and kept reading.

  “I love you because you’re beautiful inside and out.”

  “I love you because you can cheat at cards and still lose.” I bit my lips to keep from laughing. “That was one time,” I muttered under my breath.

  “I love you because you let me play with your boobs even when you’re tired.” I covered my mouth to keep from laughing.

  “I love you because you make watching reality TV fun.”

  “I love you because you are good with kids.”

  “I love you because you make me forget everything else when you kiss me.”

  I looked up and saw Kevin standing a few feet from me with a few more hearts leading to him. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him for saying such sweet things to me, but managed to control myself. Barely.

  “I love you because you are kind.”

  “I love you because I can’t imagine a better mother for my future children.” My voice broke, and I looked into his eyes. He nodded his head as I picked up the last one.

  “I love you because you brought life, happiness, laughter and love into my life.”