Remembering Rainy

by Danni Roan

“Then Red’s doing his job.” Jackson slapped Nathan on the back. “Eat up, you’ll need it.”

  ***

  Three hours later Nathan wanted nothing more than a hot shower and a hearty meal. He had been stepped on, nibbled and head-butted by the young stock in the pens, but the job was done and the mares and foals reunited in the quiet of the large pasture once more.

  The ranch prided itself in providing their own mounts and if all he had heard from the other wranglers was true, Chase had a good business going selling saddle and racing stock to market as well.

  As he made his weary way toward the bunkhouse, Nate smiled, waving at the guests as they returned from their afternoon ride. It was kind of fun seeing the excitement of the guests coming in from a ride. Turning back toward the bunkhouse, he dropped his gaze and shuffled toward the shower he longed for as the high, bright titter of women laughing filled the air.

  As the sound washed over him, Nate looked back along the yard toward the barn where riders were being helped from the saddle. He could remember a time when he was able to make a very special woman laugh like that. Sorrow, guilt, and shame filled his soul as he opened the bunkhouse door and headed for the showers. Sooner or later he would have to confront his past. He needed to start thinking about contacting the Smythes. It was time to find out where Rainy was and how to live up to the mistakes and selfish pride of his younger days.

  A child’s squeal of delight and a woman’s bright laugh ushered him into the bunkhouse where he closed the door on all of the images the sounds provoked. He had believed that he had moved forward with his life. Keeping the past from holding him back from his own best destiny, but the pain in his heart told him that he had left the best part of himself behind.

  ***

  “And what have you been up to all day?” Rainy asked scooping her son into her arms as he hugged her neck. “You weren’t eating cookies were you?”

  “Poppa said so,” Lucas grinned, his chocolate smeared face telling the tale.

  “Poppa spoils you,” Rainy grinned meeting her father’s laughing eyes.

  “Na huh?” Lucas shook his head, his cowboy hat flopping on his head.

  “Did you ruin your dinner,” Rainy asked still looking at her father, “or are you hungry?”

  “I’m hungry, but Mimi is tired and went to lie down.”

  “Well, I’m sure she’ll join us for dinner. Were you a good boy while Mommy was gone.”

  “Yes,” Lucas grinned again, his chocolaty smile melting her heart.

  “I think we’d better all get washed up,” Owen said, looking at his daughter’s dusty clothing and Lucas’s face. “I didn’t realize he had so much chocolate on his face.”

  “I’m for that,” Anne waved hurrying into the house and racing up the stairs to her room. “Hot water to wash all this horse off,” she shouted back over her shoulder.

  “Did you take a nap for Mimi today?” Rainy looked between her son and her father as they walked into the ranch.

  “No, but Mimi did,” the boy said seriously. “I wanted to go see the ponies and feed them carrots like Kadence. His mom took me and Poppa. Their whiskers tickle,” the boy added showing the palm of his hand.

  Rainy shook her head but smiled. The boy was having a real adventure, and even as young as he was, she was sure he would remember this trip for the rest of his life.

  Chapter 8

  “Mommy are you awake?” Lucas crawled up into his mother’s bed patting her face with gentle hands.

  “I’m awake,” Rainy grinned. “What do you want?”

  “I’m hungry,” Lucas settled back on her stomach, making the breath whoosh from her lungs.

  Rainy looked toward the window where the darkness of night was fading to pale gray. With Lucas waking her up so early each day, she almost wished she had taken the room across the hall that faced east. She could at least enjoy the bright awakening of a new day.

  “Get dressed,” she smiled shifting her son off of her. “We’ll go downstairs, and see what we can find to eat.”

  “Cookies!” Lucas squealed hurrying to get his clothes.

  “No, not cookies.” Rainy’s laugh filled the room. “I’m sure there will be something ready for breakfast,” she grinned. “After all this is a working ranch, and people are up early.”

  To confirm her thoughts, she peered out the window noting the golden light spilling from the old barn.

  In only minutes, Rainy and Lucas had made their way, silently down the stairs. Creeping around the bottom step and down the hall lined with old photos, Rainy couldn’t help but grin wondering if any of the girls who had been raised in this very house had ever snuck down those same stairs.

  “Hi Mrs. Wade,” Lucas smiled hurrying into the kitchen and blinking at the soft lights that illuminated the room.

  “Why if it isn’t my little buckaroo!” The older woman turned with a grin. “Did you wake your mama up early?”

  “I’m hungry,” Lucas said, looking between the older woman and his mother.

  “I was awake,” Rainy admitted. “Too many years of getting up to look in on someone and start classes.”

  “You’re a student?” Mrs. Wade asked beckoning them to follow her.

  “I just finished my online degree,” Rainy admitted.

  “Congratulations! It’s nice to see a young person giving life their all. Do you already have a job when you get home?”

  “No,” Rainy admitted. “I hope I can find something that will support me and Lucas.”

  Mrs. Wade waved them to stools at the high kitchen island. “Well I’ll be praying you get the perfect job,” she said with a smile. “God knows right where you belong.”

  Rainy squirmed in her hard seat, not knowing how to respond. “Thanks,” she finally managed.

  “How about some French toast?” Mrs. Wade asked grasping a loaf of freshly cut home-baked bread and a spatula. That’s what we’re serving this morning anyway, but I’ll make you something special with strawberries and cream.”

  “You don’t need to do that,” Rainy balked. She didn’t want to add expenses to the cost of this trip.

  “It’s on me,” the older woman said shaking her spatula at Rainy. “I remember having little ones this age.” Mrs. Wade moved to the large gas range and began putting things together. “My husband and I had a small farm, and when the children came along, we found ourselves short of money. I never had no real training at anything, but I could always cook.”

  Rainy took the cup of milk Mrs. Wade offered, placing it in front of her son, who yawned as he watched the sky brighten through the large windows behind the sink.

  “I started praying that God would give me the right job at the right time, and as the children grew, I took up a place at the local high school as a lunch lady.” Mrs. Wade turned, grinning over her shoulder as she whisked eggs in a bowl, added vanilla, milk, and a dash of sugar. “It was the perfect job. I could drop the kids off at school and then go to work. I had benefits, a fair wage, and I got to keep an eye on the children as they all grew. In summer I could work on the farm and still have time with the family.”

  “That’s nice,” Rainy said thinking the job didn’t seem like much.

  “It was,” Mrs. Wade dipped a piece of bread in the egg mixture then placed it into a hot skillet. “It was what I needed when I needed it. If we have a little faith that is how things go. Granted, sometimes they don’t seem like the right thing, but God knows better than we do what we need.” Mrs. Wade smiled flipping the toast and smearing on a cream cheese mixture then adding chopped strawberries before sandwiching the whole stack and letting them finish cooking.

  Rainy, squirmed on the hard chair once more, as the smell of frying bacon filled the air. “How can you be sure that God did it? Or that there is a God?”

  “Why don’t you take young Lucas out there on the porch, and I’ll bring breakfast out to you. I hope you won’t mind if I join you. It’s one of the benefits of working here.”

  Rainy s
cowled surprised that the onetime lunch lady hadn’t answered her question. “Alright,” she said reluctantly, helping Lucas from his stool and aiming him at the door as she gathered his glass of milk and her large chocolate latte.

  Cool, misty air swirled around her as Rainy stepped out onto the back porch, and she breathed deeply of the fresh air. In the distance, she could hear the soft sounds of the waking ranch, and she felt the natural cadence of life echo on the wind.

  “Sit here, Mommy,” Lucas called as he scrambled up onto a long bench in front of a battered table.

  Rainy took the seat by her son, gazing out past the bathhouse turned spa, the open plain beyond, as the sky turned to pink, then crept into gold. The brilliance of a new day painted the horizon in a display of splendor as it melted the mists of the day away.

  The first rays of the new day brushed Rainy’s face like a caress, and she soaked in the color, warmth, and shimmering wonder of the morning.

  “The heavens declare His wonders,” Mrs. Wade spoke, almost reverently as she set a large tray on the table. “It’s one way I know there is a God in heaven and all’s well with this world. No, I don’t mean that life is always good, right, or easy. We have troubles in this world because mankind is fallen. This earth was created perfectly, but we messed it up and now all of us live with the imperfection we brought into being. It’s only when we surrender our hearts and souls that we can find a glimpse of that perfection again.”

  Mrs. Wade scooped a piece of stuffed French toast onto a plate, sprinkling it with powdered sugar and cinnamon and placing it before Lucas with a wink.

  Rainy felt the words strike like a hammer on steel in her heart as the words swirled, mist-like in her mind. Could anything this woman said be true?

  “God is great, and God is good, let us thank Him for our food; By His blessings, we are fed, give us Lord, our daily bread. Amen.” Mrs. Wade intoned, handing a plate Rainy, her words washing over the younger woman in a soft warm breath. How simple, how clear, and how unheard of.

  “Mommy,” Lucas tugged at the sleeve of Rainy’s sweater pulling her back to reality and she turned her attention to helping him with his breakfast.

  Wasn’t her son a miracle? If something so wonderful could come from such pain, perhaps Mrs. Wade’s simple display of faith in a creator was more profound than one might believe.

  ***

  Nathan pulled a clean shirt over his head, slipped into a warm flannel, and stomped into his boots. He had slept well and was ready for a new day.

  Slipping from the bunkhouse on silent feet, he made his way toward the back of the house and the kitchen door. A few minutes of quiet before he had to get to the barn would go a long way to make his morning get off on the right foot.

  Striding through the damp grass, he breathed deeply of the fresh, air, lifting his eyes to the amazing sunrise that turned the dew to diamonds, suspended on each blade of grass.

  “Lord, that’s quite a show,” the young man grinned, letting the sight fill him with wonder, awe, and grace. “Thank you for this new day.”

  Ducking his head he made the turn around the back of the house, taking the steps two at a time.

  “Good morning Nate,” Mrs. Wade called making him look up, his jaw dropping as his dark eyes fell on the beauty of a familiar face.

  “Rainy,” Nathan gulped, frozen on the top step.

  Rainy looked up meeting familiar dark eyes as the air left her lungs. “Nathan,” the word rasped between numb lips. She shivered as if doused in icy water.

  “Rainy,” Nathan could barely speak as his eye soaked in the sight of the girl he had left behind. Her hair was longer, her eyes full of shock and surprise, but it was Rainy, and she was even more beautiful than she had been five years ago when he had turned his back on her plight.

  “Mommy, who’s that man?” the little boy next to Rainy asked, sliding down the bench to press against his mother’s side.

  “An old friend,” Rainy said as bright tears filled her eyes.

  Mrs. Wade gathered her plate and slipped back into the kitchen, like a wraith on the wind, leaving Nathan and Rainy staring across the porch at each other.

  Lucas pushed closer to his mother feeling the tension in the early morning air. Turning he looked up into her tear-filled eyes and his lower lip quivered. Pushing up to his knees he wrapped his arms around Rainy’s neck burying his face in her shoulder. “It’s okay Mommy, don’t cry.” His little voice sounded confused but steady.

  Rainy’s arms wrapped protectively around her son, as her heart shattered all over again. She had never expected to see Nathan again. He had turned his back on her all those years ago, leaving her alone to flounder in fear, confusion, and heartache. She didn’t know if she wanted to rage, weep, or run; instead, she pulled her son close as tears poured down her cheeks.

  Nathan’s eyes flickered between Rainy’s damp face, and the tiny form in her arms. He had helped the boy get a cookie yesterday, and his heart twisted at the realization that the little life was part of him.

  Lifting his eyes to Rainy’s tear-stained face, Nathan felt his heart shatter as shame washed over him in a bitter wave. He had been a fool to walk away from the beautiful woman sitting at the table.

  Rainy felt her chest compress as her eyes took in every memorized feature of the man standing before her. She had loved him. She had given herself to him without reservation, and he had left. What did she say now? Even now she wanted to bundle Lucas into her father’s SUV and run. How could he stand there looking at her so calmly when so much stood between them?

  “Rainy.” The name fell from Nathan’s lips as his heart tore. He felt as if he could collapse right there before her, but his knees seemed frozen as the pain in his soul cried out for hope, help, and deliverance. How did he do the right thing now when he had abandoned her before? Sorry wasn’t enough. Nothing he could ever do would be enough to expunge the stain on his soul. His heart was rent once more as the little boy patted his mother’s back and tears filled his big brown eyes.

  Nathan knew beyond a doubt he was looking at his son. A boy he had never known.

  “I’m sorry,” he croaked, his voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry.” His legs wobbled as he took a hesitant step toward her, words swirling in his brain as he desperately wanted to show her how he had changed. “I was wrong.” The words fell like a blade between them as Rainy grabbed her son and fled.

  Chapter 9

  Rainy sat on her bed, legs crossed, and stared across the room while Lucas squirmed down to play with his toys.

  How could Nathan be here? What was he doing on the Broken J Dude Ranch? It wasn’t possible. A cold shiver raced down her spine as she replayed the confrontation from moments ago. Nathan, the man she had loved with all of her heart, had appeared out of nowhere, like a ghost from the past.

  Outside her room, Rainy could hear other guests beginning to stir, but it didn’t register that a new day had truly begun. She was lost in the past replaying the moments, hours, and days she had spent in Nathan’s arms.

  She had only been sixteen when she had first laid eyes on the tall, dark, and handsome man, and Rainy had lost her heart before he had even noticed her. Nathan was fun. He had been full of plans and life, and ambition, all the things that she longed for.

  Short, quiet, and artistic, Rainy had never known what to say in a crowd. She had been friends with Anne as far back as kindergarten, but no one noticed her when tall, leggy, blonde, and outgoing Anne was around. Being Anne’s shadow had been fine right up until Rainy had met Nathan. She had loved him, pining away for him for nearly two years before he had finally asked her out.

  Wiping the tears from her eyes Rainy turned to study her son. The whirlwind romance had glued Nathan and Rainy together, forging them into a heart that beat as one. Even now, she longed to run to him. Even after Nathan had turned away leaving her shattered and alone the night she had told him she was expecting their child, she still felt a pull toward him.

 
A wan smile tugged at her lips as Lucas pushed a little truck across the floor. Her precious boy, the one thing she could cling to had been Nathan’s legacy. Despite the pain he had caused, despite the fact that his dreams and goals had been more important than she was, the essence of love still lingered in the deepest part of her heart.

  “Mommy, can we ride the ponies?” Lucas looked up from his toys, his sweet smile lighting her heart.

  “Not right now honey,” Rainy sniffed. “It’s too early.”

  “Why are you sad, Mommy?” Lucas’s dark eyes were full of love and Rainy felt a smile cover her face.

  “Sometime’s Mommies get sad,” Rainy’s words were soft.

  Lucas pushed himself up walking to the bed and gesturing for his mother to lean close.

  Rainy leaned forward smiling softly as the boy placed his little hands on each side of her face. “I love you, Mommy. Don’t cry.” Lucas leaned forward kissing her damp cheeks then releasing her and going back to his toys. How could something so perfect come from so much pain?