The House

by Eugene Field

  X

  COLONEL DOLLER'S GREAT IDEA

  Colonel Bobbett Doller and I sat down, side by side, on the pile ofbricks, and the colonel proceeded straightway to disclose pleasingvisions to my mind's eye.

  "You are doubtless aware," said the colonel, "that you are not, in theseverest acceptation of the term, a business man?"

  "Alas," said I, "I am compelled in all candor to admit that lamentablefact."

  "Then," continued the colonel, "you probably do not know that thisnoble expanse of high ground upon which your stately residence isreared is the exact centre of a radius of eighty miles. In otherwords, did the power of your vision extend eighty miles you would beable to see for yourself from the roof of your superb house that thispoint is in fact the centre of a radius representing a stretch in anyand every direction of eighty miles."

  "No, I had never supposed it possible," said I.

  "It is, nevertheless, a demonstrable fact," said Colonel Doller. "Itis more notorious, however, that this property of yours (designated inthe records as the south half of lot 16, Terhune's addition, section 9,township of Pond View)"----

  "Page 273, volume 105," said I, interrupting him; for I suddenlyrecalled the superscription on the warranty deed.

  "Exactly," said Colonel Doller, with a genial smile. "Now, as I wasabout to remark, it is notorious that this property of yours is situatein the very heart of the delectable tract known to the world as theNorth Shore. I do not exaggerate when I say, in the language of mypopular brochure entitled, 'Homes for the Homeless,' that the NorthShore offers inducements, both for the living and for the dead, whichare not met with in any other part of our growing community.Recognizing the merit of these inducements, immigration has turned itstide toward the North Shore. Ten years ago there was naught butdesolation where now the dandelion blooms and the voice of thetree-toad is heard in song. What do we see about us to-day? To thenorth of us the roof of Martin Howard's new barn glistens under thesmiling noonday sun. Turning our gaze westward we behold the turretsof the palatial residence which neighbor Bales has erected in RazzleStreet. Yonder in the southeast horizon we detect the tall, litheflagpole which Major Ryson has set up as a graceful tribute to thememory of the late lamented yacht club. Cast your eyes where you willand you will see convincing evidences of the onward, irresistible marchof civilization.

  "This noble property of yours," continued Colonel Doller, "is the veryheart of all this pulsing, throbbing, bustling, teeming civilization.Why, my dear Baker, I would not exchange (if I were you) theopportunities now within your grasp for any other conceivablething--not even though millions were placed in the opposing scale!"

  "I don't believe I understand you," said I.

  "I will be more explicit," said Colonel Doller. "The tide ofimmigration has already overwhelmed this section; a great commercialwave is closely following it. Trade will soon locate its emporiums inthe midst of us. Already two blocks to the south of this property acommercial mart has begun to invite the attention and the patronage ofour public."

  "You refer to Pusheck's grocery store?"

  "The same," said Colonel Doller. "Presently a barber-shop and a bananastand will follow; then a bicycle repair-shop will spring up in ourmidst, and from that moment our status as a commercial centre will beassured."

  As I was in no sense a business man I could not deny this. To be frankwith you, it all looked very plausible to me.

  "There is nothing else," continued Colonel Doller, "more practicable orof greater value than foreseeing events and being prepared for them.Now, here you are in the very midst of this flood of immigration, andwith the tidal wave of commerce at your very door. Is your property ina position to avail you handsomely in case you accede to the demands ofreason and conclude to yield to the persuasions of immigration andcommerce? The consideration which should be paramount with you isthis: 'Having secured this property, how can I get rid of it to thebest advantage?'"

  "But it is n't for sale," said I.

  "True, quite true," answered Colonel Doller, with a weary, patientsmile, "but it will be. What is North Shore property for if not forsale? You certainly do not intend to violate all the customs andtraditions of the community by holding out against an opportunity tobenefit yourself? That, my dear Baker, would be folly."

  "But nobody has asked us to sell," said I, apologetically.

  "That is because your property is not in desirable shape," said thecolonel. "If it were, you would have chances to enrich yourself inless than a month. You see your lot fronts one hundred feet onClarendon Avenue, and runs back two hundred and thirty-nine feet to aprospective alley; this gives you one hundred feet of salable property,but with a depth that actually involves a wicked waste of land. Nowsuppose you were to buy the twenty-five feet that lies to the south onClarendon Avenue just between your lot and Sandpile Terrace. Thatwould give you a frontage of two hundred and thirty-nine feet on theterrace, with a depth altogether of one hundred and twenty-five feet!Do you follow me?"

  "Yes, I see," said I, as this good and shrewd man's meaning graduallystole upon me.

  "With that additional twenty-five feet," resumed Colonel Doller, "youcould divide up the whole property into what you might call (if youchose) Baker's Subdivision: then you could parcel it off intotwenty-foot lots with frontage on Sandpile Terrace--and there you are,a rich man almost before you know it."

  "Gracious me! That _is_ a great idea!" said I, and I whistled softlyto myself.

  "Great? Well, I should say so!" exclaimed Colonel Doller. "I knew itwould appeal to you, for you are a man of intelligence and capable offoreseeing and appreciating potentialities."

  "Who owns that strip?" I asked, referring to the twenty-five feetadjoining our lot to the south.

  "Well, it happens to be mine," said Colonel Doller. "As soon as Iheard that you had purchased this place it occurred to me that youought to have that twenty-five feet in order to make the rest of yourproperty available. So, without saying a word about it to anybodyelse, I 've stepped over here to tell you that if you want it I 'llthrow that strip in to you at one hundred and twenty-five dollars perfront foot."

  "We gave only one hundred dollars a foot for this lot," said I.

  "Very true," said Colonel Doller, "but _my_ lot admits of giving you afrontage of two hundred and thirty-nine feet on Sandpile Terrace."

  "To be sure it does," said I. "For the moment I quite lost sight ofthat. Well, I think very favorably of it, and I suspect Mr. Blackwould insist upon my closing with you at once. I 'll speak to Aliceabout it."

  "Be careful not to breathe a word of it to anybody else," suggestedColonel Doller in a low, mysterious tone, "and whatever else you do,don't let my partner, Leet, have even so much as an inkling of the factthat we 've had a talk! You understand?"

  "It shall be kept a profound secret!" said I, with solemn earnestness.

  Colonel Doller patted me reassuringly on the shoulder as he arose todepart.

  "Baker," said he, kindly, "you are as good as a rich man already! Youget that extra twenty-five feet and make a subdivision of thisproperty, and you 'll have so much money you won't know what to do withit! Why, the next thing we'll hear of you, you'll be living in acastle on a hill, with an observatory--just think of it, Baker, oldman! an observatory and a twelve-foot telescope capable of discoveringa new comet every night, rain or shine!"

  The kind gentleman's enthusiasm quite took my breath away. As Iwatched him departing down the shady drive my heart overflowed withgratitude, and again I thanked the providential Power that had given meso many kind, solicitous, and self-sacrificing friends.

  My conversation with Colonel Doller set me to indulging in thoughtswhich were entirely new to me, and which pleased me with their noveltyand brilliancy. I fancied myself already possessed of a wealth whichpermitted me to pursue unreservedly those studies and investigationswhich have been my delight since youth. In imagination I picturedmyself the owner of a sightly residence surmounted by a spacious
observatory, in which was located a magnificent reflector-telescopeoperated by the newest and nicest mechanism. It was pleasing to berich, even in fancy. My thoughts reverted to the children.

  "Dear pampered darlings," I murmured, "they little know the lives ofindependence and of ease that are before them. They will never knowwhat it is to toil and to economize. And Alice--sweet girl--this willput an end to her worry about grocery bills!"

  It is curious how completely I lost interest in our new house as soonas the prospect of getting rich dawned upon me. You will not believeit, but after that talk with Colonel Doller I looked with actualdisdain upon the old Schmittheimer home and its broad, velvety lawnunder the noble trees. I was so possessed with the fascinating schemesuggested by Colonel Doller that I was even tempted to bid Uncle Si andhis men quit work until I had consulted with Alice as to thefeasibility of abandoning the proposed improvements and investing therest of Mr. Black's three thousand dollars in the twenty-five-footstrip to the south of us. I am glad now that the still small voicewithin me prevailed, and that I saw Alice before saying anything toUncle Si.

  "Reuben Baker," exclaimed Alice, "that property is _mine_ and I boughtit for a home, _not_ to _sell_. If you and Colonel Doller want tospeculate, you need n't think you 're going to rope me into any of yourschemes."

  "But, Alice, darling--"

  "I sha' n't listen to a word of such nonsense," persisted Alice. "So,there."

  I was inclined to remonstrate, but just at that moment the front doorbell rang and a telegraphic message was handed in. The message wasfrom Cincinnati and it read in this wise:

  "Shall be there to-morrow morning to look things over. _Luther M.Black_."

  In the prospect of a visit from our patron, Mr. Black, I speedilyforgot all about Colonel Bobbett Doller and his pleasing panorama ofpotentialities. In this we see illustrated the wisdom of Providence inso dispensing human events as to soothe the wounds of disappointmentwith the balm of anticipation.