Rock Chick Regret

by Kristen Ashley

  This took a turn when somehow we got on the subject of dog sitting YoYo and Ralphie shoved me, kicking and screaming, right in middle.

  “Sadie wants to watch YoYo,” Ralphie told Buddy when it was becoming clear he was losing the fight.

  My head snapped up and I saw from across the table Hector’s eyes come to mine and one side of his mouth twitched.

  “Sadie, is that true?” Buddy asked.

  I widened my eyes at Hector in a non-verbal, “Help me!”

  Hector remained silent but his mouth kept twitching.

  “Sadie, tell him. You loved YoYo, didn’t you?” Ralphie prompted.

  I decided to be Hector and remain silent.

  “Sadie?” Now it was Buddy’s turn to prompt.

  I made the new decision to extricate myself pronto. “I don’t get a say. It isn’t my house.”

  This was a bad decision.

  “What do you mean it isn’t your house?” Ralphie snapped.

  I looked at Ralphie. Ralphie looked angry.

  “Well, what I mean is –” I started.

  “You sleep here, don’t you?” Ralphie asked.

  “Yes, but –” I tried again.

  “Your clothes are here,” Ralphie pushed.

  “Yes, but, what I mean –” I kept trying.

  “You shower here, put your makeup on here, watch Veronica Mars here, come home after work to, um… I don’t know? Here! Don’t you?” Ralphie pressed.

  “Yes, I guess so, but –”

  “You guess so?” Ralphie’s eyes had narrowed.

  “Ralphie, you wanna let her talk?” Buddy cut in.

  Ralphie sat back, crossed his arms on his chest and glared at me.

  “All I’m saying is that I’m a guest and as a guest I don’t have any say in these kinds of decisions,” I explained.

  Ralphie looked at Buddy and snapped, “She thinks she’s a guest.”

  “Sadie –” Buddy started.

  Ralphie interrupted, “What? Are you moving out?”

  My gaze slid to Hector who was now smiling at the remains of his chocolate almond torte. I wanted to throw my plate at him.

  I, of course, did not.

  Because, even though he deserved it, that would be rude.

  I answered Ralphie, “Well, yes.”

  Hector’s head came up and his smile vanished.

  “What? When?” Buddy asked sharply.

  I looked at Buddy. “I realized last night that you guys have been looking out for me for awhile now so it’s probably time to get out of your hair.”

  “Buddy doesn’t have hair,” Ralphie clipped.

  “You know what I mean,” I said quietly to Ralphie.

  “No, Ms. Sadie Marie Townsend, I do not know what you mean.” Ralphie didn’t take a hint from my quiet tone.

  “Maybe we should talk about this later.” Buddy was eyeing the now completely unamused Hector.

  “That would be good,” I said with relief.

  “You better believe we’ll talk about it later,” Ralphie threatened then he swung his glare toward Buddy. “So what’s the verdict on the fucking dog?” he demanded.

  I held my breath wondering what Hector might think of all these shenanigans. I bet Blanca didn’t say “fucking” at her table.

  Buddy’s eyes came to me.

  Then he sighed.

  “We’ll watch YoYo.”

  * * * * *

  After dinner we settled into the living room and watched Walking Tall (The Rock version which Buddy declared was the only version that was worth a shit due to The Rock being a whole lot easier on the eyes than Joe Don Baker).

  This was not normal Ralphie and Buddy viewing fodder but I figured they were being good hosts to macho man Hector. I didn’t really see Hector sitting though Auntie Mame or Steel Magnolias.

  Of course, they finagled me into the middle of the couch position but Ralphie didn’t have to try the massaging my feet move. Hector pulled me into his side right away.

  I’d had a rough day and decided not to fight it.

  Anyway, he was comfy and warm.

  * * * * *

  Now the movie was over and Buddy and Ralphie were off to bed.

  “‘Night, sweets,” Ralphie said, kissing my cheek.

  “Goodnight,” I replied.

  Buddy leaned in after Ralphie. “See you in the morning, Sadie.” Then he kissed my cheek too.

  I smiled at him. “See you.”

  “Hector, later.” Buddy lifted his chin to Hector.

  “Double H, you the man,” was Ralphie’s bizarre goodnight.

  Then they were gone.

  Now what did I do?

  I twisted to look at Hector. “You want to watch another movie?” I asked.

  He shook his head.

  “An episode of Veronica Mars?” I tried.

  More head shaking.

  “A game?”

  Still more head shaking.

  Oh no.

  I was out of options.

  Hector wasn’t.

  His arm around my waist curled and his other hand came to my hip, he turned me and pulled me into his lap.

  His eyes warm on my face, his arms around me loosely, he asked, “You doin’ okay?”

  “Yes,” I answered.

  He gave me a mini-squeeze. “Tough day for you,” he said softly.

  Something about that question hit me somewhere deep.

  It wasn’t fun, reliving what Ricky did to me in front of a camera in an interrogation room, even if Bex was with me, Detective Marker was really nice and I knew Daisy and Shirleen were out in the hall. It also wasn’t fun reliving what Harvey did to me.

  The fact that Hector would realize this would take its toll, even if I was trying to set it aside and not make a big deal of it, meant a lot.

  I pulled in my lips and bit them.

  I could have gone all Ice Princess on him but when he was being nice and I had nothing to keep myself shielded from that would just mean I was a bitch.

  So I whispered, “I’ll be okay.”

  At my whisper, he grinned. “I knew you could do it.”

  The warmth in his tone and the approval in his eyes made my stomach pitch.

  It was then I decided I needed my Ice Shields up.

  “Nobody likes a know-it-all,” I said coldly.

  His grin got bigger, he shook his head and I got the impression he thought my Ice Shields were lame and scrawny.

  He got to his feet, taking me with him then setting me on mine.

  With his head tilted down to look at me, his hand slid around to the back of my neck and up into my hair and I just barely controlled a delicious shiver (but I did it).

  “I gotta get home. Get some sleep,” he told me.

  I felt a wave of disappointment hit me. I’d spent all but about five hours in the last twenty-seven with him (yes, I’d counted). It would be weird for him just to go.

  I didn’t tell him that. Instead, I nodded.

  He dropped his hand but caught mine and took me with him as he walked to the door.

  Once there, he stopped, turned to me, his fingers wrapped around my cast and he looked down at it.

  “Who’s takin’ you to get this removed?”

  “Bex.”

  His gaze lifted to mine. “She can’t do it, you call me.”

  It wasn’t really a request but I still said, “Okay.”

  He dropped my cast, tugged on my other hand, I leaned forward, his head came down and he kissed me, slow and sweet.

  He lifted his head an inch and murmured, “I wanna hear the locks.”

  I wasn’t breathing really well so I decided not to try to talk and simply just nodded again.

  He left, I went to the door, turned the locks and put my ear to it so I could hear his boots walking away.

  When I couldn’t hear them anymore, I said to the door, “Blooming heck.”

  I walked up the stairs, into my room and went to my nightwear drawer.

  I used to w
ear nothing but silky, lacy nighties to bed. On Day Nine at Ralphie and Buddy’s house, after they moved my stuff in, I took every last one of them and threw them in the kitchen garbage.

  I don’t know why, I just did.

  From that point, I wore t-shirts and yoga pants to bed.

  On about Day Seventeen at Ralphie and Buddy’s, Ralphie and I came home from the gallery and there were two big pink and white striped Victoria’s Secret bags on my bed. In them were two pairs of silky, lacy pajama bottoms with matching camisoles, two pairs of soft cotton and lacy pajama bottoms and matching camisoles, two pairs of soft knit pajama bottoms and matching camisoles and two pairs of silk, tailored women’s pajamas.

  Buddy’d had the day off and he’d obviously gone shopping.

  They must have seen my nighties in the garbage.

  I didn’t say anything. Neither did they. But I mentally added a percent to Ralphie’s merit increase at his next performance evaluation.

  I pulled off my clothes, pulled on my jade green pajama bottoms and matching camisole with smoky gray lace at the bodice and hem of the camisole and at the hem of the pajama pants (they were very pretty, Buddy had good taste in women’s nightwear), went to the bathroom off my bedroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face.

  Then I went to bed. I tried to settle in but I couldn’t.

  I tossed and turned thinking of Harvey in jail and Ricky still “at large”. Thinking Ricky was likely pretty angry at me while he was still “at large”. Thinking that Hector had taken me to his Mom’s house on our first date and how weird and scary that was. Thinking that Daisy was again my friend, Ally intrigued me, Indy and Jet were sweet and Shirleen gave good hugs.

  I tried to clear my mind and tossed and turned some more. But I couldn’t settle.

  It was all going to get worse, I knew it. If either Harvey or Ricky fought it, I’d have to testify. I’d have to tell a room full of people what happened to me and I’d have to see both of them again and I didn’t want to do that.

  Not ever again.

  And I didn’t know what was happening with Hector. I was getting in deep and it seemed I couldn’t stop myself, not that he was giving me the chance.

  If I was honest with myself I liked to be around him, he made me feel things, things I hadn’t felt since Mom left. It was more than safe, it was comfy, snug and content like I didn’t have to be looking over my shoulder all the time, wondering what his true intentions were, guarding myself from the sharks circling. He was real, he wasn’t hiding anything, he wasn’t out for anything.

  He was just Hector.

  And in the very, very back of my mind where I let my true feelings lie, I had to admit that it was more than just liking being with him, I liked him kissing me, touching me. I liked it loads. So much, when it was happening it didn’t even occur to me to push him away.

  I should be pushing him away.

  I couldn’t get used to this, I knew. I knew better than to let anyone in.

  I was going to have to get rid of him and to do it I was going to have to bring back the Ice Princess.

  It was on that thought, my cell rang.

  I threw my covers back, jumped out of bed and ran to the fluffy, chintz armchair in my bedroom, snatching my cell off the top of my purse before it woke Ralphie and Buddy.

  Before I could think twice, I flipped it open and put it to my ear.

  “Hello?”

  “Sadie, you stupid cunt!”

  My back went straight at the c-word but the vicious voice kept talking in my ear.

  “You shoulda let me deal with Ricky and Harvey. Shit, you stupid cunt.”

  He said it again!

  “Who is this?” I asked.

  “You dumb bitch. Settin’ Chavez and Nightingale on us, what the fuck?”

  I knew this voice. I wasn’t sure which but it was either Donny or Marty Balducci.

  Blooming heck.

  Those crazy Balducci Brothers!

  Why?

  Why, why, why, why, why?

  Someone please tell me, what did I do?

  He kept talking. “You’re gonna pay, you bitch, you’re gonna fuckin’ pay.”

  Disconnect.

  I stood there in the dark, cell to my ear and I could feel my heart beating in my throat.

  Then I flipped my phone shut and ran out of my room, across the hall and right to Ralphie and Buddy’s closed door.

  I lifted my hand to knock and stopped.

  It had to be after midnight. I couldn’t wake them. They both had to work the next day. They had jobs, lives, they’d already seen me through a rape and an attempted kidnapping, what kind of friend would lay a middle-of-the-night threatening phone call on their door even if the call did include the c-word (twice!)?

  If I kept dragging them into my mess, I was going to use them up. I couldn’t use them up.

  I already owed them…

  I closed my eyes and shook my head.

  I owed them too much to ever repay, I couldn’t use more.

  I stepped away from the door and kept backing up until I hit the opposite wall. I slid down, my knees coming up until my bottom hit the floor. Then I wrapped my arms around my legs, pressed my cheek against my knees and took in deep breaths.

  I could do this. I could get through this all by myself. I’d just calm down and go to sleep. I’d be okay. I was always okay.

  Well, if not okay-okay than at least okay…ish.

  My phone rang in my hand, I jerked back and my phone went sailing in the air.

  I scrambled to catch it but it dropped to my side. My hands went to the floor and searched blindly in the dark until my fingers hit the phone.

  I snatched it up, flipped it open and put it to my ear. “Leave me alone!” I hissed.

  “Sadie.”

  It was Hector.

  I closed my eyes tight and swallowed my heart which was lodged in my throat.

  “Hang tight, mamita,” he told me. “I’ll be there in ten.”

  I blinked into the darkness. “What?”

  But he’d already disconnected.

  I stared at my illuminated phone for what could have been seconds or hours. Then I flipped it shut.

  My eyes moved to Buddy and Ralphie’s door and I willed it to stay closed.

  Then I thought about how my life was such a fucking mess and it was all down to my fucking father and the fucking Balduccis.

  Then I wondered why Hector was coming over. I mean, I get a nasty phone call in the middle of the night and five minutes later he calls and says he’s coming over?

  How bizarre was that?

  All of this must have taken ten minutes because I heard a knock at the door.

  I ran down the stairs and with my ear to the door I called, “Who is it?”

  “Me,” Hector said.

  I unlocked and opened the door.

  He put a hand to my belly, shoved me back, stepped in, closed the door behind him, twisted and locked it. After locking it, he turned to me, my mouth opened to say something and he pulled me roughly into his arms and held me tight.

  The panic crawling through my system slid away instantly and I sagged into him.

  I took a shaky breath then tilted my head back to look at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Brody, our computer guy, patched into your cell. We monitor your calls and we can listen to them. Jack heard Marty Balducci, he called me, I came.”

  Oh my.

  Simple as that. He called me, I came.

  I dropped my head and rested my forehead against his chest. Hector’s tight arms got tighter.

  “He’s not gonna hurt you.”

  I wanted to laugh. I did not.

  “They’ve already hurt me. One of them raped me, another one attacked me in an alley and tried to kidnap me in order that he could rape me!” I whispered on a hiss directly to his chest.

  “Mamita, look at me.” His tone was gentle.

  I shook my head.

  “Sadie, look at me.” This time,
his tone was firm.

  I sighed and then looked at him.

  “He’s not gonna hurt you.”

  I shook my head again.

  “I’m tellin’ you, mi corazón, he’s not gonna hurt you.”

  Instead of fighting him, I shoved my face in his chest. I did this mainly because I figured I wouldn’t win.

  I also knew what “mi corazón” meant. It meant, “my heart” and I didn’t even have to ask Jet if that was a step up in endearments.

  I realized that my arms were around him and I brought my cold hands up to the heat of his chest. I was still carrying my cell phone and now I wanted to throw it into a margarita pitcher. He stroked my back for awhile until I couldn’t fight it (it felt too nice) and I started to relax into him.

  He must have felt the tension leave me but he held my relaxed body for even longer until it seemed kind of weird that we were standing there, not talking, just him holding me.

  Finally, he said, “If you’re gonna be all right, I’ll go home.”

  Instantly the panic started crawling again and before I could think my head snapped back and I cried, “No!”

  Blooming heck.

  Someone, please tell me I didn’t just do that.

  To cover, I jerked out of his arms, all the while shaking my head with the hand holding my cell phone up in the air.

  “No, no. Go home. It’s okay. Don’t listen to me. I’m just –” I started but he reached out, pulled the cell out of my hand then his fingers wrapped around my wrist.

  He tugged me into the living room, straight to the decorative chest that held the extra toss pillows and blankets (Z Gallerie, of course). He opened it, pulled out a blanket, handed it to me and walked us to the couch. I watched in stunned silence as he threw my cell on the coffee table, sat, yanked off his boots then reached out and pulled the blanket from my arms. He tossed it to the end of the couch, his hands came to my hips and with a gentle tug he brought me off my feet. His hands went tight on my hips as he leaned back and I fell with him, Hector controlling my fall and me landing right on top of him (yes, right on top of him!). He rolled me to the side so I was stuck between him and the couch, did an ab curl, nabbed the blanket, shook it out and placed it over us.

  When he settled on his back, his arm around me, me tucked to his side, my cheek on his shoulder, I belatedly found my voice and asked, “What are you doing?”