Rock Chick Regret

by Kristen Ashley

  “Go to sleep, Sadie.”

  “I –”

  “Sadie, go to sleep.”

  “But –”

  “Please, mamita, I’m wiped.”

  I snapped my mouth shut.

  Well, so much for siccing the Ice Princess on him to get rid of him.

  That was my last thought before I gave up the struggle and, within minutes, I fell asleep.

  Chapter Ten

  Powder Room

  Sadie

  “Wakey wakey, kids. Time for coffee,” Ralphie said and I opened my eyes.

  I could see the coffee table and Ralphie’s legs in his robe walking across the living room. Again, since this wasn’t my normal upon waking vantage point, I assessed my situation.

  I was on the couch, my legs bent, something heavy was resting on my waist and there was immense heat coming at me all down the back of my body.

  It would seem Hector and I were spooning on the couch. Sometime during the night, I’d moved from having my back pressed to the couch and my front tucked into Hector’s side to being in front of Hector at the front of the couch.

  How I slept through that I had no idea.

  The arm around my waist curled around more, slanting across my midriff and I was pulled up to sitting. Then two hands came to my waist and I was pushed to a standing position in front of Hector. Hands to my shoulders, he turned me to face him and before I could say “boo” his head descended, he brushed my mouth with his, giving me a soft, sweet, morning kiss. His head lifted, he turned and left the room.

  Frozen to the spot, breathing nowhere near normal, I heard the powder room door open and close.

  My body jerked out of its stupor and I ran upstairs to my bathroom.

  I forced my mind to still as unbidden thoughts of last night rushed into it, thoughts of crazy Marty, incarcerated Harvey and still-at-large Ricky and also thoughts of Hector coming to my rescue.

  Instead, I forced myself to think about my most recent predicament and I decided to take it one step at a time. Each step taken would get me through, for now.

  I’d think of all the rest of it… later.

  First, brush teeth then floss teeth and then wash face. After that make sure I didn’t look like a fright and then put on something so I was wearing more than just silky, lacy pajama bottoms and a camisole but not something that would make me look like I was embarrassed or a prude because that would show weakness and my father told me (time and again), even if you had a weakness, you should never, never expose it.

  Finally find my Ice Princess, click her into place and then… proceed.

  I took a deep breath, forced all other thoughts out of my head and I went through my mental morning to-do list.

  By the time I walked into the kitchen I was fresh-faced, fresh-breathed, I’d put on my full-length, cream, cotton, waffle-weave robe (but I didn’t close the front because that might show I lacked confidence) and I was certain sure I could handle whatever came at me.

  Hector was sitting on a stool at the island, so was Buddy, both of them had a steaming mug of coffee resting in front of them. In the air I could smell the brioche toasting and Ralphie was at the counter manning the toaster.

  “Hey there, sweets. Coffee?” Ralphie asked me, twirling a knife in the air.

  “I’ll get it,” I replied and moved into the room not looking at Hector.

  Hector, by the way, was one of those things I was going to think about later.

  I made my coffee (dash of milk, one sugar, just like Hector).

  “Double H is staying for brioche this morning,” Ralphie informed me happily, like this was akin to William Shakespeare rising from the dead for the sole purpose of eating brioche with us while reciting a couple of his sonnets.

  “That’s nice,” I said but it didn’t sound like I meant it. It sounded cold and uninterested and Ralphie’s head snapped around so he could look at me closely.

  I gave him a look that said, “What?”

  He gave me a look that said, “You know what!”

  “A few things we need to go over,” Hector said into Ralphie and my non-verbal exchange, apparently oblivious to my cold shoulder.

  Unable to do anything else, I turned Ice Princess eyes to Hector.

  He wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at Ralphie. “From here on in, Sadie goes to and from work with you. She isn’t alone at the store and she doesn’t go anywhere unless she’s with one of you or one of the men. She needs to go somewhere and she doesn’t have someone with her, you call me and I’ll take her or arrange an escort.”

  Well maybe it should be said at this juncture that I wasn’t certain sure I could handle whatever came at me.

  I stared at Hector.

  What was he on about?

  “Why?” Buddy asked, also wondering what Hector was on about.

  “Sadie got a threatening phone call last night from Marty Balducci,” Hector replied.

  “What?” Ralphie screeched.

  Buddy stood up, body tense, eyes swinging to me.

  My Ice Princess took a hike and now I was staring in horror at Hector.

  What was he doing? I wasn’t going to tell them about the call! Telling them about the call would take me one step closer to using them up.

  I didn’t want them worried. Or, more worried.

  If he told them this, he would use them up. He couldn’t use them up!

  “She got a –” Hector started to repeat but I came to and frantically acted to put a stop to his words.

  “No!” I shouted, interrupting him and quickly I advanced across the kitchen.

  Hector black eyes came to me and he stood as I approached.

  “I need to talk to you a second,” I told him.

  “Sadie, they need to know –” Hector started but I’d made it to him.

  I reached up, put my healthy hand over his mouth and put my casted hand into his chest. Then I pushed him toward the door, Hector walking backward, me moving forward, my hand still over his mouth.

  He wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulled it from his mouth and halted at the door, making it clear he wasn’t going anywhere.

  I changed tactics, immediately twisted my hand so it was holding his and I walked around him, tugging him behind me and praying he’d change his mind and come with me instead of resisting. I didn’t want to engage in a kitchen tussle with Hector in front of Buddy and Ralphie, firstly because it would be embarrassing, secondly because I’d lose.

  He came with me (thank goodness!) and I pulled him into the living room, my step stuttered and I had to make a quick decision.

  I knew Ralphie and Buddy could hear if we stopped there. So I dragged Hector through the living room, down the hall and into the powder room. I flipped on the light and closed the door.

  Hector looked around us with obvious surprise that we were in a powder room and who could blame him, a powder room wasn’t exactly the primo choice for this particular tête-à-tête (or any tête-à-tête) but it was the only option open to me. I wasn’t going to take him to my room, the very thought of Hector in my bedroom made my toes curl.

  When his eyes came to me, the surprise was gone and he was smiling his close-to-laughter, white, glamorous smile.

  “Don’t you smile at me, Hector Chavez,” I snapped, not sounding like myself, not sounding like Any Sadie That Ever Existed. Sounding weirdly like Attitude Sadie and, if you asked me if I could even be Attitude Sadie, I would have told you, “heck no”.

  “We’re in the bathroom,” Hector told me, still smiling.

  “We are. I don’t want Ralphie and Buddy listening in,” I told him.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t want them to hear what I have to say.”

  He started laughing softly (yes, laughing!) and said, “I got that, mamita, but why not?”

  “I didn’t want them to know about the phone call. You’ve got to go out there, say something that’ll make them not so worried and then… I don’t know…” I stopped becaus
e I didn’t know, my mind was racing and I couldn’t catch a thought.

  Hector was still laughing softly. “Say something to make them not so worried about one of the Balducci brothers threatening you over the phone in the middle of the night? Tell me how I’m gonna manage that?”

  “I don’t know!” I cried, losing it in my panic. “Make something up. You’re a private investigator. Veronica Mars is a private investigator type person too and she lies all the time!”

  “Veronica Mars is a character on a TV show,” Hector informed me.

  “So?”

  Hector’s stared at me a beat, read my panic, his smile faded and his face got serious. “Sadie, I’m not gonna lie.”

  “But –”

  He came in close (or closer, we couldn’t not be close as we were in a powder room).

  “What I wanna know is; why do you want me to lie?”

  Oh darn.

  This was a sharing situation, as in, me sharing my private thoughts. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t tell Hector that I’d never had any friends and I’d grown to love Ralphie and Buddy and I was terrified of losing them.

  People were, well… people. In my experience they had only so much to give before they expected something in return.

  I didn’t have much to give in return. Heck, I didn’t have anything to give in return.

  But I couldn’t tell Hector that. He’d think I was pathetic.

  When I didn’t answer, I watched in alarm as Hector’s face got more serious and he closed the minute gap that was still between us. He put a hand to the side of my neck, sliding it up so his fingers went into my hair, his thumb resting along my hairline, his other arm curled around my waist and he pulled me into the heat of him.

  “I don’t wanna say this, mamita, but I have no choice. It’s understandable, you not thinkin’ clearly with all that’s goin’ down. But I have to remind you what’s at stake here,” Hector said.

  “I’m thinking clearly,” I informed him and I certainly knew what was at stake.

  He shook his head. “You aren’t.”

  “I am!” And I thought I was.

  His face dipped closer and I watched his eyes go a weird mixture of warm and intense. I’d never seen anything like that before and I had a feeling it did not bode well for me.

  I was right.

  “Sadie, a month ago, I got back to the office after finishing a job with Luke and walked into a stairwell to see you, literally, fall on your face because you didn’t have the strength to hold yourself up.”

  I pulled in my breath so sharply, my lungs started to burn.

  He kept talking. “You were wearin’ nothin’ but a torn nightgown and you were covered in blood. I carried you to the Explorer and you couldn’t even hold your head up. You passed out in my lap after you told me there was no one to care if you woke up. I live to be a hundred, mamita, I’ll never forget it. Not one fuckin’ second of it.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to turn my face away, hateful, humiliating memories charging through my brain and making my blood run cold. I didn’t want these memories but more, it was unthinkable that Hector shared them with me.

  His hand at the side of my head put gentle pressure there to keep me facing him, foiling my mini-escape Hector plan. I opened my eyes again and he was still looking at me with that warm intensity.

  “The next day, the two men in your kitchen walked into your hospital room, they took one look at the state of you and it rocked their world.”

  The burning in my lungs intensified.

  “Stop talking,” I whispered.

  He didn’t stop talking. “Then they did everything in their power to take care of you and help you heal. And, from what I can see, they did a damn fine job of it.”

  “Please stop talking.” I was still whispering.

  Hector still didn’t stop talking. “A few nights ago, I watched you walk away from a bartender who hadn’t finished your order, you went down the hall, past the bathroom and then you disappeared out the backdoor. I followed you only to find you’d walked right into the hands of Harvey Balducci. He had you clean off the ground, you were fightin’ him and you were losin’. Daisy didn’t stop me, I would have squeezed the life out of him and you didn’t stop Daisy, she would have kept on beatin’ him.”

  “Hector –”

  He shook his head to stop my interruption and kept talking. “You don’t have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, so I’ll explain it to you. Sadie, these are the actions of people who care about you. What happens to you happens to you but, in a way, it also happens to the people around you that care about you.”

  I felt tears start to sting my eyes and I clenched my teeth to stop them.

  Hector saw it and his face dipped even closer. “If you’re in danger, they got a right to know. You keep it from them, somethin’ happens to you and you end up –”

  “Enough!” I snapped.

  My finely honed defense mechanism clicked into place and Sorceress of the Antarctic made an appearance precisely when I needed her.

  Finally!

  My back straightened, my chin lifted and, even though I couldn’t see them, I knew my eyes weren’t warm and they were no longer filled with tears. They were shards of ice.

  “Fine,” I clipped, my voice cold.

  Hector’s eyes went even more intense as they scanned my face.

  Then he murmured as if to himself, “Fuckin’ hell, I lost her.”

  I ignored his words because there was no point in responding. He had, indeed, lost her.

  New Sadie was a memory. She had to be, this was no place for her.

  “I’ll talk to Buddy and Ralphie. You do,” I hesitated, “whatever you have to do.”

  “Sadie –” he started, giving me a gentle squeeze.

  “No,” I interrupted him and pulled away. Yanking out of his arm and jerking my head from his hand, I took a step back. “It’s fine. You’re right, perfectly right. Thank you for the lesson in kindness and morality. You’re right about that too, I don’t know much about that either.”

  His eyes flashed and he clipped out a, “God damn it,” but I was already out the door.

  I marched back to the kitchen so fast my robe flew out behind me.

  I halted inside the kitchen and looked at Buddy and Ralphie who were both sitting close together at the island, Buddy’s arm was around Ralphie’s shoulders. When their faces turned to me, I noticed they looked worried.

  Blooming heck!

  I felt Hector enter the kitchen but I ignored him. I prepared to make an Ice Princess Speech, something I’d never really had to do before but I figured I could pull it off.

  It was time to be mistress of my own destiny or I’d lose everything. I was sick of losing and I was going to put a stop to it, right fucking now.

  I took a deep breath and charged in. “Last night, a couple of hours after Hector left, Marty Balducci called me and he was angry about me pressing charges against his brothers. He said he was going to take care of Harvey and Ricky and I’d been a stupid bitch,” I announced.

  Buddy’s arm dropped from around Ralphie’s shoulders, they both straightened and I kept talking.

  “He told me I was going to pay.”

  Ralphie’s eyes closed slowly. Buddy’s face went tight.

  I went right on talking. “He called me the c-word.”

  Ralphie’s eyes flew open and he gasped.

  “Twice,” I went on.

  “The c-word?” Ralphie breathed, his face getting red.

  “Yes,” I clipped then continued. “Hector’s people are monitoring my cell calls. One of them heard it, told Hector and he came back around.”

  “Why didn’t you come to us last night? We’re just across the hall,” Buddy asked me.

  “I didn’t want to wake you,” I answered.

  “You…” Buddy’s eyes were wide then he shook his head in disbelief. “You didn’t want to wake us?”

  “That’s right,” I told him, my voice
pure ice but I watched with a sinking heart as Buddy started to look mad and I knew he was mad at me.

  I hated it that he was mad at me but I kept going and this time my glacial gaze slid across the whole room including in its frosty path Hector, who was now standing by the island, leaned against it, taking in my performance with a blank face and his arms crossed on his chest.

  “Now, what you all don’t understand, but I’ll explain to you, is that this isn’t unusual for me. Dealing with these kinds of people, this kind of behavior, it doesn’t faze me. It’s been my life for twenty-nine years. I will admit that I’ve never been the target but I also know how these people work. These are my people, this is my world and you have my sincere apologies for dragging you all into it with me.”

  “Sadie, sweetie –” Ralphie was getting up but I lifted my hand and shook my head. He took one look at my face, blinked slowly and settled, wordlessly (a miracle!), back on his stool.

  “I don’t know what to do but I’ll figure something out and I’ll inform you of my plans when I’ve come to some conclusions. In the meantime, I know that the situation is grave and I appreciate all your help in keeping me safe.” I was barreling toward my grand finale and I swept across the room, snatched my coffee cup from the counter and started toward the door. “Now, I’m getting ready for work.” My eyes went to Hector. “Enjoy the brioche and have a nice day,” I finished.

  Then on that I made the best exit I could on bare feet with no makeup, my heart in my throat, my stomach in a knot and while wearing silky, lacy pajamas and a robe that, I realized belatedly, I should have tied closed.

  I got to the foot of the stairs thinking I’d made a clean getaway and no one would hear me if I cried in the shower when an arm sliced around my waist, laying waste to any hope of a successful exit.

  In a smooth move that had to be in contention for the Smoothest Move in the History of Man, Hector curled me around to face him, took my coffee cup out of my hand, leaned to the side, placed it on a stair (without spilling a drop!), came back to me and locked his other arm around me, both of them going tight.

  When he was done with this, my heart was hammering, I looked up at his blank face, Sorceress of the Antarctic thankfully still firmly in place.