Leah's Song

by Daphne James Huff

  Maybe she was feeling weird about being interested in someone else after making such a fuss over the summer about Josh. Was I allowed now to make a move? I obviously couldn’t ask her, since that would mean admitting to his inviting me to the corn maze, which she didn’t know about. I still wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told her. Would it really matter? I’d said no, that’s what was important, right?

  I was relieved when Mr. Price presented me with a distraction from the emotional tug of war going on inside me. The first Monday in November, he announced that the auditions for the soprano solo would be happening the following week. We were still a month away from our winter concert, and I was trying hard not to stress out about it. I hadn’t even been thinking about the solo other than something to see happen during the performance. But then he made a point of stopping me on the way out of class.

  “Leah, I’d like to see you try out for the solo,” he said with an encouraging smile.

  I nodded without thinking, eager to make it to my next class on time.

  “I know you might be nervous, since this is your first year, but please think about it.”

  I smiled and quickly made my way out of the room.

  I did think about it, for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. Why would he want me, the newest member, the one needing extra help, to try for the solo? Did I even want the solo?

  Lilly said I did. She never gave up her chance to do one. She said that was the whole point of being first chair - you got all the solos automatically. In choir, you had to tell Mr. Price, and then everyone who wanted to try took turns as we went through the piece. It would mean singing in front of everyone and having them compare us.

  I talked it over with Amanda after choir the following afternoon on our way to our next class. We were in AP history together. It was nice to have a few new people to sit with now that I knew the choir kids. It had always felt a little weird hanging out with Lilly’s band friends. I didn’t really belong. But I still didn’t feel like I fit totally with choir yet. It had only been a few months, and they’d all been together since freshman year. Amanda was kind of in-between both choir and band. She seemed to be less tethered to one particular group.

  “So you’re not going to try for the solo?” I asked. We were in our seats now, waiting for class to start.

  “Oh, I am,” she said, giving me an ‘are you crazy?’ look. “You are, aren’t you?”

  I shrugged.

  “You should try! What’s the worst that could happen?” she said. “You don’t get something you didn’t want in the first place?”

  I let out a short laugh.

  “That’s kind of how I ended up in choir to begin with,” I said. “I only auditioned because Josh said he was going to.”

  She raised her eyebrows and gave me a half smile.

  “Well, you still have next year,” she said. “If you don’t think you’re ready yet. But I’d rather you get it than any of the other girls.”

  “Thanks,” I said, feeling oddly flushed at the unexpected compliment.

  Brandon told me I should go for it, too. So did Josh, in one of his now rare appearances at my locker in the morning. So did Lilly. I still wasn’t sure though. The other girls in choir, well, of course they wanted the solo, and they were all so much more experienced than I was. Should I even bother if I didn’t really have a chance?

  Driving home with Jenn one afternoon that week, I decided to ask her for advice. It wasn’t something I normally did, but this was not a normal situation for me.

  “So there’s this solo in choir,” I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

  She didn’t say anything, which I decided to take as a sign to continue.

  “I don’t know if I should go for it.”

  “Why not? You’ll never know unless you try,” she said without much feeling behind her words. I glanced over. She was picking at her fingernails.

  “Do you really mean that, or are you just saying it because you’re supposed to?” I tried not to whine. I was here for sisterly advice, and I was getting standard Chicken Soup for the Soul stuff.

  She let out a long, tired sigh.

  “I have no idea what you should do, Leah,” she said. “I don’t know anything about choir, or music, or solos.”

  “But you know how to be in front of a crowd, to have all the pressure on you,” I pointed out. I bit my lip. We were stuck behind a stalled car. We were going to be late for dinner, and I knew somehow it would be my fault. I tried to maneuver around it, but there were too many cars. I looked at Jenn.

  She shrugged.

  “Either you know you can do it, or you can’t,” she said. “What does Brandon think?”

  There was something in the way she said his name that made me pause. I thought back to her red face at the football game at the end of September.

  “Are you mad at him or something?” I asked.

  “No! I don’t even really hang out with him,” she said vehemently. “He’s just some choir nerd. Sorry, no offense.”

  “I’m a choir nerd now, too?” I said, looking behind me for an opening in the never-ending line of cars. “I’ve been doing it for, like, two months. Barely.”

  “You’re taking extra lessons, you’re thinking about doing the solo.” She held up her fingers as she listed things. “This is the first club or activity you’ve ever done. It kind of came out of nowhere.”

  I frowned.

  “That’s not true. I liked singing when we both did choir back in elementary school,” I said. “I only stopped because you did.”

  “So it’s my fault you never did anything until now?” Her voice had taken on a slight screechy and accusatory tone. She was getting irritated by the stalled car as well. I pulled out without waiting for an open space, getting a few honks in the process.

  “No! That’s not what I meant.” I could feel my heartbeat racing. I took a deep breath. I didn’t like getting stressed out when driving. And driving with Jenn had been pretty much constant stress for the past few months. “Never mind. Forget it.”

  She let out a long, exasperated sigh and turned to look out the window. I bit my lip, trying to think of something to say to make things better between us, but nothing seemed to be working lately. I silently hoped that once she knew where she was going to school next year, she’d be a little calmer. A little less stressed.

  But I had a feeling she was stressed about more than just soccer. Just like I was stressed about more than just the solo. I gave a final glance at her silent, despondent face as I pulled into our driveway. We were probably more alike than we wanted to admit. I just wish I could figure out what I’d done wrong to make her so upset with me.

  Chapter Nine

  In the end, I went for the solo. How could I not? Mr. Price had basically told me I had to, and Brandon had been so excited about it during our lessons all week. So when Friday rolled around, I stood there, in front of everyone, heart beating, singing the words I’d practiced at least twenty times over the past few days.

  Mr. Price’s face remained unreadable the entire time no matter who was singing. I studied everyone else’s faces, and it looked like they all liked Melissa. Amanda whispered to me that she thought she’d sounded a little flat, but I think she was just trying to make me feel better. Mr. Price said he’d tell us Monday.

  “Ughhh, we have to wait all weekend to find out?” I wailed to Amanda as everyone was leaving.

  “Well, let’s go do something fun tonight to take your mind off of it,” she suggested. She glanced at Josh, who gave me a smile and a thumbs-up. “Let’s go to the football game.”

  She had a small, wicked smile that I’d never seen on her before.

  “Okay,” I said slowly, trying to figure out what her real purpose was. “Let’s ask Lilly, too. Why didn’t she ever go out with that friend of Jason’s? Jeff? Jesse?”

  “Jeff,” she said with a giggle. “All these J names are getting hard to keep straight.”

  I laughed along, bu
t there was only one J name I had on my mind.

  Josh played great that night. I was able to stay until the very end, cheering and yelling with everyone else. Jenn thankfully had an away game, and my parents had driven her. Luke said he was just going to chill at home, but I hadn’t seen him in the house for more than an hour on any given Friday night since school had started.

  Lilly went over to talk a little to Jeff when we got there, and I tried to tease her about once the game started.

  “So you only like him when you’re surrounded by corn?” I said.

  “No!” She blushed. “He’s nice. I just don’t really have time to be dating. My clarinet teacher wants me to do a lot of competitions this year so that I can get ready for college auditions next year.”

  “Oh,” I said, a little surprised. “I didn’t think you wanted to major in it.”

  She shrugged.

  “I hadn’t really before this year. I just realized I like it a lot. Why shouldn’t I try to do it as a career?”

  She looked down at her gloved hands. It was definitely much colder than the game we’d been to in September. I was wrapped up in a scarf, hat, and gloves my aunt had made for me last Christmas. They were bright orange, one of the school colors, and I normally hated wearing them. Why couldn’t she have made them green, our other school color? At least she hadn’t made something with both colors. The football uniforms were pretty ugly. Most other sports tried to stick with mainly green and a little bit of orange. All the cheerleaders had to accent their green and white outfits with orange ribbons in their hair and orange shoelaces.

  But tonight seemed like a good time to rock a little school spirit, so orange it was. The thought had also crossed my mind that I’d be pretty visible from the field and might catch the eye of a certain Number 45…

  “Leah!” I heard my name called by another male voice. It was Brandon, late again to the game. I waved and he came to sit with us. “Nice hat.” He grinned.

  I rolled my eyes.

  “It was a gift,” I said. “And I’m all about school spirit.”

  “Are you now?” He gave me a doubtful half-smile.

  “Well, no,” I admitted. “But Lilly and Amanda wanted to come, so I may as well show some spirit and keep warm at the same time.”

  We started talking about a band he had been to see the previous week. We spent surprisingly little time talking during our lessons. It was like he was in serious teacher mode and didn’t want to get distracted.

  “This is nice,” I said, thinking of how normal he seemed. “Seeing you like regular-Brandon, not teacher-Brandon.”

  The smile he gave me was a little sad.

  “I know I can get pretty intense,” he said, gazing out onto the field. I was tempted to look as well but was trying to focus on him. He was pretty adorable when he wasn’t lecturing about arpeggios and breathing exercises. “You just have so much talent. I don’t want you to waste it. I wish I could be here next year to see you get even better.”

  I felt my face get hot despite the chilly temperature.

  “Whatever. I’m okay,” I said, turning away to take a quick peek at the field. Number 45 was shouting something to his teammates. “I wish I’d done better at the audition today.”

  “You did great,” he reassured me. He put a hand on my shoulder, briefly, and squeezed. “You’ll definitely get it.”

  I shook my head but liked having his reassurance. I didn’t have much of my own, so it had to come from somewhere.

  “So have you heard back from schools yet?” Lilly’s announcement earlier had reminded me that Brandon was in the middle of his own applications and auditions.

  He shook his head.

  “It’s still early,” he said. “But hopefully before Christmas. What about you? Any ideas for college?”

  “Go Josh!” Lilly suddenly yelled next to me, pulling me up to cheer with her, saving me from more unwelcome college talk. Couldn’t I have just a few more months of peace before I had to start figuring things out?

  We screamed wildly along with the rest of the crowd as Josh made a touchdown. Well, Brandon wasn’t exactly quite as enthusiastic as us, but he was clapping and yelling. The marching band struck up the victory song, and we all imitated the little dance the cheerleaders were doing, mostly to celebrate but also to keep warm.

  At the end of the game, Brandon left right away with a wave and a smile. I waited around for Amanda who was talking to her boyfriend. Lilly was chatting with Jeff again. I wasn’t sure I believed her when she said she didn’t have time for a boyfriend. She had time for the football game. Was it to see Josh ... or Jeff? Or both? I wish I could just talk to her about this instead of it feeling like even saying his name was off limits.

  As if I’d conjured him just by thinking about him, Josh was suddenly in front of me. The team was still congratulating each other on a good game; the coach talking to parents, the cheerleaders milling about. It was a sea of green and orange. It hurt my eyes just to look at it. I focused on Josh instead.

  “Hey,” he said with a huge smile. “I didn’t know you were going to come. I didn’t think you liked football. You left that first game halfway through.”

  I blushed. I hadn’t realized he’d noticed. Or remembered.

  “My sister wanted to leave that day,” I said. “I don’t know why. She can be such a pain.”

  “Yeah, I get it,” he said with a laugh. “It’s not just older sisters. Abby can be pretty bossy when she wants to be.”

  I smiled.

  “I remember, at the pool that day,” I said. “She was ordering the Brown twins around like it was nothing.”

  He laughed again but didn’t reply. He looked as if me being there, not the team winning, had made his night great. The bleachers beneath my feet suddenly felt less solid that they had before. I cleared my throat.

  “Jenn’s not here tonight though, and I’m glad I got to stay until the end,” I said. I pointed up to Amanda in the bleachers, hoping he didn’t notice the color rising in my cheeks. “Amanda said it would get my mind off of the audition. I think it mostly worked.”

  “You did great this afternoon,” he said, his smile still on his face.

  I felt myself blush again. I didn’t really need a hat to keep warm; my face was giving off enough heat to keep me warm until spring.

  “So did you! Nice, um, touchdown?” I made a face. He laughed. “I do like football, I guess. I just don’t know the rules.”

  “Well, you don’t have to. Just cheer and keep wearing the school colors.” He flicked the pompom on my hat with his finger.

  “At least I’m warm,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself. “You look like you’re freezing out there.”

  He started to protest, but then gave a little shiver.

  “Here, take my scarf,” I said, unwinding it and handing it to him before I could think too carefully about it.

  “Thanks,” he said, wrapping it around his neck. It was a big, bulky mass of orange on top of his already enhanced shoulders. He looked ridiculous, and I couldn’t help laughing.

  “I should head in to shower,” he said, grinning, and turned to go. At the word ‘shower’ I felt my face grow even redder, if that was even possible. I must look a sight, orange hat over beet red face. “Thanks for coming. And thanks for the scarf.”

  I managed a smile as he ran off in the direction of the locker rooms. I wiped it off my face, however, when I turned and saw the glare Lilly was giving me. Jeff was chattering next to her, completely oblivious that she wasn’t paying attention to him.

  I felt a pit in my stomach but tried to push it away. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was just talking to him. And he had mentioned he was cold, so I did what any friend would do and offered him a scarf. But judging by her face, Lilly did not see it like that at all.

  Chapter Ten

  Lilly didn’t come over that weekend to do homework like she usually did. When I called, she said something about needing to practice more for a competitio
n in a few weeks, but I still felt bad about the football game. I wasn’t sure why. I hadn’t done anything wrong. And she could have been talking to him, too, if she hadn’t been busy with Jeff.

  When I went downstairs to take a study break on Saturday afternoon, I was surprised to see that Luke was actually around the house for once. He seemed moody. Well, moodier than usual. He was in the den playing some soccer video game. I sat down and asked if he wanted me to play with him, and he just shrugged and handed me the other controller. I took it as a good sign.

  “So how are your classes?” I said, punching the keys at random to see what would happen.

  “It’s X to kick and O to block,” he said with a weary sigh, scoring twice while I tried to figure out the controls. Still, he didn’t tell me to stop playing, so I figured he wasn’t totally opposed to me being there and trying to talk.

  “Jenn makes it look so easy,” I said, trying to make a joke. “She can play for hours, but my fingers are already tired after a few minutes.”

  He let out a forced laugh. My heart lifted a bit. Maybe he didn’t hate his older sister as much as it had seemed these past months.

  “So, classes? Good? Bad?” I tried again.

  He shrugged.

  “The teachers are all on me about homework and everything,” he said, his eyes glued to the screen.

  “Do you need help?” I asked. “I’m sorry I don’t have as much time for you as I did last year.”

  “It’s fine, I get it,” he said. “You need to do your own thing. Jenn can’t be the star forever.”

  I smiled.

  “What about you?” I said. “You think you’ll try out for soccer or something?”

  He laughed, this time a real one. Well, it was more like a chuckle, but it felt good to hear it. At least one of my siblings was willing to open up to me.

  “Not likely,” he said. “The gym teacher says he has never seen anyone so completely devoid of athletic talent.”

  I raised an eyebrow. That seemed a little harsh, even for Coach Riley, universally acknowledged as the meanest of the gym teachers.