Leah's Song

by Daphne James Huff

  Luke glanced at my incredulous face.

  “Well, maybe not in those exact words,” he admitted.

  We played in silence a little longer.

  “How was the football game?” he asked. I turned to him, surprised. I didn’t think he’d know what I’d been up to the previous night.

  “It was good. We won.” I had actually managed to get control of the ball and was trying to avoid Luke’s players on the field.

  “That Josh guy plays, right?”

  I nodded. I was inching closer to the goal, his players moving slower than they had before.

  “He any good?”

  I smiled. He was letting me score, I could tell, and I appreciated it.

  “He scored a touchdown. That’s good, right?”

  Luke snorted and rolled his eyes. His goalie blocked the ball and I was back to chasing him down the field.

  “Were you there?” I asked. “I didn’t see you.”

  He shook his head.

  “I passed by the school. Saw your car.”

  I wanted to ask him what he was doing there, but hesitated. He was finally opening up, and I didn’t want him to shut down again. But that was a little random, passing by the school parking lot on a Friday night, but not going to the game.

  “What were you doing by the school?” I tried to keep my voice as light and casual as possible. His player kicked the ball towards my goalie, who went in the complete opposite direction of the ball as it soared into the net.

  He shrugged, not even commenting on the now 6 to 0 score.

  “Just hanging out with some of the guys.”

  I pursed my lips but didn’t ask any more. We played for another few minutes, and then the phone rang in the kitchen. I heard our mom pick it up. From our seats in the den just off the kitchen we could hear her side of the conversation. It sounded like it was Lilly’s mom. She said something about a bake sale. I wondered if Lilly had told her mom about Jeff. Even though she’d been so secretive with me, she usually told her mom everything. And her mom loved giving out boy advice. I wondered if my mom would even notice if I came home with a boy. She’d probably just assume he was there to see Jenn or was a friend of Luke’s.

  Suddenly, my mom gasped, and I turned to look back at her.

  “The coach’s car? Really?” I heard my mom saying. “Who would do that?”

  “Come on, Leah, are you playing or not?” Luke said, his voice tense. I looked at him, then back at my mom. My players were idling on the field while he literally ran circles around them. His eyebrows were drawn down, and he was completely focused on the screen. A question was on the edge of my lips. I opened my mouth to ask it but changed my mind at the last second. It was kind of nice just sitting here playing with him. I didn’t want to ruin the moment with wild accusations. My little brother couldn’t have done anything that bad, right?

  I was a little nervous seeing Lilly on Monday at school, but she didn’t bring up Josh all day. At lunch she talked about going to see the newest Reese Witherspoon chick flick with her mom, not mentioning the game once. Maybe I had been too sensitive and she’d been glaring about something else. Maybe she was starting to like Jeff and was warning off some other girl that had been looking at him. She wished me good luck at the end of lunch as Amanda and I headed off to choir.

  I felt my heart beating faster as we approached the classroom. It was like the day I’d gone with Lilly to see the choir lists posted, except worse, somehow. This time, it was something I had really started to let myself want. I had flashes of a smiling Josh watching me sing in front of everyone, feeling the same pride and excitement I did watching him play football. I shook my head and blushed, glad that Amanda couldn’t see the ridiculous images in my head.

  As I walked in, Brandon gave me a big smile, and I saw Mr. Price’s eyes flick over to me, the corners of his mouth tilted ever so slightly up. I felt my heart soar. That had to be a good sign, right?

  “Settle down, everyone,” Mr. Price said, coming to the front of the room. “Now, let’s get started with a warm up…”

  “Come on!” groaned one of the senior girls, and a few others followed suit. “Just tell us, Mr. Price!”

  “That’s right, I had to tell you all something…” He tapped his finger on his chin, a serious expression on his face, as if trying to remember what we were talking about. I nearly laughed, but the pit in my stomach stopped me.

  “I’m pleased to announce that our newest member, Leah Cooper, will be singing the solo for us at the winter concert,” he said with a smile, gesturing to me with one hand before starting to clap. The other sopranos clapped a few times, without energy, while the guys with slightly more gusto. Amanda turned back to look at me with a huge smile, clapping enthusiastically.

  My mouth was hanging open in shock. I wanted to thank Mr. Price. He seemed to expect me to say something, but when he saw the look on my face, he cleared his throat and had us start with warm ups. I hope he wasn’t already regretting his choice. I tried extra hard throughout class to give everything I had to show him he hadn’t made a mistake.

  Josh and Brandon were the only two who came up after class to congratulate me. They came up together, and I noticed for the first time that they were almost exactly the same height. That seemed to be where the similarities ended, however. Brandon’s bleached hair was styled in wet spikes while Josh still seemed completely resistant to using anything at all on his dark waves. I wanted to run my hands through it to see if it was as soft as it looked. Josh’s green eyes sparkled as he smiled at me.

  “Great job,” he said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “I guess we’re both on top now.”

  “You deserve it,” said Brandon, his brown eyes casting a wary glance at Josh’s large and muscular arm on my shoulder. “Let me know if you want extra practice. I’m free every afternoon this week.”

  Josh was giving him his own wary glance as Brandon flashed me a wide smile. I had to admit, he did have a nice smile.

  No one else seemed happy for me though. The girls all had chilly eyes behind their small congratulatory smiles. I attributed that in part to having Josh come talk to me. You would think that after a few months, they’d have gotten over it and realized we were just friends. Melissa and Katie watched me like hawks around him and were always trying to talk to him before and after class. He was nice to them, like he was with everyone. I didn’t mind a few glares in exchange for his attention today, though.

  Thank goodness for Amanda. She had been the one to say that there were still other concerts, other solos. And we were only juniors, so there was still next year she reminded me when I told her I felt bad she didn’t get it.

  “I have band, and work, and Jason,” she said, waving her hand dismissively at my apologies for getting the solo during AP History that afternoon. “This just would have been one more thing on my plate! And you really were the best.”

  Despite the jealous vibes from the other girls, I actually started to get excited about it, as the day went on. I managed to find Lilly in between classes and she was really happy for me. I was looking forward to telling my parents.

  There was a slight damper to all this happiness, however, when I learned that the soloist at the winter concert was usually the same one for the competitions we attended in the spring. I actually felt a little sick when Brandon told me later that afternoon during our lesson.

  “If I’d known that, then I wouldn’t have auditioned,” I said miserably. “I don’t want the whole competition resting on my shoulders. I’ve never competed in anything.”

  “You’ll be fine,” he said. He came to sit next to me at one of the desks. “You’re really great, you know.”

  He was looking at me, his blue eyes intense. I wasn’t sure he was talking about my singing. He shifted slightly in his chair, his knee brushing against mine, then reached out and took my hand. I inhaled sharply.

  Maybe Jenn had been onto something. I tried again to find some sort of feelings for Brandon other than frien
dly ones. But his hand just felt like a hand. I thought back to that morning and the brush of Josh’s arm as he leaned against my locker, talking to me. The shivers it had sent down my spine had lasted through my entire homeroom. Then the shoulder squeeze in choir had left a tingly feeling for a good hour. Brandon had been holding my hand now for almost a minute and I still felt nothing.

  “You’re really great, too, Brandon,” I said with a smile, taking my hand back slowly to rub it along my arm, as if to scratch an itch. “You’re an awesome teacher. Thank you so much for all your help these past weeks. It’s totally thanks to you that I got the solo.”

  He gave me a quick smile and looked down at his hands.

  “Can we go through it a few more times?” I asked, standing up.

  He took a deep breath and nodded.

  Should I have said something else? I decided to ignore the entire thing rather than make it uncomfortable. I could have misinterpreted it, after all. Friends just held hands with friends, right? Yeah, right, Leah. The sarcastic voice in my head sounded surprisingly like Jenn.

  We went through the solo so many times that I was late again to pick up Jenn. She was passing the time waiting for me by alternating between bouncing the soccer ball against her head and kicking it against the wall of the school.

  “Finally,” she said, and her face flicked from me to Brandon. He’d walked me out, still talking about something, as usual. Her eyes narrowed, and she turned quickly towards the parking lot. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”

  I waved a quick goodbye to Brandon who looked a bit bewildered. I wanted to explain to him that it was just how Jenn was. He should know that, actually, having been in class with her for the past 12 years. But I didn’t have time. She was already halfway to the car. I looked longingly towards the football field that was illuminated in the dark autumn night by floodlights. I could barely see the players from this distance, already making their way off the field. I sighed, catching up to Jenn, not bothering to try any kind of conversation in the car on the way home.

  “Leah!” I heard my name as I got out of the car. It had been a long and silent car ride home, until Mom had called Jenn and asked us to stop at the store for milk. I’d run in on my own, picking up Jenn’s favorite candy bar as well. She’d mumbled ‘thanks’ and stuck it in her bag.

  Jenn looked at me, looked back to see who is was, and rolled her eyes.

  “God, you’re just Miss Popular, aren’t you?” she said with a sneer and slammed her car door. She turned with a dramatic flick of her hair and stalked inside.

  I turned to see Josh walking up our driveway.

  “Hi,” I said, blinking a few times to be sure I was seeing things right. What was he doing here?

  “Hey,” he said, coming to stand next to me and lean against the car. He must have just gotten home from practice. His hair was slightly wet beneath his hat and his breath was coming out in little bursts of white air.

  I looked at him, trying to suppress the fluttering in my stomach.

  “Was there something you needed?” I blamed the cold for the tremble in my voice.

  “I wanted to give you back your scarf,” he said with a small smile. I hadn’t noticed he had it in his hands. He slowly draped it around my neck, throwing one end over my shoulder with a little flourish, his eyes fixed on his hands.

  “Thanks.” I managed to sound almost normal, despite my heart pounding wildly at the close contact. Close enough to see every single one of his eyelashes framing eyes that were staring straight into mine.

  A beat passed, and he dropped his hands back to his side. I heard him take a deep breath.

  “I also wanted to tell you that I like you,” he said, his eyes not leaving mine. My own breath caught in my throat at the sudden and unexpected proclamation.

  “What do you mean, you like me?” I said, the tremble even louder now. I pulled my gaze away, searching desperately for something else to focus on besides the perfect green of his eyes. I ended up staring at his mouth instead. His perfectly kissable and off-limits mouth that was currently turned up in a gentle smile at my confused and panicked face.

  “I mean, I like you,” he said, his hands fiddling with the zipper on his coat. “I want to hang out, just the two of us. Without Lilly or Amanda.”

  I looked at his eyes as they stared into mine. This wasn’t happening. It had to be a dream. Hunky football players that could sing did not like random girls like me.

  I didn’t say anything, trying frantically to gather my thoughts. Nothing was coming to mind. Teen Magazine had failed to prepare me for this, the most important moment of my life so far.

  After a while, Josh’s face started to turn red.

  “Um, it’s okay if you say no,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking down. He kicked at a rock on the driveway. I glanced anxiously at Lilly’s house across the street. I knew she was at her private clarinet lesson, but I felt like she could still see me somehow.

  “I didn’t say no.” I turned back to face him, my voice barely above a whisper.

  He looked up, a small smile starting to form on his face.

  “I know Brandon has been helping you, and he keeps telling the other guys in choir he wants to ask you out,” Josh was saying. I hadn’t realized Josh hung out with them that much outside of practice. I thought of that long, uncomfortable minute Brandon had held my hand that afternoon and blushed. “So I thought I’d ask you first before he gets a chance. I know he’s a senior and everything, so he’ll be gone next year, but I didn’t want to wait.”

  “Brandon doesn’t like me,” I said, rolling my eyes. Well, he did, but hopefully not as much as Josh seemed to think he did. Brandon hadn’t actually said anything other than I was great. My blush deepened at the memory, my heart thumping wildly at the thought of Josh being jealous because he thought someone else liked me.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Half the guys in choir like you,” he said.

  “What? Why?” I blanched. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud. But seriously, why?

  He let out a sigh.

  “Leah, you’re funny, and smart, and really sweet, and you have a great voice,” he said, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. He cleared his throat. “And you’re completely gorgeous in this adorable, punk way.”

  I didn’t think it was possible but my heart sped up even more. It was getting dangerously close to hummingbird pace. Gorgeous? No one had ever said that about me, and to me, before. Steve Porter freshman year had been my experience up until now. And that was one spring formal and one movie date all because Lilly wanted to go out with Troy Clayton. It had been a bit of a disaster. Troy had tried to feel up Lilly afterwards in the car, and we avoided both of them for the rest of the year. Despite his poor choice in friends, Steve had been nice enough. But we just weren’t that interested in each other.

  Unlike Josh, who I was most definitely interested in, and who was currently standing in front of me telling me he was interested in me. I had no idea what to do, or say.

  “Lilly,” I finally blurted out.

  His brow furrowed. Not what he had been expecting, I guess.

  “She likes you too,” I said, not wanting to go into the details

  “Too?” he said, a victorious smile spreading slowly across his face. “So you do like me.”

  I let out an exasperated sigh.

  “Of course I do, Josh!” I said, my voice surprisingly steady as I saw the joy lighting up his eyes at my proclamation. “Who wouldn’t? You could have any girl you want. Hot new guy who plays football and can sing? It’s like if Justin Timberlake also played football.” I blushed. He was way hotter than JT.

  He laughed, his hand coming up to brush my hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes briefly at his gentle touch on my face.

  “See, this is why I like you,” he said, still chuckling. “You’re funny, and honest. Not afraid to be yourself. At least when Lilly’s not around.”

  I sighed. He stoppe
d laughing, his hand dropping to his side.

  “But she is around,” I said. “So I can’t go out with you.”

  “But I don’t like her,” he said, his eyebrows drawing together. “I like you.”

  My heart tightened at hearing him say the words again.

  “We made a promise at the beginning of the year…”

  He was shaking his head, slowly.

  “Is that why you wouldn’t go to the corn maze with me? Why you invited me to go with both of you?”

  I nodded.

  “Not because you didn’t want to go with me?”

  “I really wanted to go with you,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper again, feeling more frustrated and idiotic by the second. He was laying himself out there and I kept saying no!

  “I get it. You don’t want to lose your best friend over the hot JT footballer,” he tried to laugh again, but it fell flat. He tilted his chin down and frowned.

  “We can still hang out if you want,” I said, taking a step closer to him. So close, yet so far. “But I can’t go out with you.”

  His mouth twisted to one side.

  “What if we just don’t tell her?” he said quietly, taking my hand in his. Unlike Brandon’s hand, this definitely felt like something. It was warm, and sent tingles up and down my arm. My heart sped up and threatened to burst right out of my chest.

  I wanted to say yes. Every single part of me ached to say yes.

  “I can’t,” I said with a sigh. He didn’t let go of my hand. He took another step; the distance between us now was only inches. His eyelashes were just a blur of black above the forest of green I was losing myself in. “I wish I could, but I just can’t.”

  He leaned his head down, close to mine, and I suddenly stopped breathing. His soft lips brushed mine as he raised his hands to gently cup my face. The kiss was soft, sweet, and perfect. I felt tears spring to my eyes, knowing this would have to be the only kiss we ever had. I raised my arms around his neck holding him as close as I could.