Johnny & I : The Island

by Daria M Paus

  I watched them head off, certain they could indeed handle the creeps. Marc’s massive body and stern expression could surely frighten anyone into obedience.

  My gaze fell on Rick. He was the opposite of Marc. His skinny body and friendly face made me take an instant liking toward him.

  "Quite a story you've got, man.” He grinned at Johnny. Then he looked at me and smiled a genuinely friendly smile. "Ignore Marc; he's rough but he means well."

  I smiled, eyeing his light-brown hair and boyish grin.

  "Maybe he ain't so glad I tried to hit him."

  Rick laughed. "That too, but with everything that went down here I think you had every right.” He grinned. “Besides, it's kinda cute how you defended Johnny back there."

  I blushed and looked down. Johnny squeezed my hand, and I threw him a quick look. He smiled back, as the little scene in the hallway must have been news to him. The way he looked at me made me realize he didn't find it amusing in the way Rick had. Instead it looked like he was grateful that I would do that for him.

  Rick chuckled, fumbling to get his wallet out of his back pocket. Fishing out a couple of small white pills, he handed them to Johnny. "They'll make you feel better."

  "Better late than never, ay," Johnny said. "Thanks, mate."

  Rick turned his eyes on me, studying me far longer than what felt comfortable. I cleared my throat, hoping he’d get the point.

  He gave me a sheepish smile. "Sorry," he said. “Was just trying to figure you out."

  I rolled my eyes. "Did you?"

  He shook his head. "You have a weird accent. I like it."

  I wasn't sure whether I should feel insulted or flattered, but before I had time to dwell on it, Johnny snapped.

  "What the fuck?"

  "Whoa sorry, man." Rick held up his hands. "You seem to have developed quite a liking toward this young woman."

  The look he received was anything but amused.

  "I'm still here," I muttered. "Seriously?"

  Rick laughed, and I somehow found it hard to stay angry at him.

  "Hey, I’ll check on the others," Rick winked at us before disappearing through the door.

  I made myself comfortable on the bed, at the same time moving closer to Johnny.

  "How are you feelin'?" I asked.

  “Tired.” He gave me a small smile, but then the smile faded and he groaned. "I don't wanna go back."

  "We have to."

  He nodded.

  "They’ll be back soon. We should get ready," I sighed, wishing we didn't have to get ready for anything. All I wanted was to snuggle up next to him and stay like that forever, just the two of us. I straightened, removing my hands from him and watched as he struggled into a sitting position without my help.

  "Everything's spinning," he groaned. "I feel drunk."

  I quickly changed into my own clothes while throwing nervous glances at the door. When I was done, I turned to Johnny, who watched me with a sad look on his face.

  “It'll be okay." I didn't believe it myself, but I said it anyway. It didn't look like he believed it either, and I sighed, taking the few steps that separated us. "Johnny.” I wanted to say so much more, but couldn't bring myself to do it. It didn't matter what I felt for him, it would be over soon anyway. I stood between his legs and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close to me. His arms wrapped around my waist, and as he rested his head against my belly. I absentmindedly stroked his hair.

  So, this was it. I’d known this day would come, and I’d made myself believe in all sorts of dreams. The reality hit me hard. All the dreams turned flat, crushed under the weight of real life. Johnny and I were polar opposites. I could never fit into his life. Being the center of attention, judged, and criticized. I'd had enough of that growing up. And it was obvious he couldn’t change his life to please me. I mentally kicked myself for letting such thought cross my mind. The little voice in my mind wasn't late to latch on. Why would he do that? It taunted. Reality check. He has everything. Money, fame, a billion of fans, a goddamn island. You have nothing to offer him. My eyes filled with tears as I forced myself to face the cold hard truth. I was nothing more than a temporary fling. Someone who'd been there when he'd needed me. And now our time was over, and hell with me.

  Time ticked by and I suddenly got the feeling of being watched. I turned my head and saw Rick and Casey, staring at us with a mix of confusion and amusement on their faces.

  I turned back to Johnny, kissing the top of his head while doing my best to keep the tears from falling.

  “They're ready,” I said. "Johnny?" He didn't answer. How long had I been lost in thought? Long enough for him to fall back asleep, it seemed.

  "Marc is already on the boat,” Rick said.

  It was pointless to ask for more time. It wouldn't make any difference. In fact, it would only prolong the misery.

  I let my hand run over Johnny's hair one more time, then I moved away enough to wake him up.

  “It's time to go," I said.

  26

  Harsh Reality

  Their eyes were on me, and tried to keep my gaze locked on my hands. If I looked up, my face would give me away. Johnny had left for the bathroom, but he could just as well have left forever.

  His absence reminded me of the inevitable, and I felt lonelier than ever—even under the scrutiny of Rick and Casey.

  “So, tell me.” Rick’s voice snapped me back to reality. “What did you do to win his heart in such a short time?”

  I looked up, staring at him. Rick laughed at my puzzled expression.

  “He seems so close to you, like—” He shook his head as if he didn't know how to put it. “Like he’s known you forever.”

  Despite the sadness that tore at my insides, I couldn’t help but smile. Rick was right. Johnny trusted me. I’d torn down his walls and broken through his defense in a way I was sure others had found little success. I didn't understand why he’d opened up to me. I suddenly didn’t know if getting to know him had been a good idea or a bad one. I knew too much; so many things I’d have to keep buried inside of myself, like it had been buried within him for so long.

  It hurt. The things I knew—the things I wished I’d never known.

  But it was too late for regrets. I loved him. I’d let myself fall for him and that alone was the biggest mistake I’d ever made.

  “Brianna?”

  “Hmm?”

  Rick grinned.

  “You didn't hear a word of what I just said, did you?”

  I shook my head, and my cheeks flushed with heat.

  “If you hadn’t been here, things could’ve gone down real bad. I think there’s a big chance you just saved Johnny’s life.”

  Tears sprung to my eyes and a few slipped down my cheek before I could blink them away.

  “We owe you,” Casey shot in. “Big time.”

  Rick nodded. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”

  I had a pretty good idea what they had in mind, but I didn't want any reward. I didn't want Johnny’s money. I didn't care about the spotlight or the fame that could be mine if the story spread about the mysterious farm girl who’d saved the actor’s life. I didn't want any of that.

  I shook my head, wiping my eyes. “I don’t want anythin’.”

  Johnny, the little voice added. You want Johnny.

  I wanted to yell at it to shut up.

  “If you ever change your mind.” Rick held out a business card and I hesitated, then took it. I’d never look at it, but at least I’d have one tangible memory of my chapter in Johnny’s life. Proof, if I ever started to doubt.

  “Where is he by the way?” Casey asked. “Marc will come looking for us soon.”

  A frown crept onto my face. Casey was right. Johnny had been gone too long. My mind immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario, and my pulse started to speed up.

  “I’ll go.” I didn’t wait for their reply, and sprung to my feet and ran toward the bathroom.

  My hand hesitated a few
seconds before it knocked. “Johnny?”

  Silence greeted me, and my fingers trembled as I turned the handle. The door didn't budge. I tried again, but it was locked.

  “Johnny?” I called out. “It’s me, open the door!”

  Chills ran down my spine and I tried to take a few deep breaths. “Can you hear me?”

  The silence made me want to cry, and the next time I called his name my voice rose into a shout.

  Rick and Casey came running.

  “What’s going on?” Rick asked, eyeing the closed door. “Is he in there?”

  I nodded.

  Rick gave the door a few sharp raps. “Open up, man,” he called out.

  Casey called his name. Rick tugged at the door, and I was trying not to fall apart from worry.

  “What the fuck’s going on?”

  We all turned to see Marc as he strode up to us. “Where’s Johnny?”

  “In there.” Rick gestured to the door.

  Marc sighed, and I could’ve sworn I saw a hint of worry flash across his face. He turned to the door, hitting his fist against it a few times. The sound made me want to press my hands to my ears.

  “Open the fucking door.” He waited. “Open now or I’ll break it.”

  I didn't take his warning seriously until the crash as his body slammed into the door made me scream out loud. The door flicked open, hitting the wall with a loud bang before bouncing back from the impact.

  Marc was first to enter. I squeezed in before the guys had time to move. Scanning the room, my eyes landed on him as he sat on the floor, head buried into drawn up knees, and arms wrapped around them. He didn’t move, but his body trembled slightly.

  “For God’s sake!” Marc snapped. “Get up from the floor. We're going home. Now.”

  He reached out a hand, putting it on Johnny’s arm. “Come on.”

  When Johnny still didn't move, he flung his arms out in frustration. “I thought we were over this.” He scoffed. “I should’ve realized.”

  There was obviously a lot of history between those two that I knew nothing about, but the way Marc yelled at him broke my heart. How could he be so cold?

  “It’s not the first time you’ve behaved like this,” Marc said. “You better not think what I think you’re thinking,” he warned. “You landed yourself in this shit, as usual, face it. Hiding here will only make you look more guilty.”

  Johnny's body tensed. “Fuck off.”

  “Fuck off?” Marc repeated. “You want me to leave you here?” He shook his head. “Do you have any idea how badly you just screwed yourself over by leaving the fucking state?” He shot the guys a look of exasperation, and their synchronized sigh made me think it wasn’t the first time they’d witnessed something similar.

  The next time Marc opened this mouth, I cut him off.

  “Stop!” I snapped. “Don’t yell at him. Can't you see he’s upset?” I knelt next to Johnny, laying a comforting hand on his back. Then I turned my face up, glaring at Marc. “Leave us alone.”

  He glared down at me. “Stay out of this.”

  “Please.”

  Rick nodded. “It’s a good idea, man.”

  Marc turned on his heels, muttering something I was glad I didn’t hear.

  When they were gone, I scooted closer to Johnny, wrapping an arm around him.

  “He’s such an asshole,” I whispered. “How can you stand him?”

  Johnny untangled his arms and lifted his head enough to see me. “I don’t.”

  I couldn't help but smile.

  “Hey,” I reached to brush hair out of his face. “How are you doin?’”

  His broken, “Fine,” didn't fool me.

  He shook his head. “No,” he said. “I’m—" His voice broke, and he buried his face into his knees. “I’m not fine, Bree,” he admitted at last. “Really not fine at all.”

  Tears clouded my vision. “I know,” I whispered. “I know baby.” I pulled him into my arms, whispering soothing nonsense as I stroked his hair.

  “He’s right though.” I hated to admit it, but Marc had a point. “You can't hide from it forever.”

  He let out a sound; a mix between a sob and a scoff. Then he straightened, and I let my arm drop. He looked at me, and I tried not to cry.

  “I can’t go back,” he said. “I never wanted to. It’s—"

  I took his hand, squeezing it.

  “It will never be over.” He looked down at our hands. “I can’t live like this.”

  “It will be fine.” I promised him something I had no way of knowing. If Nancy got her way, I didn't know what would happen to him. I didn’t know the law, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be in his favor if the court decided to believe her story. And even if they didn’t, what would become of him after such scandal?

  “She’s a lyin’ bitch,” I said. “Truth will come out. You'll be fine.”

  He looked at me, silent and still, letting his dark eyes find comfort in my face. Then he dropped his gaze. “I don’t know how to face it,” he whispered. “All I’ve ever done is run, taking the easy way out. I don’t know anything of—" He cut himself off, eyeing me with a look of pure desperation. “I have no fucking clue how to do this.”

  “Just take one day at a time.” I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to go with him, to be there and help him. I wanted to tell him he wasn’t alone and that he never has to be again. Instead, I held his hand, letting my thumb caress his skin in an endless motion.

  “I wish—" he cut himself off, shaking his head.

  “What?”

  “You—" He looked away. “You make me feel . . . good. Better, at least.”

  My heart swelled so much I thought it would burst. The words touched me deeply and filled me with a warmth that, for a few seconds, overpowered the sadness.

  He looked back up at me. “Would you—”

  I waited for him to go on as I tried to still my racing heart. Was it possible he was trying to ask me to keep in touch? To go with him?

  When he didn’t go on, I whispered softly. “What?”

  The look on his face hardened. “Forget it.” He shook his head, muttering under his breath. “I could never do that to you.”

  You can, I wanted to say. You should. Whatever it was he wanted to do to me, I was more than willing.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  “No. Go home. Forget about me.”

  “So, we’re back to this?” My voice came out way harsher than intended. “Your 'I ain’t good for you' bullshit?”

  He looked down at my hand wrapped around his.

  I snatched it away, and the look that came over his face made the tears I'd struggled to hold back burst from my eyes. Why did he have to look so miserable?

  “Fine!” I snapped. “Do it alone!” I got to my feet and headed for the door. His broken voice made me stop. Still facing the door, I waited for him to say something—anything to make staying worth it.

  “I don’t trust myself.”

  I spun on my heels, staring at him. Once again, his sudden honesty silenced me.

  “I can’t escape it, Bree. Don’t you fucking get it? One day I’ll lose it—like him.”

  I took the few steps separating us, and fell to my knees in front of him.

  “It’s not true.” I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me. “How can you say such a thing?”

  "It’s true. You don't know what I'm capable of."

  "I’m not afraid of you."

  "You should be."

  For a brief second, I couldn't help but wonder what he was talking about. Could he be right? Should I be scared? What had he actually done to become the person he was today? I didn't know anything about his life. I just knew what the media told me. It was a fraction; a few tiny pieces of the puzzle.

  I let it go. In a few hours, it wouldn't matter anyway. He could be a serial killer for all I knew, but it didn't change the fact that I loved him—and was about to lose him.

  "Johnny," I whispered.
r />   He shook his head. “Just leave it.”

  He sounded so tired that I felt bad for pushing him. I’d forgotten the fever. Just because he was indulging in stupid arguments, didn't change the fact that he'd been sleeping slumped against me not too long ago. And after everything he’d been through, it was no wonder he was exhausted. I had to let it go. Maybe I’d get another chance, but keeping his past in mind, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to make him see it in a different light, no matter how much time he was given. He’d been broken for so long I wasn’t sure all the pieces could be put back together. Some things were beyond repair.

  I looked at him, feeling my heart break a little more as I gave up on the dream.

  “We have to go.” I stood, holding out a hand. “You can do this.”

  He looked up at me, then made a small nod.

  I helped him stand, wrapping an arm around his waist as he staggered.

  I didn't believe it myself, but said it anyway. “Everythin' will be fine.”

  27

  Please Remember

  We only had a few hours left. The boat steadily plunged forward, and as it brought us closer to port, my heart broke a bit more. This was it. Once we stepped ashore, I’d have to go on with my life as if nothing had happened. But meeting Johnny had rocked my whole world. And I didn't know how I’d be able to go back to my old life. Did it even exist?

  The cabin we were stuffed into was just big enough for two. The water splashed against the hull of the boat but I couldn't see anything from where we were. Johnny sat on a narrow bed, leaning against the wall, with eyes closed and that haunted look on his face. I was sure jumping into the water and swimming back to the island would’ve been more appealing to him than what awaited him.

  Marc wasn’t pleased about leaving us alone, but he gave us our space. And here we were, trying to be brave while we were both breaking inside.

  If I hadn't heard Johnny whisper that night on the island that he’d miss me, too, I wouldn't have believed it could be possible. Seeing him now, I was sure he was as sad as I was to know our time had finally come to an end.