Breathe

by Tania Trozzo

  “Just like we wouldn’t think any less of you for what you’re going through. See?”

  “Touché. I just don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

  “And we don’t want you to get hurt again.”

  “You’re really tit for tat you know that? I take back the psychologist comment, maybe a lawyer would suit you better,” Clara joked.

  Sonia grinned. “You better now?” she asked as she hugged Clara.

  “Yeah, I am. Thank you for being here.”

  “Where else would I be?”

  They watched TV for about an hour or so until Sonia was sure Clara was better. Clara walked her to the door and Sonia hesitated, before saying, “Call him,” but then added, “Or don’t yet. Do whatever you need to do for you. He’s my cousin and I love him. But I know how overbearing they can be. They just don’t always realize it. But whether tonight or tomorrow, you need to set it straight with him because in the end he’s doing it because he cares. But me, I’ll always have your back. Don’t forget that.”

  40

  Gabe

  Gabe was trying to read a page in his biology book for probably the 7th time when Sonia had just texted him letting him know she saw Clara.

  Gabe: Is she ok?

  Sonia: She needs you

  Gabe: So what do I do?

  Sonia: You wait

  Gabe quickly answered. For what?

  Sonia: For her to come to you

  Gabe: How can u say she needs me and then tell me to wait

  Sonia: Trust me, k?

  Gabe groaned. He ran his hands through his hair. All he knew was that something was going on with Clara, he needed to speak to her and she needed him as much. This wasn’t like him, he didn’t wait. He always met things head on making him seem sometimes bossy or cocky. He tried not to act like that with Clara. But at times, such as now, it was proving difficult. As he was contemplating his next move his phone beeped with another message.

  Clara: Are you upset with me?

  Gabe: No. Never. Are you angry with me?

  Clara: Not really. It’s complicated. Can you come over? She didn’t have to ask twice.

  Gabe: B there in 20.

  Clara: Be safe

  Gabe: Always

  Gabe got there in record time. Once there he walked up to the entrance closest to the family room, where she had texted she was. Before he arrived at the door, she opened it and as he approached, she flung herself in his arms.

  It doesn’t get better than this. He hoisted her up so her legs were around his waist and inhaled her scent. “I’m sorry,” they both whispered at the same time as they held on to each other. He shut the door and carried her inside.

  “Are you alone?” She nodded squeezing him tighter. Heading to the family room, he sat down on the sofa, never putting her down. She was now straddling him. After a few minutes, she rested her head on his shoulder and started running her nails through the hair at the back of his neck. At a certain point, he grabbed her hand and groaned, “I can’t concentrate with you touching me like that.”

  He could feel her grin. She placed her hand on the side of his neck just moving her thumb back and forth. “Clara,” he warned. She kissed his neck before pulling away to look at him. Just like that the heat between them flared, “We have to talk.” She nodded her agreement and bit her lip. “Ah, fuck it,” he said as he slammed his mouth to hers and she responded.

  As he kissed her his hands slowly skimmed the hem of her sweatshirt. When he realized she was wearing a tank top underneath, he started lifting it, just lightly caressing her. But Clara pulled away from him, unzipped the front of her hoodie and shrugged it off. Her arms went back around Gabe’s neck and she kissed him hungrily. It felt amazing. He lowered her onto the couch fitting between her legs and continued kissing her. They had made out before, but this time it was more urgent. There was this need on both their parts. Gabe wanted to mark her as his, but he kept reminding himself to slow down. He continued kissing her for a few moments before pulling away and nibbling on her neck and collarbone. He was convincing himself to pull away until she hooked her leg around his waist and he groaned. His hand moved from her waist, to her thigh and back up until he grazed her breast as he dove in for her lips. She moaned and squeezed his shoulders hard. Gabe pulled away from the kiss but moved her leg tighter around his waist, “Clara, look at me.” She opened her eyes and he shivered, putting his forehead to hers, both of them breathing heavily. “I want nothing more than to continue this,” as he trailed kisses across her cheek and down her neck, “but we have to talk first.” He moved his way back up to her lips, until she slipped out her tongue and gently licked his lower lip. His eyes rolled in the back of his head, “Fuck.” Gabe kissed her hard again, tilting her head to angle his kiss. Her hands moved from the back of his neck where she was running her hands through his hair to his jaw. It felt like heaven. Minutes went by. Gabe didn’t know how, but he managed to pull away, and placed his forehead on her shoulder trying to catch his breath. Even though she was out of breath herself, she half giggled. He lifted his head grinning. “I should use this as a tactic to get you to talk more.”

  “No need for this tactic although I probably wouldn’t mind it,” Clara smiled softly. Fuck, she was beautiful.

  “Are you sure?” Gabe said as he arched his eyebrow.

  She sighed, “how about we just talk? But let’s stay in this position. So I don’t see your face, because honestly, your eyes mess with my concentration.”

  “My eyes? Seriously?” He shook his head. “But ok to whatever you said.” He settled his weight on top of her but to the side, so as not to crush her so it was like she was holding him.

  “I have to learn to just talk more.” She paused. “So you can push me a little but please stop asking me if I’m ok. Ask me something else but not that. Please.”

  “Ok.” He answered hoarsely.

  She nodded. “When Sonia came over earlier we talked for a while and she said I was tired, cranky, overwhelmed, angry, a little insecure and to top it all off, I was feeling possessive. That is a direct quote, by the way.”

  He grinned and answered, “Ok, wow. Well, how about you talk to me about why you’re tired.”

  “I haven’t slept. In days. Since our trip to the cabin to be exact.” He went to lift himself up to look at her, but she held him down firm. “I’ve been having bad dreams,” she whispered. He stiffened but just listened as she continued, “sometimes, I wake up and I’m just afraid to close my eyes again. Other times I try to sleep because I’m so exhausted, but I end up tossing and turning for hours until I finally fall asleep again for an hour or so.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I try to be strong. Because I figure it has to pass sooner or later. Because I don’t want to be a burden. And because I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

  “Clara..” But he stopped himself. Right now, it wasn’t about him convincing her of what he thought, she needed to let her thoughts and feelings out. “I don’t think that. At all. All you had to do is tell me and I would hold you while you napped, or climb through your window.”

  “Sonia said you would probably do that. And slay my dragons while I slept.”

  “Every last one of them.” He kissed her jaw and just like that, she relaxed and they talked about her feeling cranky, overwhelmed and angry. They talked for a while or rather she did most of the talking and for once, he didn’t interrupt, he just listened, and asked more questions. He kissed her jaw or took her hand from around him and kissed that. He held her tighter when it became difficult especially when explaining one of her nightmares and told her to cry when a few tears slipped out. After a few minutes of silence Gabe told her, “And all of this is making you feel insecure? About us?”

  She hesitated, “Kind of. When we went to school today, I just felt outside of the grou
p. It was as if you all knew what was going to happen except me. That didn’t sit well with me, Gabe. This is my fight and while I understand and appreciate that you guys are fighting for me, it’s mine and I can’t be on the outside. I’m either in your group or I’m not, not just when it’s ok to be. And as I am saying all this I feel unsure, because well, I haven’t been a part of the group long, you could turn around at any moment and say, ‘you’re out.’”

  “Is that what you’re waiting for? For me to do that to you? Or one of the others? To say we’ve had enough?” She nodded. “So you don’t talk about it because you want us to think you’re strong, which we do regardless.” He stopped a second, “And Kristin and the fact she won’t go away doesn’t help, does it?”

  Clara tensed up and shook her head. “Especially after today and how she acted.”

  He closed his eyes a second and said to her, “Baby, can I look at you now, please? I need you to see me when I say what I’m about to say.” Clara slowly loosened her hold on him which he took as a green light. He lifted his head and smiled. He sat up and fixed her so they were facing each other for the most part. Her legs were over his legs and he held her hands. He took his time to start talking until she was ready by lifting her head and looking at him. Finally.

  “I’m used to taking charge and sometimes with you I either do it too much or not enough and I, or actually you and I, have to find that balance. I love that you don’t just sit there and take what I give you, that you let me have it when I deserve it. But you’re mine and I just want to protect you. The guys and I, and Sonia too, we thought we were doing you a favor by not telling you everything and there are still things we have to decide. We figured you had 100 thoughts through your head, we didn’t want to add any more. You’re one of us. It doesn’t matter that you’re new. It’s because it’s you. You’re genuine and pure. You don’t care about who our parents are or our money or status. You don’t want anything in return, you just want us and well, we just want you. We don’t care about your past, Clara, we all have shit in our closet. Yours happened to come out sooner but slowly you’ll learn more about all of us. But sometimes we fight dirty, and I don’t want to taint you with all of that. Maybe I don’t want you to look at us like we’re the crazy ones.”

  Clara nodded, “Sonia mentioned something like that. But I wouldn’t think that of you.”

  He caressed her cheek, “You have every right to be angry and overwhelmed with all that happened. You also have the right to be upset with me. But please stop pushing me away because you’re scared. Yell at me. Tell me to go to hell. Whatever. When I came to the parking lot today and you were facing Jamie head on, you were so fierce. I was so fucking proud of you not just because you got her to admit it in front of the others, but because I know it wasn’t easy. Part of you wanted to run and the other part of you wanted to bash her head in the windshield of one of the cars, am I right?”

  She chuckled and nodded. “How do you know that?”

  “Because when I’m not an ass, I actually pay attention. A lot. It’s kind of obsessive actually. I’m afraid of scaring you sometimes.” She looked up at him with her beautiful eyes, he cupped her jaw and she placed her hand over his, leaning into his touch. “Every time I look at you, you take my breath away. Every single time. When you kiss me, it’s like I stop breathing and breath too hard all at once. I never get enough. I don’t want Kristin. Or anyone else. I just want you. I thought I was clear on that.” He sighed, “With Kristin, I was just doing what I thought was best in case we needed her again. But I can see now that she tries to take advantage.”

  “I don’t want to be insecure, just hearing that she called you multiple times and then when she approached this morning. I was tired and cranky but I wanted to be like, back the hell off. And then, when I looked up in the hallway and she was in your arms, I..” Clara stopped speaking a second but then added quietly, “I guess I just worry that I’m not enough. She can satisfy your needs and I’m just not ready to, you know, do that yet and she’s more than readily available to jump in your bed.”

  “Is that also why you were feeling possessive? Of me?”

  Clara blushed and looked down until Gabe nudged her. “Hey, look at me, please.” She lifted her gaze again, “What happened in the hallway, was me not paying attention because I was looking for you. I texted you and I just wanted to get to you in time and I ran right into her. Literally. She took the opportunity to hold on tight and not let go. I don’t know what’s going on in her head. If dealing with her makes you feel this way, I have to set clearer boundaries so she understands. But I know you’re not ready and I understand and I respect it. It’s one of the things I like about you. But I want you. Hell if I want you and only you, OK?”

  “Ok,” Clara responded softly.

  “But can I admit something to you?” Gabe’s eyes darkened, “Baby, hearing you feel all possessive about me, I find it hot….”As he slowly closed the gap between them, “it kind of makes me want to beat my chest like a caveman.” Clara began to shake her head and Gabe cut off her giggle with a deep, long kiss. He finally pulled away, breathing heavily, “Told you, every damn time. You’re the one that does this to me, with just a kiss.” He took her hand for a brief moment and held it on his chest above his heart which was beating rapidly. Gabe then stood up pulling her up as well. She looked at him quizzically. He laid down on the couch placing her in his arms comfortably so she could put her head on his chest.

  “What are you doing?” she asked him.

  “You look exhausted so I’m going to hold you while you sleep. I don’t think your aunt and uncle would like to find me in your bed. So the couch it is. We can talk more later. Just try to sleep, Clara, I’ll slay all those dragons for you.”

  She looked up at him, with emotions swirling in her eyes but then placed her head in the crook of his neck and inhaled, “You still smell good.”

  He smiled and inhaled her, “So do you, baby, so do you. Now sleep.”

  The following day after school, Gabe had told Clara that he had a soccer meeting and Lucas would be there. It was the truth but she realized it was random so she refused to leave, saying she would wait for him.

  He handed her the keys to his car, and just as he was about to leave, she stopped him and gave him a lingering kiss. “Be careful,” she whispered. He held her with one hand on her waist and his other hand at the nape of her neck holding her gaze. She knew what he was going to do next. For the most part. He pulled away and nodded. Turning around, Alex waited for him and began walking beside him towards the gym.

  “You coming?” Gabe asked Alex.

  “You asked me earlier if I was coming, which tells me I should come. Even though it’s just a soccer meeting, right?” he said sarcastically.

  “Of course.” Gabe walked into the gym. Henry, Connor, and Giuseppe were there and looked right at Gabe as he walked in. Lucas was messing around with Dale and wasn’t paying attention. Perfect. Gabe walked right in and went right for Lucas, who only realized what was happening when Gabe was a foot away but it was too late. Gabe grabbed him by the collar and punched him right in his gut. Lucas toppled over clutching his stomach and Gabe proceeded to throw an uppercut to his jaw. Lucas fell back. Dale seemed ready to try to break them up, but Alex pushed him back and held him there.

  “Gabe! What the…” Lucas tried to speak.

  Gabe grabbed him up off the floor, and shoved him up against the wall. “I heard you didn’t want to tell me because you didn’t want my wrath. What do you think? Was that a good idea?” He punched him again.

  “Gabe, I’m sorry. I couldn’t say anything. You don’t understand. I couldn’t..” Lucas started begging.

  “But you could. Instead, you left her there. With them.” Gabe saw red. He threw Lucas to the ground. “And even if you were scared, you could have come to me afterwards. You should have.”

  “Gabe, I texted her and Con
nor. When I realized she was ok, I figured they just pulled a prank.”

  Another punch to his face and Gabe glared at him. “She wasn’t ok and God knows what would have happened if we didn’t get there in time.” Kick to the gut and Lucas howled in pain. “But you are a part of MY team, MY team. You betrayed ME. I don’t give a fuck what you were scared of. You made a choice. And it was the wrong one.”

  Gabe went to throw another punch. It took Henry, Connor and Giuseppe to stop him and hold him back.

  “I’m sorry.” Lucas pleaded.

  “You should be.” Gabe was breathing heavily, and broke apart from Connor and Giuseppe. “I’m fine. I’m done.” He pointed his finger at Lucas, “Know what’s good for you and shut up about what happened today and be ready, you are going to help me with Bruno when I need it.”

  Lucas nodded, “Ok,” he grimaced as he tried to stand up. Alex let go of Dale who went to help Lucas, but Alex pulled him back. “That goes for you too Dale, keep your mouth shut.”

  “Fine.” Dale responded as he went to help Lucas.

  The others turned to follow Gabe out of the gym. “What was that?” Henry asked Gabe. Gabe looked at him and smirked looking at Connor, “I’m raising fucking hell, that’s what that was.”

  41

  Clara

  Clara was going to wait inside Gabe’s car but she knew that Gabe was confronting Lucas and so she was a little worried about that. But there was also something else, at weird times Clara felt as though someone was watching her. She brushed it off, this payback business was getting to her for sure. As she was getting in the car, she noticed Rosie and Giada coming her way, so she stopped to chat with them. While she was listening to something Giada was saying, she felt Gabe’s gaze on her from the side. She looked at him and glanced down at his hand, her eyes widened a fraction but she was able to rein in her concern. Gabe put his hand behind his back so the other two girls wouldn’t notice as they approached.