by Willow Aster
“Girl, there ain’t nothin’ plain ’bout you.” I grin at her and start to say something back, but she keeps going. “You know, I seen you before. Before yesterday, I mean. I seen you walkin’ with that Washington boy.”
I blush at the mention of Isaiah. “Yes, sometimes he walks with our group.”
“He’s a good boy, that Isaiah...come from a good family. I don’t know his mama, but I hear he take good care of her…” Ruby shakes her head. “I’d give anything for a boy like that...or a girl.” She looks at me and winks. “You’s a good girl too. I bet yo parents is right proud.”
I don’t say anything; I just keep eating. These really are the best pancakes I’ve ever had.
Ruby goes on. “I think this girl is all dried up, though. Don’t think I’m gon’ be havin’ any babies ‘round here at this late date!” She cackles, showing her white teeth. They are perfectly even and look as bright as Ivory soap.
“You have really nice teeth,” I blurt out.
It thrills her. “You think so? Mama always did say it was my best feature.” She grins extra big.
“Well, your eyes are real nice, too,” I say with all my heart, grinning back. I think I’ve found a friend. My heart wells up a little bit at the warmth I feel from her.
“Why, thank you, child! From a looker like you, I take that as a supreme compliment. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how pretty you is. You’s gon’ have the boys dropping like flies, if they ain’t already!”
I laugh and shake my head. “Thank you for the pancakes, Ruby.” I rub my belly. “I think I may be done.”
“Well, you sho did do some damage, sho nuff. I hadn’t never seen no child eat like you just did. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you hadn’t eaten in a month!”
I give her a wobbly grin. If she only knew.
I stall and manage to stay at the diner past 4. Before I go, I call Nellie and Miss Greener to tell them about my new job at Harriet’s. I know they’ll wonder about me if they don’t see me as often. They’re both pleased that I have something to keep me busy for the summer.
Nellie and Grandpaw don’t usually eat out during the week, but Nellie says they’ll stop in now that they have kin running the place. Miss Greener goes to Harriet’s several times a week, so she says she’ll see me in a day or two.
As I head out, I hope that Josh hasn’t lost his bladder, but he’s pretty good about holding it. I decide to take a few more minutes and walk past Isaiah’s house. It’s only a few minutes out of the way. Before I get there, I pull out my tablet and write him a note in our not-so-secret code—pig latin.
Isaiah,
It is afesay otay allcay ymay ousehay. Ymay arentspay are onegay.
I issmay ouyay.
Ovelay,
Emay
Translated, that is:
Isaiah,
It is safe to call my house. My parents are gone.
I miss you.
Love,
Me
I feel better already as I tuck the note in the spoke of his bicycle. Isaiah is very particular about his bicycle. I’ve never known anyone to take better care of his things. He’ll notice it right away.
When I get home, Josh licks my face all over and then is ready to go out. I don’t know what I’d do without this sweet dog. I’m pretty sure he keeps me from losing it.
I stay full from all the pancakes for quite a while, but eventually start to get hungry. I’m scrounging through the cupboards trying to find something to eat when the phone rings.
I run to the phone and it’s my mother.
“Hi, Caroline,” she says.
I don’t say anything to her.
“Caroline, are you there?”
I still don’t answer.
“I can hear you breathing, Caroline, I know you’re there. Well, anyway, just listen, I guess. This is a number where you can reach me.” She rattles off a number. I don’t bother to write it down. She repeats the number. “I’ll be back soon. Make sure you don’t let it slip to anyone that I’m not staying there or we’ll be out on the street. Do you hear me?” She sighs. “Okay, Caroline, I’ll let you go. I love you. All right?”
I hear the dial tone. I’m numb. And dry-eyed.
I go to the phone book and look up Grant Anderson’s number. It’s the number my mother just gave me.
I go back to looking in the cupboards and realize there’s nothing. Well, at least I’ll get a good breakfast in the morning.
I’M FALLING ASLEEP when I hear the phone again. Thinking it might be my mother again, I’m tempted to ignore it. She has never taken well to being ignored.
I run to catch it in time and I’m so glad I did. It’s Isaiah.
“Caroline?”
“Isaiah!”
“Are you okay?”
I’m quiet for a long minute.
“Caroline?”
“I am. I will be.”
“What’s going on over there?”
“Will you promise not to tell a single soul, Isaiah? You can’t tell your mother! Do you?”
“Of course, you’re making me nervous, though. What is it?”
“My dad isn’t coming back. My mom left. I’m not sure when she’s coming back. She made me vow not to tell anyone because she’s afraid my dad will find out she’s having an affair with Mr. Anderson. I’m sure he already knows.”
“What do you mean, she left? Where did she go? So you’re there alone?”
“I have been for weeks.”
“What? Caroline, why didn’t you tell me?” Isaiah sounds shocked and a little angry.
“I haven’t talked to you in a while!” I say defensively.
“I know and I’m sorry. I’ve been working hard, trying to help my mom. I’ve really missed you. I don’t think we’ve ever gone this long without talking, do you?”
“No, we haven’t.” I can’t help but sound a little sullen. “I thought maybe now that school is over you were forgetting about me.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No.”
“I think about you all the time. My uncle has started teasing me about my daydreaming. He asked me the other day if I had a girl.”
“What did you say?”
“I said yes.”
“Really?”
“Is it okay for me to say that?”
“Well, yes...but did you tell him who?”
“No, but I wish I could.”
“Well, I’m just glad that you weren’t calling me because you don’t like me anymore or something…”
“I don’t regret a single moment with you, Caroline.”
We’re both smiling. And silent. My face is hot and I’m glad he isn’t here to see my red mess.
“I can’t believe they’ve left you there alone. They could get in serious trouble for that.”
“Really? Well, I don’t want them to get in trouble, I just want them to come home, so we can get back to normal.”
“It sounds like things might not get back to normal, Caroline.” His voice is soft and now I wish he could be here with me. I would feel better if he were here.
Neither of us knows what to say. For a few minutes, we’re both quiet.
Finally Isaiah says, “Tomorrow I’ll ask my uncles if I can get done early. I can come hang out with you for a while. We can go by Talbot’s Pond or down by the river. Maybe take lunch.”
“That sounds great, but I got a job too! I have lots to tell you!”
I tell him about working at Harriet’s, about Miss Greener helping me with work, about Ruby, and about Les and Leroy coming into the diner. We talk for a couple of hours. His mother has been in bed, so we’re both free to talk. He’s whispering and I find myself whispering too.
Before we hang up, we plan to meet by the river at 2:30. He’ll call the diner if he can’t make it by then. I’m going to bring lunch with me and we’ll go swimming. He thinks it’ll be fine since he will still be working most of the day.
“Caroline?” Isai
ah whispers.
“What?” I’m so sleepy.
“I promise I’ll take care of you one day. And I’ll do my best to take care of you now, too.”
I can’t think of anything to say. I’m afraid to wish for that. Finally, I tell him, “I can take care of myself, Isaiah, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“I know. But you shouldn’t have to take care of yourself,” he says. “And I want more than anything to do it for you.”
“It means a lot that you want to,” I whisper. “Really, it does.”
“That’s what love is about, Caroline. And I love you more than anything.”
THE NEXT DAY, I fly through my work. Eating regular meals again gives me renewed energy. Ruby has eggs, bacon, and toast waiting for me when I get to work. Mid-morning, she motions me over to her and gives me the first piece of her apple pie. I eat a hamburger for lunch and am working up my nerve to ask her if I could take some food home with me.
She looks at me with narrowed eyes, still grinning, but says, “Where do you put all this food, girl?”
“I’m a growing girl, you know.” I laugh.
“You’ve got that right.” She laughs and then leans over to whisper, “Miss Sue can’t pay you what you worth, so I will just feed you ’til you can’t eat no mo’.”
She gives me the rest of the chicken pot pie and half of a rhubarb pie to take home. At the last minute, she puts in a pan of warm biscuits and a jar of honey. “Just bring that pan back in the mornin’, darlin’, I won’t need it tonight.”
I sneak two forks in the bag and take off to meet Isaiah. I run down Main Street, past Third, and this time I don’t even look to see if my mother is there.
AT THE END of Main Street, the bridge leads out of town. On either side of the bridge, the water laps against the mud and rocks. I go through the trees, down the steep ravine and when the space between the trees opens up, the view is spectacular. It’s the only reason I can think of to live in Tulma. We don’t have a huge expanse of the Tennessee River; it looks more like a lake here, but it’s a really beautiful lake. In some places, it trickles down to just a small stream that you can skip across.
Isaiah is already waiting. We know the path to take where no one will see us. We wind back through the trees and follow the river a while. I follow him and watch his white shirt-tails blowing in the breeze. He has his jeans rolled up around his calves. We’ve only been here once before, last summer, when we planned another day together. These sacred days are few and far between, and there’s excitement in the air to know we have a few hours to spend with one another.
When we find a secluded spot, Isaiah spreads a blanket out on the dirt and I pull out the food. I can’t believe I’m even hungry after all I’ve eaten today, but I think maybe I’m making up for lost time. I dig into the food with relish and Isaiah does too. We don’t say anything—just watch the water, feel the breeze and eat until we’ve finished every bite. When we’ve licked the honey off our fingers, we run to the water to rinse them.
“Want to get in and swim?” Isaiah asks.
“Sure, let’s do it!” I jump in, dress and all, and decide the next thing on my To-Do List is buying myself some jeans, maybe even shorts, with my money from the diner. What Nellie doesn’t know won’t hurt her. She’s already in the dark on a lot of things—jeans aren’t gonna make that much of a difference.
I JUST WANT to pause this day. If it could never end, I would be so blissfully happy. I’ve put out of my mind all the grief of yesterday. My tears are done. I will cry no more for my parents...not today, anyway.
There’s a quiet breeze by the water. I can’t remember a more pleasant summer day. The sun is shining down on us and feels so good as we swim. The heat is surprisingly mild, in the low 90s.
I wish I had packed a swimsuit, but I forgot it on my way out the door. I probably wouldn’t have had the nerve to wear it in front of Isaiah anyway. I tie the dress together in the middle and it works fine.
I did buy myself a bra after that embarrassing day with Nellie and have never been more glad to have it than now. I went to Woolworth’s and bought one with my saved money, however, I think I already need a new one. I may have already grown a few inches taller, too. I wasn’t kidding when I told Ruby I was a growing girl.
Isaiah and I swim for about an hour. We dunk each other for a while, laugh, float on our backs, and talk like we haven’t seen each other in ages. I can tell him anything.
“Caroline?”
We’re lying on the shore now, drying off. I’m staring up at the clouds, trying to memorize how I feel right now. I want to bottle up this day in my memory and bring it out whenever I need to remember something happy. Something good.
“Can I ask you something?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“Do you think we’ll get married one day?”
“Are you asking me to?” I turn to face him and grin. “That’s not much of a proposal.” He looks so serious, I stop teasing and answer him truthfully, “I don’t know. I wish we could...do you think we will?”
“I know I will always want to. It just isn’t done, you know, not around here anyway. Maybe we could move somewhere else?”
“Where do you think we could go?”
“Mmm, I don’t know, maybe California?”
“Do you ever wish you were white?”
“No. Do you ever wish I was white?” He leans up on his elbow and looks over at me.
“No, never, but I’ve wished I was black many times.”
“You have? Why?”
“Well, for lots of reasons...I wish I could sing like a black person…”
“Well, not all black people can sing, you know…”
“You don’t think?”
“I don’t think, I know!” Isaiah laughs. “You should hear my Uncle Clyde. He can’t carry a tune to save his life!”
“Hmm, well, every black person I’ve ever heard sings really good.”
“What else?”
“Well, my curls and big lips would fit in better.”
“You do have the best lips,” he grins, “and your hair is perfect. If you had hair like mine, the curls wouldn’t be quite so... soft. And it would take a lot longer for you to do your hair.”
“Yours always looks nice. And soft, too.”
“You think so?
I nod.
“What else?” he asks.
“I like brown skin.”
“That’s a good reason. What else?”
“We could be together. And everyone could know…” This is the main reason I wish I was black.
He stares at me for a moment, studying my eyes and then my lips. My heart skips as I look back at his. I put my hand on his cheek and want to cry with how much I love him. He takes my hand and kisses it. Then he leans back on the blanket, still holding my hand. “Caroline?”
“What?”
“There’s not one single thing about you that I would change.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
This makes me smile.
“I do wish I could tell the world that you’re my girl, though.”
“Me too.”
It’s hard to leave our enchanted spot, but we reluctantly go. Isaiah needs to be home for supper. He wants more than anything to take me to his house, so I don’t have to be home alone, but I’m blissful enough from his attention today. I have a bounce in my step as I walk toward town.
After Isaiah and I part ways, I decide to stop in Harriet’s and give the biscuit pan back to Ruby. I go in through the back, and she’s whistling as she cooks.
“Hey, girl! I didn’t expect to see you back in here tonight!”
“I know. I was around, so I thought I’d bring your pan back. Thank you, we really enjoyed the biscuits.” I don’t want her to know who helped me eat them, but I also don’t want her to think I ate them all myself.
“Oh, you’re welcome. You had your supper yet?”
“No, ma’am. What are
you making there?”
“Well, I’s tryin’ a new recipe. It’s slow out there tonight. Everyone out enjoyin’ this weather. I need to see if we want to add this here to the menu.” She points to the big pot on the stove. “I tried a different way of cookin’ my dumplins. See there...they’s lookin’ good, ain’t they?”
“They sure do.” My mouth waters, just looking at them.
“And then I shred the chicken. Cook all afternoon, so it be as tender as a mother’s love.”
I think Ruby would be a perfect mother.
“I’d be glad to sample it for you.” I grin so wide at her, my cheeks hurt.
“Here, sit yo’self down and I make you up a plate. You want some carrots along with it?”
“Yes, ma’am, that sounds delicious!”
“You is my new favorite person to cook for.” Ruby beams. “Is they anything you don’t like to eat?”
When Ruby says favorite, it sounds like favor-ite, the emphasis on the ‘i’. Grandpaw says it the same way.
“Liver and onions.” I wrinkle my nose.
“Well, naw, that don’t even count. I don’t know any child under the age of...fifty...who can wrap they stomach ‘round that!”
I laugh and she joins in. When she laughs, her eyes disappear, her shoulders bounce up and down, and often, she wipes tears from her eyes. I find myself always trying to make her laugh.
I sit down and eat the chicken and dumplings and they are delicious. Even the carrots are tastier than any I’ve eaten. I groan and moan and eat everything she puts in front of me.
“This definitely has to go on the menu!”
Ruby looks very pleased. “Well, let’s see if Miss Sue think so.”
We walk out the swinging door into the diner and Miss Sue is talking to some customers. There are only a few filled tables tonight. As soon as there’s a lull, Ruby motions for Miss Sue to come sample her dumplings. Miss Sue’s eyes just about roll back to all whites when she tastes them.
ON MY WAY home, I see three little black girls with braids bouncing as they jump rope. I admire their skill for a while and the songs they jump to, one after the other. I can’t help but think about my conversation with Isaiah. If I could be part of his world, his everyday world, I think I would be the happiest girl alive. I’m tired of hiding it.