Pretense

by Lori Wick

  Mackenzie fell asleep in Marrell's bed, and all three Bishops slept soundly until late in the morning. Marrell fixed a lavish breakfast that was eaten with good fun and talk. It was impossible to know how the year would go or what it would bring, but even with the pain in her heart about Paul, Marrell was confident of God's care. The girls, Marrell knew, did their best not to think about the weeks and months to come; they believed it made things less painful.

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  Seventeen

  Why are we doing this?Mackenzie's question leapt into Marrell's mind as she and the girls walked back into the terminal at San Francisco International. Going to Florida to see Paul's family had been such a mistake. She looked forward to telling Shay all about it.

  "Jack." Mackenzie was the first to spot him in the terminal, bringing Marrell's head up in surprise. Not having expected Marrell's employer, the three women went toward him, their faces curious.

  "Hi. What happened to Shay?"

  "Jana got sick," he spoke as he took Marrell's bag and slung it over his own shoulder. "Nothing too serious, but this was the only time she could get an appointment."

  "Poor little thing," Marrell said with compassion, also wishing she could have seen her friend.

  They started down the terminal but hadn't gone 15 yards when the girls needed to use the restroom. Marrell and Jack waited outside for them, and Jack asked the question that had been on his mind since he caught sight of Marrell's disquieted face.

  "Are you all right?"

  Marrell looked up at him. "Yes and no. It was such a mistake, Jack. I don't know if the girls will ever get over it. I mean, it ended well, but my husband's family is not normal, and I don't know why I thought that might have changed."

  "Want to talk about it?"

  Marrell looked so frustrated. "They like to drink" spoke volumes, but Marrell wasn't finished. "I realize the girls are pretty, Jack, but their own cousins and uncles stared at them in such a sick way."

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  "And at you too?" Jack guessed wisely and watched tearsflood her eyes. She looked away in an attempt to stop them.sorry, Marrell. It must have been awful for you."

  She nodded, careful to stand in a way that gave her a modicum of privacy in the busy airport.

  "It's my own fault for thinking they would be different."

  "So you've had this happen before?"

  Marrell nodded. "A long time ago."

  "Mom, are you crying?" The girls were back.

  "Yes," she admitted, irritated with herself. "Jack was askingme about the trip, and I'm mad at myself all over again." Shedashed at the tears on her cheeks.

  "She thinks it's all her fault," Mackenzie explained.

  "Well, it is." They were walking again. "It was my idea to go."

  "Yes, but Oliver, Shay, and I all encouraged you," Jack saidlogically, "so why aren't you mad at us?"

  Marrell looked up at him. He was much more than a boss.He was a friend too, and right now Marrell wanted to laugh withthe pure relief of being home.

  "Maybe I am," she said softly. "I may never speak to youagain for advising me to go."

  Jack smiled in understanding. She was ready to change thesubject. "I believe some restitution is in order here. I thinkIshould offer to take you to dinner. Shay was going to have something ready for you, but with the baby sick, she couldn't do it."

  "I'm all for that," Delancey's voice was fervent. She didn'tlike airline food.

  "Okay. Let's head to the car. I think a steak and baked potatowillwork for me. Any arguments?"

  As he expected, there wasn't a one.

  It had finally happened. Delancey had not been planning on it, nor had Mackenzie, but it was there. Fourteen-year-old Delancey Bishop was the hottest freshman for the 1983-84 school year. She had been well-liked and admired in junior high, but now young men as old as seniors checked her out and made no secret that they liked what they saw.

  Many times she wished she had her sister's smart-alecky wit that could get her out of any uncomfortable situation, but at least

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  one boy, a junior by the name of Jace Booth, liked Delancey's shy smile and the fact that she didn't have an answer for everything. That she had a body like a model and a face to match didn't hurt his opinion either.

  He was starting to sit with Delancey and Mackenzie at lunch each day, and twice he had taken Delancey's hand when he walked her to class. He hadn't kissed her yet, but that would come. He didn't know if she was able to date yet, but the football season was around the corner. He had injured his arm as a sophomore and couldn't play anymore, but he was quite confident that Delancey's parents would at least agree to a home football game for their first date. At least that's what he was banking on. If she could date ... well, better and better.

  Jace, however, had not banked on Mackenzie's intuition. Mackenzie said little when he ate lunch with them, and since she also talked with her own friends, she oftentimes didn't even hear what they were saying. But Mackenzie had been in the school a year longer than her sister, and in her opinion, guys who wanted just one thing stuck out a mile. She thought Jace Booth a classic case. For one thing, he went over to the same group of guys almost every day after lunch and before he walked Delancey to class. Mackenzie had the impression he was giving a report.

  Delancey, who truly liked Jace, never noticed. She was too busy trying not to show him that she cared, so she worked at not looking at him too much. Mackenzie was well aware that Delancey needed protection and was also aware that Jace really didn't see how close the two sisters were.

  "Did Jace ask you out yet?" Mackenzie asked when they got off the bus that very day.

  "Yes."

  "What did you tell him?"

  "I didn't really give him an answer. It's embarrassing to have to say I can't yet."

  "Have you asked Mom?"

  "No, but you couldn't date at 14. She's not going to let me."

  "Where did he want to go?"

  "To a movie. When I didn't answer, he suggested that we wait and go to a home game for our first date."

  Mackenzie was quiet as they let themselves into the apartment, but Delancey caught her look.

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  "What's the matter, Mic?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I think you're not saying something. What have you heard? Does he like someone else?"

  "Oh, he likes you all right, D.J. Be assured of that." Mackenzie cocked her head to one side. "But doesn't it strike you as odd that he always goes back to his group of guys?"

  "No, I go talk to my friends."

  "But your friends aren't the same. Your friends don't use people. Jace hangs out with guys who are known for only dating girls who will go all the way with them."

  Delancey's chin went in the air. "Well, maybe I will. Lots of girls do."

  "True, but be prepared to be dumped. Jace and his friends always take what they want and move on. I watched it last year with my classmates, and now you're one of the freshmen they like to work on. Not to mention, he'll tell all the guys you've done it. Just be warned."

  Delancey watched Mackenzie go into the kitchen for a snack, but she couldn't move. She knew very well that most people thought her sister smarter, and she probably was, but Delancey was no fool. She had, however, spoken with more bravado than she'd felt. Jace Booth was cute, but even the thought of taking her clothes off in front of him made her face heat right there in her own living room.

  She moved to the kitchen for her own snack, found a note from her mom about gathering the trash, and opened the fridge for the milk. She didn't want to talk about it anymore to Mackenzie, but she would be careful in the future. A football game with Jace sounded like a dream come true, but where would he want to end the evening? A sudden case of nerves pushed Delancey to eat more cookies than she wanted.

  Marrell had taken to writing in a journal. She didn't write often-not anywhere near as much as she had planned, but from time to time she enjoyed going back and looking at the entries.
About midsummer she had been in a panic, afraid the girls were on their own too much, but then Delancey had been offered a baby-sitting job four days a week with Mrs. Baker, and Mackenzie

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  had decided to take a correspondence course on creative writing and spent the summer with her head buried in a book or her notepad. And almost before she'd been ready, the girls had gone back to school.

  Her eighteenth wedding anniversary was another day when she chose to write, and although it hurt her to look back, she was glad that she had been so honest about her feelings on that day. It was hard to believe that so much time had passed, but there was some healing to her own heart as well as the girls'.

  She had worked at Bayside more than a year now and was even considering another position in the building. Jack had told her about it-a secretarial position for an architect down the hall. It meant leaving Jack and Taya, but because the other architect was a great guy and it meant an increase in wage, they both thought she should go for it. The only problem was the hours. Telling them she would have to work 7:30 to 4:00, Marrell interviewed and prepared to wait several days.

  They called within a matter of hours, and yes, she could have the job. She was their first choice, but her hours would have to be 8:30 to 5:00. Marrell thanked them and declined. She found Taya and Jack in Jack's office and told them of her decision, only to be surprised by Taya's reaction. She looked shaken when she swiftly rushed out. Marrell had the impression that she was upset with her. She turned to her boss when it was just the two of them.

  "Have I done something that's made Taya wish I didn't work here any longer?"

  "No, Marrell, that's not it." Jack's heart broke a little over her hurt face.

  "But there's something."

  He nodded.

  "Can you tell me?"

  Jack weighed the choices and opted to bare his heart. "I believe she's upset because she thought if you no longer worked in this office, I would feel free to ask you out."

  Marrell's mouth opened. "Why would she feel that way?"

  "Because after all these years, she knows me very well."

  Marrell could only stare at him.

  "What she doesn't realize is that your working here has nothing to do with my not asking you out."

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  Marrell tried to take this in and eventually asked, "What does it have to do with?"

  "Jack?" Taya's voice suddenly came through on the intercom.

  "Yes."

  "Marrell has a call."

  "All right, thank you. Why don't you take it here?" Jack had punched the button and was holding the phone out for her, but Marrell shook her head.

  "That will be Arne Northrup about that lake house. I need to be at my desk."

  Marrell forced her mind back to work. She took care of the call, and was ready to go back and finish her conversation with Jack, but someone else called. Four o'clock was on top of her before she could breathe. She might have gone back then to find out what was going on, but his door was shut.

  Marrell picked up her purse, said goodbye to Taya, who seemed to be herself again, and headed out the door toward the elevator. She was so glad it wasn't the weekend where she would be forced to speculate about Jack's response for two days. She would do everything she could to talk with him tomorrow.

  It was clearly a simple case of miscommunication. She and Jack were good friends; he had been there for her many times. She would talk to him and find out what needed to be done. If it would help, she would talk to Taya as well. Marrell shook her head. Married less than a year, the younger woman still had stars in her eyes. Intent on getting to her car and how she would handle things in the morning, Marrell didn't hear Jack until he was beside her. She started a little but didn't allow Jack to apologize before speaking.

  "Your door was shut, so I thought I would catch you tomorrow."

  "I'm sorry I handled all of that so badly."

  Marrell shook her head in confusion. Handled what so badly? Suddenly she was not so confident.

  "It must be true," she made herself say. "Taya does want you to ask me out, but you don't want to."

  Jack shook his head. "I do want to ask you out, very much, but I'm trying to be sensitive to your feelings and what you've been through in the last year and four months. Taya is under the impression that your working for me is what's stopping me. That's

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  not it. I admit that business and pleasure don't usually mix, but where you're concerned, I don't care."

  Marrell could only stare at him. This was Jack-her friend, Jackson Avery. Was he really saying he wanted more than friendship?

  "Tell me, Marrell," he said softly when she remained so quiet, "how does a man let a woman know, especially when that woman has become a good friend and has already been so hurt by the death of a husband? How does it work? How does he tell her he would like to see her on a more personal level and not have her quit or never be able to look him in the eye again?"

  For the first time in her life, Marrell saw how hard this was for the man. She also wondered how insensitive she might have been over the last year, or was she even now understanding what he was saying?How much plainer could it be, Marrell?Her chin went in the air. She would never hurt him by quitting or being ashamed to face him. They were both too old for such childish games.

  "A man tells a woman just like you've done, Jack. You've never played games with me, and I hope you never do. Thank you."

  Jack worked to keep his emotions from his face. She might never care for him, and in time he would get over that, but if she was ashamed to face him, he felt as though he would die. He forced himself to ask the next question.

  "If I asked you out, Marrell, would I be overstepping my bounds?"

  "No, but I must tell you that I have to speak with the girls. I think we all take you for granted, Jack. You're always there to help out and offer friendship, and I'm sure at times we've looked right through you. If there's any type of change in our relationship, I wouldn't want it to be a surprise to Mic and D.J."

  "Of course not. I appreciate your telling me. I'd better let you go. The girls will be calling."

  Marrell nodded but she couldn't move. He wanted to date her. She found that quite amazing, and without thinking, said so.

  Jack smiled. There was so much he could say to that, but not now. "Why is it a surprise?"

  "I don't know," she shrugged, laughed a little, and looked embarrassed. "It just is."

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  Jack smiled to make her feel more at ease, but there was so much in his heart. He could have told her right then that he found her beautiful, that he had wanted to ask her out on the day he interviewed her, and that she was the sweetest woman he had ever known, but he knew it had to wait.

  "I'll see you tomorrow." He released her with those words.

  "Right. Thank you, Jack."

  Jack stayed in the garage until she had gone on her way, and then made his way slowly back up to the office. It was a waste of time; he didn't get another thing done.

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  Eighteen

  Marrell drove home in a fog. Jack wanted to date her, but Jack was Jack: her boss and a good friend. She had never seen him in any other light. She had certainly never thought of dating him or anyone else. And what if she did? What did it mean? Did it have to mean anything?

  Marrell nearly shook her head at her stupidity.He's a man, Marrell. You can't expect to date him and just remain friends. If that's all you want, don't go out with him.She needed that pep talk, but mostly she needed Paul.How can I think of going out with someone when I'm still in love with you? I miss you, Paul,she said softly, and she stared at the side of the apartment in front of her parking place.

  She knew if she sat in the car too long the girls would call the office. They would think she had smashed the car or something, but she was filled with a desperate need to be alone. She never was these days. She was either at the office or home, and the girls tended to be there when she was. She took a bre
ath, tried to pray, and went upstairs.

  "Hi, Mom," Delancey greeted her from the living-room sofa.

  "Hi, D.J. How was your day?"

  "It was all right. You sound tired."

  "I am. Where's Mic?"

  "Mrs. Baker called and needed to go to the store. The baby was still asleep, so she went over to stay with her. I was over there for a while, but I was too lazy to write you a note, so I came back."

  Marrell could hardly argue with that; she was feeling pretty lazy herself. Delancey was preoccupied with a television program,

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  so Marrell went to her bedroom, climbed into sweats and a Tshirt, and lay on the bed.

  "I have no idea what to do here, Lord. If I follow my heart, I would run so far and so fast. Love has started to scare me. Jack is wonderful, but what if I can't be the person he needs? What if I fall for him and he leaves like Paul did?"

  Marrell's whispered prayer was interrupted by the phone ringing. She didn't bother to answer it, knowing it would be one of the girls' friends. She was trying to bare her heart to the Lord again, when Delancey opened the door.

  "For you, Mom."

  "Oh, thank you." Marrell sat on the edge of the bed, reached for the phone, and said hello when she heard Delancey hang up.

  "It's Jack, Marrell."

  "Oh, hi, Jack. Is something wrong?" He rarely called her at home.

  "That's what I'm trying to find out. I can't stop thinking about you and the fact that I've probably upset you terribly."

  "Well-" Marrell admitted quietly, "I'm just so confused, Jack, and so very afraid."

  "Of me?"

  "No, no, never you. I'm afraid of hurting you or you hurting me. The thought terrifies me."

  "I'm such a klutz," Jack said softly. "I don't know how to do this, Marrell. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you."

  "It's not you, Jack. It's the fear. I did realize something though."

  "What's that?"

  "I can't talk to the girls until you and I have talked. If they were to ask any questions of me, and I know they will, I wouldn't know what to tell them. Can we talk sometime?"

  "Yes, definitely, anytime you'd like."

  "Do you know what, Jack?"