Pretense

by Lori Wick

  "I've been thinking of taking a little money out of savings and getting myself some new things. I know it's important to look professional here at the office."

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  She looked up when she heard him exhale on a frustrated sigh.

  "You could wear your bathrobe to the office for all I care, Marrell. I'm talking about the things youneed."

  "Then you're spoiled, Jackson Avery."

  He gawked at her.

  "I have everything I need," Marrell told him quietly, not wanting him to scowl at her. "I don't have all my wants, but as far as needs go, I have plenty."

  Jack thought about this for a moment. He knew she was right, but it didn't change the fact that he wanted to see her with more.

  "Tell me something. Why did the car repairs tax your monthly budget if you have savings?"

  "Because I try not to touch the savings. Most of it is insurance money from Paul's death, and I want the girls to be able to attend college and have some of that money to establish themselves someday."

  Jack continued to look down at her. "I'm going to do something now, and you're not going to argue." He reached for his wallet.

  "Jack," she began.

  "What did I just say?"

  Marrell bit her lip and said nothing when he pressed some bills into her hand.

  "This is not because I don't think you look good at the office-most days you look so good I can't concentrate. Take this money and buy yourself something that you've wanted or needed. Whatever."

  Marrell thanked him quietly and sat looking at her lap. Only when she glanced up did she realize his eyes were on her.

  "And while you're at it, you're supposed to be working on falling in love with me. Don't forget that."

  Marrell's hand came to her mouth to cover her smile.

  "It's not funny," Jack told her, but knew the effect he was having: Her face was turning red with suppressed laughter. He didn't smile right away but winked at her before saying they had better get back inside. It would be some time before Marrell understood that he oftentimes joked with her to stop himself from saying what was really in his heart.

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  "Well, Jack," Shay said that very night, "come on in."

  "Thank you. Is this a bad time?"

  "Not at all. We're just sitting in the living room hoping to wear out this active baby so we can go to bed at a reasonable hour."

  Jack laughed. "Keeps you up, does she?"

  "Well, we put her down, but if she's not sleepy, she sings and keeps us awake."

  "Oh, no," he laughed again. "I've never heard of that before. She doesn't cry?"

  "No, and she doesn't climb out. She just sings."

  "Hello, Jack," Oliver greeted, coming forward to shake his hand. "Come in and sit down."

  "Thank you. Hi, Jana," Jack said when he sat in a chair near her. She smiled at him, and Jack laughed. "You are a cutie, did you know that?"

  Her answer to that was to come over and drool on his tennis shoe. Jack didn't mind and to prove it, he scooped her up and hugged her. Her hand went right for his mustache. Jack took the keys from his pocket and jingled them in front of her, and she was instantly diverted. He shifted her onto one leg, and she played with the keys and never moved.

  "I have a feeling you're here for a reason," Shay said after watching him.

  "I am, but I still don't know if I have the courage to ask what I want to know."

  "Marrell," she accurately guessed.

  "Yes. I want to help, but I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't know if it's unfair to ask you without her knowing."

  "It's completely fair," Oliver spoke up, surprising his wife and guest. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."

  Shay's mouth opened in a way that Oliver couldn't miss.

  "Honey," he turned and said tenderly, "Jack loves her, and she's good about coming to us, but she's not going to tell Jack just anything. She also said she's willing to give this a try, which means she is ready to open her life up to him, at least to some degree."

  Shay nodded, still in shock. "Do you want me to leave?" she finally asked.

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  "No, I don't." He smiled at her. "If Jack asks something you don't think we should share, you can tell me. Okay, Jack," he turned back to the man, "shoot."

  Jack laughed a little and looked uncomfortable but still said, "What's her financial status? She said something about car repairs, but she didn't want to touch her savings to take care of them."

  "No, she wouldn't use her savings for car repairs," Oliver confirmed. "The only thing she's touched that savings account for was to take the girls to Florida, and then her father-in-law sent them money to cover the flights, so she put it right back."

  "How bad is her car?"

  "It could be worse. It did very well for the first few months, but then she started driving to work every day, and although it's not far, the car wasn't new to begin with."

  "And she won't use savings to buy a newer one?"

  "She will," Oliver assured him. "We've already talked about it. But not before this one dies on the side of the road. Those are her very words."

  Jack's head went back, and he stared unseeingly at the ceiling. "I don't want to buy her," Jack admitted. "I never want her to feel that way, but I want to do more than the time allows."

  "What do you mean?" Oliver didn't know.

  "It's too soon," Jack explained. "We're not to that point in our relationship where she would freely take money from me. And in truth, I have no guarantee that we ever will be. I did give her some money today, and she took it. Maybe that's a good sign."

  "Did you have to scowl at her?" Shay asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Were you at all upset with her? Did you order her around or frown at her? If you did, that's why she took it."

  "Why would that make her take the money?"

  "Because Marrell doesn't like anyone to be unhappy with her. She doesn't like confrontation. She works hard to stay firm with the girls, but for a time Delancey ran things with her bad attitude. Marrell finally got the spunk to take her home back, and everyone's been happier for it."

  Jack was shaking his head. "She's stood up to me on many occasions. Shay, are you sure about this?"

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  "Yes. I mean, she's better than she was, but she hated for Paul to be unhappy with her. It crushed her."

  Jack was quiet on the outside, but inside he knew that he had bullied her. Now what to do?

  "Was she upset with you?" Shay asked quietly.

  "No. I made her laugh, but I still didn't handle things well."

  "Don't be too hard on yourself, Jack," Oliver suggested. "You can't believe the mistakes Shay and I made. It takes a while to get this communication thing down, even after marriage. I'm thinking maybe a lifetime, if you know what I mean."

  "I don't know what you mean, but I'm willing to take your word for it." Jack looked at both of them. "How do you feel about this thing between Marrell and me?"

  Shay's smile was huge, but she let Oliver answer. "We think it's wonderful. She needs someone, and you're the perfect person."

  "Why am I the perfect person?"

  "Because you're patient, and that's what Marrell needs."

  "That's your way of saying I need to give her lots of time."

  "Yes. Paul's memory is still very fresh, and the longer she goes without him, the more she understands that he won't be back. Repairs on the car, the toilet backing up, or just the fact that they no longer live in the security of the base, are all stark reminders that Marrell and the girls are alone. Marrell has done a tremendous amount of growing in the last year, but because of the job, she's not able to be in Bible study with the women on Thursday mornings. I know she feels cut off. Days, weeks will go by, and she and Shay won't even speak on the phone."

  "So you're saying that if she does fall for me, it will be out of desperation." Jack's face and voice were deliberately comical, and Oliver laughed, but both knew there was a s
erious side to this.

  "I guess you've summed up my problem," Jack went on. "If I could help her financially, then she could go part-time and have a chance to regroup and figure out if she wants marriage again. But if I help her, she'll feel obligated, and I'll find myself with a wife who feels she had no choice but to marry me."

  "I don't think so," Oliver said quietly. "I mean, I can see why you would feel that way, Jack, but Marrell's a better thinker than that. She might hurt over her decision if she said no to you, but

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  she's not going to marry a man to whom she only feels obligated."

  "So you think I should help her financially?"

  "Well, she is doing all right. She was telling you the truth about that. But if you want to give her things or help out on small matters-take her to dinner, whatever-that's just courtship."

  Jack felt like he had been set free. He honestly hadn't known what to do about this. Before he talked to Marrell he would have said that was all that was needed. He would tell her he was interested, and the ball would either get rolling or never start. It hadn't been that simple.

  Jana was still very happy in his lap, the keys wet from her mouth, but when Jack looked down at her, he caught sight of a picture cube on the table. He picked it up and found a picture of Shay and Marrell in front of a Christmas tree.

  "I think she's beautiful," he said softly.

  "She always has been," Shay said without jealousy.

  "I tend to forget that the two of you grew up together. How old were you?"

  "We met when we were in the second grade."

  "What was she like?" Both Lacys could hear the smile in his voice.

  "She was shy around big groups, but gutsy if she had to be- protective of those she loved."

  Jack wasn't surprised. That sounded like her, but right now he couldn't get her face from his mind. Not the smiling, serene face from the photo, but the one that looked sad and uncertain on the bench outside the building that afternoon.

  "I just thought of something I need to do," Jack said. "Will I be welcome back if I run off with so little notice?"

  "That's a silly question," Shay teased him. "Come here, Jan," she said, moving to talk to her daughter. "Let's rinse these keys off and say goodbye to Jack."

  "Are you going to be all right?" Oliver asked when Shay left the room.

  "Yes. I thank you for your help."

  "Anytime. We are praying for you, Jack. I hope you know that."

  "Thank you."

  A moment later Shay was back with the clean keys, and Jack was on his way. Shay began to speculate as to what Jack was

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  headed to do, but Oliver's mind was taken up otherwise. He busy praying as he told Jack he would.

  Marrell had no more settled in at her desk the next morning when Jack walked in. It wasn't that it never happened-he oftentimes worked early-but he hadn't come in this early in a long time.

  "Good morning," she greeted him softly.

  "Good morning." Jack's voice had an early-morning growl to it. He came directly to her desk and set a bag in front of her.

  "Oh," she said, looking up at him, "what's this?"

  "It's for you."

  "Okay. Something for the office?"

  "No. Open it."

  Marrell stood and opened the top of the bag. She reached in and drew out a small cedar box.

  "Oh, Jack, how beautiful! This looks like a tiny cedar hope chest."

  "That's what it is."

  Marrell stared at him.

  "I want you to put your hopes in that box, Marrell."

  Marrell was still working this out in her mind when he went on.

  "I want you to write your hopes down and slip them into the box. Anything you hope for. That the girls will come to Christ, that the girls will go to college, that you won't have to work here forever, that Jack would shave off his mustache, that you could go back to women's Bible study, that you could take more time in your own study of the Word, that you could have a new dress. Anything, Marrell, anything at all."

  Marrell looked down at the box, still too stunned to speak.

  "You can even put a piece of paper in there that says,hope Jack doesn't scowl at me anymore and make me take money I don't want.'"

  "I don't feel that way," Marrell was able to say. "I very much appreciate you giving me the money. I'll spend it very wisely, Jack-not like I did this month."

  "You're too hard on yourself, Marrell. If you want to put the money toward car repairs, that's fine, but if you want something

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  completely unpractical, that's okay too. I gave it to you without strings."

  "Thank you, Jack, but can I ask you one thing?"

  "Of course."

  "What am I to do with the papers?"

  "Bring them on our dates. I'm hoping you and I can start seeing each other every week-a walk to the park, an evening out for dinner-or just lunches here-times that would give us a chance to talk about Marrell and Jack."

  Marrell cocked her head to one side. "You're a very special person, Jackson Avery."

  "I'm glad you think so. Did you open the box and smell it?"

  She hadn't but did so now, her eyes closing with pleasure.

  "It's beautiful. I don't know what to say."

  Jack didn't reply to that; he just enjoyed watching her pleasure. She had been in his dreams the night before, and just before morning they had been so vivid it was a surprise to wake up and not find her there. He prayed for patience and also a love for God's timing and plan.

  "I'd better get to work," she said now. "Taya will wonder what I've been doing."

  "Did I hear you say yesterday that you misplaced a file?"

  "Oh yes, I had forgotten about that. Can I check on your desk?"

  "Sure."

  Marrell put the chest away, thanking him as she did, and then got to work. Jack could have easily taken the day off and talked to her for hours, but this was best. Getting his mind back on work was the only way he was going to survive this ordeal.

  Once again Delancey had followed in her sister's footsteps. Both the Bishop girls had made the junior varsity basketball team. Tonight was their first game, and it was at home. Jack accompanied Marrell, who asked to get off a little early, and sat beside her about halfway up the bleachers and off to one side. It was a bit quieter there since many of the kids chose to sit behind the team.

  "D.J.'s first game, right?"

  "Yes, but not Mic's. She played last year, and her coach was very pleased."

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  "How tall is Micki?"

  "Five-foot-8."

  "And D.J.?"

  "Five-foot-ten. Most of the time I think she plays center or forward. Mic was a guard last year. I was never athletic, so it's a little amazing to me."

  The girls were amazing to Jack in every way, or maybe it was God's work in their lives. He knew that both girls had never made commitments for Christ, but their love and caring of their mother was a sight to see. Neither girl dated anyone or ever gave Marrell a hard time about not going out all weekend long.

  He knew from the busy signal he would get for hours that they occupied the phone with their friends, but other than the occasional mood, he rarely saw them out of harmony. Their faces told him they were bored with church, just putting in their time, but he never heard them say they wouldn't go.

  Both so attractive, athletic, and intelligent-the girls were very special to Jack. Now he was to watch them play basketball, and it was quite a performance. Delancey's height was a strong advantage in the center of the key, and Mackenzie was remarkably aggressive, yet she did nothing more than stare impassively at the ref when she was called for a foul.

  Indeed, she was the coolest player of the game, taking in stride the different problems until Delancey was elbowed in the chin by an opposing team member and went all the way to the floor. Mackenzie was on the bench at that time, and it took the assistant coach to keep her there. Marrell's right hand was on Jac
k's arm while her left was at her mouth. Things calmed quickly. A foul was called, and Delancey went to the free-throw line. She took two shots and made one. Only then did Marrell start breathing again.

  "Mic is protective of D.J.," she said by way of explanation.

  "I've noticed that," Jack said, deliberately keeping his voice light. "They're both rather protective of each other and someone else I know."

  Marrell looked at him. "Are they protective of me?"

  Jack only stared at her, and Marrell tried to think of what he could be talking about.

  "Are they, Jack?"

  "Yes, very."

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  "In what way?"

  "Just little things, like if you look like you're going to cry, they watch you until they can see you're all right. And I had eyes on me at all times the first few Sundays I visited."

  Marrell's mouth opened. It was true, but she had never even seen it. "How did that make you feel?"

  Jack smiled. "I didn't take it personally. I was rather proud of the girls for caring so much."

  Marrell shook her head, a small smile on her mouth. As she had been coming to realize, this man was very special. And she was proud of her girls as well. A cheer rose up in the crowd then, and their attention went back to the game. They ended up losing by just two points.

  It was a school night, and even though they lost, Jack still took them for ice cream when the girls came from the locker room. They laughed and talked until way too late, but Marrell didn't mind. She was starting to see that something very special was happening in her life.

  The days turned to weeks for Jack and Marrell, and as Jack had asked, they saw each other every week. He often asked Marrell and the girls for dinner out on Friday night, but the most regular time was Sunday afternoon, when he would come to lunch and go for a walk with Marrell. At times they would watch the football game together or work on homework, but even if only for a half an hour, Jack would manage to get some time alone to talk with Marrell.

  And Marrell was starting to feel things she didn't believe herself capable of. In all the weeks Jack had never stopped being a friend, but now he was becoming something decidedly more. By the time he asked Marrell and the girls to come to his place for Christmas Day, Marrell was well on her way to feeling more than just deep caring for Jack Avery.