Craving Hawk

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “Russians have been havin’ a hard time of it these past three weeks. Lots of their boys been picked up. Not just their soldiers. Men in charge. We got Rock to thank for most a’that.”

  The crowd grumbled a little. It didn’t sit well with any of us that we were using cops to clean up for us. None of us cared if an enemy was picked up, not unless it affected us, but we sure as fuck didn’t want to be helping put them away. We took care of our own shit, or at least we had before. If people in our line of work started snitching, no one on the planet would fucking trust us. The Aces were walking a very fine line.

  “Know none a’you like this shit. I’m not likin’ it either,” my dad said, making the crowd quiet. “But we’ll still get ours. Got men in most of the pens, if we don’t we got allies who do. We’ll take care a’business inside. Haven’t given the Feds any news ’cept a list of names Rock had at his wedding. Nobody’s testifyin’. Nobody’s snitchin’… at least on our end. Can’t say what those Russians are doin’.”

  “What now?” Homer asked.

  “The Russian’s are limpin’,” Casper replied. He looked at my dad then back at the crowd. “Can’t say that they’ll be backin’ off. We gotta keep our eyes up and our backs covered. But I don’t see any indication that they’ll be messin’ with us in the near future. They’re scramblin’ to save their own asses.”

  My uncle was a genius. Not just smart, but a literal genius. He saw patterns where everyone else saw a mess of information that didn’t make any sense. I was pretty sure he’d barely slept in the past few weeks as he’d tried to keep his finger on the pulse of what was happening outside our gates. Most of the officers had left at one point or another, meeting up with our contacts and gathering information, but Casper had stayed in the clubhouse. He’d locked himself inside the war room we called church and poured over the information everyone was bringing back.

  They’d only given us the bare bones of what Casper had found, but I knew there was so much more they weren’t sharing. It drove me fucking crazy, but there wasn’t shit I could do about that. I wasn’t even a patched in member yet. The fact that the other prospects and I were in the garage was a courtesy, nothing more.

  “Lockdown’s over,” Dragon said with a sigh. “Thank Christ. But no big gatherings outside the gates.” Everyone was silent as he let that sink in. “And you need to be on your women. They need to be keepin’ their eyes open. Lettin’ you know where they’re at. You know the drill. And for fuck’s sake, they make a new goddamn friend at the grocery store, you shut that shit down. These motherfuckers have tried over and over again to get us through our women and kids. That shit ends now.”

  We threw the garage doors back open, and I stepped outside with everyone else to get a breath of fresh air. The longer we’d been inside with it all closed up, the more it had felt like the walls were pushing in on us. It wasn’t even a small space, but I’d been claustrophobic as fuck. Any discussion about the Russians made me jittery.

  I grimaced as I walked toward a picnic table. When our barbecue had been shot up, we’d fought back. Well, the other men had fought back. I’d been tackled to the ground. I shook my head to dislodge the memory. They’d killed the men responsible. They’d even tracked down the fucker we’d thought planned the whole thing and had him brought back from where he’d hidden in Montana. We’d thought it was over. That they’d gotten all of them.

  It wasn’t until three weeks ago that we’d found out those fuckers were soldiers. Not planners. They hadn’t been the brains, they’d just been taking orders from the fucking Russians.

  I still didn’t know how the officers had missed that when they’d interrogated the douchebag one of our allies had served to us on a silver platter, but I had a feeling I’d never know. Even after I patched in, I was pretty sure there was shit I was never going to be told.

  My hands started to shake, so I got up and started pacing. Memories of the shooting seemed to come at me from all angles, and I was trying my damnedest to keep it all locked down. I couldn’t lose it, not with the club still full of old ladies and little kids.

  “You wanna go?” my older brother asked, startling me as he came up beside me. I hadn’t even noticed he was still outside. I’d just assumed he would’ve gone in to tell his woman the good news and start packing up their shit.

  “Nah, I’m good,” I said, shaking my head. I kept pacing, though. Back and forth.

  “Come on, fucker,” Will said, taking off his cut and setting it on the table. “You know I’m not leaving your ass like this.”

  “Said I was fine,” I mumbled in irritation. I could get it together. I didn’t have a choice. My mom was still inside and I knew how she got when I lost my shit. It brought back everything for her.

  “Just a friendly sparring match,” Will said, pulling off his t-shirt. “You got me or Dad. No one else is comin’ near you.”

  “Get the fuck outta here, Will—” I didn’t even finish his name before his fist clipped me in the jaw.

  “Fucker,” I growled, barely staying on my feet.

  Both my brothers had gotten their size from my dad. They were huge. I took after the other side of the family and was built more like my mom’s brother Casper. I wasn’t tiny by any means, but I wasn’t built like a goddamn tank either. Any fight between me and Will was a joke. Even fighting with Mick had gotten my ass handed to me.

  “Come on, baby brother,” Will goaded. “Swing back, ya pussy.”

  I ripped off my cut and threw it on the table next to his, then acted like I was going to take off my shirt, too, but swung at him instead. My fist connected solidly with his jaw. He laughed at the sucker punch, but shook his head as if to clear it.

  Then it was on. He was bigger, but I was faster and had a whole lot of rage to let loose. Even so, neither of us went full out. I wasn’t out to hurt him, and he sure as hell wasn’t there to hurt me. Big brother was giving me the outlet he knew I needed. And fuck, had I needed it.

  We were sweaty, dirty as shit, and rolling around in the gravel when the crowd started to gather. I knew my dad would have kept my mom inside, so I ignored them. It wasn’t the first time they’d seen a fight outside. It wasn’t even the first time they’d seen us rolling around in the dirt.

  Will had me in a headlock and I was punching him in the kidney when I heard her voice. Everyone was talking. It was loud as hell, but I still heard her above the others.

  “Stop it! What the fuck! Someone stop him!”

  Will’s arm tightened around my neck, and my vision started to get spotty when I felt him jerk and then let me go completely. I dropped to the ground, landing on one arm, then was up again. And I couldn’t fucking believe what I saw.

  Will was kneeling, his chest heaving, and on his back was Heather. She had her arm around his neck, squeezing as hard as she could, and I was pretty sure she was trying to make him pass out. My brother’s neck was thick as fuck with muscle. There was no way it would work, but she was still trying.

  I met Will’s eyes and he was smiling at me in amusement. He wasn’t even trying to stop her. He’d just dropped his arms limply to his sides and was waiting for me to take care of it.

  “Sugar, what’re you doin’?” I asked as I pushed myself painfully to my feet. I was gonna feel that fight for the next week.

  Heather didn’t even look at me. She was so focused on what she was doing that she was completely oblivious to the fact Will had let me go.

  “Heather,” I murmured gently, touching her shoulder.

  She let out a feral scream and jerked at the arm around my brother’s neck before she realized who I was. Her breath was coming in short pants and I could barely see the blues of her eyes because her pupils were dilated so huge.

  “Come here,” I said softly, reaching for her. Before I could even grab her, she was off my brother’s back and practically crawling up my body.

  “He,” she stuttered. She was shaking like crazy and her fingers gripped frantically at my ripped t-shirt.
“He was—he.”

  “We were just messin’ around, baby,” I said, glancing around the crowd for her sister as she started to cry. “Come on, you’ve seen me sparrin’ with Mick a bunch of times.”

  “That wasn’t—” she stuttered.

  I lifted her up until her legs were wrapped around my waist and felt her tears against my neck as we started moving away from everyone. We didn’t need to give them a fucking show.

  “Sorry, man,” Leo called out quietly. “Tried to keep her back, but thought she was gonna hurt herself.”

  I ignored him as I reached up and pushed Heather’s face deeper into my neck, winding my fingers into her short blonde hair. She could’ve gotten really hurt if we hadn’t realized she was there in time. It was total fucking luck Will hadn’t thrown her off as soon as he’d felt that arm around his neck. I wasn’t sure how I would’ve reacted if she’d jumped on me.

  “You gotta stop,” I murmured as she kept crying, her body jerking with every hiccup.

  “That was bad,” she whispered back. “That was horrible.”

  “It wasn’t,” I argued calmly. I’d been headed toward my tent, but changed direction and moved toward the edge of the building. The tent was in the middle of everyone and I needed to get her alone.

  “He was—” she stuttered to a stop again and sniffled.

  “We were just messin’ around,” I said again, stopping once we were finally out of sight.

  “That didn’t look like messing around,” she argued.

  I let go of her so she would get down, but the girl had some serious muscle because she didn’t even sag an inch down my body without my support.

  I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down, but it wasn’t happening.

  “And you thought it was a good idea to get in the middle of that shit?” I yelled, startling the hell out of her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  That got her legs to drop to the ground and her arms to fall from around my neck.

  “What?” she asked in confusion, tipping her head back to look at me.

  “You have any idea what coulda happened to you? Either one of us coulda knocked your fuckin’ teeth out before we realized you were there.”

  “He was—,” she swallowed harshly, her eyes starting to water again. “He was choking you.”

  I could see how bad she was freaking out. She was still crying. Still shaking.

  But now I was shaking, too. My stomach was in knots.

  If there was one thing on this earth that got to me more than anything else—one thing that made me go fucking crazy—it was someone putting themselves in danger to try and save me. I couldn’t handle that shit. Couldn’t deal with it.

  I reached out and gripped her face, leaning down so we were nose to nose. “Don’t ever do that again,” I ordered harshly. “You hear me?”

  “I was trying to help you!” she yelled back, her voice cracking. “He was hurting you, I—”

  “Listen to me!” I yelled back, making her flinch. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, tears rolling down her face and onto my hand. “Okay.”

  “Son?” my dad called, coming around the corner. “Everythin’ good?”

  “It’s fine,” I replied. I barely glanced at him because the minute he’d walked around the corner, Heather had put her hand over mine, and I couldn’t tell if she was holding it against her face or getting ready to pull it away.

  “Come on,” Dad ordered. “Need to get everybody packed and get ’em the fuck outta here.”

  “I’ll be there in a bit,” I answered, watching Heather. She was still crying, but she wasn’t making any noise. She wasn’t even moving.

  “Now, Thomas.”

  I looked at him in annoyance and noticed he’d moved a couple steps toward us. His entire body was braced and it took me a second to realize why.

  He thought I was going to fucking hurt her. He thought he was going to have to step in.

  Jesus Christ.

  “Stop cryin’,” I said, looking back at Heather. I couldn’t deal with my dad then. She was the priority, not his fucked up view of me. “Come on, sugar. I can’t leave ya like this.”

  “We can go home?” she asked, pulling my hand away from her face. “Finally.” She sniffed and wiped off her face with the palms of her hands.

  “Wait for me,” I said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “I’ll bring ya home.”

  She nodded but didn’t say anything else as she slid past me and walked quickly toward the front of the building.

  Two hours later when I went looking for her, she was gone.

  Chapter 5

  Heather

  “Ahhh,” I sighed as I dropped backward onto my clean sheets.

  I’d spent the last few hours cleaning the nastiness out of my fridge and wiping up the dust that seemed to have accumulated on every single surface of my house over the past three weeks. It was good to be home.

  I’d kept up with my online summer classes while I’d been on the compound, but it was going to be so much easier doing homework from the comfort of my own bed. In the relative quiet of my own apartment. With my own orange soda in a glass on my bedside table. Wearing nothing but a sleep shirt and a pair of underwear. Bliss.

  I was lucky. My parents had set up college funds for me and my sister when we were just babies, and since my sister hadn’t used most of hers they’d added the leftover money to mine. The little windfall meant that I didn’t have to get a job for the next four years. As long as I lived frugally I could focus solely on schoolwork. It drove my sister Mel crazy, but it wasn’t my fault she’d dropped out of college, and my parents wouldn’t let her use the money to backpack in Europe for a year.

  It was kind of ironic, really. My parents went on at least two trips a year and they’d been to every continent at least once. They loved to travel and they’d passed on that love to my older sister. They just hadn’t been willing to pay for Melanie to do it. As far as they were concerned, they’d earned the right and she hadn’t. They’d pretty much always been that way. As often as they’d gone abroad, one would think Mel and I would’ve been stamping our passports from the cradle, but we hadn’t. We’d gone on five family trips throughout my entire childhood and none of them had been outside of the United States. Instead, our parents left us with my aunt and uncle and their demon son while they saw the world.

  I shuddered as I thought of my cousin Devin. The kid had terrorized me relentlessly until Mel was old enough for us to stay at home alone while our parents were gone. It hadn’t mattered how often I told the adults what he was doing, they’d always brushed it off with a “boys will be boys” comment until eventually I stopped saying anything. I knew they’d begun to see me as a tattletale. It was almost as if the more I told them what was happening, the less importance they gave the offense, until it finally didn’t matter to them at all.

  My parents hadn’t wanted to know. My aunt and uncle were the only ones that would keep us so they could go on their trips, and they hadn’t been willing to rock the boat. Only Mel had understood how bad it was. She’d been the only one trying to stop it until Micky had come along.

  When Mick had found out how Devin used to beat on me, I thought he was going to kill him. He hadn’t. But a few days after I’d told Mick about the torture, my parents had gone to visit Devin in the hospital. He’d been admitted with a broken jaw, a broken arm, and a whole bunch of smaller injuries. Apparently, he told the police he’d been jumped, but he couldn’t remember any faces or how many boys had done it. He’d also claimed he had no idea why it had happened. The little liar.

  When I’d seen Will with his arm around Tommy’s throat earlier that day, I could almost feel it. I knew the sensation of someone cutting off your oxygen. The way the muscles in their arm tightened until the pressure was so bad you thought you’d die before they let you go. Pushing and pulling at them, but nothing made them loosen their grip. The way your vision went sort of
grey at the sides, and sometimes you’d see little black dots right before everything went dark.

  I hadn’t even been fully aware of what I was doing as I’d pulled away from the guy who tried to hold me back. I’d had complete tunnel vision. I’d needed to get Will off Tommy, so I’d done the only thing I’d known how to do. The very thing that terrified me.

  I’d wrapped my arm around Will’s throat and pressed as hard as I could against the vein on the side of his neck.

  Thankfully, it had done what I’d intended—which was make Will let go of his brother—and I hadn’t actually hurt him. Because whatever I’d been doing hadn’t worked. Will had just knelt there while I squeezed. He hadn’t been fazed at all.

  I dug my fingers into my tired eyes as I remembered how pissed Tommy had been that I’d stepped in. His reaction hadn’t been normal. I could understand him not wanting me to get hurt, but he’d been shaking when he was yelling at me. It hadn’t been just anger that made him go off; there had been fear and guilt there, too. By the time his dad came over and ordered him away from me, I’d been so confused. Oh, Grease had acted like he needed Tommy to help with very important things, but we’d all known what the guy was doing. He was trying to separate me and Tommy… but I couldn’t understand why.

  Tommy was yelling, sure. But if Grease thought for one second he’d ever do anything to hurt me, he didn’t know his son very well. Tommy and Mick were two of the most protective guys I’d ever met. I hadn’t seen that side of Tommy much when we’d been younger, but I had seen it. Mick was usually around to make sure no one messed with me, but Tommy had been around to make sure none of the other girls were messed with either. He’d been a complete dog, there was no doubt about that. He’d screwed every girl in his class. But I saw him at almost every party we’d been to that year, and I wasn’t sure, but I was pretty confident that most of the girls he “took home” he’d actually taken home. To their houses. So that some douchebag couldn’t take advantage of them when they were drunk.