by K. A Knight
“You never have to ask me twice, Beast,” I reply.
“Beast?” he repeats, and I nod.
“It’s what I call you.”
“What do I call you?”
“Brawler,” I grit out, my voice rough. Speaking the word nearly makes me cry again. “Trouble,” I joke.
He smirks slightly. “I can see that. The doctor—”
“Evan.”
“Evan” —he nods— “says I need to rest, that I might get my memories back.”
I nod and sit back down. He watches me as the darkness starts to filter into the room.
“I would like that.”
“You would?” I ask, truly wondering. If I could forget everything that had happened to me, all that pain, would I really want those memories back?
The answer is yes, because even though I have those painful memories, if I didn’t remember, didn’t get that back, I wouldn’t get the good either. Like memories of Evan fixing my cuts as a child, my mother’s hug, and my father’s smile. Jago’s lovemaking and training, Archel making me laugh, and Clay teasing me. Worth… I would forget everything. I would not be as jaded, as scarred, but I would also lose all the good in my life that makes the pain worthwhile.
“I would like to remember you,” he murmurs around a yawn before closing his eyes. “Remember why my heart feels like it might explode when I look at you, why it races and my palms sweat. I want to remember why I love you.” He settles, and his head falls to the side, probably from a mix of exhaustion and medicine.
Hearing him admit that weakness makes my own heart race. My beast is always so strong, even in his love for me. I guess I never really knew that’s how I made him feel—the same way he makes me feel even now. I look at him as if it’s for the first time again, remembering the first day I saw him. He took my breath away and made my knees weak.
He made me feel alive.
He made me realise what love really was.
Maybe, just maybe, we can find that again.
Together.
I have breakfast with my other men, not wanting them to worry or feel left out, then I check on Jago, but he’s still snoring, so I back out quietly and hesitate, wondering where to go, before I decide to head to the cliff again.
It feels peaceful, like an escape, even for a moment, just like Abel said. He’s already there with a cup of tea in his hand and one next to him. Smiling, I sit and take it. “How did you know I would come?” I ask as I sip the herbal liquid, sighing as the warmth flows through me, settling my nerves and worries.
“You are like me,” is all he offers, watching the water below. It’s calmer today, no churning dark sea, but Dray’s words come back to me, and I wonder what hides under its depths.
“Have you ever been in it?” I inquire and nod my chin at the water.
“Once, on a dare, when I was a younger man.” He laughs. “It’s surprisingly hot.”
“No monsters?” I joke.
He chuckles, sitting back and crossing his legs, resting the mug there. “Not that I saw, but it wouldn’t surprise me in this world. I wouldn’t worry about them though, plenty of human monsters to concern yourself with.”
I guess that’s true. I drink my tea and watch the water. The slow breeze, the sun, and the soft lapping of the water soothes me until I lean back, not realising there is a small smile on my lips. “The woman you loved, what happened?”
He flinches but sighs. “It’s not a pretty story, nor a happy one.”
“There aren’t many of those left in this world, but I would still like to hear it if you want to tell it.”
“Maybe one day,” he hedges, and I nod, allowing him his privacy. I won’t pry. If he wants to talk about it, he knows I’m here. If not, that’s his choice too. But as the time passes, I realise he’s happy. He enjoys the company. I cannot imagine living here alone for so long. He did what he thought was right by staying in his family home, while I sought out adventure, yet this world still brought us together.
Probably for a reason, like he said.
“Princess,” comes a murmur, and I turn to see Archel looking slightly panicked. I instantly stand, my heart racing, and all the peace I absorbed disappears.
“Jago is going crazy, come quick,” he urges.
I look at Abel, and he waves his hand. “Go, go, I’m fine.”
I put the tea down and run after Archel. We race through the house, and I hear him thrashing and yelling. I hear my name and then a grunt, and I open the door just in time to see Clay being flung across the room, thrown by Jago, while Evan stands back, his eyes wide and hands up as he speaks quickly to calm him down.
“She’s fine, just outside—”
I step in then, and Jago freezes, his gaze swinging to me. He stops fighting instantly and slumps as he looks me over. I rush to his side, sitting on the bed, and I reach for his hand before I drop mine. He probably doesn’t want my touch. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“I couldn’t find you,” he mutters.
I relax, even as a bright smile covers my lips. That’s good, right?
“We’ll leave you two alone. We told him you were fine, but he didn’t believe us. He’s okay. I’ve checked him over, but get the stubborn bastard to eat,” Evan orders and drags the other two men from the room.
“Asshole,” Clay grumbles. “When he’s better, I’m kicking his ass for that.” I hear him griping as he leaves with Evan and Archel, the door shutting softly behind them. Only then does Jago fully relax. He focuses on me, his eyes dropping a bit with embarrassment and confusion. He’s probably wondering why he reacted like that. I know, deep down, his instincts towards me are still there. He’s not used to having to control them, I should have thought of that.
Silly Piper.
“It’s okay, I’m here. Please eat though, it will help you heal.” I grab the plate and pass it over. He takes it and slowly eats, not meeting my eyes. I let him work through his thoughts. It must be hard to be in his head right now, his instincts and body knowing how to react before he does.
Once he’s done, he passes the plate to me, and I place it on the chair. “I need to piss.”
I jump to my feet. “Oh, of course! Erm, let me find the key—”
He jerks his hand, snapping the chain easily, and scoots to the end of the bed. My mouth drops and shock fills me as I gape. His chin lifts, and some of his fire returns to his eyes as he smirks at me—that cocky familiar one. “I’m strong,” he teases.
“Erm, yeah.” I turn away, hiding my blush and my annoying, throbbing body. I shouldn’t be turned on right now, but my body doesn’t care that he doesn’t remember me. It remembers him and his strength, and the way he holds me as he eats my—
His hand catches mine, and my thoughts disappear as I jump, looking down at him. He searches my eyes, and his expression softens. “Will you help me get there? My legs feel weak.”
“Mine too,” I mutter before nodding. “Sure.” I help him stand, and he leans into me. I grunt but hold his weight and slowly lead him to the other bathroom next door. Once there I go to leave, but he pulls his pants down and, uncaring about me, starts to wee. Some part of him is comfortable with me, even though he probably isn’t aware.
After all, Jago has seen me in worse situations, and shyness while peeing is the least of my worries.
When he’s done, he moves to the sink and quickly washes his hands and face before drooping there. His hair is greasy and hanging in his face. He blows it back and runs his hand through it and winces. I frown and then look to the bath behind him. The water won’t run in it, but I could sit him down and wash his hair for him.
“Do you want me to wash your hair? I’ll avoid the wound, but it might help, and I’ll plait it back?”
He turns his head, and one eye locks on me. “You’ll do that? For me?” he asks in confusion.
“I’d do anything for you,” I reply instantly. He blinks before a soft smile curls up his lips.
“Please.”
“Stay there,” I murmur and rush away. I check with Evan, and he agrees it should be okay as long as I avoid the wound. I grab some supplies, and when I return, I help him sit with his back to the tub and hang his hair over it. He frowns, his eyes tightening as he watches me, clearly feeling vulnerable. He hates this weakness, hates his own injuries. I know, because I would too.
“It’s okay. I promise I won’t hurt you. Not ever,” I vow as I get into the tub and start to fill the jug I found. He flinches when I run the first bit of lukewarm water over his hair but groans when I start to rub it gently.
Eventually, his head tips back, his eyes close, and his shoulders lose their tightness as I gently untangle his hair. I wash away the blood, dirt, and sand, combing my fingers through it.
I keep washing, and five jugs of water later, I’ve gotten rid of the blood. There are still bits around his covered wound, but I avoid it and only use a small portion of soap on his hair so it won’t run into it before rinsing it again and massaging the injured parts. Once finished, I wring it out and comb his locks with my fingers again before plaiting it and tying it off.
He sighs softly. “Are you done?” he asks, but he seems sad.
“Yes, come on, let’s get you back to bed.” I get out of the tub and help him up. He leans into me as we walk back to the room, then he climbs into the bed. He grunts in pain before I rearrange his pillows. The door opens, and Evan comes in smiling.
“Pain relief time, they will make you sleepy.”
“No,” Jago grumbles.
I grab his hand and squeeze. “He knows best. I trust him with my life, with yours. Please, I don’t want you to be in pain.” He looks down at my hand on his, and I try to take it back, but he turns his over and links our fingers.
“Okay,” he murmurs without looking away from our clasped hands. Evan quickly passes them over, and Jago takes them. Evan looks at me, and I let him know I’m okay, then he leaves. I sit there, my hand in Jago’s as he settles back and his eyes start to close. He tries to fight it, but I start to hum and then sing stupid, silly songs. He falls asleep with a smile on his face, his hand loosening in mine until it falls to the bed.
I miss his touch instantly, but it’s a start, and I have hope.
Hope that we are going to be okay. I still want his memories to come back, but if they don’t, I know we will be okay.
He will be okay.
He falls into a deep sleep, and I gently move away, shutting the door behind me. He won’t wake for a while due to the medication, so I take the time to wash myself, re-plait my hair, and shove on some new panties and a shirt, which was kindly provided by Abel.
I spot him and Clay in the garden. Watching my big warrior delicately helping trim and look after the crops surprises me. Archel is napping in the sun, and Evan is looking through his medical bag. I kiss him on my way by and venture into the living room, down some steps, and to a white wooden door.
I gasp when I step in. The room is covered in plants, which hang and sit everywhere, with two matching green sofas pushed against the walls. There’s an old-style fireplace and chimney to the left. On the side wall is a bay window with green cushioned seats. It looks over the cliff and a carved staircase to the water below. It’s beautiful. I drift over, watching the waves before I turn. There, tucked in a corner, is an old-fashioned TV.
My curiosity gets the better of me. I move closer, stopping before it. There’s a VHS player, and I press the button on the TV. Surprisingly, it turns on. I really need to ask where he gets power.
It loads to a paused video of a woman sitting in this room on the sofa, with a small, pained smile on her lips. She has crow’s feet around her brown eyes, and lines across her sagging cheeks and lips. Her hair is greying and pulled back, and she wears a cardigan and a white top, but that’s not what has me staring in shock.
I know her.
She’s my mother.
My mother who I thought was dead. She’s older…but it’s her, and she’s in the exact room I am in.
Alive and well.
I just stare at the paused screen, my emotions roaring so loudly, I feel like I can’t breathe. Staring at her face, I don’t even notice the tears beginning to fall. I’m unwilling to blink or look away, afraid I might lose her again forever. Her visage had been dimming in my mind. I was only a child when I lost her, so I was starting to forget.
I lean forward and trace the shape of her face on the screen. It’s her, I know it. We have the same eyes, same smile, same hair. I look so much like her, I hiccup, my heart slamming and stomach dropping.
They said they died…
How? How is this possible?
Before I know it, I’ve hit play, and her soft, almost musical voice rings out.
“Hey there, bug, it’s a nice sunny morning here.” She grins. “You would love it, the sun I mean. Plenty of places to get lost in, to play hide and seek—” I pause it, unable to take hearing her voice. My own screams inside my head as I stare at the screen before I hit play again, a glutton for punishment.
“Abel and I are going to tend to the crops today. He’s teaching me to have a green finger. I know! Me! Who would have guessed?” Her expression softens, her eyes shining. “I miss you so much, I wish you were here—”
I can’t, I pause it.
I feel angry now, and I’m hurting.
I’m hurting more than I ever have. More than when I heard the news of their deaths. I was just a child then, with childish ways of thinking, but now I’m an adult. I thought I’d healed, thought I was over it, but I’m not. The wound is reopening as I stare at her, at the woman who was supposed to love me every day of my life, supposed to be at my side. Raise me, love me. Teach me right from wrong. Protect me.
And instead, it seems, she left.
I stare at the end screen, her eyes looking to the right, the doorway. She wears a smile on her lips, and she appears almost happy. I ache for her, to be held in her arms, to turn around and find her there, but when I do, all I see is Abel.
He’s staring at the screen with heartbreak and love on his face.
“Abel,” I croak. “How…how do you have this? How did you know her?”
He looks at me, frowning now. “Why did you play it?” he demands.
I turn to face him, crouched on my knees as my tears drip faster. I have so many questions. My world is crashing down around me. Everything I thought I knew…
She lived.
Which means…she left me.
“How did you know her?” I scream, pointing at the TV. My emotions are strong, and all that I’ve lost and suffered erupts in my scream.
He looks from her to me and back again, his face paling. “You looked familiar. I thought it was wishful thinking. It’s you, isn’t it?” He steps closer, his mouth open and eyes wide. “She always called you…”
“Bug,” I finish.
“It’s you, her daughter.”
“How?” I look back at the TV, already knowing deep down but needing to hear it. “How do you have this?”
“She recorded it, here in my house, just over ten years ago. It was a week before she died,” he answers sadly. “Piper…I’ve wanted to meet you since the moment she told me about you. She told me so many stories—”
“Shut up!” I scream, and I hear racing footsteps as I get to my feet. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare talk about her! She left me! She was dead! She was supposed to be dead!” I scream, my heart splintering and breaking. I thought only my men could do that, but here she is. My own mother is breaking my heart. “She died, she died,” I repeat brokenly.
“Piper,” he murmurs.
I stumble back, laughing bitterly. “She didn’t die, she just left me. She fucking left me.”
Evan rips open the door, staring at me desperately, with Clay and Archel behind him. I hear a stumble, and then Jago is there too. I look at them with tears in my eyes. Their lips are moving, asking questions, and Clay is pinning Abel to the wall, but I can’t speak.
> I can’t.
Evan rushes to my side, running his hands over me to see if I’m okay. His eyes flick to the TV, and he freezes before slowly looking back at me, knowing who that is. He knows better than anyone how much I loved her, how much I broke when they died. When she died. Evan knows how I cried for her every single night. How I begged the world to give my mum back. I missed her every day, and he knows that.
“She left me,” I whisper raggedly.
I can’t take the sadness and pain in his eyes. Their shouts, their demands, I can’t take it. I run, needing to escape her voice, which is ringing through my head. I need air, I need to get away from the lies tangled around me.
My whole life is one big, tangled web.
I rush to the only place I can—the bench. Tears blind me as I drop down onto the seat, unsure what to do, what to say. My whole world is spinning. Everything I thought I knew is gone. My past burns away, like a tattered, destroyed picture.
I hear feet and panting, and then he’s there.
“My whole life is a lie,” I whisper.
“No, Pip, it isn’t. This is real, we are real. Everything you have achieved, everyone you have saved, is real. The only thing that isn’t is what happened to them.”
I raise my blurry, tear-filled eyes to him.
My Evvie.
“She left me, Evvie. How could she do that? Was I not enough? What did I do wrong?” I sob, and he drags me closer, holding me, his own tears wetting my hair. “Why didn’t she love me?”
He’s the one person in the world who knows how I feel, who held me every night when I cried for her. Who was there for every achievement and every heartbreak. Who became my family after I lost my own. Who became my entire world when both of ours crumbled and we clung to each other.
“Why?” I beg, grabbing his chest and pulling him close as I sob. “Why didn’t she love me?”
“She did, more than anything. More than I’ve ever seen anyone love anyone in this world. She fought to get back to you for so long.” Abel’s voice makes me jerk.