Primitivo

by Croft, Rose

This was my chance to escape, but where would I go? I had to see Emilio. I grabbed my purse and took off on foot to the nearest bus station coming up with some half-thought-out plan that he would understand if I explained the situation. I was desperate and losing my mind, but I held on to the tiny hope that Emilio would listen.

  As I walked down his street, excitement and apprehension jolted through my nervous system. When I reached the end of the driveway, I heard the innocent giggles of a child. My child—running out to the street. Alone. Unsupervised. Instinctively, I lunged to him wondering how Emilio could leave Eric unattended.

  My heart raced as I gathered my son in my arms. “Where are you going?” I tried to say it teasingly to not frighten him, but my voice shook.

  He squirmed against me. “Play.” Is all he said. “Want to play.” I had to fight myself to not squeeze him tight and shower his face with kisses.

  “You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” I set him down and led him toward the house. “Where’s—” The words froze in my throat as I saw my adopted sister at the door with her nose stuck in her phone as fingers moved rapidly. Why was she here?

  Before I could ask, she glanced up and scowled at me. “What are you doing here?” she yelled and charged toward us while I stood dumbfounded. She yanked Eric away from me.

  “I could ask the same of you?” Was she Eric’s nanny? “Are you the babysitter? If so, I’ll talk to Emilio and have you fired, since Eric could’ve been hit by a car.”

  She pulled Eric behind her shielding him from me. “You have a lot of nerve coming here, Sofía.” She stepped in closer and snarled, “You deserted Eric, Emilio, and us. You have no right to ask questions.” She flipped the hair off her shoulder and smiled maliciously. “Good luck trying to tell Emilio anything… he hates your guts. Wait. Strike that. Emilio would have to have some feelings for you to even make an effort to hate you, which he doesn’t. He dropped your name like a bad habit, as in you don’t even exist anymore. You are nothing to him.” She spread her perfectly manicured fingers out in front of my nose and a gaudily exquisite platinum band with a cluster of diamonds glinted at me. “You were an easy fuck that left behind a mistake, while I am soon to be his wife. Stay classy, little sister.”

  I wanted to punch the smirk off Belinda’s face. She could talk all the shit she wanted about me, but to call my son a mistake? “How dare you say that about Eric,” I growled, getting in her face. I was angry but kept my eye on Eric as he wobbled around the front yard.

  She tilted her head and said in a condescending voice, “Oh, he’s not your son anymore, sweetie.” She took a step back, though. “He’s mine now. As soon as Emilio and I marry, I will adopt Eric as my own.”

  Her words were like a thousand paper cuts, slowly slicing the top layer of my skin until I bled a slow death. Belinda and I had never had a sisterly relationship, but over the years I tried with all my heart to get close to her. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I love Emilio, and he loves me. He even said he wished I was Eric’s biological mother and regretted ever meeting you.”

  “You don’t love him.” My words were automatic. I was being killed softly over the knowledge of Emilio moving on. But I knew Belinda, too. She was never Team Anybody, only the head cheerleader for her organization—Team Me. “You’ve never loved anyone but yourself.”

  “Oh, that’s ironic coming from you, Sofía, or should I call you Selfish Sofí who takes and takes from people like a leech.” She scoffed. “You’re so full of shit, and the Little Orphan Annie act is way beyond overplayed. Don’t you think?”

  “Ah, so we’re getting to the crux of this, right?” I kept glancing at Eric making certain he wasn’t going to bolt to the street. “You’ve never liked me.”

  “You have no idea. You weaseled yourself into my family and look how you treated us.” She studied her nails as if bored. “You’ll never take anything from me again. I’m taking what’s rightfully mine.” She tilted her head in contemplation. “It hurts doesn’t it?”

  I never took a damn thing from Belinda or her family. If anything, I tried to show my gratitude anytime I could. For God’s sake, my family was taken away from me! I would’ve never survived as a thirteen-year-old girl alone. Her family never warmed up to me, but whether it was genuine or not, they provided. Belinda was always the princess of the house and was awarded with anything her heart desired. Daddy’s girl and Mommy’s pride and joy. Those phrases were repeated over and over to the point of ad nauseam in their household. Why would she ever think I took anything from her?

  I saw Eric creeping closer to the curb of the street. “Eric,” I warned starting after him, but I felt fingernails lodged in my bicep.

  “Don’t you ever say his name or come near him! Don’t you ever come back here again. You’re dead in everyone’s eyes.” She scanned her eyes over me disdainfully. “Go back to the sewer with all the other rats. Maybe they’ll accept you.”

  Belinda’s insults would never hurt me, I was sadly used to it. However, I knew that anything Emilio and I could’ve had was over. Did you really think you could come back and Emilio would accept you with loving arms? It was a foolish dream further constructed by my delusionality that I could escape this. However, my eyes were on my son who hovered over the edge of the curb. I saw Eric jump off the curb to the street.

  “Let me go, Belinda!”

  “Oh, no, you’re going to listen to what I have to say…”

  I heard the squeal of tires, a white sedan kissing Eric’s head as he fell back on the concrete.

  Bile rose in my throat as I fought the memory that played on repeat. “I would never hurt Eric. I love—”

  “Don’t!” Emilio warned and moved in on me like he wanted to wrap his hands around my throat and squeeze. His eyes were more alive, filled with animosity. He hated me. I hated me. “Don’t fucking say it! Don’t. You. Ever. Fucking. Say. It!”

  “Please… ” I laid my hand on his chest. His hard body twitched, and we were both rooted in place heads drawn down at my hand. Long, tanned fingers clasped around my wrist, and I knew for sure he was going to yank my hand away. But he didn’t.

  He tilted his chin up and peered down at me. “What are you begging for, Gatita? Surely not forgiveness. You know better than I that the forgiveness ship sailed years ago.” His hand covered mine, his thumb dug into the pad of my skin. His lips curled up. “Maybe you’re remembering how good it felt when I drove my dick into that perfect, treacherous mouth of yours. How your tiny mouth could barely fit my whole length. But you were a trooper weren’t you?” I gasped with a mental image of the times I’d taken him between my lips. “You do remember that, don’t you? You were such a good, dirty girl then. You took it all. You couldn’t get enough. And when I filled your mouth with my cum. You took every… last… drop.”

  “Emilio.” His name came out like a half-plea/half-moan. He leaned in closer. I could smell the heavy scent of alcohol on his breath and the smokiness and spiciness of his shirt. His dark, angry eyes were tinged in red. He wasn’t sober. He was messed up.

  “You begging for this, baby?” he whispered against my cheek. His grip tightened on my hand. “Is that what you’re trying to say? Don’t be shy.”

  It’d been so long since I’d seen him. Felt his touch. My heart raced furiously like never before. He slid my hand slowly down his chest over the hard planes of his stomach. I reveled in the ridges of abs I could feel through the cotton of his black shirt.

  “You want my cock again, Gatita?”

  Yes. I wanted him even though I knew he hated me. I wanted him even though I knew he was drunk and probably high. Obviously, a reason to self-medicate. To ease a silent pain that lingered inside but could flare up at the slightest trigger. In this moment he seemed broken. Like me. “Yes.” The word slipped through my lips before I could stop it.

  Our hands reached the edge of his jeans. Oh God, he was going to make me unbutton them. Then, he chuckled in a demeaning way. “Keep fucki
ng dreaming.” He flung my hand away like it was offensive. “That shit will never happen again. Not in this lifetime.” I fell back into the sink trying to stay on my feet. Get my overwrought emotions in check.

  Before I had a chance to reset, I heard, “The fuck is this?” Luis was standing at the door bowed up like he was ready to fight. All five foot eight of his scrawny ass. Emilio towered over him by at least six inches and was built like a football player. “You messin’ with our girl? I’ll fuck you up, boy.”

  Emilio shook his head and laughed not the least bit concerned. “Go sit your ass back down on the sidelines. You ain’t ready to play.” He tilted his head my way. “And you can have her.” He gave a condescending smirk. “Stay the hell away, Gatita or I’ll make your miserable life even worse.” He shouldered past Luis like he was paper, nearly knocking him to the ground.

  Luis caught his balance and started after him, but I lunged in front of him. “Let it go. Nothing happened.”

  “Nothing happened?” He quirked an eyebrow in suspicion and crossed his tattooed arms, but he wasn’t in a hurry to go after him. “Who was that dude? He looked familiar.”

  “No one you’d know,” I grumbled suppressing my shock and heavy heart as I passed by Luis making my way back to the bar. I scanned the room trying to find Emilio hoping Luis didn’t gather up a posse and wreak havoc.

  I spotted Emilio walking out the front with another guy his height. My guess was it was his brother Vince or Yovani. I couldn’t tell for sure from this distance. They looked very similar. At least he was leaving. Yes, I’ll stay away, Emilio. Please stay away from here, too. You don’t want to be mixed up in this.

  Minutes later, I glanced behind me and saw Luis mugging down with one of the girls that’d been on stage earlier. Good, a distraction, I sighed in bittersweet relief covering up the devastation to my heart.

  Emilio

  “You all right?” Yovani asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Yeah,” I lied because nothing felt okay. A wasted fool’s journey down bad memory lane I just took. Since I’d laid eyes on Sofía the other night, all the conflicting feelings I thought I’d killed long ago swirled around in my head like a sand storm.

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I told her to stay away from Eric.” My teeth hurt from clenching my jaw. My cock came to life when I was near her although I’d had enough alcohol and weed to send a fucking elephant to an early death. How I could even think of her in that way was disturbing. Obviously, when inebriated, the loathing didn’t block out the lust. Make no mistake, I loathed her, and despite that, I’d wanted her. Completely unacceptable. In my dick’s defense, he didn’t have a heart or brain, but still… That woman was poison.

  Her leaving me was devastating. Sofía abandoning Eric was inexcusable. Unforgivable. How could a mother leave her child? How could she leave a good situation where she was working, getting a college degree, and living with a man who loved and cherished her? Little did I know she was a thug at heart who obviously got off on hanging around dangerous gang bangers. Awesome. Eric’s mother left us because she wanted the thug life.

  “You think she’ll leave it at that?” Yovani cut my Land Rover to the left, turning down my street. “You don’t think she’ll try to see him?”

  “Naw, because I’ll have her ass arrested if she does.”

  “You got the balls to do that?” Yovani asked as he put the car in park in my driveway.

  I glared at him. “Don’t taunt me, hermanito, I’m not in the mood.” I loved my little brother, but he needed to tread lightly around this situation. For the past several days, I’d felt restless wanting to blow off some steam. I was normally rational. Apparently, the crazy restlessness was released tonight.

  I wasn’t a saint, but ever since Eric was born, he was my main focus. My past was shady. I dealt drugs. Brawled with the best of them. But that shit was in the past. I had to be responsible and not act like the dumbass I was this evening.

  “Bro, chill. I’m just saying if it came to that, could you really do that to Eric’s mother?”

  Eric’s mother? Sofía was the opposite of what anyone would call motherly. There was a time that she was a good mother and companion. Actually, she’d been perfect, but she sure as hell had us all fooled. She pulled the wool over my eyes. “If it came to that, I’d do it without even blinking.” I opened the car door. “Let’s go in, it’s late. I’m sure Lily is wanting to go home.”

  Yovani followed me to the front door. When I entered, I adjusted my eyes to the lighting in the house that hurt my eyeballs. In the living room, my sister sat on the couch with her face buried in her laptop. “You’re still awake?” I asked because it was two in the morning.

  Lily glanced up at me with a smile as I walked around the oversized sofa and sat down beside her. She pointed to the screen. “I was looking over orders for fall.” My sister owned a clothing boutique in town and a shoe store. She had always been into fashion and design, and luckily Vince and I were able to help her get her own business. I knew if my mother were still alive, she would be so proud of her family and what they’d accomplished. She sacrificed everything for us.

  “You went hard tonight didn’t you?” Lily was very perceptive to the point it was borderline annoying.

  “Go hard or go home, right?” I teased. “How did it go with Eric?” She was always available when I needed help with my boy. Not that I went out all the time. I didn’t. If I did, it was usually dinner and a few drinks with my brothers and cousins. That’s it. I didn’t date. Hell, I didn’t even do booty calls. I didn’t want anyone around my son who wasn’t going to be a permanent fixture in his life. I never wanted Eric to be confused or get attached to someone who wasn’t going to be around.

  After Sofía left, it took me a long time to process what happened. I thought I’d found something with Belinda who’d been a good friend during that time. We’d both shared something in common—lamenting over the loss of Sofía since she’d lived with Belinda’s family for several years. It turned into something more. However, I soon found Belinda and I were very different. I tried to make it work. If I were being honest, I was thinking about my son and how he needed a mother figure in his life. But it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t think Belinda ever had a true connection with Eric. She was never cruel to him and in her own way, I think she did care for him. However, it never felt real or genuine. Honestly, we didn’t have a bond in the sense that we should’ve.

  When we ended it, I realized I wasn’t going to force another relationship so Eric could have a mother in his life. I knew the older he grew he would wonder why he didn’t have a mom. He was about to turn four and was already curious about everything.

  “Oh, the typical night. Eric wanted to practice soccer, so we went out back and played for two hours. You really need to sign him up for a youth team. He’s obsessed,” Lily recounted with a smile on her face.

  “I know.” My boy loved soccer and lately all he did was carry his ball with him everywhere and dribble it around. “I will as soon as he’s old enough.”

  “Then he wanted to make cookies, and I had to fight him not to eat all the cookie dough.”

  “Sounds like my boy.” I chuckled. “What time did he go to bed?”

  “I had him bathed and tucked in by nine thirty.”

  “You know that’s past his bedtime.”

  “Seriously? I know, but he didn’t want to go to sleep.” She nudged me. “I’d say it’s past your bedtime, too, but I’m cutting you some slack.”

  “Uh oh, don’t make Lily mad, bro,” Yovani said cocking one eye open as he lounged in the chair across from us. His eyes were heavy, and his legs were crossed over the ottoman. I thought he’d fallen asleep. My brother usually crashed here and could sleep anywhere—the couch, the floor, the lounger in the backyard—it didn’t matter.

  “I’m teasing, Lil.” I stood up and kissed my twin on the temple. “Thanks, I owe you.”

  She shut her
laptop and unfolded herself from the couch slipping on her shoes. “You do owe me… but never for watching Eric. I cherish the time we have together, and you know it.”

  “I know. You’re welcome to crash in the guest bedroom if you’d like.”

  “I can’t. I have to go in super early and do a floor reset and I didn’t bring extra clothes.” She gathered her things and stepped over to Yovani flipping the baseball cap off his head. “You know there are plenty of beds in this house…”

  He grinned and stretched casually. “I’ve slept on couches most of my life and it’s a hard habit to break.” Yovani was trying to crack a joke, but he wasn’t far off the mark. We’d grown up very poor in San Salvador in a one-room shack and didn’t have the luxury of bedrooms. When we moved to Dallas, there were nine people living in a three-bedroom house. Yovani and my younger cousin Eduardo were usually the ones who ended up alternating between sleeping on the couch or an air mattress on the living room floor.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow night for dinner,” she said and gave her little brother a peck on the cheek. Family dinner night was a weekly ritual never to be missed.

  I walked Lily to the door. “Be careful driving home.”

  She nodded and studied my face squinting her eyes in thought. “If something was bothering you, you would tell me, right?” She tilted her head.

  “I’m fine, Lily. Just tired.” My sister was nosy. Already stated that. However, being twins, we’d always shared a special bond.

  “You sure? You smell like someone doused you in Jim Beam and added ashtray sprinkles as a topping.”

  I laughed spurring a dull ache in my head, which was starting to throb from the drinks. “I had too much tonight, but I’m solid. I swear.”

  She cupped my cheek. “You’re going to find happiness, Emilio, you’re too good of a man not to.” Was she serious? It was bad enough I had to hear it from Adrian and now my sister was worried about me not finding a soul mate? I never asked her about her love life. Actually, I didn’t want to know.