Primitivo

by Croft, Rose

  “See you tomorrow, sis.”

  When I closed the door behind her, I shook my head hearing the loud snoring from my brother who was curled up in the oversized chair that didn’t appear oversized because Yovani was as big as me. I almost nudged him to take one of the bedrooms upstairs because he looked uncomfortable as hell, but he probably wouldn’t anyway.

  I walked down the hallway to one of the bedrooms downstairs. Eric’s room. A dim light shone under the door, and I quietly pushed in. He was nestled in his car-shaped bed, flipped on his stomach with his face burrowed in the pillow. The covers were kicked off, and he wore an oversized soccer jersey of his favorite team with the number ten and the name Messi on the back. His arms were curled around his two favorite things he took to bed every night—his soccer ball was tucked under one arm while a torn, raggedy sock monkey was under the other.

  The fucking sock monkey. I wanted to burn that damn thing. It was one of the things Sofía had given him when he was a baby. She said it was one of her prized possessions from her childhood. Of course, Eric loved that thing because the universe was a salty bitch who thrived on irony. I’d tried to take the doll one time when he wasn’t looking and hid it in the garage, but for some reason, I couldn’t discard it. He’d thrown such a fit when he couldn’t find it I gave it back and let my reservations go.

  He sighed and pursed his lips and at that moment my brain seemed to throb harder with further reminders of memories I tried to bury. He looked like his mother. She did the same thing tonight as we stood toe to toe. To anyone who had seen my son and me, they knew without a doubt he was my flesh and blood. The resemblance was undeniable. His black wild hair and rich brown eyes. Even his skin tone was mine. He was stubborn like his dad. Not saying that’s a great trait to have, and I prayed to God he never got into any messes like I did when I was young.

  But his mouth and some of his facial expressions were pure Sofía and seeing her again in person brought that painful realization all back. Let it go. I rubbed my eyes and lightly touched his foot silently wishing him good night.

  I backed out and pulled the door with me and made my way to my bedroom down the hall. I toed off my shoes and stripped down free falling into my king-sized bed hoping to pass the fuck out. You would think it would be easy, but my brain throbbed out the words “not yet, fool.” Cruelly, the tighter I closed my eyes, the clearer I saw those eyes with shades of turquoise and flecks of amber.

  “I thought I was coming to a family dinner and a business meeting broke out,” Adrian joked as he adjusted his cuff under the tailor-made navy Armani suit he wore. Dude had never heard the word casual dress before in his life, and anything to do with business made his dark eyes glaze over like a gambling addict invited to sit in on a high-stakes Texas Hold’em tournament in Vegas.

  “You’re late, primo, we ate without you,” my brother Vince said as he clicked on the keyboard of his laptop. He pointed to the live footage on the screen. “Now, we can watch this wherever we are.” We’d just installed a new security system with cameras on all our properties that were connected to our devices. One location in particular had experienced some burglaries recently. It was a property situated south of downtown that housed some of our tenants, which included a coffee shop, a jeweler, an upscale home goods boutique, and some other small businesses. Whatever affected those businesses affected us because if they took a loss then they couldn’t pay rent or worse would break their lease out of intimidation. Not to mention, we still had a few vacancies available and we definitely didn’t want to get the reputation that respectable businesses didn’t want to move in.

  Leaning over next to my brother, I watched the cameras cut to several different locations. “Yeah.”

  “They installed it? Nice.” Adrian came around and sat in the chair beside me with his plate piled high with pupusas and yucas fritas. Tía Esmeralda’s specialty.

  We discussed some more issues. Then I saw a blur whip by and hit the wall behind us, a soccer ball and Vince’s little girl Teresa giggling and wobbling by with Eric right behind her. “Eric, be careful,” I warned. Teresa was a little over one year and loved to do whatever her older cousin did. “If you kick the ball at her, you’ll knock her over.”

  Eric had taken off his T-shirt, well he was actually wearing it on his head like a headdress with his black soccer shorts and matching indoor soccer shoes. He took the ball from Teresa that she held out to him.

  “Papá, come play with me,” Eric coaxed as I watched Teresa climb up into my brother’s lap. “I need some real competition.” Eric had the ball on his hip and his cheeks were red from running.

  “It looks like you had some competition, champ.”

  “No, Tía Dani and Tía Lily were playing with us and they suck.”

  “Hey, don’t say that. That’s not nice.”

  He shifted the ball in his hands. “But I didn’t say shit, Papá. You said that word wasn’t nice.”

  I heard the barely contained laughter on both sides of me from my brother and cousin. I even glanced around hoping Tía Esmeralda wasn’t lurking around to hear my son. She would get on my case.

  “Wonder where he heard that word?” Vince had a half-smile on his face.

  I ignored my brother because I’m certain Eric had heard him curse, too. My son constantly being around adults had definitely increased his vocabulary in both good and bad ways. “I know, buddy, I know, but your tías wanted to play soccer with you because they love to watch you play, so you should give them a break.”

  “Sorry, but they aren’t good.”

  “What? Are you talking about me?” Dani strolled in as bright as a sunny day.

  “Mama!” Teresa cooed as Dani strolled around and ruffled her tawny hair and leaned in to give Vince a kiss.

  “Papá?” Eric tapped me on the arm to get my attention. “Why don’t I have a mom?”

  Vince and Dani’s eyes shot to me, and I’m certain Adrian was watching, too. Looking at my brother and sister-in-law I could tell they were trying to hide their worry.

  “Uh…” I began trying to find the right words to say. What would I say? How did I explain it without me sounding like a bitter asshole? Would I tell him the truth? Sorry, son, your mom’s a heartless bitch who left you when you were a six-month-old. She never saw you except by chance when she confronted my ex fiancée and in her selfishness almost had you killed? Oh, and by the way she’s a stripper/gangbanger.

  Dani moved around Vince and knelt down in front of Eric. She looked up at me briefly as if asking permission to handle this. Still wrapping my brain to find the words, I ticked my chin in silent encouragement.

  She smiled softly at him. “Eric, you’re very special because you have a father who loves you more than anyone in the world. Some people don’t have mommies or daddies, but you have the best daddy in the world. Not everyone is as blessed as you.” Dani took his hand in hers. “Now, I think there’re some cookies and cream ice cream in the kitchen. I heard that’s your favorite. Would you like to help me make us some bowls?”

  Eric nodded his head and followed Dani to the kitchen. Teresa scrambled off my brother’s lap to wobble behind them.

  I cleared my throat as I was again in awe of my sister-in-law. “If you two don’t work out, I’m taking her.”

  Vince shoved my shoulder none-too-gently and growled, “You ready to go round three with me?” My brother and I had gone at it a few times over her. Dani had been my girlfriend briefly in high school, but she’d been my brother’s obsession for years. “She’s mine forever,” he warned possessively. He normally kept himself together and never lost his chill, but Dani had always made him do crazy shit. I knew they were over-the-top in love with each other.

  “Ease the fuck up, it was a joke. Believe me, I know, hermano.” I pushed him back light-heartedly. I scrubbed my knuckles under my chin dreading future conversations I knew I would have with my son.

  Vince clasped my shoulder and eyed me seriously. “Emilio, you’re a good fa
ther. Always have been. Don’t feel guilt and responsibility over what she did.”

  Dani had both appeased and distracted Eric, however, what happened when he brought it up again? He would soon start pre-school. “But it is my responsibility to tell him the truth at some point. What happens when he’s in school and kids or his teacher ask him about his mother? Or when there are gatherings at school and all the kids’ mothers and fathers are there… Eric would certainly notice and kids would, too. I gotta tell him at some point. I just don’t want him to be heartbroken.”

  “It’ll be hard, hermano, but he’ll be okay. He’s got you and all of us who love him and will do anything to protect him. We didn’t have a father and we dealt with it. As long as Eric has family around who loves him, he’ll adjust. We did.”

  I knew Vince was right. We adjusted because we had to. We grew up so poor in San Salvador even the rats didn’t want to live in our place. My mother couldn’t make a decent living because she was illiterate, and there weren’t that many options, so she sold her body to make ends meet. She definitely didn’t do it because she wanted more luxurious things in life. She did it so we wouldn’t starve and live on the streets.

  None of my brothers and sisters knew who our father or fathers were. Tío Hector was the only fatherly figure in our life. Besides Rafael Hernandez, who I don’t think could be labeled as a good influence in our life. He did offer my mother an alternative to selling her body. She was his mule, one of many, I would later find out. She smuggled drugs into the country, and he rewarded us with material things—nice clothes, shoes, toys, and helped us get into the United States.

  Regardless of her sins, she’d loved us. She’d wanted so much for us.

  “Yeah, we did.”

  “So, where are we at on the downtown property?” Vince changed the subject as Yovani strolled into the room holding a bowl and shoveling ice cream into his mouth.

  “We went there again last night,” he garbled out between bites. And son of a bitch, why did he share that information? It’d been a stupid-ass decision on my part ruled by drunkenness.

  “You did?” Adrian’s eyebrows rose over his glasses, clearly surprised I did something he didn’t know about. “Why? I thought you’d never want to go back.”

  I flattened my lips and stared lasers through my younger brother for offering the information.

  “Fill me in on what I’m missing here.” Vince shifted his eyes among the three of us. “You all have ‘Oh shit’ looks on your faces so I know something happened.”

  Crickets filled the room for a hot second until I spoke. “It’s a dumpster fire in the making.”

  “So?” Vince countered. “It’s in an old building. We already knew the place was rundown. It’s not like we were buying this to remodel a shady strip club. What’s the part of the story I’m missing here?”

  “Sofía was there,” I said flatly.

  “She works there,” Yovani added before tilting his bowl to his mouth and draining the melted ice cream.

  Vince’s face scrunched up in disdain. He hated her almost as much as me for what happened. “So? What’s the problem? Are you having seconds thoughts about your…” He swept his hand out trying to come up with a word and shook his head. “You’re not feeling guilt about her losing her job, are you?” We were going to buy the strip of property, demolish the old building and create spaces for more upscale businesses.

  “Hell no. I told her to stay the fuck away from Eric.”

  “Good. I don’t want this to turn into some unwanted drama.”

  I sucked back my drink and slammed it on the table. “It won’t, Vince. I have enough on my plate to worry about. Believe me.”

  Sofía

  “Who was he?” Tito stalked up to me like a cat zeroing in on a bird.

  I was still reeling from seeing Emilio again. Wound up so tight that the strings holding me together were fraying on the verge of breaking. I never thought I would see him. I’d imagined it. Dreamed about it. Setting up unrealistic scenarios that would never happen. I rewrote the script in my head.

  Emilio and I walking through the park hand in hand with Eric.

  Emilio and I saying our vows in a church with his family and my mother and Oscar there smiling with joy.

  Emilio caressing our newborn on the head and telling me what a beautiful mother I am.

  “You gonna answer me, Gatita?” Tito gripped my arm digging his fingers into my skin. Obviously, Luis and he had talked. I wasn’t surprised.

  I pried his hand off me making sure to jam my nails into his fingers. “Nobody. A patron who got lost.” I stepped around him to the cabinet above the sink to grab a glass.

  “You playing me false, girl?” Tito shifted on his feet swinging his arms in restless anticipation. This was his way of showing you he was wound up and ready to battle. He hadn’t hit me yet, but there was always the possibility. I’d seen him smack others around though. He’d beat men to a pulp. He’d hit other women who he thought were traitors or argued with him when he gave an order. “That’s not the story I got. I heard you were about to give it up in the employee bathroom.” He smashed his hand in his fist.

  “Calm your tits. Luis is dramatic and that’s all I’m going to say. G’night.” I took my water and walked away conjuring up all the faux courage I could.

  “I’ll find out who he is. You know I will,” I heard Tito call behind me while I kept walking to my room. His next words yanked me to a halt. “You hold out on me. I’ll hold out on telling you what I found out about Oscar.”

  I stared down at the ground as if it could help me stay steady. “What did you learn about my brother?” I hadn’t seen my brother in years. I slowly turned to face him.

  “Aww, you ain’t too proud now, are you?” Tito’s lips curled up into his scar making him look like he had a lopsided smile. He cocked his hat to the side and strutted with wide jerky strides up to me.

  “Tell me.”

  “I ain’t sayin’ shit till you tell me who that fool was.” He leaned into my neck and sniffed me like a bloodhound. “I can smell him on you.”

  My neck tightened and prickles of chills coursed down my arms. I would never give up Emilio to Tito. I would die before I did that, and I wouldn’t let Tito intimidate me. I’d already committed myself to living a life of hell to keep Emilio and Eric safe. I stood my ground. “So? I smell cheap perfume and see smeared lipstick on your skin half the time.” This whole game was sick, but I knew how to play it and buy time. Tito was one part Scarface and one part Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator. But he was the majority of the parts unpredictable.

  His hard eyes softened. “It don’t have to be that way, Sofí. I got needs.” He used his “hey girl” smooth voice, and I wanted to throat punch him. “You know how I feel about you. If you said you were mine, I’d never let another woman close to me.”

  “Scar, that’s never going to happen.” I circled my finger between us. “This is never going to happen. Get it through your head.”

  “Why? Because of the guy you almost fucked in the bathroom.” He rolled his tongue over his teeth and cursed in Spanish. His hands clenched beside him. Open fist. Wiggle fingers. Close fist. Repeat actions.

  I’d become an expert on gauging his moods and knew how far I could push him. “No. I haven’t even been with a man. I don’t want a man. And you’re my cousin. My cousin!”

  “Oh, so you’re into women, now? Huh?” His eyes held a wild, lust like he was imagining me with another girl. He totally skipped over the part where I said we were related.

  “No. I’m not into anyone.” I sighed in frustration. “Please, Tito, if you care for me just a little.” I pinched my thumb and forefinger together in between our noses. “You would tell me what you know about Oscar. He was like a brother to you. He’s my brother. The only family I have left.”

  “He’s a fucking traitor and a murderer. He killed my father and he will pay!”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. He didn’t kill him. I did. How o
bscene it was that Tito could see his crimes were justifiable. He was a cold-blooded murderer. You ain’t got this week’s money? I’ll kill your mother. You leave us and become a snitch. I’ll cut you down before you know I’m there. You fuck me outta my cut? I’ll be on your ass like the Grim Reaper.

  “He didn’t kill him. Tío Cesar had a lot of enemies. You know that.” I laid my palm on his cheek. A plea. A way to bide my time. “Please, I know Oscar didn’t kill him.”

  “I like seeing you beg, Gatita.” He gripped my chin and nosed into me. I held my composure. “Go to bed. We’ll talk more about this later.”

  “But…”

  “If you want me to respect your wishes and leave you alone, go to bed. Now. I had a shit day, and I don’t want to take it out on you.”

  He released my chin like I was a leper and backed up joining his hands behind his neck. “I know it’s fucked up how I feel about you, and I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  Relief shot through me when he backed off. My cousin was not right in the head and I wasn’t going to press. He was at his limit of being questioned. I turned and rushed to my door.

  “But, if you’re lying to me, you’ll regret it,” Tito warned as my hand paused at the door handle. “I already gave you one chance. Good night, Gatita.” His smooth words slammed into me like a warning. “If you’re lying to me…” He huffed hard and again slammed his fist into his hand.

  “Go to sleep, Scar, you’re paranoid.”

  He chuckled and leaned in placing his hand over mine on the handle. “I’ll find this shit out. I always do.”

  It was Monday, and the club was usually closed, but Mr. Vargas, the owner called us in to have a staff meeting, which was ridiculous since we’d never had a meeting before. Tito drove me up there because he said he had a “meeting” with Mr. Vargas, too. Code for “that fucker owes me money.” Tito was like a tick. He latched onto you and sucked you dry.

  He’d buddied up with Mr. Vargas and became his personal drug dealer, and the old man was hooked. Now, Tito dictated the relationship. He had carte blanche on drinks, brought in all his “friends,” and it didn’t matter how rowdy the guys were, Mr. Vargas allowed it because he was now in debt to Tito for life. That’s how my cousin grew his power in this neighborhood. He did it by intimidation, hustling, and making you dependent on him.