by Anna Bradley
She could almost believe that if anyone could stand up to her father, it would be this man in front of her.
And despite everything, her body reacted to it in a way that was positively wanton.
Natalia shivered in response to what she saw in his gaze.
She watched as he frowned down at her then stepped back, breaking the contact between them, and Natalia had to stop herself from moving back into his arms.
He removed his dinner jacket, and she swallowed loudly as her eyes raked over the muscles of his arms, visible now through the thin material of his lawn shirt.
It was probably a good thing that his silver waistcoat remained in place, she thought a little hysterically, or the plants and shrubberies in the conservatory would get quite the show.
Natalia could feel a scalding heat in her cheeks as she realised where her wanton thoughts were headed.
Ben leaned over her, swamping her with the jacket that he now placed around her shoulders.
“Keep your mind out of the gutter,” he said with a wink.
“I beg your pardon?” Natalia hissed, problems forgotten in the face of her embarrassed outrage.
Ben seemed marvellously unconcerned with her anger, however.
“I said, keep your mind out of the gutter,” he repeated then a slow, devastating grin spread across his face. “One of us has to.”
Oh lord.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Natalia was surrounded by the scent of him, intoxicated by the sandalwood and citrus that seemed uniquely Ben.
The coat was still warm from the heat of his body.
She felt overwhelmed by him.
“Now.” He moved back two deliberate paces. “I’m putting some much-needed distance between me and the temptation that you present.”
His words caused her poor, overworked heart to stutter.
“And you’re going to tell me what’s going on. Then I’m going to find a way to fix it.”
Natalia shook her head sadly.
“There’s no fixing this, Ben,” she said. “Not for either of us.”
She saw his frown, and coward that she was, she couldn’t meet his gaze as she broke the news.
“Our plan isn’t going to work,” she said to her satin slippers. “My father won’t agree to an engagement between us,” she said dully. “My mother made that quite clear. And – and you’re almost out of time now. You could have spent these past couple of weeks finding someone to marry. You could have solved – well, whatever your problem with your aunt is.”
Ben was so silent, Natalia could almost believe he wasn’t even there anymore.
But she could still feel his presence.
Taking a deep breath, she ploughed on.
“Instead, you wasted your time on this idiotic scheme of mine. A scheme that won’t work.”
Natalia felt a lone tear fall down her cheek. She could have sworn she’d cried herself out.
“I’m so sorry, Ben. All I can do is tell you now, before it’s too late. There’s still a week until the ball. Still a week until your aunt’s guests leave.”
Finally, she found the courage to look up at him. His expression was unreadable as he gazed down at her.
“You’re really very charming when you’re not trying to be irritating, you know.” She smiled, attempting to inject some humour into what had become an unbearably tense situation. “I’m sure any one of the ladies out there would consider herself lucky to be your countess. Although, you would actually have to marry one of them. I’m quite sure there isn’t another woman in Christendom mad enough to fake it.”
He didn’t respond to her feeble attempt at humour. Didn’t answer her brittle smile with one of his own.
“I really am sorry,” she repeated. “I don’t know why you needed to be engaged, but I hope that this doesn’t get in the way of your plans.”
She shrugged helplessly.
“At least I won’t be around to annoy you for much longer.” She tried once more for light-heartedness and failed, again.
Feeling suddenly exhausted, Natalia moved to sit on the cold bench at the edge of the conservatory. From here she could look out at the vegetable gardens, bathed in moonlight, covered in frost.
She heard movement and then he was beside her, taking up most of the bench, his rock-solid thigh pressing against her own.
“My aunt told me that she’d give me money, a lot of money, on the day I announced my engagement.”
Natalia’s jaw dropped in shock as she turned to look at him.
“You – I –“ She didn’t know what to say.
Ben smiled, but there was no humour in the expression.
“My father was a wastrel who very nearly bankrupted the earldom,” he continued in a steady, emotionless voice. “Since I inherited, I’ve managed to keep our heads above water, but it hasn’t been easy. Aunt Elizabeth knew the struggles I had. She had funded my father for years, paid for my education. When I took over, I refused to take any more from her.”
He kept his eyes fixed on the winter sky, not looking at Natalia as he spoke.
“This money – it’s my inheritance. Or would be. She knew I could use it to make my holdings thrive once again. More than they ever have. But she worried that I was too focused on my business ventures and estates and not enough on my duty to the title. This, I suppose, was a misguided but well-intentioned way of getting me to settle down.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natalia asked softly.
Finally, he looked at her, his eyes gleaming in the moonlight.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I suppose I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I didn’t want you thinking ill of me.” His lips quirked. “Not that your opinion of me was high beforehand.”
Natalia smiled in spite of all that was going on.
“Hmm. My disdain for you was matched only by yours for me.”
They fell into a pensive silence.
“I wouldn’t have thought ill of you, you know,” she said quietly, barely above a whisper.
Their conversation felt like a confessional in the still, silent night.
“There is no shame in working hard to regain that which was taken from you. And you’ve done it all alone? That is something to be proud of, Ben.”
“I’m glad you think so,” he answered, his gaze intense upon her face. “Still, I can’t lie – the inheritance money would solve all of my problems. I could do truly wonderful things with it.”
Natalia’s heart nearly broke in two as she thought on what she needed to say.
“You still can,” she said, her voice quivering with everything she was trying to keep inside.
She was tempted to blurt out that she loved him. But what good would it do either of them? She still had to leave. He still needed his money.
“You could meet a lady about whom you care a great deal. Like Lady Cybil.” She clenched her teeth over the name of the blonde, English rose. “Someone who will help you rebuild your estate and holdings. Who will support your endeavours to make the earldom a success.”
“And you?” he asked. “What will you do?”
“I’ll go home. Back to Russia,” she said sadly. “I’ll try my very best to hold off on any marriage until I reach my majority.”
She didn’t sound convincing, even to herself. They both knew that if her father wanted her married, she’d be married.
“Perhaps you’ll care a great deal about one of the gentlemen,” Ben repeated her own sentiment to her.
How to tell him that she couldn’t possibly love one of her intended suitors because her entire heart belonged to him?
“I don’t think so,” she responded, as truthfully as she could. “I suppose this is the end then,” she said when he didn’t speak.
She expected some words of encouragement, even of farewell. Yet he remained silent.
After an age, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead.
Then, still without a word, he got up and left her alone on the
bench.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I felt sure he would return for the ball this evening. Mama is most put out.”
Natalia tried to ignore the pain twisting her gut as Beatrice spoke about Ben’s absence.
It had been the talk of the week.
The morning after Natalia’s confession, Lady Fortescue had announced that unfortunately Lord Staunton had been called to Town on urgent business.
Nobody knew what could possibly be so urgent that he would need to leave so close to Christmas, and the lady was tight-lipped on the circumstances.
Beatrice, however, had confided in Natalia the very day that Aunt Elizabeth had received the note.
“We got up, and he was already gone. He must have left at first light. A note saying he had not a moment to waste. That his very happiness depended on his leaving. And that was that.”
Beatrice had wondered aloud for hours what could possibly have been so important to him.
She had interrogated Natalia about what had transpired between she and Ben, but Natalia could only tell the truth, which was that nothing at all had happened.
If she’d hoped that Ben would declare his undying love for her, offer to run away and elope so they’d never be parted, then she’d been sorely disappointed.
He’d kissed her forehead, then walked away.
That was it.
She shouldn’t be disappointed.
She had no expectations of him. He’d given her no reason to think their arrangement had been anything other than what they’d first set out.
Yes, they’d shared some kisses. But Natalia wasn’t naïve. Whilst they’d been life-changing, earth-shattering experiences for her, to Ben they were nothing more than a bit of amusement at a dull party.
Oh, but she missed him. Missed his smile, his wit, his scent, even his arrogance.
She missed his arms around her, and his mouth pressed against her own.
And she had no idea how to stop missing him.
“Anyway, I suppose we must make the most of tonight and the next week or so, since you are soon to be leaving?”
Beatrice’s maudlin tone pulled Natalia from her thoughts, and she saw to her horror, Beatrice’s hazel eyes fill with tears.
“Oh, Bea,” she said before moving to throw her arms around her oldest and dearest friend.
“I’ll miss you so much,” Bea sniffed.
“I’ll miss you, too,” Natalia gulped. “But Papa has already said that you can visit, if your mother will allow it.”
Beatrice pulled back and held a handkerchief to her eyes.
“Perhaps, if I can convince Ben to accompany me.”
And just like that, Natalia’s thoughts went straight back to her arrogant earl.
“My goodness, look at the time,” she said feebly, coming to her feet. “I must return home to ready myself for tonight.”
“But we have hours yet,” Beatrice argued, standing to face Natalia.
“Indeed, but this dress Papa is insisting I wear. It will take so long to get into it, I should have started yesterday.”
Bea dutifully laughed, and Natalia moved to the doorway.
“Talia.”
Natalia turned at the sound of her name.
Bea was standing, hands clasped in front of her.
“I thought that perhaps you and Ben – I thought maybe – “
Bea drew to an uncomfortable close, and Natalia couldn’t even muster a smile of comfort for her friend.
“I thought maybe, too,” she whispered before turning and hurrying from the house.
Perhaps going home would be the best thing for her after all, she thought miserably. Maybe the distance of an ocean would bring her some peace.
***
Ben looked up at Aunt Elizabeth’s house. Every window on the first floor was illuminated, shining beacons in the cold, dark night.
He had made good time.
He was exhausted, freezing, starving, and anxious. But he was here.
Though he’d barely slept all week, though he’d wondered a hundred times if he were doing the right thing, though he wasn’t sure if he should just take himself off to Bedlam and be done with it, this was the hard part.
Being back here, and facing these people, and seeing Natalia. This was the difficult bit.
Still, he’d never considered himself a coward before, and he’d certainly never been afraid to work for what he wanted.
After handing his stallion off to one of the grooms with instructions to spoil the beast rotten because he’d nearly run him into the ground today, Ben straightened his shoulders and ran up the steps of the house.
His companion should be arriving momentarily. Horseback hadn’t exactly been suitable.
But that worked in Ben’s favour, for it would give him a chance to speak to Aunt Elizabeth, and to Natalia. To explain everything before doing what he had to for his future.
Upon reaching the ballroom, Ben refused to be announced, moving swiftly to a pillar from which he could see the room and its occupants.
He scanned the crowd. There was Aunt Elizabeth and Beatrice, the former dragging the latter from gentleman to gentleman. His poor cousin. Aunt Elizabeth’s determination knew no bounds.
But right now, Beatrice wasn’t his concern.
He was here for Natalia.
His eyes searched for her, moving immediately to the dancers.
Usually that was where she was to be found, in the thick of the dancing, the life and soul of the party. Her dance card always filled in record time. That fact had never bothered him before, yet he felt himself becoming irrationally jealous about it now.
But his careful search yielded nothing.
Frowning, he darted his eyes round the room.
She wasn’t with Beatrice. She wasn’t with her family who stood in the corner, her father looking imposing as he surveyed all before him.
Finally, his gaze moved to the chairs usually reserved for wallflowers and the village biddies whose dancing days were long gone.
And there she was.
Ben’s heart twisted as he took in the sight of Natalia sitting alone and despondent.
He couldn’t stand the look of hopeless sadness on her beautiful face, wanted nothing more than to go over there and take her in his arms and protect her from all the ills of the world.
But he couldn’t. Much as his hands ached to do it, he couldn’t.
Instead, he stood there and just watched her for a while, drinking in the sight of her.
She was ethereal in a confection of silver satin, the diamonds at her ears and throat glinting in the candlelight.
More than once, she was approached by a gentleman, but time and again they were sent away.
And so, she just sat there despondently, reminding him of Titania from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, making him itch to kiss her and never stop.
But he couldn’t.
Her father was determined for her to marry and return to Russia. And Natalia was adamant there was no other option.
So, that was that.
Ben turned and walked away from Natalia, seeking out his aunt.
“Aunt Elizabeth.”
He watched as the older lady spun around in a flurry of burgundy skirts.
“Ben,” she cried. “You’re here.”
“I am.” He bowed. “And I need to speak to you on a matter of some urgency.”
Aunt Elizabeth’s eyes widened, but she nodded her consent immediately.
“Very well, lead the way.”
They entered the library and Ben closed the door before turning to face the woman who’d been like a mother to him.
“I wanted to speak to you about the money,” Ben dove right in.
Tonight was important, and he needed to make sure everything was done correctly.
“The money?”
“Yes, the inheritance.”
“All right,” Aunt Elizabeth said carefully.
“I want you to know, Aunt Elizabeth, that I appreciat
e the offer. And I appreciate your reasons behind the condition you attached. Just as I appreciate everything you’ve done for me since infancy.”
“You don’t have to – “
“I know,” he interrupted gently. “But I do.”
Aunt Elizabeth nodded her acknowledgement of his gratitude.
Ben took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye.
“But I can’t accept it,” he blurted. “I know you wanted me to be engaged, and I know you wanted me to have it now so that I could use it to secure my estates and holdings, but the truth is, I won’t be getting engaged, and I don’t think I’ll be here to secure them.”
“What? Why ever not?” his aunt demanded.
“Because,” he answered, his heart thumping. “I plan on getting married, not engaged. And there’s a very real chance I’ll be moving to Russia.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Natalia could feel her father’s scowl from across the room, but she steadfastly refused to maintain eye contact with him.
The mood in her family right now was as frosty as the weather outside.
She couldn’t say quite what had come over her when she’d returned from her visit with Bea that afternoon.
She’d gotten dressed like the dutiful daughter, putting on the gown more fit for a royal engagement than a country party. She’d listened to her father’s travel plans for after Twelfth Night.
And when Mama had suggested that Natalia would be sad to leave people behind, he’d been so dismissive. Completely uninterested in her needs, her wants.
When he’d climbed into their carriage and casually mentioned the names of her possible husbands, Natalia had felt the anger that only a broken heart can induce rise inside her.
“I won’t be marrying any of those men, Papa,” she’d blurted. “In fact, I won’t be marrying anyone.”
The ensuing argument had been long, unpleasant, and probably useless.
Her threats to run away until she came of age had turned Papa such an alarming shade of puce that Natalia had given up, and they’d travelled the remaining short distance in stony silence.