Sounding the Depths

by Maria-Claire Payne

  Ethan caught his breath, drawing Josh inside.

  Josh ripped at the towel wrapped around Ethan’s waist. “I want you right now,” he demanded, his voice husky, his mouth bruising Ethan’s lips.

  “Slow down there, sailor,” Ethan murmured. He reached into his carry-on bag to pull out a triple crown. He slipped each metal loop into place. Josh watched, his eyes narrowing, but Ethan evaded his touch.

  Dropping a couple of other toys on the nightstand, Ethan pushed Josh to the bed. Starting with his boots, Ethan peeled off Josh’s clothes one piece at a time, a slow striptease, fending off Josh’s hands until Josh wore nothing but that slight frown. Ethan leant down to move his lips, soft at first, then firmer, over that furrow between Josh’s brows until Josh smiled, relaxing those tight muscles under Ethan’s insistent ministrations.

  “Kiss me,” Josh whispered.

  At Josh’s words, the length of Ethan’s rigid cock grew thicker, stiffer, the head more engorged, as the ring worked its magic. Ethan felt Josh’s cock answer in kind, the sensation of his member pressing against Ethan’s thigh driving him mad. He fought to keep his lust in check, revelling in Josh’s attentions.

  “I want you right now,” Josh growled.

  Josh reached down with one hand, exploring the textures of Ethan’s shaft.

  Ethan felt the head jump with each stroke of Josh’s firm grip. The cool metal of the rings warmed fast under the heat rising from his skin.

  “Turn over,” Ethan murmured, running his broad palms over the smooth muscled bulk of Josh’s shoulder. Without a word, Josh submitted to Ethan’s demand, his quick acquiescence surprising him.

  Ethan’s touch grew bolder, more insistent. Josh moaned, Ethan’s fingertips raising goosebumps down the length of his spine, his breathing more laboured as Ethan rested his hand on Josh’s tight ass. Josh moaned louder when Ethan spread those orbs, sliding his finger, then his tongue, up and down the valley between Josh’s cheeks.

  Ethan traced the contours of Josh’s puckered hole, his tongue—warm, wet, stiff—teasing Josh’s ass while he took Josh’s balls in one hand, squeezing, releasing, until he felt Josh slide one hand down his own cock, his cries of pleasure muffled in the twisted sheets.

  Ethan reached for one of the objects on his nightstand. Rimming his tongue along Josh’s willing hole one more time, he slid the smooth, cool glass of the graduated anal beads into Josh’s tight ass.

  Josh moaned, his hand moving faster, harder, over his cock, his ecstasy peaking as the glass beads slipped farther in his ass.

  Envying the beads he thrust in and out, in and out, ever deeper into Josh’s tunnel, Ethan bit his lip, his cock straining for release, until Josh’s low cries drove him to the brink. He tossed the toy aside, kneeling behind Josh, sliding the length of his cock, sheathed now in latex, into Josh’s eager ass.

  Josh gasped, and Ethan kept his thrusts slow and measured. The rings that enhanced the length and thickness of his cock grew tighter still as he plunged in close, so close…

  “Come in me,” Josh begged. “Jesus, Ethan, fuck me hard.”

  Ethan closed his eyes and rammed harder, opening his eyes to watch the length of his swollen cock sliding into Josh’s warm depths. Josh reached out one hand to caress Ethan’s balls.

  “Fill me up,” Josh groaned, his cum exploding into the crisp white sheets.

  Ethan groaned, the scent of Josh’s skin and cum filling his nostrils. With one more plunge, the heavy weight of his balls held in the intimate embrace of the cock ring, his swollen member demanding release, he came, his balls smashing against Josh’s smooth white skin while he buried his thick length in his lover’s ass.

  Josh moaned again, a guttural cry, the intensity of Ethan’s orgasm shaking Josh’s body as well.

  Ethan collapsed across Josh’s back, both of them spent.

  Their breathing returning to normal, Josh rolled over, reaching with one hand to entwine his fingers with Ethan’s.

  Ethan propped himself up on one elbow, watching Josh’s face, his habitual frown nowhere in sight. Ethan took a deep breath, Josh’s countenance more beautiful—how was that even possible?—as the man relaxed in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

  “An icicle, huh?” Josh, one brow arched, eyed the toys cluttering the nightstand.

  “Bought that just for you on my way back from cleaning, mate. Fighting fire with fire, so to speak.” Lana had mentioned Em’s comment about Ethan unthawing that block of ice Josh used to sheath his cock to keep lovers at bay… Ethan grinned. “Something Em mentioned about your cock and a block of ice.”

  “Is there anything those fucking people keep private?” Josh leaned over, biting down on Ethan’s full lips. “Pricks.”

  “You appear to have enjoyed it,” Ethan laughed. He rolled on to his back. Josh frowned, a look of reluctance shadowing his features. He hesitated before he draped a tentative arm and a leg across Ethan, his head on Ethan’s chest.

  Ethan lay still, letting Josh get comfortable, afraid that the slightest movement on his part would send Josh skittering out the door and down a stairwell.

  “Yeah, I did,” Josh acknowledged, his tone almost grudging. “Prick.”

  But Ethan felt Josh’s mouth against the warmth of his chest, Josh’s pouting lips curving into a faint smile while he drifted off to sleep in Ethan’s warm embrace.

  Ethan considered that universal childhood taunt, ‘It takes one to know one’. He chuckled, listening to Josh’s light snoring, courtesy of his deviated septum.

  Deep in thought, Ethan reached up with one hand to touch Josh’s nose. Long hours passed while he listened to Josh’s laboured breathing.

  * * * *

  Ethan woke to Josh thrashing in the bed. Josh sat up, drenched in sweat, gasping for air. He swung at Ethan and Ethan rolled away, careful to evade Josh’s other fist. Better not to make any sudden moves when a man wakes with an episode of PTSD, Ethan knew.

  Ethan grabbed a bottle of water from the mini-bar—fuck the price. He sat on the edge of the bed, waiting.

  “Sorry, man,” Josh muttered. “Occasional bad dream when I’m out of my element.” He glanced round the hotel room then back at Ethan, dropping his gaze at Ethan’s surprised look.

  “That’s not any kind of shock I see,” Ethan murmured. He reached over to lift Josh’s chin.

  Josh stared back at him, defiant.

  Ignoring the clenched muscles in Josh’s tense jaw, Ethan studied his eyes. “That’s anger. Contempt. Maybe even guilt. But not fear. Or stress.”

  “I volunteered for Afghanistan, dude. No PTSD here.”

  Ethan narrowed his eyes. “I volunteered for my last tour too. Still… something goes bump in the night for you.”

  Josh sighed. “Yeah, well, even if we’re ‘steady on’, dude,” he retorted, mimicking Ethan’s accent, “not everyone gets so lucky.” He reached for the water and swallowed it in a couple of gulps. “Ben, now he wallowed in being unsteady, all self-righteous angst and depression. What a fucking downer.”

  Ethan lifted an eyebrow, a bit shocked at Josh’s callous disregard for one of his men. Then he sighed, understanding Josh’s nightmare, considering what he thought was the most likely source of Josh’s anger. Jesus, , Josh must have lost this one to a bomb he couldn’t defuse.

  “Not your fault, Josh. You know that.”

  Ethan lay back down, pulling Josh with him. He held his breath, expecting Josh to pull away, surprised when Josh slipped between his arms without protest.

  Ethan rested his chin atop Josh’s short curls and breathed in his clean scent. He stared at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts, considering the men he’d served with who had died—and the fallout that affected all their brothers in battle and their loved ones. He sighed.

  A few minutes later, Ethan strained to hear Josh.

  “It hurts,” Josh murmured, his voice muffled against the broad comfort of Ethan’s warm chest.

  Ethan sighed again, his thoughts full of the few details
he knew of Josh’s past.

  “Sailor, soldier, civilian… One way or another, we’re all the walking wounded, mate.”

  Chapter Five

  Josh shook Ethan awake. “Party calls, dude. Up and at ‘em.”

  Ethan caught Josh’s face between his hands. Josh smiled up at him, no trace of that mysterious episode lingering in the deep emerald of his wide eyes. Satisfied, Ethan covered Josh’s mouth with his own. He felt Josh’s cock stir while he teased his tongue with his “I suppose we can turn up fashionably late,” Josh whispered. He pushed Ethan’s mouth towards his stiff rod, his voice husky with need.

  * * * *

  Emerson’s baritone voice filled the nightclub as the late banquet wound down, the overhead lights giving way to the strobes. A familiar beat played low in the background. Laughter rippled across the guests.

  “Ethan requested a special song. If you dance at all, you follow his lead. Josh, this one’s for you.”

  A murmur rose from the crowd.

  Blake laughed and leaned towards Ethan. “Hear that? Hearts are breaking all over this room tonight. No one dared to dream Josh was back on the market and now he’s already off it again.”

  Ethan took the floor as the music swelled, his fingers entwined with Josh’s.

  “Cheeky bastard,” Josh whispered, his mouth close to his partner’s ear, his grin wide at Ethan’s choice of song.

  Ethan smiled back. “Just try to keep up,” he mouthed over the pounding music.

  Ethan danced a familiar routine as Josh fell in beside him. Soon, the dance floor shook under the weight of the hundred or so people dancing in unison.

  Josh added a step and Ethan returned in kind. The rest of the dancers maintained the original steps, everyone in the front line content to fall in behind the two men.

  Ethan laughed with the crowd as the collective voices drowned out the music. Yeah, he can keep up, he thought, his gaze on Josh as the man worked hard to one-up his partner.

  * * * *

  When the music switched to a slow dance, Ethan and Josh exited the floor.

  “I’m getting some brews.” Josh leaned in against Ethan’s slick torso, their shirts long abandoned on the dance floor, and covered Ethan’s mouth with his own.

  Watching Josh saunter away, Ethan considered whether he liked the view better with the man going or coming.

  Blake walked up and gave Ethan a quick hug. He followed Ethan’s gaze, laughing.

  “For our Josh here, the sky’s either black or blue. You managed to create some sunshine breaking through that fucking storm Ben left behind.”

  “Tough to lose a man during combat.”

  Blake frowned. “Combat?” Blake’s expression fell. “Oh, fuck me. I thought… I assumed… You and Lana… Oh fuck me.”

  “What the fuck are you on about, man?”

  “Ben didn’t serve under Josh’s command, Ethan. He was his lover. Five years of the unhealthiest, most twisted relationship… Josh hooked up with a passive resistive little bastard with a long history of self-destructive bullshit behaviour, more like Josh’s biological father than not.”

  Ethan’s jaw dropped.

  “I really shouldn’t…” Blake’s voice trailed off.

  Ethan scowled. “Holding out on me now is not an option.”

  Blake shook his head. “Ben went off his meds on purpose during Josh’s second Iraq tour. Wound up in the hospital for months. Every cent Josh earned, he sent back home for Ben’s care. Not like Josh could request emergency family leave.”

  Ethan bit his lip, the sumptuous banquet he’d consumed threatening to find its way back up.

  “Em and Lana and me, we did what we could—but Ben killed himself a few days after Josh deployed the third time, to Afghanistan.”

  Ethan leant back against the wall.

  Josh appeared from around some corner, two beers in hand, his smile luminescent when he caught sight of Ethan…this, the smile Ethan had longed to see since he’d first laid eyes on this man who’d slid from his bike and into Todd’s office—and into Ethan’s heart.

  Josh halted. “Can’t just leave fucking well enough alone, can you people?”

  Emerson and Lana raced through the crowd. Josh’s angry tone carried over the noise in the dancehall…

  Ethan watched the veins in Josh’s neck pop. Angry red splotches appeared and spread from his neck up to his blond roots. Ethan reached out to capture him in his arms, but Josh stepped back and threw, one bottle after the other breaking on the wall just millimetres from Blake’s head.

  Josh pushed Blake’s slender form up against the alcohol-spattered wall. Em and Ethan froze in the wake of the violence erupting in this man they all loved. Lana pulled at his shoulders but Josh pivoted and knocked his sister back. Ethan caught her before she slipped on the wet floor.

  Her cries snapped Josh out of his rage. He stood, aghast, in a pool of glass and alcohol and tears, and looked at the stricken faces around him.

  And, right now, as Ethan’s shocked gaze caught Josh’s angry one, Ethan realised that Josh hated them, hated them all, for that.

  Josh’s hands balled into fists again as he glared at Ethan. “Did she tell you that motherfucker who calls himself a father broke her arm the same night he threw me out? Just because she stood by her gay brother? Did anyone tell you that, Ethan?”

  Josh turned the blaze of his green-eyed stare towards Em and Blake. “Any other skeletons we haven’t shared with the right proper Brit who likes to fuck me?”

  Lana reached out but Josh stepped away from her, away from them all. “Fucking cunts, all of you.”

  Stunned, the four watched Josh disappear into the office suite.

  Ethan reacted first, but Emerson stopped him. “Let him go, Ethan.”

  Ethan pushed past him. “Yes, good advice, that. I’ll let him go.”

  He refused to look into Lana’s pleading eyes. Ethan left, alone, into the night.

  * * * *

  Lana burst into Josh’s room, but it stood empty. She sank down on his bed and sent a text to his phone, then Ethan’s.

  Nothing.

  Not for the first time, curled up in a chair in one corner of Josh’s room, she cried herself to sleep while she waited for her brother to come back home.

  * * * *

  Josh sat in the uncomfortable chair in the Navy recruiting office and stared at his phone.

  “Works better when you turn it on,” Todd quipped.

  Josh watched him wilt under his piercing glare.

  Todd shrugged. “Okay, bro, no questions. And yeah, you’re welcome for the use of my couch last night.”

  Josh shook his head. “Sorry, dude. Family shit.”

  Todd bit his lip.

  Josh narrowed his eyes and noted Todd’s guilty expression at him before he averted his eyes. As he felt that furrow between his own eyebrows deepen, Josh figured Todd had chosen to err on the side of prudence…

  I bet this motherfucker already spoke to Em in the wee hours while I tossed and turned on his couch… Josh shot Todd a knowing look, watching his friend squirm.

  Is there anything these fucking people keep private? Yet he felt his brow relax. He also knew how these people cared…

  Todd interrupted his thoughts. “Well, if you’re up to it, I think the young men sitting out in the waiting area maybe could benefit from your experience.”

  Josh nodded. “Interested in EOD training?”

  Todd grinned. “Maybe not that experience.”

  After he’d given Todd the finger, Josh walked out to collect the two teens sitting on the edge of their seats in the cramped space.

  “Come on in.”

  Josh shook hands and took names—Michael and Sean—and then launched into his spiel about his military service, his multiple tours, his expertise. He explained why he volunteered his time in this office—he wanted potential recruits to benefit from his Navy experience.

  Watching these two, Josh considered that his words sounded hollow to his ow
n ears.

  “We… I… I think I’d like more information about Navy Nuclear Power School, dude,” Michael stammered. “Sir! I mean sir.” He looked at Josh as if he expected the man to order him to drop and give him fifty.

  Todd’s soft chuckle drifted into Josh’s office.

  “Nuclear submarines, huh?” Josh eyed the teenager sitting across from him.

  The kid rubbed a hand across his unfamiliar buzz cut while one foot tapped out a nervous beat on the wood floor. Josh smiled and noted the light brown pieces of hair that created a faint blanket across his shoulders.

  Michael had cut his hair right before he’d dropped by the recruiting office.

  Michael’s partner followed Josh’s gaze and reached out to brush the hair to the floor. His fingers lingered, a tactile connection that offered encouragement and support.

  Josh smiled again. This one, Sean, sported shaggy emo-black hair, a pair of snake bites, and cheap guy-liner that framed his blue eyes.

  Josh looked back at Michael again and searched for evidence of body piercings freshly removed. Sure enough. He smiled

  Fucking twinks… Apprehensive to show up here together, more scared not to…

  Memory after memory flashed through Josh’s aching head. Each scene exploded into primary-coloured pieces that travelled at rapid-fire speed to fall back into place in his mind, a kaleidoscope that turned over random images with each twist and turn in time. All the pieces of his life in transition from his own twink days to the man he was right now somersaulted around him until he felt like the collage was blinding him. He closed his eyes against the assault, one final image holding steady in the confused haze of his thoughts—him, quiescent, in the safe harbour of Ethan’s arms.

  Josh opened his eyes, aware that the two young men were watching him, quizzical, waiting. “Do me a favour.”

  Michael nodded, his eyes wide in surprise. Josh knew he was expecting to be handed a pen to sign paperwork, in triplicate.