The Words Shimmer

by Jenn Matthews

  “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m a bit close, I know.”

  “Nearly done,” Ruby said with a forced breeziness.

  Mel’s gaze was calm and understanding. The minute the plant was sturdy, she stepped away, brushing her hands together. “You said you wanted some space.”

  Ruby nodded and pressed the compost around the plant to hold it safely in the pot. “I know. I just have some…” She sighed and closed her eyes for a heartbeat. “Things are a little bit full on at the moment. I just need a little bit more time, and then…” She gazed up at Mel, taking in the way her red hair shone in the sunshine. Her eyes seemed as green as the leaves on her new clematis, possibly even greener than the grass outside the greenhouse.

  “It’s okay,” Mel said with a nod. “Whatever you have to do.” She nudged Ruby with her elbow, however, which made Ruby smile. “I hope you’re going to explain at some point why I’m having to keep my distance though. It’s all a bit confusing for me, I must admit.”

  “I will. Once I know what’s what.”

  “Okay.”

  Ruby rearranged some of the small seed pots, pushing them closer together and more into line with one another. She could feel Mel’s gaze on her as she did so and cocked an eyebrow once she had finished. “What?”

  “You ever been diagnosed with OCD?” There was humour in Mel’s voice.

  “No. I just like things neat.” Ruby turned around and leant back against the shelf, her hands curling around the edge.

  Mel stood a little to the side, her arms folded. The humour shone from her eyes as well. “Oh, you’re one of those people.”

  “One of what people?” Ruby folded her arms too, pouting to cover a grin.

  “Those neat people who has to have their pen…” Mel indicated with a pinched forefinger and thumb, “…perpendicular to their notebook. And their mouse perpendicular to their computer keyboard.”

  It was true, but Ruby didn’t want to admit it. “I don’t.” Conscious that her northern accent was emphasised when she was indignant, she rephrased. “I do not. I am perfectly happy with things being…un-neat.”

  “Dis-tidy?” Mel teased.

  Ruby took a chance and reached to poke Mel in the side.

  Mel retracted and grinned. “Please don’t make it harder for me.”

  “Harder for you?” Ruby’s hand reached out again, and Mel moved away properly, towards the door of the greenhouse.

  “To keep my distance…” She snorted and put up both hands. “You’re really very attractive, you know.”

  “So you’ve said.” Ruby quietened and was relieved to see Mel’s shoulders relax. “So are you. Okay.” She put her up hands too. “I’ll refrain from the flirting until… I’ve sorted out what I need to sort.”

  “Deal.”

  “Now, is offering you a coffee in my warm office too much for you, or…?”

  “I think I can handle that.” Mel sauntered out of the greenhouse with the clematis in both hands, and Ruby followed, a grin plastered to her face.

  Chapter 15

  Ruby’s first-year anatomy class seemed to be settling down. It had been a few weeks since she’d had any kind of disruption from Francesca. That part of my life seems to have sorted itself out. If only I could say the same for my love life. She hadn’t found any more information and was reluctant to bring it up with anyone more senior than Alexander, as she didn’t want to cause herself any embarrassment. At least while we’re keeping away from one another, that blooming school teacher can’t complain.

  The lesson went as expected, until fifteen minutes before the end of class. Francesca was sitting alone, with her hair over her face as she bent over her textbook. Ruby’s plan was to have them all take part in a fun activity to remember the twelve pairs of cranial nerves, something many people had written rhymes for before. Although it wasn’t compulsory for the students to learn these nerves, at least not in their first year, she enjoyed the activity of creating funny poems and ditties to help her students remember things.

  “So, the cranial nerves are: olfactory, optic, oculomotor, trochlear, trigeminal, abducens, facial, vestibulocochlear, glossopharyngeal, vagus, accessory, and hypoglossal. If you take the first letter from each, you can make a phrase that might help you remember them.” She looked around the class at a sea of interested faces, and one not-so-interested curtain of hair. “Shall we all have a go? I’ll give you five minutes.”

  Everyone murmured between themselves and started scribbling. Ruby smirked, but her face fell as she saw Francesca, head still down, not engaging with anyone else, let alone in the activity. Ruby moved around the tables to lean against the empty one in front of the young woman.

  After a few minutes of silence, Francesca looked up. She rolled her eyes and leaned back, her knuckles white in front of her on the desk. “What do you want?” she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

  “Well, I do believe this is my lesson, and you’re taking it.” Ruby squinted at Francesca and furrowed her eyebrows. “Sometimes we’re, unfortunately, going to have to interact.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Francesca leant over her book again, but Ruby could see she wasn’t taking in anything that was written inside.

  “Look, I know you don’t like me. But this is a fun exercise, and it might help you to remember the cranial nerves.”

  Francesca’s head shot up again, her hair flicking backwards with the force of the movement. “It’s stupid.”

  “It’s not stupid, if you just—”

  “No, it really is.”

  “Would you like some help?” Ruby leaned closer to check the book lay open in front of her and noticed that she wasn’t even on the correct page. “Chuck us the book and I’ll find the right page for you.”

  “No.” Francesca scraped her chair back and pushed the book away at the same time. Then she stood and snapped the book closed. “Just… stop interfering.”

  “I’m trying to help you. It’s my job.”

  “Go help someone else.” The large dark eyes glaring at her were wet.

  Ruby’s heart ached for the girl, and for her own seeming inability to make things better. What on earth is going on with her? “Is something happening at home I should be aware of?” She made sure she spoke quietly enough, that no one but Francesca could hear.

  “What? Like what?”

  “Is home life okay? Are you eating enough? Is someone in your family poorly?” Ruby had taught kids with sick family members before and it always impacted on their studies. “Is… is someone being nasty to you?”

  “No! Of course not.” A tear fell in a winding trail down Francesca’s cheek. She swiped hastily at it and shook her head. “Literally, stop bugging me. You’re in my face all the bloody time.” Her voice was catching, and the sobs were starting.

  Ruby held out a hand to her, but Francesca smacked it away. Ruby cradled her stinging hand and watched, shocked, as Francesca stormed out of the classroom, leaving her book and pencil case behind.

  It appeared everyone had observed the outburst, even if no one really knew the content of it. Ruby was thankful for this. She thought briefly about following Francesca, and perhaps trying to console her, but decided against it. I’ve already made her cry. Her stomach hurt at that thought, and she pressed a hand to it to try to ease it. Then she moved as calmly as she could to the head of the classroom to continue the last ten minutes of the lesson.

  After another interesting but slightly mind-boggling lecture about wrist injuries, Mel hauled her backpack onto one shoulder and made her way towards Ruby’s office for lunch. It had gone well. Her Dictaphone had not run out of memory midway through, and she’d understood all the things she’d been shown and most of the things she’d been told. They’d looked at each other’s wrist joints and felt the different bone structures, identifying ligaments, tendons and muscles. She felt good.<
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  A dark-haired girl of about eighteen rushed past her, head lowered. She could see tears in the girl’s eyes. Stopping in the corridor, Mel bit her lip, wondering whether she should follow her and see what the problem was. It’s probably just someone who’s been dumped. Poor kid. I’m sure she has friends to support her though.

  Knocking on Ruby’s office door, she stepped back and waited. No one came to answer it, so she leant against the wall next to it, one knee bent and her fingers playing with the strap of her bag. I hurried to get here straight after we finished. She’s probably still finishing her lecture. She thought amusedly that she’d like to attend one of Ruby’s lectures, just to see what it was like being spoken to in such academic terms by someone so beautiful. I’d never be able to concentrate. She chuckled to herself and spied Ruby making her way down the hallway.

  “Hey,” she said, putting one hand up in greeting.

  A flicker of happiness graced Ruby’s features, but it didn’t hit her eyes.

  Mel frowned and followed Ruby into her office, taking a seat at the other end of the sofa and placing her lunch on the coffee table. She crossed her legs and studied the forlorn face beside her. “What’s happened?” Her hands itched to touch Ruby, but she forced herself to sit back.

  Ruby let out a shaky sigh and shook her head slowly. Then she turned to face Mel on the sofa, leaning on one hip. She made no move to take her lunch out of her bag or make a drink from the small drinks-making station which Mel knew her personal assistant always kept stocked up for her.

  “Come on,” Mel coaxed, her hand shifting towards her along the back of the sofa but not getting close enough to touch her. Ruby’s gaze followed her fingers as they waved at her—a cute gesture, she hoped. Something to make Ruby smile.

  Ruby didn’t smile. Her throat worked as she swallowed, and her eyes blinked until they shone with tears.

  Again, Mel fought the urge to move close and touch her. It’s not what she wants. “Talk to me,” she whispered, her heart rate escalating. Has someone hurt her?

  “It’s my student. Francesca.”

  “The girl with the problems?”

  Ruby nodded.

  “What did she do?” Mel set her jaw and watched as Ruby rubbed the back of her knuckles, which seemed far too red for her taste. “Did she hurt you?”

  “No.” Ruby shook her head but then furrowed her eyebrows.

  “You don’t look convinced of that fact,” Mel replied, anger building inside her. She pushed it down. We’re not heroes, remember? We’re not gung-ho or confrontational. She laid both hands on her knees and leant closer. “You can tell me.” Tilting her head to one side, she forced a concerned but calm expression onto her face.

  “I made her cry.”

  “Francesca?” Mel’s slow and soft voice appeared to be soothing Ruby, which in turn calmed Mel’s racing pulse.

  “Yeah.”

  “Start from the beginning.”

  Ruby balled a fist and then wiggled her fingers as if to relax herself. “We were doing the cranial nerves. Have you studied them?”

  Mel felt a chuckle rising inside her. “Um… Old Ogling Octopi Try to Assess Family Vaginas, Glorious Vases, and Hippos.”

  Laughter bubbled forth from Ruby’s belly, and Mel was thrilled. Tears spilled over her eyelids too, however, and Mel could no longer sit still.

  She shifted towards her and put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Family vaginas?” Ruby half-cried, half-laughed into her shoulder as she leant against her. Tears blotted Mel’s jumper, but she didn’t care.

  “Hey, it helped me remember them.”

  “You see, that’s what I was trying to do.” Ruby lifted her head and stared desperately into Mel’s eyes. She did not move away from her arm, so Mel left it in place. “Mnemonics for remembering, like you just said.”

  Mel rubbed Ruby’s opposite shoulder with her thumb, making little circles in a hopefully soothing way. She stayed silent while Ruby described the events of the last twenty minutes.

  “And then she just ran out crying. I don’t know what to do.”

  “You asked her if there was anything going on at home?”

  “Yes. She seemed appalled by the idea.”

  Mel slid her arm away and sat back. She sucked her bottom lip and looked across the room, out of the windows, at the trees swaying in the light wind. Rubbing at her chin, she inhaled deeply before turning back to Ruby, whose tears had, thankfully, stopped.

  “I have a theory,” Mel stated, her gaze flicking to the door and back again.

  “You do?” A spark of hope entered Ruby’s expression. “Well, let’s have it, Professor.”

  Mel snorted gently, but the cheer fled a moment later from her face. “Let’s just check a few things.”

  Ruby nodded quickly, sat up straight, and folded her hands in her lap.

  She looks so excited that I might have a solution. I hope I’m not wrong. “So, this girl, Francesca? She tends to kick off when you ask her to participate in group activities?”

  “Not just group ones. Even something as simple as reading out loud.”

  “Okay.” Mel nodded. “And you’ve not seen any evidence that she’s stressed or depressed or…?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Ruby replied. “Actually, I think she’s really depressed, but I can’t figure out why.”

  Better bite the bullet and just tell her. You know you’re right—don’t worry about what she thinks. But Mel couldn’t help it. What if Ruby looked at her differently after she knew the truth?

  “I think she might be dyslexic.” The words sprang out of her mouth in a rush, and Mel wondered whether they had been too garbled for Ruby to understand.

  “Dyslexic?” Ruby put her elbow on the arm of the sofa and threaded her fingers into her hair at the back of her head.

  “You… know what it is?”

  “Of course I do. I’ve just never met anyone who hasn’t been diagnosed by the time they’re… at least ten. Certainly before they reach me.”

  “Really?” Mel didn’t care that her voice was disapproving. Doesn’t she realise that some people slip through the cracks?

  “I’ve obviously taught students that have had it. But they all get diagnosed way before they reach university level. Mostly at school or…” Mel’s expression must have displayed the shock she felt, because Ruby’s voice trailed into silence.

  “I never got diagnosed at school.” Mel’s voice was quiet but clear, each word enunciated with intent and thick with challenge.

  Ruby stared at her, her brown eyes wider than Mel had even seen them.

  “It wasn’t picked up until I started uni seven years ago. No one knew I was struggling. My previous jobs were a pain in the arse because I was expected to do things that I couldn’t do without extra time in which to do them. That’s why I wasn’t a teaching assistant for more than a couple of years. I was trying to help the kids and I couldn’t even do some of the things myself.”

  “Oh.”

  “I was in a special needs class at school. But my mum just thought I was slow. Dad was kind, gave me extra help at home when he could, but he was so busy. And then a bunch of the mature students on my course at uni when I first started said I should get tested. Luckily I wasn’t working at the time, so I got the test for free.”

  “Right.”

  “Not wanting to read out loud, struggling with reading in general, getting frustrated enough that you act up in lessons. I remember feeling like I wanted to do that when I first started my course. I was forty years old, so I obviously didn’t do it, but I did feel like an outsider, like I was thick. Like there was something wrong with me. I recognise some of the behaviours you’ve talked about.”

  Ruby sat, her lips parted, her gaze trained somewhere across the room. Then realisation flourished across her features, and Mel fina
lly found she was able to loosen her hands from where they had been clenched on the edge of the sofa.

  “Why didn’t I think of that?” Ruby whispered, her gaze finally flicking up to Mel’s. “With Francesca?”

  “It’s not something that’s picked up every single time. Her behaviour just rang a bell with me, but it’s not like she said to you, ‘I can’t read this because the words jump about.’”

  “Is that what it’s like for you?” Ruby’s hand started shifting across the back of the sofa, but she pulled it back into her lap with an embarrassed laugh.

  Mel returned the laugh with a level of understanding. At least I’m not the only one struggling with no physical contact here. “If I don’t wear my specs, yes.”

  “You have glasses?” Ruby tapped the side of her own black-framed ones.

  “They’re not as aesthetically pleasing as yours. They don’t really suit me.”

  “I want to see.”

  Mel chuckled and rolled her eyes before delving into a small pocket in the side of her rucksack and pulling out her case. She popped it open and held her glasses up for Ruby to see.

  The lenses in her glasses were bright yellow, and Mel knew that had she revealed them without Ruby knowing why she wore them, Ruby would have been confused.

  Reaching forward, Ruby touched a fingertip to the frames. “Come on, Professor, pop them on.”

  Mel laughed again and slid them into place.

  “So you can read better with them on?”

  “The words don’t dance about quite as much,” Mel said. “If the background on a page is white, it makes my head hurt.” She plucked the glasses from her nose and stowed them back into her bag. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

  Ruby shook her head and shrugged. “It’s fine.” She beamed at Mel and took her hand in both of her own. “I’m going to assume it was a big thing for you to tell me.”