Live This Love

by Jamey Moody

  Riley looked over at Alex holding Sasha and pointing out things that made the little girl giggle. She answered Sam with a smile. “Yeah, you can say that. I do like what I see.”

  Sam said, “I can understand that. You must be something special because I’ve never, and I mean never, heard her talk about another woman since she’s been here. And that’s been sixteen years now, so I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

  “That’s what several people have told me, and I can’t understand it to be honest because Alex is such a wonderful person. I’m feeling very lucky.”

  “Yeah, Alex is a good person, and she can have that effect on people.”

  “She’s a charmer, that’s what she is.”

  “Alex, charming? Are you kidding me?”

  “She is!” Riley said, and they all laughed.

  They made it to St. John and to their hotel. Alex and Riley left so her family could unpack, and they all decided to meet at Peaches later so they could see Liz. At the bar the patio was the best place to let Sasha run around, so they gathered there for food and drinks. Much laughter was shared, mostly at Alex’s expense, as Samantha shared stories of their childhood.

  Rosie pulled Riley aside and told her, “I’ve never seen my Aunt Alex this happy.”

  Riley said, “I’ve never been this happy either, so it goes both ways.”

  “I’m really glad you two found one another, and I hope it lasts. I’m not trying to be one of those people, but you’re both happy, so figure it out,” Rosie said matter-of-factly. “Sorry, was that too much?”

  “No, it’s just things happened so fast that we haven’t talked much about what’s to come. We’re loving being together and getting to know one another better for now. But I don’t want to talk about us, tell me about you.”

  “Well, we made this a girls’ trip, so my husband, Seth, didn’t get to come. Believe me he wanted to, but he’ll wait and see Alex over the holidays. Maybe you can meet him then.”

  “What does your family usually do for the holidays?”

  “Aunt Alex comes to visit before the holidays or after New Year’s. That’s a really busy time for her because people want to get away from the cold and come here. What does your family do?”

  “My parents are retired and travel quite a bit, but they’re always around for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My brothers and their families are also around unless they go to their in-laws. I have two nieces that I try to be a Super Aunt to, a lot like Alex. I don’t see as much of them as I did because they are in college or working and have their own lives. I did call each of them and explain that I was staying here for the summer, and that got me lots of cool points with them,” Riley explained. “I’m always expected to be the flexible one because it’s just me. Sometimes that gets old.”

  Samantha overheard Riley and said, “I know what you mean. It’s just me and Alex, and with her here, I’m the one they call.”

  “Don’t say it like that, Sam,” Alex joined the conversation. “It’s not like I don’t ever come home, and I do talk to them often.”

  “I know you do. Besides, they don’t want to see me or Rosie anymore. They want to see that baby girl,” Sam said laughing.

  “I can see why,” Riley said. Sasha was wearing down, so soon everyone said good night and Alex’s family went back to their hotel.

  The next few days were full of family fun time on the beach, shopping and swimming whenever Sasha wanted. Some days Alex had to work. When that happened Sam and Rosie wanted Riley to come along on their adventures. By the end of their visit Riley felt like she was part of their family.

  The night before they were to leave, Alex and Riley hosted dinner on the rooftop. Sasha wanted to see the twinkling stars so they hoped she could stay up long enough. She had so much fun watching the boats and the waves come to shore. Alex and Samantha went downstairs to get more food.

  “Riley is really something, Alex,” Sam said. “I hope you’ll do everything you can to keep her around.”

  Alex laughed and said, “I hope to, but what do you mean exactly? Do you think I’m going to screw this up somehow?”

  Sam said, “God, I hope not. Does she know about Texas?”

  Alex looked down at her feet and shook her head.

  “She deserves to know, don’t you think?”

  “Of course I do. I’ve been trying to tell her, but every time I think the time is right, something happens. I don’t want to come home from work one day and jump right into it and say, ‘Hey Riley there’s something I need to tell you.’”

  About that time Riley walked in and said, “What do you need to tell me?” She hoped this was it, Alex would finally tell her what was in her past.

  Both Alex and Samantha’s eyes went big. Sam rescued her sister by saying, “I was just talking to Alex about the holidays. That’s what she was going to tell you.”

  Riley knew she had walked in on something. “O-kay? Let me take the food upstairs and you can continue your conversation. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “You didn’t interrupt anything,” Alex said placing a quick kiss on Riley’s lips. But Riley could see that shadow in her eyes when anyone brought up the past. She grabbed the food and headed upstairs thinking she had given Alex enough time to tell her what was wrong. It was time they had a conversation, but she’d wait until her family went home.

  When they were all back upstairs looking at the stars Alex tried to explain some of the constellations to Sasha. She pointed out the bear and the ram, and they took turns making the animal sounds. According to Sasha, they all had to do it, and the group started to get loud.

  Rosie said, “Hey, everybody, we’d better quiet down a little. We don’t want Aunt Alex to end up in jail again.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Rosie knew she’d messed up. No one said a word. Riley looked at Alex with both eyebrows raised, asking the question silently.

  Rosie tried to cover it up, but Alex said, “It’s a good story. I’ll tell you all about it someday.”

  “Right,” Riley said. She knew there was something they were not telling her, but this wasn’t the time, so she let it go.

  They went back to the stars, but in the wake of Rosie’s comment, the night had fizzled out. It wasn’t long until they packed everything up to go back to the hotel. After they left Riley and Alex were in the kitchen cleaning up. There was obvious tension in the room. Riley went over and took Alex’s face in her hands.

  “Right there, I can see the shadow in your eyes. It’s not always there, but it is now. It’s time we have a conversation, don’t you think?” she asked.

  Alex closed her eyes and nodded her head.

  “Not tonight, babe,” Riley tempered her statement. “After your family leaves. I just want you to know that you can trust me with anything, Alex. I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” Alex said quietly, with pain in her eyes.

  Riley kissed Alex and took her hand and said, “Come on, we’d better get to bed.”

  When they got in bed, Riley took Alex in her arms until she was fast asleep, but Riley lay awake for some time wondering why Alex had waited so long to tell her whatever this was. It was obviously important and had something to do with why she was here in St. John. Riley couldn’t understand why Alex didn’t trust her. She couldn’t get that out of her head because she knew she would trust Alex with anything at this point.

  The next day Alex picked Samantha, Rosie, and Sasha up and brought them to the bar to say goodbye to Liz. They hugged Liz and said their goodbyes.

  Riley said, “I’m going to stay here and let you have Alex to yourself for a bit. You’ve all been so nice to include me in everything, and I’ve loved it.”

  Rosie came over and gave Riley a hug. “You now know that I’m the big mouth of the family, but I’m so glad I got to know you and can’t wait for you to come to Texas.”

  Sasha hugged Riley around the legs and said, “Wiley, come to my house and play. We have stars there, too, at night.”

&n
bsp; Riley picked her up and hugged her. “I’d love to come play at your house with you and see your stars, Sasha.”

  Samantha pulled Riley into her arms and whispered, “Give her a chance. I promise she’s worth it.”

  Riley hugged her back and said, “I know she is.”

  “I hope to see you both sometime during the holidays, okay, Alex?” she said looking at both of them.

  “Got it, Sis. We’d better get going,” Alex replied. She kissed Riley and said, “I’ll see you before I have to work tonight.”

  Riley nodded and smiled, working hard to keep it in place.

  When they all left the bar, Riley took a seat. Liz came over to her and studied her for a moment.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Liz asked.

  Riley sighed and said, “I think I need a beer.”

  “Having to play family all week wear you out?”

  “No, Liz, I fell in love with all of them.”

  “Then why do you look so worried?”

  “You know why. Alex is keeping something from me, and I don’t know why she doesn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

  “She trusts you, Riley.”

  “Then what’s going on? Anytime she talks about her past she gets a sadness in her eyes. It’s been that way since the first night I met her. I know what kind of person she is, and I can’t think of anything that could make me not love her. Surely, she knows that.”

  “Deep down she does know that but…”

  “But what, Liz?”

  The older woman shook her head. “It’s Alex’s story to tell. Trust in your love, and everything will be all right.”

  “Now you really have me worried.” Riley shook her head and drank her beer.

  Alex got back and ran upstairs to change before she went to work. Riley thought Alex had been crying.

  “Are you all right, babe?” Riley asked, going to her.

  “I always hate it when they have to leave.”

  Riley wrapped her in her arms and said, “I get it. They are absolutely wonderful.”

  Alex smiled and said, “I’ll probably be late tonight, sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll be right here waiting on you.”

  “Would you spend the day with me tomorrow? I’d like to go to the park, to our place.”

  “I’d love that.”

  “Okay,” Alex said kissing Riley. “I’d much rather stay here, but I’ve really got to get down there.”

  “I know, baby. See you tonight,” Riley said giving Alex a quick kiss.

  Riley hoped Alex was finally going to talk to her tomorrow. If she didn’t, Riley had decided that she would bring it up. This, whatever it was, had gone on long enough.

  Alex did get home late that night, but Riley was there for her as always.

  “Were you busy tonight?” Riley asked when Alex came in.

  “Not too bad,” said Alex, walking over to Riley and putting her arms around her waist. “I need something from you.”

  “Name it,” Riley said.

  “Tomorrow is for talking. Tonight I want to make love to you. I need to make love to you.”

  They held one another’s eyes, and Riley answered with a slight nod. Alex kissed her passionately and led her to the bedroom without their lips parting. They both were out of their clothes by the time they made it to their bed. Alex laid Riley down gently, worshiping her with her eyes. She lay on top of Riley and lightly stroked her cheek, taking in every feature and burning into her memory so it would always be there. Even if her past tore them apart, she would always have tonight.

  Riley broke the spell when she said softly, “I love you, Alex.”

  Alex slowly kissed and nibbled Riley’s neck, ending at her ear, and whispered, “I love you, too, baby.” This made Riley moan and want her more, but Alex took her time. She kissed her way down Riley’s chest and took one nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tender bud, painstakingly slow. Riley’s breath quickened, but Alex was in no hurry. She wanted to slowly and tenderly love this woman that had taken her heart. She finally reached the other breast as Riley ran her fingers through Alex’s hair and writhed beneath her.

  “Oh Alex, you’re killing me,” she panted.

  Alex smiled but didn’t increase her pace. She kissed and licked every inch of Riley’s stomach, her lover’s moans like music to her ears. When she finally made it between Riley’s legs, she gently blew on her center and Riley’s hips bucked. She was so close to being absolutely where Riley needed her, but she looked up and their eyes met. There was nothing but love in Riley’s eyes for Alex. She lowered her head, and her tongue slowly moved through the wetness of Riley’s folds. Riley continued to moan as Alex circled her bud. She took her tongue to Riley’s opening and gently pushed in. Again Riley’s hips bucked. Alex slowly ran her tongue from Riley’s opening up around her bud torturing Riley with pleasure.

  “I have to see your eyes,” Alex said as she came back up Riley’s body, kissing here and there. Her hand took up where her tongue left off. Riley closed her eyes, loving every moment.

  “Look at me, Riley,” whispered Alex. Riley opened her eyes and locked on Alex’s. Alex’s fingers entered her slowly, almost pushing Riley over the edge. Slowly, in and out, they found a rhythm as their love surrounded them. Their pulses raced, their breathing went faster and faster. When Alex put her thumb on Riley’s bud, her legs stiffened, her fists were clenching the sheets, and then she threw her arms around Alex kissing her as she held on, riding the wave of her orgasm over and over. Riley didn’t loosen her grip right away. She held Alex close, heart to heart, still panting in her ear.

  When she was able to breathe more evenly, she eased her hold on Alex so she could look into her eyes. “That was…” Riley struggled for words.

  Alex smiled. There were no words needed. She eased her head down on Riley’s shoulder, and they lay like this wrapped up in one another’s arms until they drifted off to sleep. Alex said a silent prayer for courage and one of understanding for Riley. They’d need them tomorrow. But tonight was as she hoped and would be burned in her memory no matter what happened.

  Nine

  It was a quiet drive to the park as Alex reached over and took Riley’s hand. They looked at one another and smiled. Alex didn’t think she had ever been this nervous or this filled with dread. This was either the end of life as she knew it, that’s how much she loved Riley, or the beginning of a life filled with love, adventure, and laughter. Perhaps it was both. She so hoped for the latter. Liz had told them both on separate occasions to trust their love. Alex intended to do just that. Trust had been so hard for her even before coming to the islands, but she had to trust now. There was no other option. She couldn’t continue to live without it.

  As they pulled in and made the short hike to their spot, Alex laid a blanket on the ground. They both sat and she said, “Do you want to go for a swim?”

  Riley just looked at her. A feeling of frustration was building inside, but she wasn’t leaving this spot until Alex told her what she was hiding.

  “You know, Alex, you, this, whatever we are, I think of as a whirlwind. We’ve had this whirlwind romance almost since I’ve set foot on this island,” Riley said. “When I decided to stay we talked about trying to slow this down, but do we need to slow down? The love I feel for you in my heart, it’s as if it’s always been there, just waiting for us to find one another. And when we did, it didn’t begin to blossom or bloom. It exploded into something big and all-encompassing immediately. And through this whirlwind, I thought you felt the same way because I’ve had no reason to be anything but open and honest with you. It’s been easy to be who I am with you; I don’t have to pretend I’m anything but me. The imperfect, ‘not sure what she wants to do next,’ person that is in love with you. So, no, I don’t want to go swimming. I want you to trust me, trust us, trust this whirlwind enough to tell me what it is that makes you so sad.”

  Riley never took her eyes from Alex and waited. />
  Alex didn’t look away. “I do feel the same way. I do trust you and feel I can be honest and open with you, but I haven’t had that in my life for almost twenty years. I did something in the past that if you want to share a life with me will affect you, too. I wanted to tell you the day we came here for the first time, but that’s when you told me that you were staying. As time went on I became more and more afraid because as much as I want to trust our love, I’m scared to death you’ll leave me when I tell you.” Tears sprang to Alex’s eyes, and she took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to start.”

  Riley rose to her knees and cradled Alex’s head to her chest, trying to give her courage. “Start from the beginning,” she said softly and sat back holding one of Alex’s hands.

  Hesitantly at first, Alex began. “When I graduated from college, I got a good job in a big firm in Dallas as a financial analyst. I was living the life. I worked a lot but also partied a lot. I made friends at work, and I had known a few people in town when I moved there. I dated and eventually had a relationship that lasted about a year. We never moved in together, though, and she broke up with me because I worked long hours. I knew it wasn’t a forever thing, but still it stung.” She held Riley’s hand with both of hers now and paused to find courage to continue.

  “True to the lesbian stereotype, I was on a softball team,” she said. She tried to chuckle, but it came out more like a squeak. “The team was coed and made up of people from work and friends of friends. Some were straight, some were gay. After games we usually had some kind of party. After my girlfriend broke up with me, some of my friends on the team tried to set me up with their friends that would be at the parties.”

  With a faraway look in her eyes, she went on. “Sometimes everyone couldn’t be at the games, so people would bring friends to sub. One girl that I didn’t know very well brought her friend to sub one night when we were down several players. At the party after, this girl, Lindsey, and I flirted some. She came to the next game, and we all went to the house of one of my teammates after. There was a lot of drinking, and Lindsey and I ended up in one of the back bedrooms. We had sex, and I went home. This happened one other time, and then she didn’t come around. I didn’t think much about it because I was working long hours.”