The Accidental King of Achoo

by Linda J. Falkner

  “In these stressful times in Achoo, we need a king who will bring people together, not further divide us. While Orgizo is busy insulting one group after another, Mikro understands that our diversity is one of our greatest strengths. Light- or dark-skinned, Hatters or not, we are stronger when we all stand together. Mikro cares about the people of this village, including the women, children, and those with disabilities. Mikro will make an outstanding king, and I am proud to stand with her tonight! Thank you all very much.”

  When Noimon finished his speech, the crowd cheered and applauded. Most of the villagers were there, but the Truppers were having their own party away from the stage. They were not interested in hearing anyone except Orgizo, who was pouting because he was not the center of attention.

  Gynaika spoke next. “Thank you all for coming. Wow, what a great turnout! We are here this afternoon because Achoo faces a choice for a new king. On one side is a man who inherited a fortune from his father and then kept it going by cheating people. A man who never gives anything to anyone, unless there is something in it for him. A man who cares only about himself, day and night. Our other candidate for king is brilliant, tough, and steadfast. She cares for women, children, health care, and human rights. She is a fighter, and she will fight for everyone to have the best life possible.

  “This is a choice about the kind of village we want and the kind of people we are. I grew up poor, and I am greatly appreciative that I am doing better now. My father had no horses, and now I have three. Nevertheless, if we do not have a caring king, we could go backward. That is why I’m with her!

  “Look around you. People are working hard until they die of old age. Mikro wants to help them be able to rest when they get too old to work. Nobody should starve just because they are no longer strong enough to plow the fields. While we work hard until we die, the rich people in the mountains relax and enjoy their lives. Others do everything for them. They do not need more, but Orgizo wants to take everything you have for himself. This is just flat wrong. People need to work without starving, and they need medical care. Dr. Grigoros can see only so many people, and he needs help so we all can get care when we need it. Mikro wants everyone to get an education, and to have medical care. That is why I’m with her!

  “People are starving, but where is Orgizo? In all his life, he has never lifted a finger to help working people. Why would he? His whole life has been about taking advantage of others. He takes advantage of a rigged system to con people and make them work for him. He makes big promises but never delivers on any of them. Orgizo is happy when bad things happen in the village because then he can more easily cheat people. He makes his employees work their fingers to the bone, and then he refuses to pay them. He promised the villagers that he would help educate their children, but when they sent their children to him, he forced them to work and never gave them anything in return. Orgizo burns a lot of wood and oil, and he doesn’t care when the smoke settles in the village and makes people sick. He cares only about himself. He does not care if the beavers flood our fields, because he lives high in the mountains.

  “What really terrifies me is that Orgizo thinks he can win votes by encouraging hatred. He turns neighbor against neighbor. He wants to turn you against people who do not look like you or worship like you. He is opposed to women, dark-skinned people, and Hatters. These are our friends, but he wants to make you fear them. He wants to divide and conquer, never to unite. What kind of man acts like this? Clearly, a man who must never be king of Achoo. We need someone who cares about us, and who knows we are stronger together. That person is Mikro. That’s why I’m with her!

  “If you believe that Achoo must work for all of us, not just the rich and powerful … If you believe we must deny fear and division … If you believe we are stronger together, then let’s work our hearts out to make Mikro the next king of Achoo!”

  The crowd began cheering. But Orgizo, who had been muttering under his breath, jumped up onto the stage and began yelling, “Hiawatha is not happy. She’s not happy. She’s the worst. You know, Hiawatha—I’m doing such a disservice to Hiawatha. It’s so unfair to Hiawatha to call Gynaika by her name. Gynaika is a liar. Lying Hiawatha.”

  Most of the crowd looked on in shock. There was no way they would ever choose this coarse man to become king of Achoo. However, the Truppers were cheering and catcalling.

  Suddenly, Orgizo noticed Dynami in his colorful scarf. “Get that crazy Hatter out of here. Hatters are rapists and murderers. I’m going to send all the Hatters away, and they will never be able to climb the wall. It will be a mile high and a mile deep so they can’t crawl under it either. Believe me. It’s going to be amazing. Now get rid of him!”

  Three large men wearing brown shirts grabbed Dynami. They were part of a new group that had formed around Orgizo. They called themselves the New Noxies and wore matching shit-brown shirts so everyone would know who they were. The New Noxies kicked and punched Dynami to the ground, and then spit on him. They also grabbed his colorful scarf, ripped it in half, and ground it into the earth with the heels of their boots.

  As Orgizo smiled and swaggered, his followers cheered and chanted, “Build a wall. Build a wall.”

  Friends gathered, whispering in fear. They had never seen anything like this. They looked around, horrified at the change in their friends and relatives who were now followers of Orgizo.

  “Where is the climber? I haven’t seen Ahavah in several days,” Lincoln said. The tall man looked over the crowds. “I see his wife, Pandora, with the Truppers, but Ahavah isn’t here.”

  “I think I know where he might be,” Andras said. Although Ahavah had said he was going to stay with his brother, Andras suspected that he might still be in the park. “I will be back soon.”

  When Andras arrived at the park, he did not see Ahavah. Maybe he really is staying with his brother, Andras thought. Just as he was about to leave, he heard a rustle above him in the tree.

  “Andras,” a familiar voice said in a harsh whisper.

  “Ahavah, what are you doing in the tree?”

  Ahavah partially climbed and partially jumped down from the tree.

  “You look a mess. What is going on?”

  “My brother doesn’t have room for me, so I’m living in the park and hiding in trees,” Ahavah explained. “Pandora is still enmeshed with Orgizo.”

  “I know. I saw her at the speeches chanting slogans. She acts like she’s been drugged.”

  “I’ve been hiding in trees because the New Noxies have been meeting in the park at night. If they find me alone and homeless, I don’t know what they’ll do to me.”

  “They are dangerous,” Andras agreed. “They beat up Dynami for being a Hatter. Orgizo was behind it. The people were too scared to do anything.”

  “I’m scared of what he will do if he becomes king,” Ahavah said.

  “Me too, but I don’t see how he can defeat my wife. Most of the villagers recognize what a problem he would be. I’m going to talk to Mikro and see what we can do to help you get a place to live.”

  “Thank you so much, Andras. You know where to find me.”

  “Good luck, man. I’ll be back soon, so stay safe.” Andras headed back home, worried about his friend. In the morning, I will talk to Mikro and we will try to find someone who has room to offer Ahavah a place to live, he thought. So many of the villagers are poor and can barely feed their own families. They want their lives to change and they think that Orgizo will be their savior, but that’s the distorted thinking of desperate, hungry people. Fortunately, Mikro is running circles around him in her ability to be a great king. I think the people know that he will be a disaster and will choose her in the end.

  When Andras got home, he found Mikro fast asleep, with paper and pencil grasped tightly in her hands. She fell asleep writing again, Andras thought. He glanced at the paper and saw that Mikro had been writing about Saudis, the crazy m
an in the community.

  Andreas read, “Saudis just captured a vulture and fears the bird is spying on him. There is nothing anyone can do to appease him. His thinking is simply divorced from reality. I am also concerned about the problems with the cooking pit. It produces too much smoke and pollutes the air. We need to be relocate it downwind. The beavers have also become a problem since they moved their dam closer to the village. Flooding is damaging the villagers’ homes and fields.”

  Andras thought about how much he loved his wife, and how much she cared about all the villagers. He felt frustrated by how hard she worked, caring for others until she exhausted herself. He decided that he would not see the woman in the blue dress any longer.

  The next morning, Andras tried telling Mikro about Ahavah living in the park and hiding in trees. But she was busy preparing for her speech that afternoon, plus she did not seem to have her usual pep. She skipped breakfast and he noticed she was coughing.

  “Aren’t you going to eat?” Andras asked.

  “Later. The villagers are preparing a feast for after my speech. I’m just not hungry yet. I’m so tired. I must have gone to bed later than I thought.”

  “You were asleep when I got home, and it wasn’t that late. Oh, there is something important I need to tell you about Ahavah.”

  “I’ve got to get ready now. Tell me quickly,” Mikro said.

  “Pandora kicked him out, and he’s living in a tree in the park. He’s afraid of the New Noxies, who are becoming increasingly violent with Orgizo egging them on.”

  “I will see what I can do,” Mikro promised.

  Mikro staggered as she climbed to the stage, but then caught her balance and continued up the steps. Upon seeing the adoring crowd, she appeared to regain her strength. “Thank you. Thank you very much,” she said as the crowd applauded her. “Tonight, we’ve reached a milestone in our village’s search for a king—the first time a woman is being considered for this position. Standing here, in a line of women with my mother before me and my daughter after me, I’m so happy this day has come. I’m happy for men and women, for little girls and boys. I’m happy because when any barrier falls in Achoo, for anyone, it clears the way for everyone. When there are no ceilings, the sky’s the limit.

  “When I am king, I will make sure that everyone has enough to eat. I will help Dr. Grigoros train assistants so we have enough doctors to provide everyone with medical care. I am concerned about the smoke we all breathe, so I will move the firepit downwind. I will help relocate the beavers, so they don’t flood our homes any longer. We will all have a better life when I am king.

  “I’m concerned. I have heard that the New Noxies are becoming dangerous and aggressive. I have heard that Ahavah is living in the park and hiding in trees because he fears the New Noxies. He is one of us, and he needs our help. I need volunteers to see me after I have finished talking. We need to help Ahavah. We are all stronger together. I will put an end to the New Noxies. I am afraid that if they keep going, with their aggressive and hateful policies, they will eventually kill someone. When I am king, I will stop their dangerous activities. Your lives will be safer and better when I am king.”

  The crowd yelled and cheered. Mikro was smiling, but she felt dizzy and weak. When she stepped off the stage, she collapsed and passed out, although she was unconscious for only a few seconds. Dr. Grigoros pushed his way through the crowd and checked Mikro. She looked flushed and her breathing was shallow. “We need to get her home and to bed,” he said. “Don’t worry, she will be fine. I think it is just heat and exhaustion. Can someone bring her a drink of water, please?”

  Orgizo jumped onto the stage. “See what I told you? She has no stamina.”

  “He has no compassion,” someone whispered. Many agreed.

  For the next week, Dr. Grigoros forced Mikro to stay home and rest. He mixed up a healing drink of chicken soup broth infused with willow bark. Then he added blue, moldy bread, as well as honey to make the drink palatable.

  “This tastes horrible,” Mikro said. “Are you are trying to poison me?”

  “Drink up,” Dr. Grigoros insisted. “You will feel better soon.” He did not understand why the healing drink worked—only that it worked. But willow bark contains a substance now used to make aspirin, and penicillin comes from a blue mold that grows on bread. So the combination of aspirin, penicillin, and chicken soup quickly cured Mikro’s pneumonia.

  “I’m sure this treatment will either cure me or kill me. But I am feeling better, and I need to get back to the villagers. Has anyone checked on Ahavah?” Mikro asked. “I’m concerned about his safety.”

  In everyone’s concern about Mikro, Ahavah had been forgotten. So Mikro sent Andras and Dr. Grigoros to check on him. On their way to the park, they met with Lincoln, who asked to join them.

  “Sure, Lincoln. We’re happy to have you come along,” said Andras.

  When the three men arrived at the park, they called to Ahavah but got no answer. The friends began looking around, checking bushes and trees. Suddenly Andras found tree branches twisted into a crooked cross—the New Noxie symbol.

  At that moment, Dr. Grigoros found Ahavah’s beanie on the ground. It had footprints on it and looked as though someone had ground it into the dirt. He gasped. However, that was not the worst.

  “Oh, my God,” Lincoln exclaimed. Ahavah was hanging from a noose high in a tree. “I think he’s dead.”

  At that moment, Ahavah kicked his leg. “He’s telling us he’s alive,” the men exclaimed. “We’ve got to get him down fast.”

  Lincoln tried reaching him, but Ahavah was up too high. So he kneeled down and said to Andras, “Climb onto my shoulders.” Andras had to stretch as far as he could, but sitting on Lincoln’s shoulders, he was able to reach the rope and cut it. Then he carefully lowered Ahavah down to Dr. Grigoros, who was waiting to catch him.

  Dr. Grigoros checked Ahavah’s breathing, and putting his ear to his friend’s chest, listened to his heart. “He’s alive, but just barely. We need to carry him back to the village.”

  Dr. Grigoros took Ahavah to his home where he could keep a close watch on him. The man had been strangled and now was in limbo between life and death.

  Mikro wrote in her diary, “Everywhere I go, people tell me they are concerned about Orgizo’s divisive rhetoric. Orgizo spouts constant prejudice and paranoia. He encourages hate groups such as the New Noxies. He disregards our needs and doesn’t see all the good in Achoo. He has encouraged the New Noxies, and now he seems glad that Ahavah has been tortured and nearly killed. Orgizo says he wants to ‘Make Achoo great again,’ but it appears his real message is ‘Make Achoo hate again.’ He denies his actions and accepts no responsibility for the trouble he is causing. In my mind, he is dangerous to the peace and safety of Achoo. I promise you this: with your help, I will be a king for everyone—for those who vote for me and those who vote against me. I truly believe we are stronger together.”

  Meanwhile, back at the mountain mansion, Orgizo and Despotis were having a discussion. “I’ve heard that Mikro writes a lot and keeps a diary,” Orgizo said. “I’m sure I can find something that will show how crooked she is. And even if I don’t, my followers will believe me if I tell them I did. They believe my alternative facts. I need to expose her, but I don’t want to take the blame.”

  “I can do it,” Despotis said. “I have a plan to get the diary. I will climb in her window while she is asleep and steal it. It should be easy.”

  “Make it so, White Russian,” said Orgizo. “I will give a speech tonight to tell everyone how crooked Mikro is. That will give me a great alibi, so that no one will think I’m behind the theft of Mikro’s diary.”

  Despotis decided that he also needed an alibi, so he attended the speech, making sure everyone saw him. But later that night, after everyone was asleep, he put their plan into action. It was simple for Despotis to climb into Mikro’s
open window late that night. The people of Achoo did not have any glass, so their windows were merely holes in the walls covered with curtains. They had a safe society and they were a loving and trusting people. No one had ever before been robbed in Achoo.

  Inside the house, Despotis saw that Mikro and Andras were fast asleep. Leaving the curtains open to let in the faint moonlight, he glanced around the room. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, Despotis saw what he was looking for—an inexpensive, one-subject, wide-rule, seventy-sheet notebook from Walmart. Just as he reached for the notebook, Mikro turned slightly in her sleep. Despotis froze, fearful that she would wake, but she turned over and began snoring lightly. He grabbed the notebook and climbed out the window, not even bothering to close the curtains.

  Mikro dreamed that someone climbed in her window and stole her notebook, but by morning, she had forgotten her dream. She got up and went about her day. It seemed strange that the curtain was open, but assuming that Andras had opened it, she did not give it a second thought.

  Orgizo called a meeting with Pandora and Despotis. “I need a campaign manager, Pandora, and you would be perfect for the job. You are so loyal to me that you kicked your husband out. Now he’s almost dead, but you are still loyal to me. That is what I need. You are also a good speaker, and you’re willing to represent my ideas as though they were your own.”

  “They are my ideas,” Pandora said. “I may have had different ideas previously, such as being welcoming to everyone. But when I hear you talk about the dangers of people who wear strange hats, or who have dark skin, I realize that you are right. I support you. I even support the New Noxies. I will do whatever I can to help you. I will help spread your alternative facts.”

  “You are going to be a great adviser to me,” said Orgizo. “Lying Mikro is such a nasty woman. She wouldn’t get any votes at all if she were a man. I have gotten ahold of her diary, and I need you to read it and spread all the crooked things that she said. If you can’t find anything crooked, then just make something up. My followers will believe you.”