Varnished without a Trace

by Misty Simon

  “We were talking about lineages in town with all of this mayhem around here, and it came up,” Max said, verbally stepping between me and Grams. “Tallie remembers calling him uncle, but not how he’s related, so I encouraged her to ask you.”

  “Ha! Don’t try to save her, young man. I know a lie when I hear one. She can tell me why she really wants to know, and we’ll go from there, or I’m not answering.”

  I looked up from my plate to find her eyes narrowed and her gaze zeroed in on me. Seriously, it could just have been a question to make conversation. I knew of course that it wasn’t, but that didn’t mean she should. On the other hand, it was always easier to come out and tell her than try to skirt around the woman who’d had to deal with my aunt Diane, who now lived in North Carolina. That woman had known every trick in the book and still hadn’t gotten anything by Grams.

  I put my elbows on the table and ignored my mother’s murmured admonishment.

  “Here’s the truth. Something is going on in town. Some people think Ronda was killed by Hoagie, who then went into hiding. I find it hard to believe that the man would put up with her crap for all these years only to clock her in the head with one of his own varnish cans on Christmas Eve after bingo. I was the one who realized that the body outside the hardware store was not in fact Hoagie, and yet his kids seem to think it is him and he’s dead. To be honest, I want to know how he was related to us so I can look into other things.”

  “Very well, but first, why are you looking into this when Burton is more than capable, as well as my grandson, Matthew? I don’t believe they need you meddling into something that has nothing to do with you. And, frankly, I’m surprised your father hasn’t forbidden you to take on something like this, especially with how horrible the other cases have gone, from what I’ve heard.”

  So it was going to be the ladies who tried to tear me down today and the men who boosted me up. Interesting. But I faced off against her anyway. It wasn’t like she could do anything to me that I didn’t let her. And maybe always staying under her radar had not been in my best interest.

  It hadn’t exactly worked for my mother.

  “I want my town to be safe, and if there’s anything I can do to help, I do it.”

  “It sounds dangerous and ridiculous to me. Like a vigilante. Years ago, a woman’s place was taking care of her husband, standing behind his dreams and ambitions to help him make them come true. While I didn’t subscribe to that entirely, you’ve gone too far off the path.”

  Oh my word! What century were we living in?

  “I’d have to respectfully disagree with you on that, ma’am.” Max slid back into the conversation. “Tallie is very good at what she does: cleaning, sleuthing and helping at the funeral home. I wouldn’t want her to give up everything she does to make sure that my dreams come true. I want hers to come true too. And I’d do anything I could to ensure that happens.”

  Wow. And I wasn’t the only one thinking that, because Mom sat with her mouth slightly open and my dad had a little smile on his face that disappeared as soon as Grams looked at him.

  She slapped a hand on the table and laughed. “I like this one much better than that Waldo creep. I’m not sure what you ever saw in him except an avenue to escape all of this.” She waved her hand around. “And look at you now. You’d better keep this one.”

  “I’ll toast to that,” Mom said, lifting her glass of iced tea.

  “You don’t need to do anymore toasting, Karen.” My grandmother took the glass out of her hand and put it down. “I think you’ve probably had enough.”

  But Mom hadn’t had anything, unless she wasn’t sharing the good stuff with the rest of us.

  Grams took it back to us before I could ask why I wasn’t given access to the wine. “I’ll tell you how he’s related, and then you go find out what happened. This is one of our own, and we don’t leave that to just anyone to take care of. Matt is doing a great job, I’m sure, but even he might need a little help. I would suggest any information you find you give to him instead of Burton, though, so that your cousin can get that promotion he’s been looking for.”

  “I can try to do that, but I’ve been working directly with Burton.”

  “Maybe it’s time you changed that.”

  I made no commitment to that, although if I did give everything to Matt from now on, it could look like I wasn’t involved at all and would take me out of Burton’s laser vision in the future. Even though he was asking for my help this time, he normally didn’t. He could come to his senses at any moment. Of course I wasn’t sure Burton would believe I was staying out of things after he’d asked for my help. Plus, how would it look if Matt was suddenly bursting with information he couldn’t explain where he’d gotten?

  “I’ll think about it. Now, how’s Hoagie related to us?”

  “The truth is, he’s not.”

  “Wait. What?” My mom sat forward in her chair with a look of total and complete disbelief on her face. “That can’t be true.”

  “Oh, but it is.”

  “But . . .” I started, then stopped to gather my thoughts. “But he came to all of our family picnics and reunions. We’ve always called him uncle. His kids were my cousins, even if we’ve grown apart and I don’t have much to do with them.”

  Grams wiped the corners of her mouth with a napkin before zeroing in on me. “We adopted him and his family, at the request of Burton’s father. I’m not sure why Hal chose us instead of taking him and his family on for himself. Their tree would have been big enough to hide him better in the branches, but for some reason, Burton Senior came to your grandfather before you were born and asked if we could graft him on to our family tree.”

  “Why, though?” I was absolutely baffled. It was one thing to have friends for so long that they felt like family. Or friends that were so dear as to be family, like Gina and Mama Shirley. But actually taking someone and their family in and passing them off as relatives seemed strange, especially when it was a request from Burton’s father.

  “I don’t actually know. After being approached by Hal, your grandfather, God rest his soul, asked, and I said yes. We started everyone calling him Uncle Hoagie and her Aunt Ronda. They already had Caitlin and Carl—Calvin and Chrissy came after they’d been here for a few years. And then they just melted in with us.”

  “How did you explain it? Do you know where they came from before they arrived in town? Were they hiding from something?” The bafflement continued and spewed more questions.

  “I didn’t question it. I wasn’t raised to question, which is one of the reasons I thought I raised your mother to be more independent.”

  Ow, that was a dig, and now I was going to be the one defending. “My mother is a wonderful person who is very independent. And she makes the best snickerdoodles ever.”

  Grams scoffed. “Snickerdoodles from my great-grandmother’s recipe, and that shouldn’t be your only life accomplishment.”

  Mom’s shoulders dropped farther and farther with every word, as if she were being physically crushed instead of just emotionally. I didn’t know what else I could say or do, though, to make my grandmother stop her tirade.

  “It’s a shame you feel that way, ma’am. I feel that Mrs. Graver is one of the biggest reasons I not only graduated high school but went on to excel at both college and as a government employee. If it weren’t for her, I might have gotten lost in the gangs in DC. It might not be saving the world, but it saved mine, and that’s something I will forever be grateful for.” Max for the save again. How did he always know what to say and how to say it? I’d have to remember that if we ever got around to actually fighting. I might fall short on the arguing scale if that was what I had to contend with.

  I squeezed his hand under the table. Mom wiped her eyes and smiled at him. Grams scowled at first, then finally broke into a real smile. “Oh my, this one is a real keeper. Nothing like your grandfather and very much like your father. Good job there, Tallie.”

  And just
like that, the tension decreased. I still would have liked her to apologize to my mother, but I had a feeling that that might happen at a later date, because Grams took my mother’s hand on top of the table and patted it. “You did a good job with them, Karen.”

  And Max was going to be an awesome funeral director, with his forthright but compassionate take on things. Guess I’d better settle into the idea of being a funeral director’s significant other. There were worse things.

  * * *

  The rest of dinner went on without a hitch. We talked a bit about the murders, but no one had anything solid to offer. Dad had gotten in touch with the director from West Virginia and had agreed to mentor the poor guy once things calmed down over here. He’d also found out that the widow was still missing.

  So more questions, but also some answers. I’d take it, if that was all I was going to get. Now I had to get in touch with Burton to find out why he hadn’t told me that Hoagie wasn’t actually related to us, and if he knew why his father had asked my grandfather to lie for all these years. Were Hoagie and his family hiding in plain sight? Was that why he didn’t want Ronda calling out of state, and why Caitlin looked like she was going to pass out when my father asked about out-of-town relatives?

  I felt behind the ball and left out in the rain, but I’d ask before I assumed. Maybe that would work better than my usual methods.

  It was late, so I called Matt to see what the situation was before trying Burton on his cell.

  “Ah, Tallie, the woman of the hour. How are things with the investigation? Should I ask you who the actual murderer is so that we can close the case?”

  “Hello to you too, cousin of mine. Grams asked after you tonight and wants to know when she might be seeing you while she’s here through the New Year.”

  He groaned. “Do you think I could get away with just telling her that I’m always on night shift and have crazy hours?”

  “I think she’d tan your hide and make you take her out to an expensive restaurant with seven-course meals to lengthen your time together when she finally did catch you.”

  He laughed and I continued. “Seriously, if you just stop in at my mom’s for a few minutes, I bet that would be plenty. And then she’ll be gone, maybe for another couple of years. You can do this. I had to. Twice for dinner with the dragon lady. Pull up those big girl panties and bite the bullet, dear cousin.”

  “Biting the bullet might be what I want to do right about now. There is so much going on, and as much as I was ribbing you about solving the murder, I wouldn’t be against you having some kind of information. Burton and I are both at a loss. Nothing’s connecting in either investigation. We have a dead citizen, a corpse transported over state lines, a missing store owner who has to be tied to both of them in some way we aren’t seeing and the ever-present arsonist. I feel like I’m in a tornado that is most definitely not carrying me off to the Land of Oz.”

  “Where is Burton? I have a few questions for him myself.”

  “Anything I can help with?” he asked.

  “I have no idea. There’s so much going on that I don’t know where to start. Did you find out anything about that corpse?”

  “Nothing. I can’t seem to find out much except that he was in jail for almost forty years for a murder. They tried him for drug trafficking too, but those charges were dropped when they got him for murder. It doesn’t connect to anything in our town that I can see, though, and no reason why his body would be here. I don’t know much more than that, but I can page Burton for you if you need him.”

  A novel idea, but not one that would get me the immediate answer I wanted, and it was getting late. “I was going to just call his cell.”

  “That thing has been blowing up all night. Paging him might be your better bet. Mind if I tag along for a meetup?”

  “Not at all. Actually, it might be infinitely better if you’re there.”

  Max came up behind me just as I hung up with Matt. “So, you’ll be out and about tonight even though it’s getting late?” He put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Should I be worried? Do you need me to come with you?”

  “I think you’ve earned a night off for once. You did a lot today, and I can’t thank you enough for standing up to my grandmother for my mom.”

  “Hey, all in a day’s work, and I’ve always thought of her as a mom, and it will be official when we eventually get married.”

  Married. It was sounding better and better, and I could deal with the mortician stuff if it came to be. But first, I had to get to Burton to find out what he knew.

  My phone rang. Matt was back quickly. That could be good or it could be bad.

  “He says to meet him at the diner in ten minutes.”

  “The diner? Why can’t I just meet him at the station? I’m so full after dinner and I’m going to feel bad if I don’t order something.”

  “Well, he hasn’t eaten yet and he said he figured he should be sitting down for whatever news you’re going to hit him with.”

  Well, this ought to be fun.

  Chapter Eighteen

  In the end, I chose to bring Max with me, even though he’d promised to meet my dad in the basement tomorrow bright and early for his first lesson on doing a dead person’s hair and makeup.

  We both sat on the right side of a booth waiting for Burton to arrive. I did order a chocolate milk and a slice of pumpkin pie, although I just took tiny bites every time the waitress walked by and had no intention of actually eating the whole thing.

  Max didn’t have the same qualms and chose a bowl of Italian wedding soup and pretty much sucked it right down.

  “Tell me you weren’t still hungry after all that meat loaf.”

  He rubbed his stomach. “Not too hungry, but maybe it’s the climate or the air or my contentment. I guess I’m just hungry. I’m going to have to watch it, though, if I still want to fit into my clothes.”

  We were still laughing when Burton made a beeline for us from the front counter, bypassing the waitress, who tried to lead him to the table.

  “Let’s make this quick. Things are happening, and I’m starving.” As if on cue, a Reuben sandwich arrived at the table. Burton almost shoved half the sandwich into his mouth with his first bite.

  I waited for him to swallow for the second time today. “Tell me what you know about Hoagie not actually being a part of my family, but your father asking my grandparents to fake that he was a limb on our tree from days gone by.”

  He must still have had some food in his mouth because he swallowed hard. So hard I could see his Adam’s apple strain over something in his throat. “What?” The word came out strangled.

  I really hoped I wasn’t going to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

  “You okay?” Max asked.

  “Yeah, yeah, fine,” Burton croaked. “Give me a minute and some water.”

  I moved my glass across the table because I hadn’t taken a sip from it yet, then waited for Burton to get himself back under control. Either he was surprised I’d found out and was trying to figure out how to continue to lie to me, or he really hadn’t known and would have some questions for his dad.

  Burton cleared his throat a few times and took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s start again.” He took out that little notebook from his pocket and flipped to the next tattered page. I should have gotten him a new one for his birthday, or Christmas, or both. It still wasn’t too late to do that.

  I put it on my mental list of things to do after all the other little things, and then moved forward with my question again.

  “So, my grandmother tells me that Hoagie isn’t actually a part of our family. Your father asked my grandfather to pretend he was related to us over forty years ago, and my grandfather agreed. They introduced him as a long-lost cousin from out of town, though my grandmother doesn’t remember from where, and they perpetuated the lie up until this very day. So, what do you know about that?”

  Burton was scribbling furiously
in his notebook, so I assumed he had not known, unless he was fabricating a lie and just doodling until I stopped talking. But he stopped his scribbling and peered at me with one eye squinted.

  “Is that all?”

  “I’m not sure what more you want, but my mom is looking into some papers to see if there are any letters or pictures of Hoagie, because no one seems to have any, and Caitlin said that her parents were always scared. Maybe they were scared of being found? And remember that Chrissy got in huge trouble for leaving the state. She said they weren’t even allowed to go to the mall by themselves. Apparently, her parents took stranger danger to a new level. So maybe someone they were running from finally found them.”

  More furious scribbling.

  “Is it possible to find out if there are any old police stories about them? I looked on the internet and saw nothing but things about the store, and none of those had any Hoagie pictures, except for the one with him dressed up as Santa, where you wouldn’t be able to tell who he was anyway. And even in this day and age, Max didn’t find anything on social media or on the internet in general on any of them. How are we supposed to catch people doing bad things if they don’t tell all on the internet?”

  Burton smiled, just a small one at my joke, but then got serious. “I can look, but I already had Matt on that and he said he didn’t find anything either.” Burton looked down at the notepad and flipped a few pages back and forth.

  “What about the corpse? Did that pan out as anything? Matt says the deceased was in jail for murder and then died shortly after he was released.”

  He flipped back two more pages. “Nothing. The funeral director isn’t a whole lot of fun to talk to, and he refused to give me anything except the name and the fact that the widow is still missing.”

  More people walked into the diner, and we all stopped talking to check them out. I’d been trying to keep my voice down; not everyone needed to know everything we were talking about. And if Burton still wanted everyone to think Hoagie was dead, I didn’t want to blow his cover. Speaking of that . . .