The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  Personal Archetypes

  The cheerleader you had a crush on in high school, your lazy father, your miserly uncle, and your overly-sweet mother. At first glance they might resemble Cultural Archetypes, but these are the characters we have lived with or known up-close. We may even be our own Personal Archetype at times, playing out the jock or nerd we were back in school. When we close our eyes and envision Our Mother, Our Father, and Our Perfect Lover, because we know what they “look” like to us. It was not in a book, a film, or a stereotype. When we work with Personal Archetypes, voice inflection and emotional saturation is readily available, but sometimes so are the pain, frustration, and all the side-stories that came with the real individual, or who we were with them.

  If we are trying to explore our dominance but do not yet have a feeling for what it looks and feels like, pulling from an archetype can be hugely useful. On a universal level, we can ask ourselves “What would a sadistic and cruel king do in this situation?” On a cultural level, “What if I were like Fabio in those cheesy romance novels?” On a personal level, “How would Master Dennis handle this?”

  Just because we try on a role does not mean it has to stay with us. We can choose to wear a mask for a while, then set it aside. For some, it is about three minutes of fun—trying on the costume, the headspace, and realizing we are not interested, or that really, that’s all we have to learn from that character. Others try on the persona for an evening, or for a few scenes, and have fun with it, stretch around in it, and find pieces of information to bring back into their life that they realized they enjoyed about the self they found. There are some who invest in a character, buy a whole separate wardrobe, and develop a second self. This self can be attached to the other, a place to play and unwind, or in some cases, become almost a second personality that is referred to in third person terms. There are also all sorts of layers between.

  Archetypes allow us the amazing opportunity, as Lady Hilary and The Marine of VanguardLeather.com say, to “ask yourself for another point of view.” When we have questions, not just in a scene, but in all of life, how can we get a second opinion? Instead of turning to a stranger, what about turning to these other sides and aspects of ourselves?

  What could you learn about this situation if you were looking at it through the lens of the Old Wise Man? What might be observed if your child self were looking at the situation? Instead of providing different answers, perhaps the Trickster could teach you to ask a different question. We do this all the time when we ask “what would my mother say if she knew?” and we can take that skill to a new level through conscious use of this concept.

  Sometimes though, the archetypes that call to us are not entirely loving and light. Instead of the superhero or even the antihero, we are called by the villain, the menace, or the bad guy. Our shadow wants to come out and play. We are called upon not just to face, but to dance with our own inner Shiva.

  It can be terrifying to face our own inner monsters. Our dark desires. In our culture we are equally forbidden to embrace the victim or the villain. That is what makes kink and BDSM such a draw for many people. They are a safe place to don these archetypes and waltz with them for one song, or for an evening of bliss, then part ways having learned from our shadow without having to walk as a villain or victim in the world at large.

  There is a difference between exploring an archetype and replaying trauma. If you feel broken, damaged or scarred in some way while planning, enacting or reviewing a scene, it was likely some form of being re-traumatized. This applies to individuals exploring their dominance or having been asked to be the rapist, just as much as it does to those exploring their submission, or reenacting a rape scene. Just because play has the possibility to be therapeutic does not mean it is therapy. Playing with the shadow of the spirit is just as likely to provoke trauma memories for someone playing villain as it does a victim.

  When exploring archetypal work, there are a few questions to consider:

  What calls you to this work? Fun, exploration, revisiting past pain, trying something new?

  Does my partner know I will be exploring archetypes tonight? Do they need to know?

  What decompression system have I set up for myself to return to who I was before I begin the character? How will I take off the “mask”?

  What archetype will serve me for tonight? For this scene? For this relationship?

  Is the archetype I have chosen the best choice, or is there something similar that is better for what we are doing? Is Your Mother best, or Universal Mother or Mummy Dearest?

  Do I have baggage concerning this archetype? Is that okay? Is that the point?

  Different partners will react differently to different archetypes. If someone says they want to explore your sadism, choosing the Marquis De Sade will have a different effect than choosing the Positive Purveyor of Pain. Pay attention. Observe their breath, their body, and their responses. Observe your breath, your body, and your responses. If one character is not working for you, be willing to try another. When you find an archetype that does not fit, be open to learning from what that archetype has taught you about yourself.

  It is also possible to ask your partner to try on a role. Everyone has a different perspective on each role we describe, though. When I ask my partner to be a little girl, little girl in their mind may be a sad crying thing, may be a powerful princess who can do anything, or may be a brainiac child prodigy. Not everyone looks at a role the same way you do. Cross-dressing is a great example. For some men, being told to become a woman is a shameful, humiliating, or otherwise emotionally challenging experience. For other men, becoming a woman is a positive, powerful chance to transform into a Goddess, a headstrong business-woman, or their amazingly creative aunt. If you were looking to humiliate them, find out what archetypes might illicit humiliation. Assuming that womanhood should illicit humiliating feelings speaks more of the dominant partner’s internalized feelings about women than it does anything else.

  Be aware that sometimes our partners ask us to take on roles that are not healthy for them to dance with because they are using you to re-traumatize themselves. One example might be if they ask you to be a dirty uncle (Cultural Archetype), while they want to be a sweet little girl (Cultural Archetype). However, during negotiation they start asking to have you wear a wide paisley tie, brown suit, a specific type of cologne, and during the scene, pull them over your lap and start inappropriately touching them. They may not be conscious of it, but they are likely pulling upon a Personal Archetype that might involve their past traumas or tales.

  Is it possible for some people to play consciously with their past as a “hot button” of what makes them sexy? In some cases, yes. But consciousness is key, as is having taken a long hard look at the underlying causes. Dragging our partners into being the source of our own trauma-inducing behaviors can cast them as the demons of our past, affecting the relationship itself, and can even leave them feeling used when they discover what has been happening. Consent and consciousness is important for all parties.

  Conscious Shapeshifting

  Humans ripping off their clothes, turning into wolves and storming off into the night, often comes to mind when shapeshifting is discussed. The shapeshifting I am discussing is not so limited in voice. We change shapes all the time. We stand up taller to get our point across, drop our voice to a whisper when we want to become invisible. We don wolf energy when we are staring at potential erotic “prey,” and step into being society’s perception of woman by changing how we walk and talk. Every day, and with every person we meet, we shift our shape.

  Sometimes this shifting is done based on who we are with; when we meet with our boss we are not the same persons we are when we get together with our grandparents. Other times it is about what we are wearing, slipping on a business suit, getting casual by wearing shorts and a tank top, or ceremonially donning a mask and robe. It can be based on where we are—a college, a kink convention, out camping, at home, and at a bar call for differe
nt transformations. Elements of yourself, the overarching self, may stay the same, but you wear a different mask, show a different side of yourself, let people peer into the diamond from another direction.

  So what do we change into, and how much do we change? Some can completely change skins, become something totally different when we shift. Others simply take on one quality or element when we transform. Examples of things that individuals shift into follow.

  Ages of Self

  It is possible to become different parts of ourselves we were in our past, or parts of our self that we long to be. Energetically shifting to when we were ten years old can usefully mimic encapsulated time travel, to learn from the past and change how it affects us, but not the other players from that time. Some forms of age role play do just this: instead of being an idealized ten-year-old, we become ourselves from that time, and get to right the wrongs against us or have the comfort and healing we never had then. Uncontrolled age shifting is highly problematic though. It may be useful for therapeutic or magical reasons to go back, but to be stuck back there can cause long-term damage and stop your personal timeline from functionally moving forward. We can, however, come to find compassion for the self and former selves and parts of ourselves through doing this work in a controlled manner.

  Animals

  Pulling upon animal energy and traits is one of the most common forms of shapeshifting in both mythology and in practice. Humans are obsessed with the qualities we assign to animals. Strong like an ox. Wiley like a coyote. Quiet as a mouse. But animals are not so limited. Oxen are trained to work in teams, and might be useful to call upon when paired with someone we have never worked with before. Coyotes are incredibly intelligent. Mice have such sharp and powerful jaws that they have been known to gnaw through concrete and steel. The scope of what an animal can do is just as important to consider as what an animal means to the person visualizing it to shift forms. Just because someone tells me they work with bear means very little until I come to know what bear means to them.

  Archetypes

  Yup, all the stuff we talked about before can be shifted into. Also useful are all forms of mythological and historical icons, from Hercules to Greta Garbo, Cinderella to Chuck Norris.

  Elements

  Earth, air, water, fire, spirit, metal, ice, heat and other elements and elemental forces have energetic traits we may want to take on. What traits each of these have vary based on our cosmology or world view. We can choose to take on the stability of earth, the passion of fire. We can also choose to work with tangential elemental forces such as thunder, storm, sunshine, breeze, river, ocean, and earthquake.

  Genders

  Taking on the traits or elements of a gender, or transforming into that gender, can be hugely powerful in our culture. Note that I do not say “another gender,” as each of us chooses how gender manifests for us, consciously or unconsciously, every day. Transvestitism for example, being aroused by wearing the clothes of the gender other than what you were assigned at birth, cannot be part of the dialogue unless homeovestism is—being aroused by wearing the clothes of your assigned gender. We choose every day how invested in society’s perception of gender we want to be. Shifting between genders, through gender, within gender or otherwise engaging the concept of gender can be a useful shapeshifting tool.

  God/desses

  Though Goddesses and Gods are fully formed entities in their own right (and will be discussed in that context later in this chapter), they also are archetypes and icons that can inspire us or be used as a template for transformation. Even if we have no connection with the deity Artemis, the concept of Artemis as a strong hunter goddess might be a figure for contemplation, or whose traits might be incorporated into our life.

  Other Beings

  Angels, demons, vampires, gargoyles, werewolves, aliens, faeries, and a variety of other creatures have parts of them that may call to us, or may be a shape we feel naturally called to on some level. The truth and mythology behind each of these creatures vary, and one person’s understanding of their nature may not match the understanding of another. To one person a vampire is a blood sucking, garlic-allergic Bella Lugosi Dracula, and to another is the reincarnated eternal soul of ancient magi alive today in the souls of a lucky few who need energy to continue their work. Different people may be on different pages, and are not using their description of their work or experience just to upset you.

  Partners and Loved Ones

  Ever get stressed, and thought about what your best friend would do if they were stuck in this situation? We might pull up our concept of them and shift into that person, donning their attitude until the issue passes. It might be being sweet like a grandfather, innocent like a best friend from middle school, or vengeful like a former spouse. By dressing like them, donning their physical body poses or changing our vocal expression, we can shapeshift into their qualities in times of need, or for kink scenes when those traits are called for.

  Plants and Stones

  Trees, reeds, algae, grass, Venus fly traps and all other forms of plant life are amazing to shift into. What can we learn from the world if we slow down our timeline and look at it from the perspective of a redwood? How fast can we adapt to our surroundings if we are dandelions who manage to grow in sidewalks? Working with that same sidewalk, take on the traits of concrete to create a new story to draw upon, as can work with any mineral, stone or crystal.

  Tarot

  Tarot cards are an amazing source of inspiration for shifting our shapes. The Fool, Magician, The Lovers and the rest offer insights of where we are now, or who we can be if we flip another card, turn the pages in our life. Divination sources also provide a randomizing tool for those who are looking for an inspiration of what roles to take on for a given scene, as illustrated by the short story Divine Intervention by Raven Kaldera in the anthology Bitch Goddess: The Spiritual Path of the Dominant Woman. Other divination systems with a variety of stories buried in them work as well, such as runes, ogham and i-ching can work as well.

  We can work on changing our shape in many different ways. The easiest for most people is to change their physical shape. That’s right! Not in a “skin turns to fur” sort of way, but more simple. It’s all the classic stuff that we learned when fooling around on the playground:

  How are you standing? Beasts crouch down, powerful business people stand with a straight spine, puppies crawl on all fours, worms wiggle on the ground.

  What are you wearing? Ponies put on their tack (or having it put on them), ceremonial magicians don their robes, politicians wear their lucky tie on election day, Slaves are buckled into collars, Dominatrices slink into their tight latex.

  How are you talking? Odin is unlikely to say “y’all,” a cat may purr, a proper young lady will say “please” and “thank you.”

  How are you breathing? Excited, fast, calm, uncertain, giggly, and long, steady breaths all set different energetic tones.

  What is your facial expression? Biting your lip, a stoic face, lip out, eyes downcast, a smirk and a broad smile all tell different stories.

  Putting on the uniform, short haircut, standing up straight, staring straight ahead, breathing in a collected manner and responding in short bursts of “Sir, Yes Sir” transforms the drunken frat boy into the military cadet. Shapeshifting, as I said, happens all the time.

  The next form of shapeshifting involves energetic shifts in being. For some people, this is about creating musical playlists that help them become calm as a stone, or ramp them up to be able to be the queen of the stage that night. For others, this is controlled by rituals or rites—by putting on the mantle dedicated to Hathor, they are able to take on her grace and feel energy wrap around them. Some change their breathing patterns. Others do visualization or guided meditation work, seeing clearly in their mind’s eye an eagle land before them, then walking up to the eagle and feeling them become as one.

  If we realize we are in a wolf-packs-fighting-for-territory situation, we can choose to step
out of the viral shifting of the space, and (if we have the power or clout) change the entire scenario. More often, however, we only have the energy to change ourselves. We can step out of wolf-space, if it is not working for us, and take on human with gun, bear, evergreen tree, or river energy. We can become something other than rival or prey. Change the scenario, diffuse the tension.

  With each shape we take on, we gain new perspective. When was the last time you came into the community from a place of new-to-the-scene pervert? Where would you go if you wore the energy of a different gender for an evening? What insights do you gain exploring your own home as a bird?

  Astral Shapeshifting and Emotion Shifting

  This third form of shapeshifting dovetails off the last, astral shapeshifting. Instead of just visualizing the experience of changing their shape or blending with another, individuals enter into an altered state of consciousness, wherein travel to the astral plane is possible. Some perceive this as a journey into the self, and others, leaving their body and going outward. The astral body is often perceived as a mirror to the physical self, an energetic double existing on another level of awareness. I find this fascinating, as many individuals I meet who describe themselves as transgendered often speak of their astral or dream body being that of the gender they “should” be, and a number of Therian individuals speak of having wings, fangs, or other animal traits in their astral form.