Not the Marrying Kind

by Jae

  Ash couldn’t believe that Sasha would be terrible at anything, but she was secretly glad not to remain behind at the table by herself. They exchanged awkward glances.

  “Um, I think I’ll get myself a little more of your delicious cake,” Ash said.

  But before she could get up, Leo and Holly came over. Leo’s bow tie dangled undone around her neck as if she’d gotten too hot on the dance floor. She blocked Ash’s escape route and extended her hand. “May I have this dance?”

  Ash stared at her. They had danced with each other as teenagers, to practice for the prom, but never as adults. She had never danced with any woman as an adult because she’d been afraid to give herself away. “Um, what are you doing?”

  “Asking a friend to dance,” Leo said easily. She wiggled the fingers of her extended hand. “Come on. Stop overthinking it. Look, even our mothers are dancing together, and no one gives a damn.”

  Ash glanced toward the dance floor.

  Leo was right. The mothers of the brides were dancing and laughing with each other, and no one was paying them any attention.

  Holly was already pulling Sasha to the dance floor, ignoring her warnings that she was about to have her toes crushed.

  You’re being silly, Ash told herself. Just because she was about to dance with another woman didn’t mean a red L for lesbian would be tattooed on her forehead. She put her slightly sweaty hand in Leo’s and followed her to the dance floor.

  The DJ was playing a fast-paced, fun number that didn’t require them to dance close, putting Ash at ease. Soon, she was even enjoying herself and moving to Leo’s undeniable sense of rhythm.

  Leo led her around the dance floor, closer to where Holly was dancing with Sasha.

  Sasha hadn’t lied. Her dancing was awkward, but in such a cute way that Ash had to smile.

  Even though the song wasn’t yet drawing to a close, Leo let go of Ash’s hand and tapped Sasha’s shoulder. “May I cut in and dance with my wife?”

  “Oh, sure.” Sasha immediately released her awkward but gentle grip on Holly.

  When Holly and Leo danced away, Sasha and Ash were left behind in the middle of the dance floor, staring at each other.

  Sasha glanced after them. “Why do I get the feeling they set us up?”

  “Because I’m sure they did,” Ash murmured.

  “Well, we don’t have to dance together just because they tricked us into it,” Sasha offered. “If you’re not comfortable dancing with me, you can always tell them you didn’t want to have your toes crushed.”

  Ash hesitated. Sasha had given her an easy way out—but did she want it?

  She looked around. All around them, couples were dancing and having a good time. Holly’s brothers were spinning their wives around, and even Travis was trying to keep up with Jenny. Grace was dancing with her hands slung around Lauren’s neck, looking deeply into her eyes, even though the song was really too fast for it.

  A few people were staring, but the expressions on their faces said they were in awe of being in the presence of such a famous actress. No one seemed to be disapproving of two women dancing so close.

  Ash wanted that closeness—and she wanted it with Sasha. She didn’t want to sit back down and give her up for good. She wasn’t entirely sure she was ready to deal with the consequences, but she’d think about that later. For now, she wanted this one dance in Sasha’s arms.

  When Sasha moved past her to lead the way off the dance floor, Ash grasped her hand with trembling fingers. “Stay.”

  Sasha turned back toward her, her eyes wide. “Are you sure?”

  Every muscle in Ash’s body was so tense that she felt as if she were stuck in a corset that restricted her breathing. She nodded.

  “Your toes might end up regretting it,” Sasha murmured. “I’m really a horrible dancer.”

  Sasha’s words when she had talked Ash into baking cupcakes with her flashed through Ash’s mind. “You just have to follow my lead, and it’ll turn out great.”

  Sasha chuckled. “You’re quoting me. Guess I’ll have to dance with you, then.”

  But just as they started to move together, the song ended and the next number started. This one wasn’t a fast beat that two friends could hop around to and have some fun. It was a slow love ballad that immediately had the couples move closer to each other.

  Ash was pretty sure Holly and Leo had arranged that too. But it didn’t matter now. She had decided to do this, and she was determined not to back out. Her mouth went dry as she rested her hand on Sasha’s strong shoulder.

  Sasha’s muscles were tense beneath her fingers. Was she scared of trampling on her toes, or was she tense for another reason?

  “Do you want this?” Ash asked in a whisper.

  Sasha looked into her eyes as if trying to find out if she was talking about the dancing or something more. Ash wasn’t even sure what she’d meant. “Yes,” Sasha whispered back. She entwined their fingers and rested her other hand in the small of Ash’s back.

  God, it felt so right—like coming home. Ash realized how much she’d missed that little touch. Again, something Sasha had said ran through her mind: Sometimes, you just have to trust your heart if it tells you it’s right.

  “Um, if you’re leading, shouldn’t we do this the other way around?” Sasha lightly squeezed her fingers and nodded at Ash’s hand on her shoulder.

  “Oh. Right.” Ash’s cheeks flamed. “Sorry. I’m not used to dancing with women.” Plus she liked Sasha’s hand exactly where it was. She tried to switch positions, but Sasha didn’t let go.

  “You know what?” Sasha said. “This is our dance, so we get to make the rules. Let’s dance like this.”

  “Okay.” Her hands still shook as she guided Sasha into the rhythm of the music. She felt as if everyone was staring at them, but she tried not to glance left or right to check if it was true. For now, she would tell herself it was just her imagination.

  A sharp pain shot through her bare toes as if to provide a distraction. “Ouch.”

  Sasha winced along with her and caressed Ash’s back as if soothing away the pain. “Shit. I’m really sorry.” She gave her a sheepish smile. “I warned you your toes would be in danger.”

  Ash wasn’t worried about her toes. If anything, it was her heart that was in danger. “It’s okay. At least if I’m worried about my toes, I might forget to worry about people staring at us.”

  “If they are, it’s only because they feel sorry for you—or because you look really good in this dress. Relax, okay?” Sasha spread her fingers across Ash’s back in a protective gesture.

  “Okay.” Ash exhaled against the smooth fabric of Sasha’s shirt and tried to focus just on Sasha and their dance. She wasn’t used to leading, but since they were merely swaying together and shuffling their feet to the slow beat, there wasn’t much to it. Soon, she forgot to think about where to step or which way to turn. Even the people around them started to fade away.

  Ash barely even heard the music anymore. The thudding of her heartbeat was much louder.

  Their bodies seemed to mold themselves to each other, such a perfect fit despite their differences in height and build. Every inch of her prickled with awareness at Sasha’s closeness. The hem of her dress flared about her as they danced, the soft fabric tickling her oversensitized skin. The warmth of Sasha’s hand in the small of her back seemed to sear into her even through the fabric of her dress. Sasha’s strong thigh brushed hers, and the gentle press of Sasha’s breasts against hers made heat pool low in her belly.

  The intoxicating scent of cinnamon and just Sasha made her want to press even closer. The lanterns and fairy lights above them threw a succession of light and shadow across Sasha’s face, and Ash longed to trace those strong features and caress her soft skin. She could feel Sasha’s warm breath on her cheek. If she turned her head a little, their lips would be
nearly touching.

  Sasha turned her head.

  Their gazes locked. The intensity of their connection and the heat in Sasha’s eyes stole the air from Ash’s lungs. She trembled against her.

  Sasha held her even closer. Their feet were either perfectly in sync, or they had stopped moving. Ash didn’t care which it was.

  The last notes of the song faded away, and couples jostled them as they walked past to leave the dance floor.

  No, everything in Ash screamed out. She wasn’t ready to give up this connection.

  Neither of them let go. They stood in the middle of the dance floor, their bodies still pressed together, and stared into each other’s eyes.

  Finally, it was Sasha who broke away first. “Ash…” It sounded like a groan. “I think we’d better sit down before we do something in public you might end up regretting.” She led her off the dance floor, still holding on to Ash’s hand as if she wasn’t even aware of it.

  Dazed, Ash followed her back to their table.

  Jenny and Travis were already there, staring at them.

  “Holy moly, you two!” Jenny fanned herself with both hands. “What was that?”

  “Ash took pity on me and suffered through my horrible dancing,” Sasha said.

  Jenny rolled her eyes. “That did not look horrible…or like dancing. It looked like you two were about to tear each other’s clothes off in the middle of the dance floor any second!”

  Heat seared through Ash’s cheeks. “N-no, w-we…I…” She snapped her mouth shut. There was no way to explain this without lying and denying what Sasha meant to her—and she didn’t want to do that anymore.

  “Hey, we don’t mind.” Travis flashed them a grin. “Right, Jenn?” He wiggled his fingers at the rest of the gang. “Especially since you all owe me twenty bucks. I told you there’s something going on between these two.”

  Chris shook his head. “I didn’t bet against it, so I owe you zilch.”

  “Ignore them,” Jenny said. “But Travis is right. We really don’t mind. In fact, we’re happy for you.” Her reassuring smile faded. “Your parents might not be, though. They stormed out of here as if they’d seen a ghost.”

  Shards of ice seemed to stab Ash’s chest. “What? My parents were here? They…they saw…us?” Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! The world started to spin around her, and only Sasha’s grip on her hand kept her on her feet.

  Sasha rubbed Ash’s fingers, which had gone cold. “Do you want me to talk to them? I could tell them…whatever you want me to.”

  Sasha would lie for her; Ash knew that. It was tempting—really tempting—to have Sasha be the knight in a bow tie who would make it all go away, but Ash knew as much as it scared her, she had to face her parents. No one else could do this for her. She squeezed Sasha’s hand. “Thanks, but I think I need to do this on my own.” Not that she knew exactly what she would say or do.

  With obvious hesitation, Sasha let go of her hand and gave her an encouraging nod. “I’ll be right here, okay? No matter what.”

  Ash nodded, afraid her teeth would chatter if she spoke. After one last glance back at Sasha, she rushed out of the barn on wobbly legs.

  Shit. Sasha sank onto her chair and stared toward the barn entrance. It had gotten dark outside, so she couldn’t watch Ashley cross the yard. Her mind was spinning like dough in a bread machine. What the hell had just happened?

  Ashley had slow-danced with her in front of pretty much everyone they knew…and now she was running after her parents, probably to make up an excuse about it. Or would she dare to come out to them?

  Travis gave her a friendly punch to the shoulder, as if she were one of the guys now. “So, you and Ashley, huh?” He waggled his eyebrows.

  Sasha was so tense that her muscles felt as if they were about to snap. She had no patience for Travis’s comments right now. “Grow up, Trav. Not everything in life is about sex.”

  “Oh, come on. After the way you two just looked at each other, you still expect me to believe that there’s nothing between you?” Travis snorted. “Yeah, sure.”

  “I never said that.” But what they had—what she wanted to have with Ashley—was about so much more. When she had looked into Ashley’s eyes on the dance floor, the connection between them had made her forget everything else, and now that it had been torn away, her chest ached with the sudden emptiness.

  “So Travis was actually right for once,” Jenny said. “Ashley really likes women, doesn’t she?”

  Sasha didn’t answer. Her attention was on the open barn doors and the darkness beyond. Was Ashley talking to her parents right now? If she was, what was she telling them?

  “Duh.” Travis nudged his wife. “She likes Sasha, most of all.”

  “Why didn’t Ash ever tell us?” Jenny asked. “We’re her friends. Did she really think we would ostracize her?”

  Sasha shrugged. “You’ll have to ask Ashley about that. She can speak for herself. Now you’ll have to excuse me, guys. I need to…” She gestured toward the door and stood. But before she could make her escape, Leo’s mother grabbed her arm.

  “Oh, no, no, you can’t leave now, dear. It’s time for the bouquet toss.”

  Sasha groaned. She hated that silly, outdated ritual. Why were people still assuming every single woman must be desperate to find a husband—or a wife? “I thought Holly and Leo didn’t want to do that?”

  Leo’s mother shrugged. “Beth and I talked them into it.”

  “Well, I’m sure someone else will be delighted to catch one of the bouquets, but I’m not superstitious and I really need to—”

  “In a minute, dear. It won’t take long, especially since they won’t be doing a garter toss.”

  Sasha threw one last glance to the doors before she gave up and let herself be dragged to the group of unmarried women who had gathered on the dance floor.

  Leo and Holly stood with their backs toward the crowd, their bouquets at the ready.

  Sighing, Sasha tried to hide in the back of the group, but that wasn’t easy to do when you were six feet tall. Well, at least she wouldn’t get caught in the frenzy and could get out of there as soon as this silliness was over. She ignored the chiding gaze Leo’s mother sent her.

  “Three, two, one,” Holly and Leo counted together before tossing the bouquets over their shoulders.

  Both arced high into the air, and dozens of eager hands reached for them as they descended. Sasha was the only one who didn’t even raise her arms.

  One bouquet headed straight for her.

  Oh shit. She sidestepped quickly, but that brought her into the path of the other bouquet, which bounced off the outstretched hands of another woman and sailed directly into Sasha’s arms.

  She stared down at the flowers as if they were a grenade.

  Holly’s cousin laughed at her. “So much for you not being the marrying kind.”

  Ash must have crossed the yard a few thousand times in her life, but the distance had never seemed so long and yet so short at the same time.

  Her cheeks were still flushed from dancing with Sasha, and the cool night air made her shiver. Or maybe she was trembling with fear. Her heart hammered so loudly that she could no longer hear the music from the reception.

  There was light in the kitchen. Normally, the lights in her parents’ house always seemed inviting, but now it felt as if she was walking toward sure doom. Ash was only too aware that this might very well be the last time she set foot inside the house she’d grown up in.

  With damp hands, she knocked on the back door. She didn’t want to give her parents a heart attack on top of everything else.

  When no immediate reply came, she entered. “Mom? Dad? It’s me.”

  Her mother was sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, while her father paced in front of the sink.

  The sight sent a
stab of pain through Ash. She’d seen her parents like this far too often in the months after Melissa’s death. Was Ash being gay really equivalent to Melissa killing herself for them?

  Her mother looked up with tears in her eyes. That was a much too familiar sight too. “Oh my God!” She jumped up, rushed around the table, and touched Ash’s hair with trembling fingers. “I didn’t even see this earlier! What did you do to your beautiful hair?”

  Red-faced, her father stopped his pacing. “Do you really think her hair is what’s important right now?” He towered over Ash and stabbed his finger in the direction of the barn. “What on earth was that?”

  “I-I…I was dancing.”

  “With another woman?” her mother squeaked out.

  Ash stared down at the tile that had been chipped ever since she’d dropped a mug on it when she’d been six. She knew she was at a crossroad now. She could tell them it had been completely innocent, just a harmless dance at the request of the brides. Her parents were probably so desperate to cling to the thought of her as straight that they’d believe it, if she lied convincingly enough. Or she could tell them the truth and come out to them—and possibly lose them for good.

  She glanced over her shoulder toward the barn, where Sasha was waiting. No matter what, she’d said. Ash squared her shoulders and braced herself for the worst. A thousand thoughts tumbled through her brain as she searched for a way to make her parents understand and accept her. Finally, what came out of her mouth was, “I’m gay.”

  Her father’s face took on an even deeper shade of red. His teeth ground against each other so loudly that Ash could hear it.

  Her mother shook her head repeatedly. “W-why would you say that?”

  “Because it’s true.” Ash’s voice shook, but she forced herself to repeat it. “I’m gay.”

  “No, you’re not,” her mother said, still shaking her head. “You’re just confused or—”

  “I’m not a teenager, Mom. This isn’t something that I just discovered about myself. I’ve known it for fifteen years.”