Almost Just Friends

by Jill Shalvis

  Midmorning, Cam sat in the tiny marina business office, staring at the ancient metal filing cabinet. Up until today, it’d been filled to the brim with paperwork shoved into each drawer so tightly, he’d had to pry them open one at a time.

  His dad’s filing system.

  Rowan had been going through it all and leaving notes, but paperwork hadn’t been his strong suit. Hiring Gavin had been one of Cam’s smartest ideas ever. Piper’s brother had gone painstakingly through each bill and receipt, slowly making progress and some sense of the bookkeeping.

  Or lack of it.

  It gave Cam relief knowing that when he got called to head back to work, he could go with the confidence that Gavin would be able to keep things up to date. What didn’t give Cam a sense of relief? Everything he’d be leaving behind.

  Or whom.

  Scrubbing a hand over his face, he leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes for a second as he remembered the feel of Piper’s body against him, how she’d responded to his touch like he was the very breath in her lungs.

  Being with her had been magic. And addictive. And yet he would still have to leave, no matter what he wanted. It was inevitable.

  But his return would be as well. He was no longer surprised by that realization. What he had been surprised by was all he’d found here in Wildstone. Last night, something in particular had driven him to swim the lake, needing both mental and physical exhaustion.

  Turned out that being with Piper was all he’d needed.

  But in the light of day, what he’d found yesterday in Rowan’s things was still shocking him. It’d been hidden in the old metal filing cabinet.

  The chair Cam sat in was also metal and far too small, which meant his knees were jammed up too close to his chest. He felt like a giant playing in a dollhouse. Not the best place for an epiphany.

  When a knock sounded on the door, it was a welcome diversion. It opened before he could even get up, and there stood Winnie, hair in two ponytails, the ends dipped in blue, wearing jean shorts and an oversized T-shirt, looking fourteen years old, tops.

  “I told her,” she said, leaning dramatically against the doorjamb. “Piper.” She came into the office, filling it with the level of angst only a twenty-year-old woman-child could. She plopped into the metal chair across the desk from him.

  He stood. “Is she okay?”

  “Well, I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

  Cam shook his head at her. “You know what I mean.”

  “She’s . . . shocked.” Winnie rubbed her stomach. “She can join my damn club.”

  Suddenly suspicious, Cam sat. “When you say you told her, you mean you told her all of it, right?”

  “You make it sound like there’s so much to tell.”

  He leveled a look at her. “For nearly two decades, she raised you and Gavin with hopes and dreams for you both. I’m pretty sure those hopes and dreams didn’t include you quitting college, returning to Wildstone, or getting pregnant so young.”

  Winnie sighed. “I know. And yeah, I told her everything. Well, except the Rowan being the daddy part. I mean, why drag a dead guy into it, right?”

  “Why wouldn’t you tell her?” he asked, boggled by the mysterious workings of the female mind.

  Winnie tipped her head back and stared up at the ceiling. “You knew your brother. He was . . . awesome, but he marched to his own beat, you know? He wasn’t exactly the most responsible guy around. I know this because I’m not either. And Piper knew it too. But what she doesn’t know is that I’m changing, for the Bean.” She cupped her belly. “But I have to show her, Cam. Show, not tell. I’m going to prove myself to her, for me and Rowan. I just need time to do it.”

  Cam opened his mouth, but telling her she was making a stupid choice was what he’d have done to Rowan. And look where that’d gotten them. So he bit his tongue. Hard. Because Piper wasn’t wrong about Rowan. The kid had been slow to grow up, really slow. And living here on the lake with his dad, who wasn’t exactly Mr. Responsible himself, hadn’t helped. But in the end, Rowan had at least been trying. Hell, Cam had the proof of that sitting in his pocket.

  Winnie was growing up too, getting a crash course in adulting while she was at it. By all counts, she was doing her best. It’d be of no use to tell her how stupid it was not to tell Piper, that it’d only blow up on her in the end. Chances were that she already knew. Or, more likely, she just didn’t care, because in Winnie’s world, it was still all about Winnie.

  That would change too, soon enough, but she’d have to figure that out on her own. He was here for her, no matter what. He’d made a promise, and he took those incredibly seriously. But first and foremost, his responsibility was to the baby she was carrying. “Rowan had definitely started to grow up,” he said. “For you both.”

  Winnie gave him a look that held a mix of doubt and hope. “Really?”

  “He was in it with you, Winnie. All the way in.”

  “What do you mean?” She straightened up and leaned toward him now. “How do you know?”

  “Because I found this.” He pulled the little black box from his pocket, the one he’d found shortly before Piper had come to him on the dock last night.

  Winnie took the box and stared at it for a long moment. When she finally opened it and found a very modest but pretty diamond ring, she covered her mouth with shaking fingers. “He wanted to marry me?”

  “Yes.”

  She clutched the box to her chest like she was hugging it, but didn’t make a move to put it on.

  “You’re not going to wear it?”

  She pressed her lips together. “Did he tell you how we got together? I mean together, together?”

  “No.”

  “We were BFFs. Ride or dies, you know? And though we toyed with an attraction, we’d always ignored it.” She shook her head. “I think we were both scared. Even stupid kids like us recognized when two souls were meant for each other, and that was . . . well, terrifying. So we kept it platonic.”

  Cam glanced down wryly at the hand she held over her stomach.

  “Yeah, well, I’m getting there,” she said. “He came down to Santa Barbara to visit me just before he went to see you. I wasn’t expecting him. He showed up at my place just as I was getting home from a date with a guy who had turned out to be an asshole.” She sighed. “The truth is, Rowan sort of saved me that night. I was upset, and . . .” She closed her eyes for a long moment, lost in her thoughts. “And, well . . . one thing led to another.” When she opened her eyes, they were wet. “That was the last time I saw him.”

  They’d been on the verge of something, something that might’ve been really great for both of them, and it’d been taken away from them. Cam hated that.

  Winnie ran her finger over the ring, then met his gaze, her own surprisingly adult. “We weren’t in love. At least not yet. But I loved him in my own way, and I know he loved me too. And I like to think we could’ve made it work.”

  Cam stood up, pulled her to her feet, and hugged her as she started to cry. “I think so too,” he said softly, his own throat tight from listening to her pain.

  Finally, she sniffed and pulled back to swipe a hand across her face. “I know we already had a funeral, but it was with a bunch of people I didn’t know. I want to do a really small thing here, with Piper and Gavin, who couldn’t afford to go to the first one.” She looked at him. “Would you be okay with that?”

  “Of course, but are you sure you want to put yourself through it again?”

  “No. But I want to do it anyway. For closure.”

  Cam nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

  “Next weekend,” she said. “With your dad and my siblings?”

  It was the last thing he wanted to do, open up the wound and grieve again, but he nodded. “Sure.”

  There was a knock on the doorjamb. Gavin. He took a look at his sister’s tear-streaked face. “What’s wrong? You okay?”

  “Rowan got me a ring,” she said. “He loved me
.”

  “Well, of course he did,” he said, and gave her a one-armed hug. “We all do.”

  “Stop being nice.” Winnie sniffled some more. “Or I’ll never be able to turn off the waterworks.”

  “Were you looking for me?” Cam asked Gavin. “Or did you come to put in a few hours?”

  “Both.”

  “He’s upset because Piper wants to sell the property,” Winnie said. “He just got back together with his ex and doesn’t want to leave town.”

  “That’s not why I don’t want to leave town,” Gavin said. Paused. Shrugged. “At least that’s not the whole reason anyway.”

  “So Piper’s definitely selling?” Cam asked.

  “She wants to,” Gavin said. “And I get it. She needs out. She deserves that.”

  “I tried to get us a loan,” Winnie said.

  Both men looked at her, shocked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “Look at me adulting, right? But Piper’s not trying to run from us. She’s just trying to get herself a life now that we have one.” She looked at Gavin. “I thought if I got a loan and paid her for her third of the property, she could go away to school in Colorado like she wants. And then maybe we could stay and rent the cottages out, like you thought about doing, and . . . I don’t know . . . do a B and B thing.”

  Gavin looked stunned. “You’d do that with me?”

  “In a heartbeat. With you as the people person and me as the fixer-upper person, we couldn’t go wrong.”

  “You sure, Win? I mean, you get that I’m all sorts of fucked up, right?”

  “Hello,” she said with a soggy smile. “Have you met me? Because same. But in the end, it doesn’t matter, because I was declined by the bank. I don’t have any credit history, and apparently I’m also a huge risk. I know, shock, right?”

  Gavin laughed a little bitterly. “Well, I’ve got plenty of credit history, it’s just all bad credit history. In fact, it’s so bad they’ll probably run the other way. But I’ll try anyway. We’ll figure it out somehow, okay?”

  Winnie smiled and nodded. “I believe that.”

  Cam did too. The Mannings were a force to be reckoned with, and he wouldn’t bet against them. But . . . “You guys need to talk to Piper. Tell her, all of it. She’d find a way to help you guys make this happen.”

  “You think so?” Winnie asked.

  “I know so. I realize neither of you are here for advice, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. You want to prove to her that you can handle things? Then show her.” He turned to the door.

  “Where are you going?” Winnie asked.

  “To find your sister.”

  “Wait!” She ran to the door and stepped in front of him. “You’re not going to tell her about Rowan, right? Because remember, it’s my story to tell. You promised.”

  He wondered if Piper felt this same pinch in the chest as he did whenever dealing with her siblings, like a thousand elephants had just run over him. He’d felt it with Rowan too. “And you promised you’d come clean. With everything.”

  “I am. I will!”

  “You do realize the position you’re putting me in, right?”

  “But I’m the mama of your niece,” she said, going right for the emotional gut punch without remorse. “And you promised Rowan you’d take care of me.”

  “Niece?” Cam asked, now feeling a different pinch in his chest entirely. This one came with an unexpected rush of emotion. “You’re having a girl?”

  “I don’t know,” she admitted, dipping her head, rubbing her stomach. “But I’m kind of hoping. I want her to have Rowan’s eyes.” She looked up again. “But also I want her to have my hair, because . . .” She waved a hand at it. “Well, look at it.”

  Cam blew out a breath. “You’ve got to promise me you’ll tell Piper everything before I have to go back to the DEA.”

  Winnie nodded.

  “I want the words, Winnie.”

  “I will. I just need a little more time to show her who I am, who I want to be. Then I’ll tell her everything. I promise I will.”

  Cam looked at Gavin. “Look after her.” He left, crossing the properties to knock on Piper’s door. No answer. He walked past the cottages but didn’t see her working on any of them. But her car was in the driveway, so she was here somewhere.

  He was quite certain that after finding out about the pregnancy, wherever she was, she wanted to be alone. She’d just had a big shock, and she was very used to dealing with those on her own. From a very young age she’d been responsible for just about everything. She’d buttoned herself up and kept her head down to make it all happen. She’d learned to be organized and type A just so Gavin and Winnie would make it to school fed and clothed, and the bills got paid. Frankly, he was in awe of her and all she’d done, and also proud of her.

  But he wanted to be there for her, however he could. If she’d let him.

  And that was a big if . . .

  When he realized she was probably walking around the lake and that it’d be easier and faster to find her with the boat, he went back for it. He putted toward the north shore and caught sight of her from several hundred yards out. She was sitting on the tire swing, writing in her journal.

  He understood. He hadn’t grown up here, but the sparkling water, the rolling hills, the trees, the scent of all of it gave him such a sense of peace.

  Piper glanced up at the sound of the engine, and even from this distance he could read her. She was not pleased with his arrival.

  He turned off the motor and drifted in close, beaching the bow, tying off, and then leaping to shore. “For a woman who’s deathly afraid of the water, you sure like to be near it.”

  She didn’t budge. His favorite female badass just slanted him a long look. “Just because I don’t want to be in it doesn’t mean I can’t love it,” she said. “The scent and sounds of it make me happy.”

  “You’re a conundrum.”

  That got him a small smile. “So I’ve been told, and not as nicely.”

  “I talked to your siblings.”

  “Yeah? Did they raise your blood pressure with just their presence?”

  He smiled, but it faded quickly.

  She stared at him. “She told you?”

  When he didn’t answer right away, she repeated the question, but without the question part. “She told you, just like that.” She shook her head. “Am I hard to talk to? Is that it?”

  “No.”

  She sighed. “You’re just saying that because I slept with you.”

  “Technically, there wasn’t much sleeping involved.”

  She tipped her head back to look up at the sky. “I’m not doing a good job at life-ing right now.”

  “I disagree. You amaze me, Piper, every day.”

  “So why do both my siblings go to you with their problems instead of me?” She looked confused and hurt.

  “Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone with a little distance, who can look at things more rationally, with a different perspective.”

  “Why are you doing this, Cam?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Getting close to them.”

  “I like them,” he said.

  “And me. Why are you getting close to me?”

  “You mean other than your sweet, sunny nature?”

  She didn’t smile. In fact, she stared at him like she was seeing him for the very first time. “I keep people at arm’s length for a reason,” she said, getting to her feet. “Because I don’t need or want anyone in my business or my life.”

  “Maybe I care about you.”

  “You shouldn’t. I don’t want you to. And I don’t know why you would.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a beat and then shook her head. “I’m sorry. Clearly, I need a time-out.”

  And with that, she turned and walked off. Not toward home, but the other way, farther north. He let her get a good head start before following on foot, just wanting to make sure she was okay. A minute later, she stopped and turned to f
ace him, swiping at tears that broke his heart.

  He closed the distance between them, never breaking eye contact. “Why do I care?” he asked, echoing her words as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I care because I want you to have a happy, fulfilling life. I care because I know you’re hurting. I care because I’m emotionally attached to you. Hell, Piper, I just want to help you, but I can’t because you won’t let me in. Let me in.”

  She closed her eyes, and he thought she was denying him, but then she whispered, “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

  His chest was tight when he put his hands on her hips and pulled her in. “Then I’ll keep saying it.”

  She swallowed hard and went up on tiptoes to press her forehead to his. “It means more than you’ll ever know.” She paused. “I . . . overreacted. I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time shutting down my emotions. They keep spilling out of me. It’s like an avalanche. A tsunami. I can’t seem to control them.”

  “Then don’t shut them down. Let them come out. Then let them go.”

  “I can’t. Not here. Winnie and Gavin will come looking for me eventually. I need to talk to them, but . . . Winnie’s having a baby. God.” She appeared to try to beat back the panic. “I need to process first, and I need to be alone for that.”

  “I’ve got just the place.”

  Chapter 20

  “It turns out that I am going to hit on you again. You should brace yourself because I’m going to be very convincing.”

  Piper walked with Cam back the way they’d come, not realizing that his destination was the boat. Stopping, she shook her head. “I might’ve given you the wrong idea. I’m not exactly in the mood—”

  “I know. We’re not going there.”

  Wait . . . they weren’t? If she had any brain power left, she’d allocate some to figuring out why he didn’t want to sleep with her again.

  “You wanted to be alone,” he said. “I’m trying to give you that.”

  “Great, but can’t that be anywhere other than the boat?”

  “Name one place in this town we can go where your siblings aren’t going to be able to find you.”