by Ward, H. M.
Sean’s touch lingers, and then he slowly steps away. The inky blackness engulfs him and I’m alone. Time passes slowly, and nothing happens for a long time.
Then, my body grows colder. Sweat drips down my spine and soaks my hair. A bead trickles down my cheek and I wipe it away. I try to suck in air, but find I can’t breathe. I panic. The floor is gone and I’m falling, suddenly sucked into a black hole. I’m breathless. My stomach flies up into my throat and I flail, trying to grab hold of something. My mouth is open. I scream, and hear an echo that sounds too far away.
Suddenly, I feel my arms and legs. Sheets are tangling me. Panic has me in an icy sweat. I push up before my eyes are open, gasping.
“Whoa,” a male voice says. His hand is on my shoulder, steadying me. My head throbs and the room spins. The hand pushes me back down. I freak out and yelp.
“Damn, Avery. You’re all sorts of messed up. Stay still. It’s just Marty and me. What the hell did they give you?” Mel is talking. I can’t focus on her face.
I stretch my fingers and feel the IV in my hand. The tape itches. My eyes feel like they’re stitched together. I manage to pry them open and look around. The room is spinning. I groan and cover my face with my hands, trying to make it stop. When I lay still, things settle. I feel like I’m drugged out of my mind. I wonder if Marty and Mel are real or if I’m still dreaming. I look straight ahead. Mel is at the foot of my bed. I sweep my eyes across the room. Marty is next to me in a chair. I’m not in the same room I fell asleep in.
My brain wakes up and shakes off. Panic is prodding it to function faster and piece things together. Frantic thoughts fly through my mind like an out of control kaleidoscope.
They admitted me? I can’t be here. I can’t afford this. Anxiety rises up from deep inside me and vines into every crevice of my being. If I can’t pay these bills, I’ll have to declare bankruptcy. If I declare bankruptcy, then I can’t get a job when I graduate, which means my entire life is a wash. Everything I did to stay in college will be wiped out.
I completely freak out. My heart is pounding as though someone is trying to kill me. My voice sounds like a screech, “I can’t be here. I can’t—” I start coughing and can’t stop. My mouth and throat are so dry. My lips are bloody and cracked in the corners. I’d kill someone for Blistex right now.
“Shhh, Avery. Everything will be fine,” Marty says, and hands me a cup of water. I take it, grateful, and sip. I keep clearing my throat, trying to swallow. After a moment, he asks, “Better?”
I nod and hand him back the cup. My hands shake. There’s another question that I’ve been dreading to ask, but I need to know. The dream has me spooked. Sean shouldn’t be standing by my parents, not unless he’s dead. I want to curl into a ball and cry.
I manage, “Where is Sean?” Mel looks at Marty, but neither of them says anything. “Tell me. If he’s d-dead, tell me. I can’t take not knowing. Where is he?”
Marty looks down at me. His fingers stroke my forehead gently. “We’re not sure. They moved you up here last night. Mel and I got here right after they moved you. I heard they were working on a guy that was in a motorcycle accident when we came in through the ER. I’m guessing that was Sean, but no one will tell us anything.
“Mel grabbed your chart when nobody was looking and wrote down that she was your next of kin, otherwise they wouldn’t have even let us in to see you.”
Mel snorts. “Yeah, they didn’t believe we were sisters. I told them if they wanted to hear the fucked up shit we’ve been through, I got time. They let me in after that and I brought Marty up. I think I scared that little blonde nurse you had last night.”
Marty laughs. “Yeah, she thinks we’re in a gang or something.”
“A gay gang. That’ll do wonders for my reputation.” Mel sits down on a chair and looks so sullen, so sorry. She blinks away all her sass and for a moment, she’s nothing but worried. “Seriously, Avery, are you all right? Do you hurt? You want more pain meds?”
I shake my head slowly. “No, I don’t think so. Whatever they gave to me, made me feel weird. So, what’s wrong with me? Why was I admitted? I have no insurance. I can’t possibly pay for this.” My heart starts pounding again.
Marty sits back in his chair. He presses his fingers together. “I think you’re here under observation. They said you hit your head pretty hard. They ran a bunch of tests last night and are still waiting on some of the results. Don’t worry. They’ll throw your ass out as soon as possible.”
Mel sighs and says, “Black was here. Gabe or Blade or whatever the hell his name is, is in the waiting room to see if you wake up.”
“Black came? Who told her?” Damn, my head hurts. I rub my fingers against my temples, squinting, trying to focus.
“I did,” Mel says. “You were wearing your bracelet. The bead broke and she called you. Her thug showed up two seconds later to skin your date, but I told him what happened. Black wants her investment back.”
“Shit.” I close my eyes. I think about it for a moment, and then ask. “Is Sean’s jacket in here?” Mel nods and hands it to me. I pull out the envelope and separate the note, the necklace, and some of the money. I put those things back in Sean’s jacket and hand it back to Mel. “Call Gabe in here for me.”
“Avery—” Marty interrupts. He cuts Mel a look that says she shouldn’t listen to me, but Mel does. Before he can protest, Mel is in the hallway. “You don’t have to do this now.” His eyes are so big and brown. I never realized how much he cares about me. Marty looks really worried.
I take his hand and rub the back. “It’ll be okay. Wait and see.”
Gabe walks in. “Miss Stanz, how are you?”
“I’ve been better. Listen, I know why you’re here. Take this. Give it to Black. Tell her we’re even. I took out enough to cover the fee from the other night.” I hand him the envelope filled with cash. “Tell her my indentured servitude is over.”
He looks down at it and back up at me. “I’ll let her know. What about work? Should I tell her you’re coming back? Or are you making other employment arrangements?”
I want to quit. Since I stepped my foot into Black’s office, things have gone from bad to worse. But I can’t pull out. Not now. God knows how much this is going to cost. I’ll have to pay the debt, and finish school and work. Oh, holy hell. My head hurts. I’m staring at Gabe as I’m thinking. The answer is obvious. I have to keep working for her. Shit.
“Avery…” Marty says softly.
Mel watches me, her caramel eyes flicking between me and Gabe.
“I’ll come back as soon as possible. I want to be on the books next weekend. I’m full in, none of this halfway stuff anymore.”
Gabe nods, “You’re made of stone, kid. Hold it together and get out as fast as you can.” Gabe glances at Mel and adds, “I never said that, so you didn’t hear it.”
Mel flinches and looks at me, and then back at Gabe. “I’m not saying shit to no one. What you looking at me like that for? The more people looking out for my girl, the better. Damn right, I said that. Tell whoever the fuck you want.” Mel’s arms are folded over her chest. Standing next to Gabe, she looks so small and breakable.
Gabe smirks at Mel and leaves without another word. We all watch the door close. I rub the heel of my hand over my eyes and sit up. The room tilts to the side, but I can’t stay here. I have to get up and leave. Before I can manage to swing my legs off the side of the bed, Marty scoots closer and takes my hand.
“Avery, how could you say that?” Marty sounds like he’s scolding me.
“Don’t you dare yell at her. What the hell is wrong with you? She’s been through enough. Zip it, Dough Boy or I’ll toss your ass out of here.” Mel is standing with her hands on her hips. I can tell that she wants to yell at Marty, but her voice is calm.
She looks over at me. “You hungry? I’ll go get you something, some soup maybe? I know how much you like soup.”
I like soup as much as she likes pancakes. I smile. It
makes my lips crack. I wince and ask, “Sounds good. And can you find me some lip balm?”
Mel nods. “Sure thing, honey. Glad you’re alive.”
“Me too.”
Mel slips out the door, and Marty and I are alone.
12
Marty doesn’t say anything, at first. He seems nervous and way out of sorts. I tell him, “I don’t think anything is broken. I can move all my toes.”
“Avery, I need to tell you something. After all this, oh my God, if I didn’t get a chance to say it…”
I smile at him. My face hurts to do it, but he looks so scared. “Just tell me.”
“The other day when I broke the beaker… Do you remember?”
Yeah, I remember. He was acting like a crazy person. I nod. “Yeah, what was that about?”
Marty watches me for a long time. There’s no expression on his face. I sigh and rub my shoulder. It feels like the muscles have a rock stuck between them. Marty leans forward and says, “Here, let me help.” His hands work my shoulder and I can feel the muscle start to loosen up.
“So, about the other day?” I prompt.
“Yeah, the thing is—damn, I don’t even know where to start. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you think, you know? You go into a situation thinking one thing, but then everything changes, and nothing goes the way you planned.” Marty’s hands work my shoulder, rubbing out the sore muscles. I relax a little.
“You’re preaching to choir.”
“Yeah, well, there’s more.” He rubs his thumb into the muscle harder, and I make a content sound, a gentle moan. Marty jerks his hand away like I burned him. I glance at him, not understanding. “Avery, I—”
There’s a knock at the door, cutting him off. A man in scrubs and a white lab coat enters. “Avery Stanz, good to see you awake. How do you feel?”
“Like I was in a car wreck. Sore and achy.”
He nods and looks at my clipboard. “Any vision issues? Difficulty walking? Headaches?”
My head hurts, but I want to leave. I say no to all three, even though I haven’t been out of bed. He asks me more questions and explains that my tests came back clear and that I can go home. They held me here because I had an allergic reaction to a painkiller they gave me in the ER. He explains what drug it was and tells me that I need to remember it. Apparently, I was hallucinating and had trouble breathing right. They pumped me full of an antihistamine and kept me longer to be safe.
Just before the doctor walks away, he asks, “Any questions?”
I nod and look up at him. “Where is Sean Ferro? No one will tell me anything.”
He smiles sadly. “Your friend is...something. He, uh,” the doctor glances back at the door and then back at me. “He’s no longer with us. He—”
I gasp and my hands fly to my face. The doctor keeps talking, but I’ve shut him out. I hear his voice but not his words. It isn’t until I feel his hand on my shoulder that I can focus enough to hear what he’s saying. “Miss Stanz, please listen. Your friend signed himself out last night. I said that poorly. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Mr. Ferro is banged up, but he’ll recover. Do you understand?”
Eyes wide, I nod. “Sean’s alive?”
“Yes, he is.” The doctor releases my shoulder. His gaze cuts to Marty. “Make sure she remembers what I said.” And then to me, “The nurse will be by to discharge you in a little bit. I ah, heard something last night. Is it true that Mr. Ferro cut off your car to avoid that truck?” he asks, looking directly at me. I nod. My throat is too tight to speak.
He studies me for a moment and points his pen at me. “You’re very fortunate. You both are. The paramedics showed me pictures of his bike. Luck was on your side.” He shakes his head, like he can’t believe it, and leaves.
I laugh. I can’t help it. I’m the antithesis of lucky. “No, I’m not. Luck evades me.”
“Not this time, Avery.” Marty pats my arm. “You were damn lucky. So was Sean.” Marty blinks, like that’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “I can’t believe he walked out.”
Neither can I. He walked out and left me here. Sean didn’t wait for me. He didn’t make sure I was okay, he just left. Who does that? The floor of my stomach twists with worry.
13
Marty and Mel work out who will take me home. The doctor said that someone needs to keep an eye on me. I agreed to let them, but now that I’m being buckled into Marty’s front seat I no longer want to cooperate. I want to see Sean. I need to look at him with my own eyes and see that he’s alive. I don’t understand how he could fall like that and walk away. I don’t understand. It seems unreal, like everything else in my life.
Marty is driving toward the college. He’s talking softly, asking me if I’m okay, if I want food or something. I stare out the window. There’s something cold inside my stomach and it’s creeping up my throat. I don’t know what happened, but I feel like I can’t tell him what I’m thinking, not after this.
Marty’s big brown eyes cut over to me. I feel them on the side of my face, poking me like a stick. “Tell me what crazy idea is brewing in that head of yours.”
I look at him with my jaw hanging open. Damn it. How does he do that? Why am I so transparent around him? I try to throw him off. “What? I wouldn’t—”
“Cut the crap, princess. I see that look on your face. What crazy-ass thing are you planning this time?”
I sink down into my seat and fold my arms across my chest. Marty slows the car as we hit gridlock. Awesome. “You make me sound like a Scooby-Doo villain. I’m not planning anything.”
“As soon as I tuck you into your little bed and chase Amber away, you’re going to go to him. Am I right?” Marty gives me a look.
My gaze drops to my hands. I feel like crap. I’m exhausted in every way possible. My voice is weak and mousy, hardly audible. “I need to see him.”
“That guy has brought you nothing but trouble. I’m all for true love and fighting for what you believe in, but this isn’t love Avery. Don’t make me tell you what it is. You already know.” Marty’s grip tightens on the steering wheel. The car inches forward. A horn blares somewhere behind us.
“I have to see him,” I repeat. “I don’t expect you to understand, but after everything I’ve been through—I have to see him. I can’t believe he walked away from that, like I literally cannot believe it. I have to see for myself… and I need to ask him something.”
Marty is silent for a moment. He works his jaw while staring straight ahead. Suddenly, his eyes cut to the left and then back to the right. He mutters something that I can’t make out and edges the car into the far left lane. “Mel is going to kill me. I swear to God, if you tell her that I—”
I realize that he’s turning around, that Marty is going to take me back to the city so I can see Sean. “Thank you, Marty. Really, I—”
He shakes his head and gives me a firm look. “Don’t thank me. This is the worst possible thing I could do for you.” His eyes bore into me, which makes me squirm in my seat. There’s something there, some grievance or grief that I’m unaware of—something I don’t know. I want to ask why he’s so bent on keeping me away from Sean, but I know better than to ask.
The light changes and Marty does a U-turn and we’re out of gridlock, heading directly toward Sean’s hotel. I tell Marty where to go and then there’s a thick uncomfortable silence.
My finger flicks the leather on the door as I stare out the window. My mind keeps drifting back to the note in Sean’s pocket. He regrets everything. He wants to start over. In that moment, I feel the same way. I want to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him until I can’t breathe, but how can I —he left without me. Sean didn’t even make sure I was all right. He didn’t stick his head in and check on me. He did nothing. It looks like he doesn’t care about me at all.
I groan and rub my face with the heel of my hand. My head is pounding. I glance over at Marty. “You think I’m making a mistake, don’t you?”
Marty glanc
es over at me before his eyes dart back to the road. “Don’t ask me questions that you already know the answer to,” he snaps. He’s so tense. It’s like he’s strangling the steering wheel as he drives. When we are approaching the hotel, he finally speaks. “I’m parking and walking up with you.”
“Marty—”
“It’s not optional. Besides, you look like you’re going to do a face-plant on the dashboard. I can’t let you wander in by yourself.” Marty pulls up in front of the hotel and gives his car to the valet.
When I step out, the guy that opened my door gives me a weird look. I have that train wreck thing going on. I haven’t even looked in a mirror. Who cares about mirrors at times like this? But still, it makes me feel self-conscious. Marty hands him a fist full of cash and takes my arm. I hold onto Marty. I am weak. The world starts to tilt to the side, but Marty steadies me, and the feeling passes.
As we walk inside, Marty leans in and whispers in my ear, “You owe me so big for this, and I totally plan on redeeming this time.” His palm rubs the back of my hand and he grins at me.
My heart is pounding. My thoughts tangle tighter and tighter as the elevator approaches Sean’s floor. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it won’t move. Marty squeezes my hand tight and says, “You okay?”
I nod and smile at him. Worry pinches my face though, so the smile looks timid. The elevator doors open. I turn to Marty and ask, “Will you wait for me over here?”
“Avery, I don’t think you should see him alone. This is a really bad idea. The guy left—he left you in the hospital alone.” Marty is pleading with me, but I can’t bend to caution. I have to see for myself.
I pat his hands before saying, “Thank you,” and turning away. I walk slowly toward Sean’s door.
Every inch of my body aches. It doesn’t matter that I have a ton of painkillers in me. When my foot hits the floor, it feels like nails are being jammed into my joints. I lift my hand to knock, but hesitate.