Then, Now, Always

by Mona Shroff

  Maya took his arm and smiled. “Thank you,” she said, and she sounded calm. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”

  Sam breathed easy at how relaxed she was. His dad really did have a way with women. His mother would be another story. He lagged behind as his father led Maya to the kitchen where the scents of sizzling garlic and onion told him that his mother was making dinner.

  “So nice to meet you, Auntie.” Maya offered a warm smile and stepped toward his mother as if to give her a hug.

  Sam’s mother offered her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Maya recovered smoothly and shook his mother’s hand. Sam glared at his mother from behind Maya. What was she doing? Having her over here was in part her idea.

  “We have heard so much about you, but Sam seemed reluctant to bring you to see us.”

  Maya turned amused but accusing eyes on Sam.

  Sam’s mouth gaped open. “No, I was...”

  “Oh, Sammy was probably afraid we would try to scare you off,” Hema whispered loudly to Maya. “That’s what he thinks we did to his other girlfriends. It is a new one each month—”

  “Mom!” Sam popped his eyes at her, trying to figure out if she was teasing him or serious. “Why would you say that? So not true.”

  His mother shrugged. “Well, maybe not every month. In any case, we’re not trying to scare anyone off. Why would we do that? All we want is for Sam to find the right girl.” She granted Maya a huge saccharine smile before turning to her husband. The smile never really reached her eyes, making Sam wonder what was up. “Isn’t that right, John?”

  His father had his hand over his mouth, his expression held a hint of alarm, but he quickly rallied. “Well, I suppose that’s true.” He turned a twinkling blue eye on Maya. “You are special.”

  Heat crept slowly but surely up Sam’s neck. “Dad.”

  Father turned innocently toward son. “What? I promise not to take the baby pictures out until next time.” He winked in Maya’s direction.

  “Baby pictures?” Maya bit her bottom lip. “Why wait until next time?” Amusement flashed in those honey eyes, and even that weakened him.

  “Maya needs to see the house.” His father offered his arm to Maya again, and led her out of the kitchen, away from his mother. Sam threw his mother a questioning glance and followed his father.

  His dad gave Maya the whole tour, ending up in the family room.

  “Okay, Dad. You’ve met Maya. We need to go if we’re going to catch that game.” He took Maya’s hand and gave it a squeeze, immediately drawing comfort from her warmth.

  His father held up his hand. “All right, just hold on a second. I’ll get your mother.”

  Sam sighed his acquiescence. “Hurry.” He turned to find Maya studying a very old family portrait of the four of them.

  She rested her gaze on him with a touch of sadness in her eyes. “You look like your brother.”

  “Nah.” Sam didn’t even need to look at the picture. He had studied it himself many times. “Arjun looked like my dad.”

  “I see why you think that, the blond hair, the beautiful blue eyes. But you have his smile—even that one dimple—though I think you’re probably taller.”

  Sam shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “His name was Arjun?” Maya asked, while furrowing her brow. “It’s a very strong name. You know in Hindu mythology, Arjun is...”

  “...a great warrior,” Sam spoke as if reciting from text. “One of the five warrior Pandava brothers. Those brothers had a bond that was beyond reproach. And Arjun was most known for his bravery and skill in every facet of life, from swordplay to dancing.”

  “You know the stories. Then you also know it’s a difficult name to live up to.”

  “But he lived up to it.” Sam looked into Maya’s eyes, not sure what he was looking for. It wasn’t so much that he was jealous of his brother, as much as it was hard to compete with his ghost. Arjun had been the perfect son.

  Sam drew a deep breath and continued. “He was headed to Columbia as an undergrad. The plan was Columbia Law after that. Then he was going to work for a huge firm and get recognition before finally entering politics. Arjun was as charismatic as they come. He would’ve done it. But he, well...he died a week before he was going to leave for college.”

  Sam shifted his gaze to the portrait, his voice almost a whisper. “I adored him. As a big brother, he was everything to me.”

  Maya stood next to him, their shoulders touching. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry you lost him.”

  Whether it was Maya’s proximity or gentleness, he didn’t know, but Sam’s muscles relaxed and his breath came easier. A serenity fell over him that he hadn’t even known was missing. “It’s been a long time.”

  Suddenly, Maya lifted her head and turned to look at him, curious. “You said ‘big plans have been made for me’ and you went to Columbia as an undergrad, and you’re at Columbia Law School right now.”

  Sam hung his head. He dragged his toe across the carpet for a moment before looking at her with chagrin as he spread his arms wide. “Well—” his words were tinted with sarcasm “—I’m living the dream.”

  Maya faced him, her hand on his chest, concern narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips. “You’re doing everything he was going to do? But—you’ve never talked about going into politics. Is that what you want?”

  Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Maya suddenly yanked her hand away as if burned. She stepped back and became keenly interested in the closest painting on the wall. Before Sam could ask what had caused this reaction, he found his mother behind him.

  “It is in fact what Sam has always wanted to do.” His mother carefully placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “He will make this family proud as he changes the world.” She gazed up at him fondly.

  “Hema, we should let the kids get going. They’ll be late for the game.” Sam’s father came in right behind his wife.

  “Of course.” She released Sam’s shoulder and he kissed her cheek.

  “See you later, Ma.” He caught Maya’s eye and nodded his head toward the door.

  “Well, Auntie, Uncle.” Maya turned to his parents. “It really was lovely meeting you. I see where Sam gets all his fine qualities.”

  Sam’s father walked them to the door and gave Sam a side-armed hug. “Have a great time at the game.” The enthusiasm in his voice seemed forced to Sam. But his next words to Maya were genuine. “Maya, it’s truly wonderful to have met you. I can see why my son has fallen for you.”

  Maya blushed.

  “Dad!”

  “Oh, come on now, Sammy.” He waved off his son’s embarrassment. “You should’ve have told her by now. And if you didn’t, I just helped you out.” He winked at Maya.

  Maya smiled warmly and flushed as he kissed her hand. Sam’s father beamed at him. “Sammy, I really like this one.” He looked at her affectionately. “Baby pictures, next time.”

  “If there is a next time.” Sam’s mother came up behind her husband.

  Sam caught his father’s eye and found his father’s jaw clenched. He gave an almost imperceptible nod to Sam to just go. Sam bit the inside of his cheek and guided Maya out the door with his arm.

  He settled Maya into her seat and jogged around to his side and sat down. “What?”

  Maya was staring at the house.

  “Your dad is super sweet.” She faced him, a small grin on her face. “I see where you get your charm.”

  “He really likes you.” He started the car and pulled out.

  “Your mom seems like a really good cook. The smells from the kitchen were amazing!”

  Sam grinned. Diplomatic. “She is.” He glanced over to see Maya staring out the window again. He reached over and squeezed her thigh. Maya put her hand on his and turned to face him. He grabbed her hand and kissed i
t. “Don’t worry. She’ll come around. Mom isn’t really a people person.” He cleared his throat and concentrated on the road. “And I’ve never really brought a girl home before.”

  This time, Maya kissed his hand. Her lips were soft, and full of promise. “So I was the first?” The warmth in her face, and the way she looked at him—she loved him, he knew it. Why wouldn’t she say it?

  “Mmm-hmm. I told you. I’m in love with you.” He didn’t even hesitate. He loved her, and the more he said it, the better he felt. And the more he loved her.

  Later that evening, Sam reached into his shorts’ pocket and found an envelope. Puzzled, he opened it to find five hundred dollars in cash, along with a note in his father’s handwriting. Charles, the jeweler, is a patient of mine. Hope this helps.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SAM

  New York, 2012

  IT WAS UNTHINKABLE to Sam that he go back to the piles of briefs and motions on his desk, after having laid eyes on the young lady who was his daughter. This person who existed partly because of him, whether he knew about her or not. His stomach was in knots and his thoughts bounced from elation at having this child, to anger at not being told about her, to confusion as to why Maya had kept the truth from him.

  Rather than dealing with deadlines and paperwork, he called his secretary and told her to reschedule his meetings and send some files to his apartment. He’d look at them tonight. Right now, he needed a game. Someone would be at the soccerplex.

  The soccerplex was bustling with activity. He hadn’t played a game in weeks. A recreation team made up of men in their late twenties was warming up to play. The team was set for keeper, so he decided to play striker. Just as well—he needed to run. And kicking a ball could be quite satisfying.

  For most of the first half, there was no Maya, no Samantha and no Paige. Paige. Thoughts of his fiancée distracted him and he missed a pass. He needed to tell her, and soon. Samantha was his daughter, and no matter what Maya said, his phone call to Byron Stevenson and the juvenile courts would not be the last thing he did for her.

  This realization hit him just as the opposing team’s keeper kicked the ball back into play. The ball was airborne and coming in his direction. Sam deftly brought the ball down, noted the keeper’s weak side, and kicked the ball directly into that corner of the net. The keeper dove, but too late, and missed the save, as Sam had anticipated. Goal scored.

  His thoughts turned to Maya as the game continued. His stomach was roiling with nerves, his concentration was off and he started missing plays.

  The younger guys started cracking jokes about “the old man,” until he finally stepped off the field.

  Back at his apartment, he opened the door to find Paige pacing the length of the apartment as she spoke on the phone. Her side of the conversation was fraught with words like centerpiece, classic and fix it. As she hung up, he opened a bottle of Paige’s favorite red wine and poured two glasses. He handed her one and kissed her cheek as they clinked glasses and drank.

  She rolled her eyes. “So sorry—but I’m trying to get all that linen stuff fixed and I was super busy at the gallery today.” She put her arms around him and looked him in the eye. “Mmm, don’t you smell great? Soccer today?”

  “Yes. Soccer today.” He tried to keep his voice casual. Paige knew that he usually played when he needed to clear his head. “Did some files come for me?”

  She nodded her head toward the table. “Right there.” She stepped back from him, her hands still in his. “Everything okay?”

  Sam fingered her engagement ring. They had shopped for it together so she could have the most perfect and unique ring. It had to be different from what her friends had, yet big enough for them to envy without being garish. She’d chosen a ring with a four-karat diamond in a custom platinum setting. It was unique in every way.

  “Yeah, fine. Everything is fine.” His voice sounded forced, even to him. He needed to tell her. “Actually, you won’t believe what happened today.”

  “What’s that?” Her eyes grew cautious with concern, as she searched his face.

  She already knew that Maya was his girlfriend from his law school days. But that’s all he’d ever told her. That’s all he ever knew. What would he say? So, remember I told you how Maya broke my heart when I was in law school? Well, turns out she was pregnant when we broke up, and she never told me. And I just met my fifteen-year-old daughter.

  “I found out...” He paused. Innocent curiosity filled her eyes. This news would rock her world, just as it had his. It wasn’t time. He should wait until Samantha knew who he was. “I found out that there is something sketchy going on in that nursing home my father asked me about.”

  “No way!” Paige’s eyes widened as she sipped her wine. “That’s terrible! I know I said it’s a drain on your time, but that needs to be addressed.”

  She continued to speak, but Sam interrupted. “How about I order us some sushi, and I’ll tell you all about it over dinner?”

  She smiled wide and she was beautiful. He’d tell her later.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  MAYA

  New York, 2012

  NOT FOR THE first time, Maya found the shop stifling. Having her two worlds collide had definitely caused a small explosion within her. How would Samantha even know where to begin a Google search for her father? Sejal! Maya’s cousin in Maryland would have been easy to pump for information. When Maya ended up pregnant, the romantic in Sejal could not understand why Maya wouldn’t tell Sam or why the fact that he was the baby’s father had to be kept secret. Samantha probably only had to ask a few vague questions, and Sejal would’ve offered up more than was necessary without even knowing it.

  Maya glanced at the time as she removed her chef’s whites and left the shop to Samantha’s loud mutterings. Whatever. Two hours until that cake needed to be delivered. She would only need one.

  The smell of chlorine in the locker room was as calming to her as any balm or yoga class. She changed into her swimming gear and found an empty lane. Goggles over her eyes gave her the sensation of being alone as she sat on the edge of the pool and dangled her feet in the water for a moment. Maya slowly lowered herself into the pool and dunked her head in. The coolness of the water shocked and refreshed her and she pushed off the wall to begin her stroke.

  The softness of the water and the familiar rhythm of her stroke cocooned her in comfort. Her breathing calmed as she matched her breath to her stroke. Even as a young girl just learning to swim, Maya had always felt at home in the water. Chlorine had been in everything she owned, and the smell of it on her skin always brought her contentment.

  As she finished her warm-up, she pushed herself harder as she started her set. One hundred yards as hard and fast as she could go, followed by one hundred easy yards for recovery, then repeat. She might not be quite as fast as she was in high school, but she hadn’t lost too much. With each stroke, a little more tension was released. Before long, her mind was empty of everything but her swim.

  She relished blissful thoughtlessness. But when she paused for the next set, the raucous laughter of teenage boys floated toward her and the past attacked her again. She had spent the better part of the past sixteen years stifling any memory of Sam that surfaced. She was not going to go through all that again. She couldn’t. Time to shut down those old feelings. They had no place in her life right now. She immediately began the next set to push away thoughts of Sam.

  It was a losing battle.

  Maya was halfway through her sets when she checked the clock. Slow today. She pulled her right arm across her chest in a stretch while she caught her breath. The boys were still enjoying the pool near the high dive. She stretched her other arm. The lifeguard had turned on an oldies station on the radio. The lyrics floated over to her just as she started her next set. It was an old Ace of Base song about a beautiful life. For an instant she caught the mixed scent of
cigarette smoke and grass and Sam, as if he were standing right in front of her, and her heart ached with the memory.

  Unfortunately, the swim had failed to clear her head. Fine. Once Sam made those phone calls and went back to his life, it would be easier to put those memories away for good. For now, images of Sam continued to invade her thoughts. She was still on edge when she returned to her apartment from delivering the wedding cake that Samantha had quite adeptly finished.

  It was Friday, the night she and her mother usually cooked together. She found her mother sitting at the kitchen table, looking at old pictures. Maya closed her eyes in an effort to find patience. She inhaled deeply to prep herself and nearly gagged.

  “Why do I smell lavender?”

  Her mother nodded in the direction of a bouquet of flowers that sat on the table.

  “What the...?” Maya marched over to the offending flowers. There was a card. “‘The Colombian roast you suggested was a hit! Best, Leo.’”

  “Where did this come from?”

  “That man who always asks you out. He brought them by the shop while you were at the pool.” Her mother shook her head. “Samantha went up to my apartment to get away from the smell.”

  “I don’t blame her,” Maya muttered. She tossed the flowers in a plastic bag and tied it tight. She hadn’t been able to stomach the scent of lavender since she was pregnant. Interestingly, Samantha had never liked it, either.

  Maya gently placed her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Raju-kaka proposed again today, I take it.”

  While Sunita had been in the process of purchasing the bakery, she had needed to go to various suppliers for inventory—baking supplies, ingredients and the like. Not having a car, and not always feeling safe on the subway at night, she met Raju-kaka when he was her cabbie one night. Their friendship had been almost instantaneous, as they were from neighboring villages in India. After that, Raju-kaka saw to it that he was always available when Sunita needed a ride. Over time, he became an important part of their family in Queens—taking Maya to dance practice or a friend’s house on occasion. When he fell in love with Sunita was anyone’s guess. All Maya knew was that there had never been a time in her new life in Queens that Raju-kaka was not there. In fact, it had been she who gave Raju-kaka the honor of being called “kaka” as opposed to “uncle”—maybe because she hoped in some way that he really was her father’s brother, even though he was not.