Then, Now, Always

by Mona Shroff

  He was as close to a father figure as Maya had ever known, and Maya knew he waited for the day that Sunita would acknowledge her love for him, as well. Maya had repeatedly warned him that day would never come—Sunita was too bitter. Nevertheless, he persisted.

  Sunita nodded but didn’t look up. Maya picked up one of the pictures. She had seen these many times before. Every time Raju-kaka proposed, in fact. The one in her hand was a yellow-tinged black-and-white image of a much younger Sunita holding an infant. She stood beside a handsome man with a mustache and light-colored eyes. The man was smiling and relaxed, seemingly happy with his little family. This picture used to warm her heart, give her hope. But those feelings had long since been quelled into submission. She avoided looking at the other pictures, but even the fact that they were there caused cracks in her heart.

  The other pictures were of Maya as a little girl in braids, filled with adoration as she looked at her father, while he tossed a ball to her. In another faded photo, little Maya laughed as her father swung her through the air. And the one that Maya tried to forget the most was that of herself at eight years old, proudly standing next to her father after winning a ribbon at a cake-baking competition. Even back then, her father had believed she could be a world-famous pastry chef, and because he had believed it, so did she. The worst part of this memory was the love and pride with which her father gazed upon her. All that love. All that pride and affection. He’d left the following week, and Maya never saw or heard from her father again.

  She used to stare at this picture and will him to come back to them. She had been sure that he would return. Her mother spoke so lovingly of him; Maya couldn’t understand how two people who loved each other so much could stand to be apart. Maybe he didn’t love her, but surely he loved her mother.

  As the years passed, however, Maya had watched her mother’s love and hope turn bitter. Over time, her mother seemed to realize that her “true love” was not going to return, and she lost faith in love and in men altogether. She had made it her mission in life that Maya never suffer her fate.

  “You know, in India,” her mother said tersely, “it is widely believed that people with light-colored eyes are not to be trusted.”

  Maya tightened her lips and shook her head. “My eyes are light.” She no longer wished for her father’s return. In fact, Maya had done her best to keep her own daughter from the disappointment of parental abandonment. At least, until Sam had met Samantha today.

  Truthfully, until recently, the only emotion she afforded this picture was indifference. Now it made her angry. Her mother brought these pictures out every time Raju-kaka proposed, to reinforce her reasons for turning him down.

  “I don’t mean you, beta. You are very trustworthy.”

  “Am I?” Maya sighed deeply. “Raju-kaka’s eyes are the deepest darkest brown there is.” She tossed the picture on the table. “What was it this time?”

  Her mother stared into space. “Oh, you know. The usual. ‘I love you. I’ll wait.’” Her hand trembled as she picked up the picture that Maya discarded.

  “You know he will.” Maya opened the fridge to start dinner.

  “No. He’ll leave.” Her mother sighed sadly. “They all do.”

  Maya took out vegetables and chicken, and started chopping onions. Her mother gathered up the pictures and returned them back to the metal box they’d always been in.

  It had been close to thirty years since Raju-kaka had found his way into their lives. Maya wanted to tell her mother that if he hadn’t left yet, he never would. But they’d had that discussion and it always ended with her screaming, and her mother in tears.

  Her mother picked up a knife and started to chop tomatoes. Sounds of chopping and sizzling joined the aroma of onions cooking with garlic, tomatoes, cinnamon and cloves. Mother and daughter worked in companionable silence, each preoccupied with her own thoughts.

  “Samantha did a wonderful job on that cake, don’t you think?” Her mother sounded like her old self.

  Distracted, Maya simply nodded.

  “I hate to say it because of the circumstances, but it is nice having her around during the day,” her mother said. “She’s very talented.”

  “She’s not going to run the shop, nor will she spend her life baking for it.” Maya’s voice was firm.

  “I didn’t say she was.” The older woman put up her hands in surrender. “But if she doesn’t get back into that school, she has a backup.”

  “She’s going back to that school.”

  “Only if you send her. There are plenty of other schools.” She paused. “Did you find a lawyer?”

  “I did. In fact, he told me today that things would be taken care of.”

  Her mother turned to face her. “So I heard.”

  Maya shifted her body away from her mother and toward the stove. She closed her eyes and chided herself for being so distracted that she’d fallen into this conversation. “Hmm.”

  “Yes. Samantha told me she met the lawyer today. That he came to the roastery.”

  Sweat started to bead on her upper lip. She stirred the pot and tasted the chicken. “Needs salt.”

  “A Mr. Hutcherson.” Her mother’s inflection said it all.

  Maya could feel her mother’s glare boring holes into the back of her head. She sprinkled salt straight from the canister and added a small handful of chopped cilantro before stirring the pot again.

  “Can you pass the lemon juice, Mum?” Her hand shook as she took the bottle from her mother without turning to face her.

  “Not a very common name.”

  Without even looking, Maya knew the set of her mother’s jaw.

  Maya cleared her throat. “Actually, there’s a young actor Samantha has a crush on with that same last name.” She forced a chuckle. “Haven’t you seen the poster in her room?”

  “She gave me a full description of the lawyer. Complete with details of how the two of you shared coffee.” Her mother grabbed Maya’s arm to face her. “What have you done?”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  MAYA

  Maryland, 1996

  MAYA AND SAM had been together for a month, and it was all Maya could do to focus on anything but him. She wasn’t sleeping well, and so many happy butterflies had taken up residence in her belly, she found it hard to eat. She’d always rolled her eyes at girls who claimed no appetite and no sleep because of a boy, but now she was thinking maybe they weren’t so crazy. You just don’t get it if you’re not in it.

  “Look what I found.” Sam stood behind the sofa where Maya was sitting and handed her a brochure. She was babysitting Ben and Niki for the weekend while his aunt and uncle took a well-deserved weekend away to celebrate their anniversary. Which really helped, because it meant sleeping over at the Mehta house with the children, and a whole weekend away from her uncle’s overprotectiveness. Sam had a free hour before his next shift started and was spending it with her.

  Maya put the brochure aside. She turned slightly and reached for his hand over the back of the sofa. “Why do you have to have three jobs, Sam? You’re running yourself into the ground.” Dark circles under his eyes and a stifled yawn proved her point.

  He kept his gaze on the TV as he absently answered, “I’m just saving up for school expenses.” Sam picked up the brochure again. “Look! I found it on the desk.” He leaned over the back of the sofa, his face was next to hers and Maya lost herself in his clean, masculine scent.

  She forced herself to focus on the brochure, which advertised a bed-and-breakfast in Virginia, a mere three-hour drive from Maryland. Her heart raced. “Are you serious?” A bed-and-breakfast?

  He was all wide-eyed innocence. “What? You said we should spend more time together.” A mischievous grin broke through, sending butterflies free in Maya’s belly. “And I happen to agree.” He opened the pamphlet. “See, there’s hiking and horseback rid
ing. And I can get the weekend off.” He gently nudged her cheek with his, his scruff scratching her cheek in the most intimate way, sending a thrill all the way to her core. “And did you also see there’s breakfast?” He cleared his throat. “And a bed?”

  Yes, she had seen that there was a bed. It was really the only thing she saw. Warmth traveled the length of her body and she bit the edge of her bottom lip, as she flipped through the brochure, purposefully avoiding his eyes.

  “Yes, I did see that.” She looked at him sideways and laughed. “Hiking and horseback riding sound great.”

  He kissed her neck, sending tingles all the way down that side of her body. “Or you could let me come over after work and...stay.”

  She pulled back just enough to whisper. “Probably not a good idea. Because there are children in this house, and I’m working.”

  Sam deftly vaulted over the back of the sofa so he was seated next to her. His eyes were darkened with desire, making her heart pound. “The rug rats are sleeping now.”

  There was no reason, and no way to resist that low and husky voice. She closed her eyes and leaned closer to him as he pressed his mouth against hers, deepening their kiss.

  “Maya!” Niki’s voice cut through their moment. “Maya!”

  Maya stiffened and started to push away from Sam. He didn’t release her. “Pretend you can’t hear.”

  She glared at him. “Sam!”

  He released her with a groan. “Virginia, Maya.” He nodded at her. “Virginia.”

  Maya smiled as she gathered herself from their interrupted kiss and called to Niki. “I’m coming.” She started for the steps and nearly ran into the little girl. Niki was clutching a blanket and a teddy bear in one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other. “Oh, hey, sweetie. What’s the matter?” Maya knelt to look Niki in the eye.

  Niki stopped rubbing and squinted at Maya through a screen of hair. “I had a bad dream.” Her voice was small and scared. “Can I stay here with you and Sammy?”

  “Oh, sure you can.” She flicked her eyes at Sam as if to say, “See what I mean?”

  “Come on, monkey.” Sam called out to his cousin, patting his lap. “Tell us all about it.”

  Niki curled up into his lap and Maya sat down next to them as Niki began a detailed account of the monster chasing her in her dream. Niki fell asleep just after describing how the monster had fur all over his body and huge eyes and thought Niki would taste good in soup. Sam held the little girl close.

  Maya reached her arm over and absently played with Sam’s curls. “Let’s go to Virginia.”

  Sam’s eyes lit up. He whispered over Niki’s head, “What about your uncle?”

  Maya pressed her lips together and looked past him. “I need a plan to sneak out.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I’ll call Ami. She has two older brothers. If anyone knows about sneaking out, it’s her.”

  * * *

  BY THE TIME Maya’s car tires crunched onto the driveway of the bed-and-breakfast, it was past 11:00 p.m., and she was grateful to see a light on. She grabbed her bag and headed up the porch steps as quietly as possible. Her skin was sticky from the thick mid-July humidity, and she willed herself not to sweat. When she reached the door, she found it was locked. She knocked lightly.

  A man close to her uncle’s age greeted her with a warm smile. “Hello!” The man’s voice was just above a whisper. “Let me get that.” He took her bag and stepped aside to let her in.

  Maya let out a breath of relief inside the coolness of the house. “I’m Maya, and I’m awfully sorry for the late hour. The traffic was terrible.”

  “Not a problem,” he said. “We understand.” He continued to smile as he waved off her concern. He offered her his hand. “I’m Dave. That DC to Virginia traffic drives us all crazy. That’s why we live here now.”

  Dave’s manner reminded Maya of Sam’s father and as she shook his hand, she was immediately at ease. “Thank you, Dave.” She stood in a small foyer that opened to a family room of sorts on her left. There were sofas and cozy, overstuffed chairs. To her right was a dining table large enough for twelve people. In front of her was a staircase. She caught the lingering scent of coffee and something sweet, like baking cookies. There was no Sam. Her heart dropped. “I’m, uh...supposed to be meeting someone here. Sam Hutcherson?”

  “Oh, of course. He waited for a while, but he’s gone up to your room.” He indicated the staircase to Maya. “He said to just bring you up when you got here.”

  She smiled, relieved. Of course he was here.

  “Shall we?”

  Maya nodded and followed Dave up the carpeted steps. There were three doors on the second floor. Dave led her to the farthest one and handed her bag to her.

  “This is as far as I go. Good night.”

  As Dave’s footsteps faded away, she faced the door and contemplated what was waiting for her on the other side. She took a deep breath before she picked up her bag and turned the knob.

  The room was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight. Candles were on the windowsill to her left, and also covered the bureau to her right. A small tea table with two cushy chairs in the back corner hosted more candles, some of which were barely still flickering. The wardrobe next to the tea table set had a small ledge with a few candles placed there. The effect was calming, romantic. Maya put down her bag and shut the door quietly. To her left was a four-poster bed of cherrywood.

  On the bed, handsome as ever in the glow of romantic candlelight, lay Sam. He was fully dressed to go out and stretched out on his back, fast asleep. Maya didn’t realize that she had been holding her breath until she saw him. His creamy skin showed off its brown undertone in contrast to the stark white of the pillow. He took up almost the whole length of the bed. Even in sleep, when people were at their most vulnerable, Sam emitted an aura of strength that immediately put Maya at ease. She finally released her breath and then sighed deeply with—what? Disappointment? Relief? Maybe a little bit of both. She took off her shoes and blew out the candles. A sliver of moonlight lit her way back to the bed.

  She climbed onto the bed and lay down next to him. He didn’t move. She found comfort in the familiar scent of his cologne and the warmth of his skin. Maya kissed his stubble. He shifted a bit, but didn’t open his eyes. She snuggled down and lay her head on his chest. Without waking, he brought his arm around her and pulled her close. She fell asleep listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

  When Maya woke, the sun was up and Sam was gone. Puzzled, a bit groggy and still in yesterday’s clothes, she took a shower. She took advantage of the floral-scented lotion she found and then wrapped herself in one of the plush robes provided by the inn. Her hair still damp, she stepped out from the bathroom just as Sam entered the room.

  He was fully dressed in khaki shorts and a T-shirt, but his feet were bare. The rich aroma of coffee followed him into the room and mingled with the clean scent of her shower and the waxy-floral fragrance from last night’s candles. Sam’s presence filled the small room, and Maya became acutely aware of the fact that all she had on was a robe.

  “Hi.” She spoke quietly and brought her arms across her body, trying to meet his eyes, but instead noticing how well the T-shirt formed around the muscles of his chest, and how his slightly damp curls touched the nape of his neck. When she looked away from him, her gaze found only the bed. She swallowed hard.

  Sam was frozen in place. “Hey.” He openly stared at her, lips full and slightly parted.

  Maya pressed her own lips together. Silence banged around between them.

  Maya pulled the robe tighter and finally met his eyes. They looked a bit glazed. “Um, is one of those for me?” She indicated the two mugs in his hands.

  “Huh?” Sam continued to gawk at her and then apparently seemed to remember he had hands. He looked down. “Oh, uh, yeah.” He started to hand her one then the other. “I don
’t remember which is yours.”

  Maya crossed the room and took one of the mugs. Her fingers grazed his and sent a tingle up her spine. “The sweet one is yours.” She closed her eyes as she inhaled the unique aroma of orange mixed with coffee. She took a sip and her taste buds flooded with the sweetness of the citrus and the slight bitterness of the coffee. The combination was intoxicating. Or maybe it was just being here. In this room. With Sam. “Yours.” She switched mugs with him.

  “Okay, good.” He had been watching her this whole time. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week.”

  She backed over to the chairs and carefully took a seat as she tilted her head and motioned for Sam to join her. “Five days. But who’s counting?”

  Sam had small, dark circles under his eyes, and he stifled a yawn.

  “Did you get yet another job?” Maya asked. “Sorry I was late.” She started rambling before he could answer. “The traffic was ridiculous and Ami didn’t mention how things get clogged up on that highway.”

  Sam seemed to relax, and his crooked grin, complete with sexy dimple, reappeared on his face. “I thought so.” He sat down in the chair next to her. “Sorry I fell asleep.” The small tea table was between them, but their feet could touch. Even that felt electric. Mischief made his lip twitch, made his eyes glint with amusement. “Though I will say that I didn’t think my first night sleeping with you would end up with us actually sleeping.”