Desensitizer
Page 1
DeSensitizer
Heavy Mental Maladies for
Heavy Metal Melodies
KAERO DAVIS
Copyright © 2017 by Kaero Davis.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016921161
ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-5245-2080-9
Softcover 978-1-5245-2079-3
eBook 978-1-5245-2078-6
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
Rev. date: 03/07/2019
Xlibris
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The name is Kaero Davis. I consider myself an artist and writer, but marvel at the prospect of storytelling. I have a relaxed approach to many topics of things I’m certain some might find discomfort talking about.. my experiences have shaped my perceptions so, that I cannot see how I might normally ‘fit’ into anything normal life throws at me. I am not normal, I don’t think normally but it hasn’t forsaken me except for when I am in the company of people who cannot quite fathom my logic. I haven’t had it easy and I barely like to mention it, many haven’t either as I am aware but the difference in character between everybody else is measured by what you decide to do with the raw deal you’ve been handed. Mine is Art, art and creative writing guides me therapeutically through individual difficulties and allow me to express the mixed atrocities of emotion that reign within me. The following material you will read consists of fictionalized experiences and thoughts and emotions of a young man battling his severe and persistent mental illness. The young man I can assure you truly exists but his name will not be revealed. The following material I bestow are insights to his personal and individual experiences, he claims full responsibility of himself and himself alone – not any one person who decides to re-enact any of the following. Likenesses of any material relative is completely incidental and not to be taken too seriously, but with sole purpose to enlighten yet entertain at the same time and hopefully – decrease some of the cringing horror (soften the blow [desensitize]) that which surrounds the psyche and stigma of Psychosis and Paranoid Schizophrenia… This is DeSensitizer
Kind Regards,
Kaero
Please Note
The following content contains themes of violence, coarse language, sexual references / sexual themes, suicidal themes as well as the other.
Themes contain triggers and may have sensitive nature. This is a fictitious work.
Not to be taken seriously nor enacted in anyway. For entertainment only.
CONTENT CHAPTER TITLES
IN SEQUENCE;
1 – A Duel with Madness
2 – Trauma Performer
3 – Obsession with The Feminine Presence
4 – Degrees Of Degradation
5 – As Bad As Things Are Worse
6 – The Highs At Top-End
Chapter 1:
A Duel with Madness
Content Titles (Alphabetically Sequenced):
•A Dual Consciousness Dissection
•A Frenzy With Crazy
•Ambushed
•Beneath the Façade..
•Breakdown Bloody Breakdown
•Censor
•Conspiritus Sancti
•Dance Muppet, Dance
•Demon Taking Hold
•Drama
•Dreamscape
•Gear Grind
•Going, Going, Gone
•Hellhounds All
•In Paranoia, We Act
•Iron Blue Eyes
•Irresponsible Inconvenience
•Keep It Together
•Limits
•Loki’s Touch
•Manic Monster Within
•Mirror
•Moonlight Lunacy
•Nightmare Eternal
•Other World
•Over The Edge
•Poisonous People
•Schizophrenzied Soliloquy
•Senseless Presence
•Shadow That Remains
•Sinister Serenity
•Smokin’
•The Element Of Air
•The Grey
•The Joker
•The Streaker
•Valid Justification
•Vigilance
•Voluntary Madness
•Zombie Stomp
Enter Scenario
Metth: “So, you’re really fucking serious this time…”
Euxervarius: “Yes, I’m really not in need of your services anymore,”
Metth: “And, you can just drop me? Just like that?
(And Metth clicked his fingers gesturing the simplicity and easiness that Eux persuaded.)
Euxervarius: “Yes, I don’t need you anymore, I have things under control.”
Metth: “So you say, but –”
Euxervarius: “Listen, (I cut across) you can’t talk me out of it anymore, I’ve made up my mind, I’m gradually getting better and I have been.”
Metth: “I can’t believe I’m hearing you say this,”
Euxervarius: “Oh, believe it, no thanks to you I’ve pulled myself straight and I’m at the turning point where your assistance is no longer required.”
Metth: “Funny you say that, I’d always planned to be the one to say it to you, and anybody else…”
Euxervarius: “You don’t have it over me anymore, it’s time that you just let go,”
Metth: “It’s more difficult than it sounds as it implies the fading out of my existence,”
Euxervarius: “You’ll still be with me, fuck, we’ll just be fused back together and our thoughts will be just one, and it won’t ever feel like a separate source again,”
Metth: “I always wanted the best for you and I wanted to be the one to do it, get you there…”
Euxervarius: “You’ll be there, you just won’t feel yourself separate any longer. You might forget that we ever were – it’ll feel that good. You won’t even know…”
Metth: “Fine… but I do have more to say on the matter and if you were ever appreciative of me and loved me ever, then you’ll hear me out this last one time,”
Euxervarius: “Yeah, sure, one final time. Let it out – speak to me…”
(And with that Metth broke into his ode)
A Dual Consciousness Dissection
You say you don’t need me anymore,
I’ve heard you say it many times before,
But I never left for you would mourn,
Though still inside I do scorn,
I was your confidence,
I dished out consequence,
To those with irreverence,
And little relevance,
I did all your dirty work,
I’d be the one to go berserk,
Packed tight the closet with your hurt,
And stom
p faces into the dirt,
I’m upset that you think so little of me,
I assisted you to feel alive and free,
I wanted you to be happy and thought you’d agree,
I want to help you achieve all you wanted to be,
Sure I was aggressive and a little possessive,
A little obsessive but mainly progressive,
And that will be all that I’m confessing,
Though I don’t know why, it’s depressing,
I was really good for you,
We made quite the duo,
Now we’ll not ever know,
How it will all go,
One day you will want me back,
Searching high and low, setting traps,
Cause one day you’ll feel under attack,
And you’ll need ME to react,
I’ll leave and keep my distance away,
’til you’re desperate enough to seek me one day,
You know I’d have your back always,
And bring down the force with hell to pay,
Exit Scenario
Euxervarius: “You made a fair argument,”
Metth: “Does that mean you’re changing your mind?”
Euxervarius: “Nice try but no, you need to go, right now.”
Metth: “But you can’t just –”
Euxervarius: “Yes, I can, and I am…”
(Eux walked over to where he kept his medication, pulled out a card of some newly prescribed Quetiapine out from its box and popped three of them at once swallowing them down with water.)
Metth: “But – Eux…”
(And with that – Metth had disappeared like he always had, leaving a piercing, splitting headache. Feeling a little drowsy, Eux went and put his feet up and mellowed out with some tunes, and he drifted off not too long after that into a peaceful sleep. And it was the last Euxervarius ever heard from Metth. Peace at long last…)
Enter Scenario
(Pvogg is sitting on the front step below the entrance door to his residence with a good friend of his..)
“Hey man, wanna toke?” Velb asked, handing over a jay and puffing out a cloud,
“Yeah sure dude, cheers,” Pvogg took the joint from Velb’s fingers and looked to the sky as he inhaled a good long drag.
(Suddenly a foreign convertible hot rod pulled up out from nowhere and leaning over the door was a man wearing dark shaded glasses, his hair; long, dark and curly and a tangled mess. And for as big as the vehicle was this man made it look small sitting tightly in the drivers’ seat, his knees up near his ears. He had a cigar clenched ‘tween his teeth and the thickest smoke you’d ever seen pouring out from his nose and ears.)
“Howdy fella, fancy a cruise?” the stranger grinned with a crazed excitable tone,
“Yeah sure, can me mate hitch a lift?” Pvogg asked nodding toward Velb still facing this wild looking stranger.
“Sorry feller, only got room for one wingman, jump in, shut up and gulp down this multitude of colourful pills!” the stranger grinned exceedingly more excitable than before. Pvogg couldn’t help from smiling himself. The stranger shot Velb an apologetic look.
“It’s cool man, you go and have some fun and you can fill me in on it when you get back.” Pvogg nodded to Velb and jumped the doors into the front seat of the foreign convertible hot rod.
“Button up ya seatbelt fella, ya gonna wanna hang on tight,” the stranger told Pvogg through a far wider smile yet. Pvogg searched all around for the seatbelt but found none.
“I don’t have a seatbelt!” he said a little more alarmed than he meant to.
“Here, down these and don’t worry bout it,” the strange crazed man said puffing out an exhalation of more cigar cloud.
(He handed Pvogg the pills and he’d barely even put the handful in his gob as the strange man crunched the gearbox shifting into 3rd gear from a a standstill, “If ya can’t find ’em, grind ’em, he shouted over the roar of the engine and chuckled a high pitched deviant laugh. And just as you might see in a cartoon, the vehicle reared then shot off like a rocket. Pvogg swallowed the pills in shock at the rapid motion and the pills hurt his throat, and immediately they were riding alongside shooting stars, amidst blurring neon light rays. And within moments they had slipped into some kind of stranger void still, an alternate reality, one Pvogg couldn’t quite get his head around…)
A Frenzy With Crazy
You don’t wanna know where I’ve been,
I’ve seen things you wouldn’t dream,
In a guy’s eyes I saw a gleam,
And I’d have screamed if I knew what it means,
Most of it is hazy,
And I’m still a little dazy,
Still it was amazing,
My little frenzy with crazy,
It was a world so obscene,
A chemic in reverse gene,
Steam bursting from the seam,
Teamed with blitzing scheme,
My god it was amazing,
I can’t help star gazing,
I am now as limp as lazy,
From my little frenzy with crazy,
We got dusted, battered, and creamed,
Encrusted, spattered and cleaned,
Saw a queen in a pillow magazine,
Blew my beans and gone on green,
My god it was amazing,
And I’m still feelin’ dazy,
Feelin’ hazy and as limp as lazy,
Done, with this little frenzy with crazy,
Exit Scenario
(Pvogg could barely keep his eyes open. His eyelids were heavy and he felt as though he’d been awake for a week straight. They were flying just above the clouds now, and Pvogg would go to reach out to touch and feel how fluffy they were and then, they were descending.)
“What the hell happened?” Velb asked as he walked up to the strange drivers’ door.
“You were gone for three days,” he exclaimed and looked over to Pvogg this time.
“Relax feller, give him this as soon as you both head inside your house,” the strangely excitable man said and he brandished a small glass bottle of yellow liquid from inside of his jacket, and handed it to Velb.
“What’s wrong with him?” Velb asked the stranger again.
“Trip sickness fella, but he handled it like a champion,” he replied in an exceedingly ecstatic tone,
“I saw the world,” Pvogg said dopily and sheepishly. His cheeks ached from the size of the grin on his face, he must’ve looked far more baked and stoned than ever, but he definitely felt it.
“Yes, you sure did fella,” the stranger chuckled maniacally, he clicked his fingers motioning Velb to help Pvogg out of the vehicle.
(Velb heaved Pvogg up to lean over his shoulder, raising him out of the vehicle.)
The weird man then said; “Remember to give him that liquid to drink when you get back inside the house, he’ll be as good as new.” And he chuckled more hysterically slamming the gear shifter into 5th this time and in a whistling sound like soaring fireworks he disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke.
“Wow,” was all Pvogg could say and he couldn’t help repeating himself over and over.
(Velb was curious and as he sat Pvogg down, he handed him the small glass bottle of yellow liquid and he gulped it down. Pvogg was back to normal within seconds. Bright and cheery. Velb looked at Pvogg expectantly awaiting his explanation. The biggest smile ever spread across his face,)
“Well…”
Enter Scenario
“This next piece was designed to be the perfect anthem to rock your rage out to at those times you want to scream and head-bang. It’s okay, go ahead and have a laugh – I did as I wrote it, drawing a strange aggressive energy yet still capable of not being taken too seriously. I hope it tickles your fanny �
� fancy. I’ve got a morbid sense of humour, I’ve got family that are highly likely to cringe at my debasement, but, I break the ice, I like to try to at least so that sooner there’s a comfort can be felt by everyone, a kind of peace that you can be around your family and still be yourself as wild as it might sound. A peace that your family might not have otherwise warmed up to you without seeing those extensive sides only close friends see. No one should ever feel uncomfortable around their family – we want to feel appreciated for who and how we are. If we can break the chains of the socially normal and acceptable – but do it safely and sensibly – even responsibly, then we can free ourselves of the weight and burden and discomfort we feel when we are unable to open. Who wants to be restrained from full fulfilment? No one. And it’s not healthy either, we can’t keep bottling shit up. Let it out. Release.”
Ambushed
I’m surrounded by cunts I fuckin’ swear,
Cunt’s fuckin’ here and
Cunt’s fuckin’ there,
Absolute Cunts every-fuckin’-where,
Cunt’s in my face,
Cunts on my case,
Cunts fuckin’ everywhere –
But in their fuckin’ place,
I swear I’m that surrounded,
I can’t breathe – I’m fuckin’ drownin’
And all I wanna do is fucking pound ’em,
The more I think on it – the sweeter it’s soundin’
These fuckin’ cunts are mighty fucked,
They’ve just gone and pushed their luck,