Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  I have to have you close,

  Minus all of your clothes

  Kiss the petals of your rose,

  And see if something grows,

  I really love the way you move,

  You know just how to groove,

  You’ve got me wanting to prove,

  Just how bad I want you,

  Oh wow – you’re looking smokin’ hot

  I wanna give you all I’ve got,

  I’d love to get you off,

  And smash and bust my rocks,

  I really must have you close

  Minus all of your clothes,

  Kiss the petals of your rose,

  And see if something grows,

  Because the way you present is just outstanding,

  And I need me a piece of that eye-candy,

  I’m enticed and slowly expanding,

  And just being involved would make me happy…

  Exit Scenario

  “Jesus… if only I could get away with being so vulgar. That’s who I am on the inside – wild, just like that. Here for a good time – not a long time. I don’t even know or if I have ever realized what sort of impact or impression I make on society, but I’m always hoping it’s a good one, no, a great one. Some things must never be said out loud at first unless you can somehow wind your way up to it – some things aren’t socially acceptable, not socially tolerable. And at times though, I forget but, I just wish I could just be me – and have a lot of people just get over it, wish I could just break the ice somehow, desensitize people. Of course, there’s a time and place – and I might just have to get passed that myself but, (I know I’m going to have to develop a load more patience for that for myself) I am full-on – I know it. I can be too much on occasion, but I guess I am that reality in the face of the public not too prepared to venture toward facing such, the reality that is me. I mean for a good time, at least I intend on it most the time.

  I am at times told to reign it in, reel it back – told to try to tame it, and I understand it just needs work, but that’s a measure of consistency I am in all probability incapable of being consistent with. For Gods’ sake – I have paranoid schizophrenia and who am I to deny its unpredictability? I swap states of mind as often as I change my clothes (as some have said before) and I kind of enjoy it this way. Maybe I am just meant to swing all through my life and never really just ‘settle’. I just don’t know.” – Zoukaa.

  Enter Scenario

  “I’ve known guys to be scoping out girls and remark over which ones they reckon they’d love to ‘thrash around’. And a lot of the girls they point out or gesture toward barely looked older than 16 years. I would shake my head being the noble gent I am and say – ‘No way man’, they’d counter with a beastly ‘old enough to bleed – old enough to breed!’ I would laugh because I thought then it was hilarious with my morbid sense of humour – however, as funny as I thought it was – I knew still it was a serious thing you can’t laugh about in public, especially not aloud. I myself believe it’s sickening and disturbing and I would never be one to willingly allow it by me without my peace spoken… I couldn’t pursue anybody that seemed so young – not me. I have previously and still currently hold a fetish for the matured fairer sex. I can’t help it, I guess I could say some are easy pickin’ but even then; were I to fully stretch out my ‘inner animal’ – I dare say not too many could handle my beast too far into to its’ ‘working out’. I could quite easily be locked up via means of misinterpretation, and a misunderstanding by what I say – and it isn’t rare that I find myself in a position of having spat a potentially sadistic and vulgar insinuation. It wouldn’t matter that I was just having a laugh nor joke but the content of the context was of serious discomfort of another immediately present. I wouldn’t be serious at that very moment I blurt it, out but it’s never taken lightly. It wouldn’t matter what it was but it’d be taken the wrong way.

  I’m particularly irritated when I am accompanied by a beautiful lady that decides she wants to act all sexually provocatively and suggestively alluring because it means I have to be on guard - I can’t let my ‘inner beast’ free- it scares them away. They run, and they label me a lunatic – so you see, this is the reason for my struggle with restraint. If I can never exercise to the full extent of my capabilities – I may never reach a maximum satisfaction. I am an inner animal and don’t – cannot handle its extremities. Manacled, lock and key mate. It’s safe for me to say many women I meet are each a Four ‘N’ Twenty – and that if I ever really go to just loosen up and hook in, it’ll be four hours fun (or four minutes) and the rotten luck (if any) of facing incarceration for twenty days, or twenty months, or even 20 years. It just never is worth it, and I prefer to think myself more intelligent and sophisticated than that…” – Cren.

  Four ‘N’ Twenties

  Sweet, beautiful, juicy pie,

  To think of it makes me cry,

  Luscious laps to wedge, divide,

  Soft and tender, hot and wet inside,

  I would do some serious time,

  Were I to enact out from my mind,

  The thing’s I might do – considered crime,

  Placate me to an undesirable bind,

  Four hours of fun for twenty years tears,

  I bite my tongue, dripping sweat- I steer clear,

  If any damage is done – it won’t be near here,

  I shan’t be stung – adhering to the fear,

  The things I would do might have me arrested,

  I’ll be lucky they don’t now I’ve confessed it,

  Oh, now I see I have your attention –

  My apologies – can’t afford to invest it,

  Oh, but that sweet, beautiful, juicy pie,

  To think of the pink just makes me cry,

  Luscious laps I long to wedge and divide,

  So soft and tender and hot and wet inside,

  I would end up doing time,

  Were I to enact off from my mind,

  Highly likely considered a crime,

  Placating upon me, undesirable binds.

  Exit Scenario

  “I enjoy my freedom better the way I have it right this very instant, and I’m nowhere near ready to accept whatever consequence befalls me should I submit to whichever indecency I have a compulsion toward. I choose to remain on my best behaviour – far ahead of the pack of fuckwits, the silent one, the cautious one – the civil and refined one, whichever I can best. If my own sadistic satisfaction need be the sacrifice I make, then so be it, I just won’t see a coming time soon whereupon I’ll be so wholesome to fulfil that piece of me gone. That part of me has to either die or lie temporarily dormant and silent until I may one day have the wealth in every sense I can imagine to be free to really ‘perform’. This hasn’t been something I have been able to speak of easily, but Its out now…peace.” – Cren.

  Enter Scenario

  “Moaning in pleasure, screaming in ecstasy, howling in delight. It’s all music to this rabid horny dogs’ ears. I’m foaming at the mouth, I want it bad – and I want it now. I’m on the hunt for a she-wolf. I’m picking up scents all over the place but have adrenalin running through me from a build-up of testosterone and love hormones. I scamper this way, then scuttle over there. Mark my territory and piss off down the road following my nose to a park. Aw, Aw, Aw – a female! I run over and playfully jump and skip about like a dickhead. She isn’t happy, she growls but then I make to mount and she jumps to the side and growls again. She snaps at me and I make for it again.

  Bingo!

  There it is!” – Arrathenahk.

  Howlin’

  Rabid horny alpha-dog out on the prowl,

  Vapid morning scour, ears sharp for the she-wolf howl,

  Scamper, scuttle, scurry around – senses going wild,

  Picked up the scent of vixen, fu
nky foxy style,

  I race after scent pacing my heart,

  Closer yet I pant hard, race up yard,

  Raging excitement, can’t contain the spark,

  I leap and jump and yip and bark,

  I’ve found her after all of my prowlin’

  Excited, I want it, I can’t stop howlin’,

  I walk up, strut my stuff, and she starts growlin’,

  I want her, I try, and she’s still growlin’,

  I try again and she bites my neck,

  And it just makes me want more yet,

  I mounted again, I got it, did the doggie – yep,

  You know you can expect I’m gonna be doing it again,

  I found her after all of my prowlin’,

  Excited, I want it – I can’t stop howlin’,

  I walk up, strut my stuff – and she’s at first growlin’,

  But I kept tryin’ and got it, got her howlin’,

  And I want them howlin’,

  I like them howlin’,

  I get them howlin’,

  They love it when they’re howlin’,

  And they howl…

  Exit Scenario

  “Grunting and groaning now, we’re locked together, doggie-style. We’re howlin’ and I’m still foaming at the mouth, the rabid horny fucker I am. Panting and puffing, yipping and barking, howling mad. Oh, such ecstasy, such pleasure, slammin’ a vixen out in the elements. Out in nature, whoa yeah it feels great. I feel like I’m the man, and I am, I’m top-dog. We finally separate and I shoot off down the road, yapping and barking like a dickhead, a lunatic. I love it when they’re howlin’, and I love being the one givin’ ’em somethin’ to howl about…

  Rowr!” – Arrathenahk.

  Enter Scenario

  “I dream, I fantasize a great deal. I find myself fantasizing more and more frequently than I mean to. I thank the good God almighty that I am an artist and intelligent enough to interpret whatever the fantasy into a variety of different ways. Imagination knows no boundaries, no limits – and it’s a matter of time before we learn we can formulate a method and means of portraying what we desire, and of course, those interpretations we don’t desire too much of at all. I am probably the luckiest person I know despite my mental malady, BUT, I am going to own this illness and make it mine, make it work to my advantage. I have the tools, I have the devices and one way or another – in a parallel universe I like to call my mind, I will build myself an entity, an enigma that just will not, cannot fail. I have the drive, I can align myself into a devotion, I have the ambition and when I feel this driven, this ambitious, and like I said – align a devotion – then I can’t see any way that I might falter. They say that when there’s a will, there will always be a way. I want to prove to myself that I can do it alone for me, and I fully believe it’s just a matter of time. It begins with an idea and breathes when we can commit to the creativity the good god almighty and universe needs of us to help it ‘become’, and everything else to come too, will fall to its place around it. Fantasies can become much more,” – Arahziel.

  In A Parallel Universe…

  In a parallel universe I like to call my mind,

  You are my Goddess and I am your champion,

  And I search the landscape far and wide,

  For sacred objects for your affection,

  In a parallel universe I like to call my mind,

  You are my Queen and I am your knight,

  And I’d fight the bloodiest, barbaric battles,

  To be recognized in your sight,

  In a parallel universe I like to call my mind,

  You look best sat on my lap on a motorbike,

  Wild, free, and taking our sweet time,

  Making hot passionate love on a cool autumn night,

  In a parallel universe I like to call my mind,

  You are the Angel that saves me from hell,

  Mesmerizing me with your beautiful light,

  And I forget the pain I gained when I fell,

  In a parallel universe I like to call my mind,

  We are perfectly synced, hearts beat in harmony,

  We are in love, our souls be entwined,

  And alone together to enjoy each one’s company,

  Exit Scenario

  “If I could focus a sufficient amount of effort in, I might say I could woo just about any woman I might care to indulge with. And all that time I would treasure her beyond any measure she could ever imagine. Of course, getting the girl is only half the battle – keeping the girl is a whole new thing entirely. I get lost and trapped in a fantasy at times and lost within emotion (with whoever it be at the time) and being lost there, sinking below the depths can frighten the girls away. I have experienced these countless times, some women might love that about their partner but I haven’t crossed the path of one of those yet. I imagine some girls would be stoked to have someone so devoted to them that much, so into them. But how much of it is healthy?

  Well, again, sadly – obsession can really freak them out. You might be completely unaware of this but people can go so far to assume you to be a serial killer. Or the serial-killer-kind-of-scary. I love the ladies – I could never have enough of them but even as I may obsess – I keep a lot of this shit to myself to the best of my ability. I’ve been so lost in an emotion before I hadn’t realized I hadn’t had a proper leash on irrational behaviour, something on occasion I might be aware of at times and others not. My emotion has always gotten the better of me and I have always somehow felt compelled to express. I’ve had to learn to maintain some level of control over it to keep me from saying or doing something to jeopardize the comfort and/ or safety of another. It’s easy to lose your shit when you can’t unwind the way you prefer to and prefer to be but have room for thought for another means in the case you can’t escape when you absolutely have to. Have room for method that doesn’t require taking out your frustration on yourself or another. Especially if it isn’t the time or place or appropriate to talk about it. I can’t afford to continue being unaware of all this that I know it now – instead, program myself to contain it as the odds stack. Train myself to once again control it. Attitudinal alignments (sessions) make great changes, and make easier the adapting to new perceptions, new outlooks, and may definitely aid in this also. It’s times like these I feel I’ve fallen behind everybody else and begun getting my shit together later than everybody else. I suppose I should be grateful I learn all this at all, sooner or later, I suppose it’s better late than fucking never.” – Arahziel.

  Enter Scenario

  “I would…’Cause she’s like…and I’m like…’Cause she does…

  There’s nothing I would change about her, she’s perfect in every way that I had ever prayed out to the universe and God for, for years. I wouldn’t change a single thing about her…but me? I have countless flaws and faults that I’m willing to lock away to never see the light of another day. I love her in fact, for the way she reminds me of how things might have been if I persisted with certain changes – in the keeping of the best me the best I can – I might keep and preserve what I have with her the very way she is now. She might keep me – for how long I’ll never know but I know this, she’s a keeper. I would never, could never abandon such an amazing, beautiful woman, no – if it were in my power, I would keep her for all the time I could still breathe…” – Euxervarius.

  Keep

  Nothing could keep me divided of you,

  You provide me something pure and true,

  Through thick and thin and the deepest of blues,

  We’ll be bonded strong like glue,

  I’d escape imprisonment to deliver you a rose,

  Slay a thousand men preventing me having you close,

  Our love is deeper than any one might compose,

  Beyond hotter than Hell – and nobody knows,
>
  You’re like that fresh breath of air,

  After conquering a mass of despair,

  Busted, broken, and I see you there-

  I’m instantly revitalized, I feel repaired,

  You’re like the last desert rose amongst dying weeds,

  In a wasted garden of Eden,

  You’re the silver lining in the darkest of cloud,

  A new hope when my odds are defeated,

  I would hold you tight, tell you no lies, and mean all that I say,

  To the death would fight – and with bloodthirsty might –

  Completely yours to obey,

  I long to have my way, make your day, it’s with only you I want to play,

  We’ll grow old, possibly grey, but then –

  That’s living proof that I’d have never strayed.

  Exit Scenario

  “There are things about me that will need a little work, always, I’m sure. Anyone might say the same, definitely of me. But if I want to keep the good influences in my life – I need to keep control over the things that generally get me into trouble. Maintain a socially acceptable behaviour, keep a socially acceptable state of mind – attitude and likewise, keep myself from acting the fool and humiliating myself and the company kept of others and so forth…

  I would… because she’s like…and I’m like…

  Because she goes and does…

  Even though there are times where we might not see eye to eye with anyone – I couldn’t, wouldn’t change them for the world. I’d keep everything as original and authentic and as beautiful as they are. And I would keep maintaining the circumstance as it is. My ‘state of mind’ a ‘rational thought’ and being, behaviour – all that would only benefit me in the way of keeping things with others the way they are – or at least more the preferable.” – Euxervarius.