by Claire Adams
“Fuck!” he screamed. “Why’d you do that for?”
I could hear the other men filing into the house, and within moments they had entered the kitchen and were looking between Justin and me with worry in their eyes. Zack emerged between Red and Lonny, and his expression was hard, but I could tell he was shocked and worried about what had just happened.
“What do you mean what did I do that for?” I said. “You attacked me!”
“I didn’t attack you,” Justin replied, in a muffled voice. “I mean… I grabbed you from behind, but I was just trying to scare you. I didn’t expect you to go all ninja Barbie on me.”
There was a split second of total silence, and then the men started howling with laughter as they realized what had happened. My eyes widened as I realized that I’d just broken Justin’s nose for a little harmless fun at my expense.
“Oh my God,” I said, rushing to his side. “Justin, I’m so, so sorry. I just… you grabbed me, and I thought it was Walter, and I freaked out and just… went for it.”
“Don’t apologize,” Zack said, stepping into the kitchen and helping Justin to his feet. “If he grabbed you from behind, he had it coming. Well done. You certainly know how to defend yourself now.”
I looked at Justin. “How bad is the bleeding?”
“You definitely broke my nose,” he sniffed.
Bones gave another cackle of laughter. “Should definitely improve your face.”
“I’ll get you some ice and water…and maybe we should get you to the hospital,” I said, a little frantically.
“Don’t be crazy, Mila,” Justin assured me. “It’s fine. It’s not the first time I’ve broken my nose. I just have to lock it back in place, and then it’ll heal.”
“Maybe try and stop the bleeding first,” Zack said, throwing a towel at Justin.
Everyone slowly moved into the larger living room space, but I stayed back in the kitchen feeling both proud of myself and guilty for what I had done to Justin.
“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” I asked, calling after him.
“Chill out, Mila,” Justin replied. “It’s no big deal. I’ll survive.”
“I’ve never broken anyone’s nose before,” I said, partly in shock.
“First nose break, huh?” Lonny said, patting me on the shoulder before he headed to the living room himself. “I think we should throw you a party. You’re officially one of the MC gang now. Who said a woman couldn’t fit in around here?”
I bit my lip and took a deep breath.
Zack was the only one who stayed behind. “Are you still worrying about Justin’s nose?”
“He was bleeding a lot.”
“I’ve seen him bleed worse than that.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I’m really not.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what came over me. I just… panicked when he grabbed me.”
“He had it coming.”
“He was just trying to have a little fun.”
“You have a lot on your mind,” Zack replied. “He shouldn’t have been playing games like that with you. In any case, I don’t think he’ll try that anytime soon.”
I felt a smile creep onto my face. “It was nice to be able to defend myself.”
“Makes you feel strong and powerful, doesn’t it?” Zack asked.
“Definitely.”
“Turns out you’re a natural at this.”
“At what?” I asked. “Self-defense or the MC lifestyle?”
Zack paused for a second, and he seemed to really think about it. “Both,” he said, at last.
I wondered what that fleeting look in his eyes was. It could have been hope, it could have been pride, or it could have been worry. Or it was just as possible that I was projecting my feelings onto him.
Chapter Seventeen
Zack
“Turns out you’re a good teacher after all,” Devon said, walking into the living room.
I smiled. “You doubted me?”
“Just because you’re a good fighter doesn’t mean you can teach,” Devon said. “And in any case, I just assumed you lacked the patience.”
“Well, you’re not wrong there.”
“So what changed?” Devon asked.
“Nothing changed,” I shrugged. “I still despise teaching, and I still have zero patience.”
“And yet you managed to teach my sister how to defend herself.”
I paused, realizing that he had backed me into a corner, and I had walked right into it. I paused for a second. “This was not about her,” I said, hoping that I didn’t sound too defensive.
“No?” Devon asked, with raised eyebrows.
“Of course not,” I said, refusing to look him in the eye.
“Then what was it about?” Devon asked, with interest.
I had hoped to avoid that question. “Walter Black,” I said, and the lie rolled easily off my tongue.
“Walter Black?” Devon repeated. “You mean to tell me that you’re doing all this for the elusive Mr. Black?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “He’s trying to fuck with us… indirectly, but it amounts to the same thing. One thing is certain: he’s going to try and goad us into a fight using Mila. He’s already got our attention because of what he did to her… He obviously handpicked her because he knew her connection to the Angels. Every time I teach her a move, I imagine that move being used against the bastard.”
“The faceless bastard with no name,” Devon pointed out.
“Doesn’t fucking matter,” I said. “We may not know his name. We may not know what he looks like. But we know who he is.”
“What do you think their plan is, honestly?” Devon asked.
“I don’t have a fucking clue,” I said. “Their next move is a mystery to me. I would have thought he’d come out of the woodwork by now. But since he hasn’t, we have to assume the plan is still underway and either they’re waiting for the right time to strike or something has gone wrong.”
“You think that’s possible?”
“Everything is possible,” I said. “I prefer believing in the former because that way, we don’t let our guard down.”
Devon nodded. “And afterward?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, wrinkling my eyebrows at him.
“Say we manage to stop this guy, and we don’t ever have to worry about Walter Black again?”
“Yeah?”
“What happens then? Mila is going to have to leave the clubhouse, you realize.”
He had surveyed the situation, and he suspected. He suspected, but he didn’t know, and I wasn’t about to add fuel to the flames.
“I realize that,” I said. “She can’t stay here.”
Devon stayed silent for a moment. Then he nodded, almost as though he had been afraid I might insist that Mila stay here with us. “I think she might like Chicago.”
“Chicago?” I couldn’t help but repeat.
“Yeah.”
“That’s across the country,” I pointed out.
“I’m aware,” I said. “I think a fresh start might do her some good. She can start somewhere new… meet some new people, get some distance from all this shit.”
I hesitated, unsure of what I should say here. My initial gut reaction was immediate and powerful. I hated the idea of Mila moving away. I hated the idea of having her live halfway across the country. I hated thinking of her meeting new people… namely men that she would potentially like, fall in love with, marry and have children with one day. It was inevitable, but I didn’t even like to think about it.
“Have you discussed this with her?” I asked.
“Not yet,” Devon admitted. “But I will. I can’t see her objecting to it. I mean, she doesn’t exactly have a home or a job here anymore, and I can’t picture her staying here after Black made her feel so unsafe in this town.”
“We’re here,” I reminded him.
“But we won’t be able to watch her twenty-four seven,” I
said. “Not that we would even need to if we take care of the Black problem… but—”
“But what?”
“But if he is connected to the Knights, then we’re not going to be able to take out the whole group,” Devon pointed out. “She might just feel uneasy staying in this town knowing that the club responsible for her fear and panic are still out and about.”
I knew Devon had a point, but I hated admitting that, even to myself. I understood why he was here telling me all this. He was trying to let me know that whatever my relationship with Mila was, it would end as soon as Black was found. He was telling me not to hold her back because I wouldn’t be able to give her the future she needed or wanted. He was telling me to watch myself because it would only be worse if it I didn’t.
“Yeah,” I nodded as I stood up. “You’re right. A fresh start is the best option for her.”
Devon seemed content to hear me say that. I left him in the living room and headed to my room. I wanted to get out for a ride and perhaps clear my head a little. My jacket was in my room, and on my way to retrieve it, I paused outside Mila’s door. I could hear her humming slightly, and I couldn’t help but push my ear against her door and listen in.
Before I could stop myself, I had knocked on her door. She opened it almost immediately, and her face lit up into a beautiful smile that had me staring at her.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I replied. “Busy?”
“No,” Mila shook her head. “Come in.”
I walked in, and she shut the door. “I came to see how you were doing… but apparently you’re pretty happy with yourself.”
She smirked at me. “I’m not happy… exactly.”
“Fuck that,” I laughed. “Look at your face.”
“What do you mean?” Mila asked self-consciously.
“You’re practically grinning from ear to ear,” I pointed out. “I thought you felt guilty.”
“I did,” Mila nodded. “For the first five minutes.”
I laughed out loud, and Mila followed suit. “No, no,” she said quickly. “I do feel guilty—a little. But let’s be clear: he was the one who attacked me from the back.”
“Hey, I’m totally with you,” I said. “He had it coming.”
“I didn’t say that,” Mila said, trying to backtrack a little. “He didn’t deserve to have his nose broken—”
“I thought it was an improvement.”
“But I did for a second think it was Walter.”
“You thought Walter had managed to get into our clubhouse to attack you?”
“Well… yeah.”
“How lax do you think we are?”
“Hey, stranger things have happened,” Mila said. “And in any case… Walter seemed like the kind of guy who could do anything.”
I frowned. “Did he?”
“He was determined, persuasive…. I would even go so far as to call him charming.”
I gritted my teeth a little, but I didn’t allow the jealousy to come through. “Is that how he got you?”
Mila sighed, and the smile faltered slightly on her face. “I suppose, but it had more to do with my insecurities than anything else.”
“You thought he would protect you?”
“Yes,” Mila nodded. “And when I told him I wanted to wait to have sex, he seemed to totally agree.”
“Because he needed you.”
“Possibly,” Mila nodded. “But at the time, I just thought he was a really decent guy.”
“How long did that last?”
Mila sighed. “A few weeks, I suppose. And then… he started getting more and more aggressive. It wasn’t with me though, which is why somehow, I justified it for a long time. He interacted with a few different guys… he said it was all ‘business,’ but who the fuck knows anymore. I saw him punch a guy in the face one time. I was sitting in the car waiting for him, and I watched them talk for ten minutes before it broke out into a fistfight.”
“What did he tell you when he got back to the car?”
“He said that the guy was trying to cheat him, and he didn’t put up with shit like that,” Mila admitted. “I was so shocked that I didn’t ask more questions. I think that’s what made me really uncomfortable, and I think from that moment on I was looking for a way to get out.”
“Did you ever just try to break up with him?”
“A few times,” Mila nodded. “But I never got around to it.”
“Why?”
“I think deep down inside I understood what he really was,” Mila told me. “I was scared of his reaction. I was terrified I would see the aggressive side of him that he had shown to others on previous occasions. Then one night, we were at this bar, and a woman came up to him. She obviously didn’t see me, or if she did, she just didn’t care. She started talking to Walter, and she was flirting a lot. And the way she spoke it was like… they’d seen each other a lot the previous week, and I was pretty sure that Walter was fucking around on me.”
“Did you confront him?”
“As we got back to his place,” Mila nodded. “In a sense, I was almost relieved. This allowed me a legitimate excuse to leave him. So I asked about the woman, and he was impatient with me because he really didn’t want to talk about her. Then, I came right out and asked him, and he just looked me right in the eye and said ‘Yeah, I fucked her. I fucked her five times last week.’”
“He admitted to it?”
Mila nodded. “I told him I was breaking up with him, and I was leaving, but he grabbed me by the hand and pushed me onto his sofa. Then he leaned down over me really close, and he told me that he owned me now. That I was his possession and I didn’t have the right to leave before he decided he was done with me.”
I felt my fists clench, but I let Mila continue with her story. “He told me that because I wanted to wait to have sex, that he had done the gentlemanly thing by scratching his itch elsewhere so that he didn’t have to bother me. He phrased it like he was being the good guy and I was being the irrational girlfriend. He told me that if I ever tried to leave him, he would hunt me down and make me regret it. He looked crazy, but he also looked like he was serious, and I stayed with him that night out of sheer terror.”
“You didn’t think about calling Devon at that point?”
“Devon and I weren’t really close enough that I thought of him as an option at the time. It was only after… that night when he tried to choke me that I called Devon out of desperation because I didn’t feel like the cops were going to do anything to help.”
I nodded. “Well, he’s never going to be able to put his hands on you again… ever.”
Mila nodded, but she looked unsure. “You can’t protect me forever, Zack,” she said softly.
“I wasn’t referring to myself,” I said. “I was referring to you.”
“Me?” Mila said.
“You broke a man’s nose today,” I pointed out.
“He and Walter are two completely different men with two completely different skill sets.”
“Maybe, but you’re not the same scared little girl you were when you first stepped into this house,” I pointed out. “Remember that and don’t let Walter get inside your head. If you let him get inside your head, you are giving up your power to him. Understood?”
Mila nodded with determination and new resolve. “Understood.”
Chapter Eighteen
Mila
“Don’t let him get inside your head.”
The words kept repeating over and over again in my head like a mantra. Zack was right, and that had been my problem from the beginning. Nobody can take power away from you if you refuse to give it up. That refusal was the hard part though, and I had no idea how to go about it.
I had spent the last few days training hard, both with Zack and with every other member of the Angels who would train with me. The men were suitably impressed with how far I’d come, and even I was proud of myself and struck with a confidence that I had never had through the entirety of my l
ife. It was a new feeling to walk around with confidence. It made a world of difference.
But a part of me also registered how fragile a feeling it was too. Anytime I let myself think about a specific moment with Walter, the same fear that had engulfed me at the moment rushed back to greet me in the present, and I was terrified that my newfound confidence was just surface deep and fleeting.
I was in the kitchen grabbing some lunch when I heard someone walk in behind me. “Just so you know, I’m entering the kitchen, and I mean you no harm. Please don’t break my nose again.”
I turned and smiled at Justin. “Hey you,” I said. “I haven’t seen you in a couple of days.”
“Spent a couple of nights with my girl,” Justin admitted. “She nursed me back to health.”
“Did she ask what happened?”
“Of course.”
“And did you tell her the truth?”
“Are you fucking crazy?” Justin replied, and I laughed. “I told her I was in a fight with three other men.”
“Let me guess?” I asked. “You took them all on single-handed and beat them three to one?”
“Precisely,” Justin nodded. “They ran with their tails between their legs, and I brought home a broken nose like a badge of honor.”
“You are pathetic.”
“Say what you will,” Justin said uncaringly. “I got laid like six times because of this broken nose.”
“Well, in that case,” I said. “You are welcome.”
Justin laughed and gave me a wink.
“Seriously though,” I said, changing my tone a little. “I am sorry about it. I didn’t mean to really hurt you. I mean… I did mean to hurt my attacker. I just wouldn’t have reacted that way had I known it was you.”
“Chill out, Mila,” Justin assured me. “I think you reacted exactly the way you were trained to. Looks like all those weeks in the training ring really paid off. Zack will be proud.”
“I’m kind of proud too,” I said.
“You should be,” Justin nodded. “And you’ve proven your point. I’m not going to mess with you ever again.”
I smiled. “Made an impression, huh?”